stemgeek Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Suppose there's a girl you're somewhat friendly terms with, and maybe/maybe not she has given you signals that she likes you more than a friend/friendly acquiantance. You kind of like her but still want to know more on where she might stand as to how she feels towards you before asking her out. How good of a way would text and facebook messages be in gauging interest? If she sends short replies and takes a million years to respond after a while of texting, is that an almost certain way to determine that she's not interested and its time to move on? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Text & social media are lousy gauges of anything. Both completely lack context. If you want more info, actually talk to the woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stemgeek Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 Text & social media are lousy gauges of anything. Both completely lack context. If you want more info, actually talk to the woman. But what if you already talk to them on a somewhat regular basis and want to figure out more? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Ask better questions. Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 If she sends short replies and takes a million years to respond after a while of texting, is that an almost certain way to determine that she's not interested and its time to move on? Yes. Even if she somehow knew you were interested ( she probably does), your approach is wishy-washy and this is off-putting. If I'm not interested in someone who constantly texts me or contacts me, and I don't want to be impolite, I will still reply but not right away. I also will not encourage a follow-up text from them by asking a question or leaving an opening for a response. Next time if a girl interests you then ask her on a date. It's not easy and the risk of rejection sucks but it's better than "wondering". A man that is too hesitant to go after what he wants is really annoying. I met a man a few days ago and he's clearly interested in me. He lives about an hour away from me. He's been texting me all week. I gave him my number and said he could call me. At this point I don't know if I'm interested in dating him, but I'm open to the possibility if he's going to step up and call me. I prefer men who will be self-assured enough to ask me out. Or ask for my number. I've been with men who are more passive and less confident and that just doesn't work for me. I end up doing all the work. So this guy is in my neighbourhood this week. He's mentioned about 5 times now that he's here. I know he wants me to suggest getting together. I'm not going to do that because that sets the tone for all future interactions. Start as you mean to continue. If you always want to be wondering if the girl likes you, then go on as you have been. If you want a definite answer without the wondering for weeks or maybe months, then grab the bull by the horns and just ask. If she says no thanks, then you know. My brother is 22 and I give him the same advice. Women respond to a confident man (not an a$$!). Just ask her. "Would you like to go on a date with me?" Not hang out. Not do something. A date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stemgeek Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 (edited) Yes. Even if she somehow knew you were interested ( she probably does), your approach is wishy-washy and this is off-putting. If I'm not interested in someone who constantly texts me or contacts me, and I don't want to be impolite, I will still reply but not right away. I also will not encourage a follow-up text from them by asking a question or leaving an opening for a response. Next time if a girl interests you then ask her on a date. It's not easy and the risk of rejection sucks but it's better than "wondering". A man that is too hesitant to go after what he wants is really annoying. I met a man a few days ago and he's clearly interested in me. He lives about an hour away from me. He's been texting me all week. I gave him my number and said he could call me. At this point I don't know if I'm interested in dating him, but I'm open to the possibility if he's going to step up and call me. I prefer men who will be self-assured enough to ask me out. Or ask for my number. I've been with men who are more passive and less confident and that just doesn't work for me. I end up doing all the work. So this guy is in my neighbourhood this week. He's mentioned about 5 times now that he's here. I know he wants me to suggest getting together. I'm not going to do that because that sets the tone for all future interactions. Start as you mean to continue. If you always want to be wondering if the girl likes you, then go on as you have been. If you want a definite answer without the wondering for weeks or maybe months, then grab the bull by the horns and just ask. If she says no thanks, then you know. My brother is 22 and I give him the same advice. Women respond to a confident man (not an a$$!). Just ask her. "Would you like to go on a date with me?" Not hang out. Not do something. A date. I'm not saying you should put off asking her out and texting her for weeks on end, I never implied that at all in my OP. I'm asking whether that texting her for over the course of 2 or 3 days tops could potentially give you much more information than you had before on where stands. I don't think it hurts to figure out what to expect from her if it takes you only 2 or 3 days to do so. Like if during the course of 2 or 3 days, you realize her text messages are rather curt, should you drastically lower your hopes and expectations of her saying yes when you ask her out? Of course asking out a girl that you like ASAP is an absolute for any guy, but knowing when to lower your expectations to ease the pain of rejection shouldn't be a problem. I was never asking about being that guy in your post who was texting you for over a week and possibly being too cowardly to make a move. Edited November 2, 2015 by stemgeek Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 (edited) That depends what information you are after exactly. If you want to know if someone likes you, talking to her in person or on the phone will give you the most information. Tone of voice and body language are the main ways that people communicate and you don't get either of those things through social media or texting. Maybe if you're lucky she'll start flirting with you through texts. Some girls do that. But if she doesn't, it doesn't necessarily mean that she dislikes you. Edited November 2, 2015 by SpiralOut Link to post Share on other sites
Author stemgeek Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 That depends what information you are after exactly. If you want to know if someone likes you, talking to her in person or on the phone will give you the most information. Tone of voice and body language are the main ways that people communicate and you don't get either of those things through social media or texting. Maybe if you're lucky she'll start flirting with you through texts. Some girls do that. But if she doesn't, it doesn't necessarily mean that she dislikes you. But aren't people more or less inclined to be polite when talking to the phone or face to face? People will carry on a conversation and act normal around anyone they're on ok terms with because that's just being respectful, though if a girl likes you, it's possible she might she might start acting awkward around you face to face. But over text, if you're not their priority (which means they're not interested), they can easily send delayed and short responses because they have other more important priorities to deal with. They'll convey their disinterest without being perceived as rude. Link to post Share on other sites
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