Please Help, another arranged marriage case.

[John]

My girlfriend's dad have arranged someone for her to marry and this marriages was planned to take place two years from now or maybe sooner. My parents disapproved my relationship with my girlfriend but I love my girlfriend so much that I don't care if my parents approved it or not. My girlfriend's mom doesn't approved of our relationship too when she found out my parents are very against it. Since my girlfriend came from a broken family since her dad has other wives so she and her dad don't live together, thus doesn't know yet that she has a boyfriend but one of her stepmom know already coz her mom intentionally told my girlfriend's stepmom.

 

The guy that my girlfriend was supposed to marry always visits her at her dad's store and my girlfriend has to go there to meet the guy due to pressure mostly from her stepmoms and her dad. This, has been going on for so long now way back before I even met my girlfriend but now since we have a relationship, I find the situation unacceptable and it really bothers me alot.

 

My girlfriend told me she doesn't like the guy coz she loves me more than anything else and it's me she want to spend the rest of her life with, and she doesn't want to meet the guy but she has no choice, and she doesn't talk to the guy coz her stepmom and the guy are the ones who always talks but she has to sit there and listen. She even told me that when the date of marriage is near she will ran away and go with me coz I'm still looking for work so i can move out of my parents house.

 

I believed my girlfriend but I don't like what's happening like she has to go to their store to meet with the guy, when her family go out on trips the guy is there as well, when it's time for my girlfriend to go home from the store the guy always gives her a ride but with my girlfriend's mom and she can't do anything about it coz her mom wants to. I don't like what's going on but I don't know what to do. What should I do? should I just let it be? How come I don't feel that my girlfriend is really afraid to lose me if I give up even if she said so, is it because I always reassure her that I won't ever give up or is it because she doesn't really love me? Should I believed my girlfriend or will i be the one who'll end up with a broken heart? Is there anything that my girlfriend should do? Please HELP. By the way, she's only 19.

 

Thanks.

[Tony T]

I don't know what country you live in but there's a certain age in most that a person becomes an adult. When she reaches that point, she will not be obligated to do anything her parents force upon her. Right now, she has to go along with this so just make things comfortable for her.

 

I think it is important for her to tell this guy she meets that she is happy to see him but that she does not want to marry him and will not marry him. That way he fully understands what's going on here. He should not mislead this guy but continuing these meetings under false pretenses.

 

Now you...you are going to have to take a real good look at this whole thing. I don't care how much you love this girl, it seems she really comes from a screwed up background and therefore the possiblities are excellent that not only will you have problems with her later on due to her upbringing but serious problems due to the dysfunction of her family.

 

She cannot be forced to marry someone. Religions do not provide to this and no state or country can do so either. You may just have to resolve to live with this now but I can certainly understand where you would be upset. I would really be pissed if my girlfriend had to meet with her fiance once a week.

 

Hopefully in the evolution of man as an intelligent being, these archaic sorts of traditions will give way to more sensible ways of doing things in which man can be free to determine his/her future without undue interference. Until that time, there is a lot of homo sapien crap you're going to have to learn to put up with.