Women have more FWB's????

[RedRobin]

... No red pill needed. Just stop glamorizing those guys who, in my experience, are only getting those women by lying.

 

There are lots of women who aren't having FWB. Go find them. I get it that it is harder these days. It is harder for me to find guys who aren't having them either. Really hard. That doesn't make me want to be like them, or change my values, or settle for one who does.

 

It does make me mad that so many men would prefer to blame women instead of a) believing the handful here who say they don't have them or B) stop befriending and looking up to the guys who are likely lying to those same women you think are having FWB... When the reality is that he is just a cheater. Nothing to aspire to. An even better idea is to actively look for and, for crissakes, don't be ashamed to tell women you don't have FWB yourself.

 

That's the best way of finding likeminded women who share your values.

Now, if all you want to do is bed tons of women, then I don't really have any sympathy. Take whatever pill you want.

[ASG]

I tend to always have FWB.

 

Current one has been going on for nearly a year, with a break while he got back together with his ex. That didn't last long and very soon he was calling me again.

 

Quite a few of my friends have/have had FWBs. In my circle of friends it is somewhat common.

[PrettyEmily77]

This thread is starting to get a little confusing for me...

 

Having had experience in neither, I always assumed casual sex was different to FWB situations in that even though both involve strictly single ppl, one involves an actual friend and the other a randomer / near stranger / acquaintance for NSA sex - which are very obviously 2 different situations / dynamics, etc.

 

Have I got that wrong?

[ASG]

This thread is starting to get a little confusing for me...

 

Having had experience in neither, I always assumed casual sex was different to FWB situations in that even though both involve strictly single ppl, one involves an actual friend and the other a randomer / near stranger / acquaintance for NSA sex - which are very obviously 2 different situations / dynamics, etc.

 

Have I got that wrong?

 

I tend to differentiate by number of times you engage in sex.

Someone you sleep with twice is not a FWB. Someone who you sleep with regularly for a period of time is.

 

I've had many ONS. Those people were rarely randomers or strangers. Usually acquaintances. Most remained as such. Some became FWB.

 

The "Friends" part is subjective. I am/was friends with my FWB. You talk, a connection of sorts develops. You care about the other person and their wellbeing. But it doesn't have to be a long term friend or a friend for life.

[RedRobin]

This thread is starting to get a little confusing for me...

 

Having had experience in neither, I always assumed casual sex was different to FWB situations in that even though both involve strictly single ppl, one involves an actual friend and the other a randomer / near stranger / acquaintance for NSA sex - which are very obviously 2 different situations / dynamics, etc.

 

Have I got that wrong?

 

I am confused too. If they are sleeping with someone, how can they call themselves single? How would any new person distinguish between them and someone who is cheating, unless they can independently confirm with the so called FWB?

 

It's all pretty vague to me. I like to keep things simple... To me, all sex outside of a relationship is casual, and if they are having sex with someone or many someone's, then they aren't single. Makes things a lot easier for me. I seriously have no idea how other people navigate this kind of thing while being fully honest with their partner or partners. There are very few truly polyamorous people who have full disclosure with all partners. My guess is that there is a lot of don't ask don't tell, which seems kind of risky... But what do I know?

 

But as others have noted... In circles where it is common, it is accepted and people kind of speak the same language. I think the trouble arises when the circles overlap... And people aren't speaking the same language. You'd think it would be as easy as telling someone, hey, I am not up for that, but that hasn't been my experience. If anything, it's a guy who has one or more casual sex partners who wants to make me another without full disclosure on his part... Hence my desire to avoid them.

 

I really wish more people, men and women, would be more honest up front, but I don't see that happening any time soon. Caveat emptor.

[Male]

IMO most women would be shocked to know the number of men who have never had sex outside of the context of a committed relationship.

 

You talk like that's a bad thing.

That's the kind of guy I have to screen very hard for these days... most men I meet doing OLD are lying about their FWB status. IRL I have a better idea because I know them in some other context.

 

I've had that discussion as well. I have very low success rate when it comes to getting a date, but theres been many women that think I'm lying about it whenever the discussion has come up. If X amount of women think I'm a ladys man, then shouldnt I be getting a certain amount of attention or success from the women that are part of that group, instead of getting pretty much ignored by everyone?

[RecentChange]

Funny enough, I once posted a thread asking how people end up in casual situations, because I seriously just didn't understand how it happens. Do people just come out and ask? How do people come to this agreement?

 

In my experience yes, we talked about it and came to a verbal agreement.

 

Main guy - knew him through school, he was a friend, long story short, unplanned (we werent dating), we ended up in bed and it was AMAZING. The next day we talked about it, I said I had a great time and would like to do it again. For various reasons we didn't want to date / be in a relationship. But having sex, and being able to be super open, honest and expiratory about it was wonderful.

 

Without concerns of "scaring off a boy friend" etc, I found that we could be extremely honest with each other (less worry of feelings or offense). We would send each other messages (hey, I really want to try x, y, z -you down?).

 

It was kinda like having a very dedicated exercise partner

 

More recent FWB? Again, talked it out. I had been attracted to him for a while. He really upped the flirting. I said "I am not looking for a boy friend" he said what about a FWB? I said I would be open to that

[RecentChange]

After having a FB hung like a porn star and go all night how do you/did you marry a husband hung with an average sized tool and is done after 5 minutes?

 

I didn't marry him, but we have been together for a long time.

 

He is hung above average. On our second date we F'ed all night till the late morning (he had to call in sick for work!)

 

He can go for hours on a regular. I don't think I could have settled for a 5 min man. I love sex and its an important part of my life.

[RedRobin]

I've had that discussion as well. I have very low success rate when it comes to getting a date, but theres been many women that think I'm lying about it whenever the discussion has come up. If X amount of women think I'm a ladys man, then shouldnt I be getting a certain amount of attention or success from the women that are part of that group, instead of getting pretty much ignored by everyone?

 

I don't have the answer for you. Some could argue that I have a very low success rate in getting dates too, but my interpretation of a date and success is different than other people's.

 

I've rejected a possible date with guys who claim not to have FWB and appear to be certifiably single, yet they still gave off this vibe that a date or possible date with me wasn't special. Like, they always had that GiGS vibe or thought that 'success' meant having X number of women chasing them, even if they weren't sleeping with them.

[ASG]

I am confused too. If they are sleeping with someone, how can they call themselves single? How would any new person distinguish between them and someone who is cheating, unless they can independently confirm with the so called FWB?

 

 

Well... I call myself single because I have no commitment to my FWB(s). Simples as that.

 

Sex, for me, isn't a relationship. So if we haven't established a commitment (in a verbal or non verbal way), we have none.

 

I have found that, at least in my experience, men who ARE cheating disclose it pretty easily. It has happened to me that I only discovered AFTER the fact that they weren't single, but more because the topic didn't come up and I didn't much care to enquire.

[RedRobin]

Sorry if I sound stupid, but how do you know if you have a commitment? For me, it's easy. We are only having sex with each other.. Sure, it doesn't mean it will last forever, but that is the starting point.

 

I've had opportunities to have these other arrangements and it just seemed like there was so much potential for drama... I see it here and I have observed it these other groups I sometimes come across... I don't speak their 'language', so it kind of took awhile for me to get used to what I saw. I don't think I'll ever understand it... But maybe I do.

 

Deep down, if I don't have a deeper connection with a guy, I don't care how great the sex is... hes like a walking dildo to me. Other than basic politeness, I couldn't give a shyte about him, and I think that scares me.

 

It scared me how I could continue to have sex with my now ex husband during the final days of our marriage, then the next day, just get up and say, I'm done without any remorse or looking back. Same thing with just about every guy I've dated since then. Once the connection is gone, the sex becomes profoundly boring for me... No matter what he looks like, how skilled he is... Nothing.

 

The times I've been tempted to have casual sex, I think that is what scared me the most. That I would lose my ability to bond with someone and men would be just like objects to me. Ive been in love before, very deeply, and I don't want to lose that ability.

[Shanex]

I think many people might be surprised that what they thought was a relationship was nothing more than an undeclared FWB...

 

TFY

 

Thats something pretty true and it took me a while to realize it. Speaking of "Relationship", lasting for weeks or months at most and we both thought of it as being serious when we werent taking it really seriously. Good thing to ponder.

 

As for the original question in the thread... Some exes have admitted to have had 3 FWB at once ... Some claimed they never did that or casual sex (tho knowing them it was plain lying to themselves)...

 

And its true that some guys manage to have several FWB rotating. Dont know if its an age thing.

 

Since women are more in-demand it should make it easier for them to get that... If thats all they want at any period of their lives anyway.

[Woggle]

You talk like that's a bad thing.

That's the kind of guy I have to screen very hard for these days... most men I meet doing OLD are lying about their FWB status. IRL I have a better idea because I know them in some other context.

 

It's not a bad thing to me personally but in today's world it is a minus. Getting a date is sort of like getting a job. It is easier to get one if you already have one and having a FWB counts. It is shows you are at least desirable. I am not saying this is a good thing and it makes me really glad I am not single anymore but it is the truth. It is what it is. Modern relationships are just a flat out mess.

[lino]

In my experience, it's been more men that I've known to be in friends with benefits arrangements than women. Seems most times the guys in question were deceiving the women though, leading them on to believe they were in a relationship when it actually wasn't.

These are the types of guys who are most successful with the ladies across the board.

 

Having said that, a lot of women I know could've been withholding that info from me... Can't be sure.

[lino]

It's not a bad thing to me personally but in today's world it is a minus. Getting a date is sort of like getting a job. It is easier to get one if you already have one and having a FWB counts. It is shows you are at least desirable. I am not saying this is a good thing and it makes me really glad I am not single anymore but it is the truth. It is what it is. Modern relationships are just a flat out mess.

 

Absolutely.

 

There's a reason all those players have many notches on their bed posts. If they weren't desirable, they wouldn't be players. Duh!

[RedRobin]

It's not a bad thing to me personally but in today's world it is a minus. Getting a date is sort of like getting a job. It is easier to get one if you already have one and having a FWB counts. It is shows you are at least desirable. I am not saying this is a good thing and it makes me really glad I am not single anymore but it is the truth. It is what it is. Modern relationships are just a flat out mess.

 

Are you talking about men with no relationship experience vs men with experience? Sure, I can see that.

 

I don't personally know too many women who want to date an attached man. I used to have a friend who was cheating on her H with a married man, but I dumped her as a friend when she wouldn't quit it. There was a woman in my ballet class who dumped her H to marry some doctor. I was never close to her, but my eyes would glaze over and I'd change the subject when she started gushing about her new husband.

 

....but one thing I see among guys... They will keep a cheater and liar among their circle of friends... They will even look up to him, in a weird sort of way. That's what I don't get. That's half the problem, if you ask me. Other men glorifying that behavior when men do it.

[Taramere]

OK...But if you are still single and childless at 40, then you will likely find many guys who are going to frown on it or think "somethings wrong with that"...

 

Not saying its right, or that all guys do it, but a lot do..

 

 

There are many guys out there who frown on a whole truckload of different life choices a woman might make. Your own signature give some handy guidance on how women might want to deal with that.