My last letter to my MM

[Curlgirl]

I don't know how to put it in words

I hate what you re putting me through

I don't want you to leave her I just want to know what is it that you really want

I just want you to man up and stand up for what you want not what she wants

You say you are waiting for her to figure out how she wants your life together to be

But is it fair that I join you in your waiting game with her?

Is it good enough for me to wait for a stranger whom I share nothing with but you?

If you don't know what you want then take the time and figure it out but don't keep me hanging there till you do

I m not the woman that sits on the sideline waiting for someone to make a decision even if it was you

Don't get me wrong but I have a life too

It's not because of you that I m leaving

It's because of me

I can't handle this anymore and I hate myself for putting up with it when I have no business with somebody else's man

May be in the near future it will change the way I look at you and I don't want to get there

I m doing it for myself

Please save me the agony and the heartbreak

Let's call it quits before our world starts to shake

I love you that's for sure

But I also love myself may be more

I may not be worth anything to anybody

But I m definitely worth for myself and that's more than enough for me

It's how I see myself that moves me

It's what I know I am ; not what others see I am

For that I don't see myself doing this anymore

Remember, if you married a woman it means that you once loved her more than anyone else. Save your marriage and invest your time in it.

[Lovemesomehim]

When you entered into this affair, you took the risk of falling in love. Did you ever ask him if he loved his wife? Missing something in his marriage? If you did not, you definitely have your answers now. He's waiting on the woman he took vows with to decide if the marriage is worth saving and he has you on hold just in case she decides the marriage is over. What possible signs are you missing?

[anika99]

He is standing up for what he wants and that's why he's waiting on his wife. You don't have to send him this letter begging him to tell you what he wants because his actions are telling you. Your letter sounds more like a "please pick me" or "please give me a reason to hope and hang on" rather than a break up letter. No need to beg him to not keep you hanging. He can't keep you hanging if you don't want him to. Your letter only needs to say "I'm not going to settle for a married man, look me up when you're divorced. See ya"

 

You don't need him to set you free. You have all of the power, just walk away.

[Dylon]

The letter is fine but before you send it, make sure you are sure of your stance and don't go back on it. Know that you can do what you said you will do. If you go back on your words, it will set a new precedent and it will drag forever as you've seen in many other people's situation. I've received letters like this before. I agreed to it and then she will continue like nothing happened. It's a cycle. Don't let that happen. Good luck.

[Bluebelle38]

Please don't send the letter. It reeks of desperation. Surely he knows all this stuff anyway? You have got some great replies here. It sounds as if your esteem is on the floor.

 

I would never allow a man to dictate my life to me the way this man is doing to you. Please, walk away now once and for all. I fear if you don't you are going to fall deeper and the road to recovery is already a long way back.

[Survivor12]

I don't know how to put it in words

I hate what you re putting me through (He can't put you through anything that you don't allow)

 

I don't want you to leave her I just want to know what is it that you really want ("Since I know the chance of you leaving her is slim, I don't want to admit that it's what I want)

 

I just want you to man up and stand up for what you want not what she wants ("I want you to put ME first")

 

You say you are waiting for her to figure out how she wants your life together to be

But is it fair that I join you in your waiting game with her? (No fairer than him cheating on his wife)

 

Is it good enough for me to wait for a stranger whom I share nothing with but you? (huh?)

 

If you don't know what you want then take the time and figure it out but don't keep me hanging there till you do (He can't if you let go)

 

I m not the woman that sits on the sideline waiting for someone to make a decision even if it was you (It seems that you are)

 

Don't get me wrong but I have a life too (Yes, you do)

 

It's not because of you that I m leaving

It's because of me

I can't handle this anymore and I hate myself for putting up with it when I have no business with somebody else's man

May be in the near future it will change the way I look at you and I don't want to get there

I m doing it for myself

(I'm leaving...goodbye...I'm starting to go...I'm going now...Hurry up & Stop Me!)

 

Please save me the agony and the heartbreak (Say SOMETHING to give me an excuse to stay & wait)

 

Let's call it quits before our world starts to shake (because I can't decide for myself--I need you to agree...or tell me you don't )

 

I love you that's for sure

But I also love myself may be more

I may not be worth anything to anybody

But I m definitely worth for myself and that's more than enough for me

It's how I see myself that moves me

It's what I know I am ; not what others see I am

For that I don't see myself doing this anymore

Remember, if you married a woman it means that you once loved her more than anyone else. Save your marriage and invest your time in it.

(Who are you trying to convince?)

 

If you mean what you say, end it. You don't need his permission. If he truly wants to be with you, you would know it. Instead, you're desperate for validation of what you want to believe while trying to deny what you know to be true.

 

If you want to stop the pain, end it. No explanation, letter or permission is required.

[Bluebelle38]

I think this is a pointless attempt to get him to choose you. He won't. Please, please, don't send.

[ShatteredLady]

Did you ever think about meeting 'The One', your special love that you would marry & spend the rest of your life with? I think most of us have at some point. I'm a hapless romantic. To me it's about loving a man (above all others) who loves me in return (above all others).

 

At what point was your self-esteem so broken that you began to believe that you're not worthy of being loved 'above all others'? Even if he ends-up with you it's clear that you're (at best) number 2! Is that anyway to start a life together?

 

What do you want? The letter sounds like you're waiting for his W to decide if she wants him anymore & you're tired of waiting. WTF!!!!! It's not even waiting for HIM to decide...he's already chosen HER but will settle for you if she doesn't want him! WTF!!!!

 

Dear lady, what are you doing?? If you're not his number 1 at the start you never will be. You know that don't you? I'm not a complete believer in 'once a cheater always a cheater' but I can see this one going that way. Say his W dumps him & he goes to you....he's with his 'fall back' woman. What happens when the next love of his life comes along?

 

PLEASE don't send that letter!

[CurlGurl]

Thanks for all who replied. I haven't sent it yet but I think I have to let him know why I m leaving and that it's about my choice not his or hers.

 

As you all noticed I m not extremely confident when it comes to being loved. It s mainly due to the fact that I have never truly found it. My longest experience was with a physically abusive ex-husband and thank heavens I managed to get out of it in one piece but with 2 children.

 

There's no perfect love no perfect life and I thik I only attract the wrong type of guys who are not for me and that's why I m giving up on the whole love game.

 

I hate where I am right now and only hoping to make a real change in my life soon.

[Shadowburn]

Please don't send it. You will regret it, and will cringe looking back on losing your dignity over such a low man and in such humiliating situation.

 

He knows what's going on. He is not an idiot, he just prefers not to acknowledge your pain and frustration as not to lose whatever you provide him.

 

If you absolutely have to write something, just say it is not working for you and you have to end it so you can heal properly and move on with your life.

 

Best to you xo

[Curlgirl]

In fact I want to explain how I feel may be in better wording because part of me thinks he deserves an explanation.

He wasn't living with his family in the same city I live in and had a stable job at his city. After our relationship progressed, he quit his job, sold his car and got us a place in the same city where I live. Right now he's where I live trying to secure an income as well as being closer to me. He did leave his home and his family even though I m not living with him since I have my own place with my kids.

That all showed me that he really cares but I still don't feel comfortable. It's the thoughts I have when he goes back to them for the weekend every other week, when I call him and I find him talking on the phone, it's when she calls while we re together and he answers while I m around talking bout nothing but the kids ... It's killing me... I m fighting my own thoughts not his actions.

The endless worries the endless fear even if I have nothing to prove it

[wanderingxsoulz]

If you really are bent on ending things, there is no need to send a letter. Just leave. A simple 'bye' if you are feeling kind.

[Tayla]

write the letter to include the wife. She deserves to know how much she hurt you by keeping her husband committed to his vows or at the very least his actions to work on the marriage.

I think you are hurting and wishing to decrease this sorrow. Can you talk with a friend first before sending the letter?

You deserve an objective person to assist you thru this...

[norudder]

Most men process and respond better to simple and direct communication. If you want him to "get it" (which he most certainly already does btw) do it in as few words as possible. If you need to explain your feelings just realize that's for you and will have little impact. Better left for a journal IMO. Make your actions match your words. If you love and respect yourself too much for the situation, stop investing emotions (explaining feelings, laying your heart bare) in it. Wish I had followed this advice myself. Good luck.

[Be_Strong]

Yikes, I hope you didn't send that letter. Allow me to interpret that letter from a man's perspective:

I don't know how to put it in words

Please be prepared for my incoherent ramblings that will follow.

I hate what you re putting me through

Blah blah blah, bitching bitching and more bitching

I don't want you to leave her I just want to know what is it that you really want

LEAVE HER!!! For the love of God, please, please LEAVE HER and PICK ME INSTEAD!!!

I just want you to man up and stand up for what you want not what she wants

You say you are waiting for her to figure out how she wants your life together to be

But is it fair that I join you in your waiting game with her?

Is it good enough for me to wait for a stranger whom I share nothing with but you?

If you don't know what you want then take the time and figure it out but don't keep me hanging there till you do

*skips over these lines as quick glance can tell its more of the same old bitching*

I m not the woman that sits on the sideline waiting for someone to make a decision even if it was you

I'll wait on the sidelines forever for you, but I'll keep bitching about it and you'll have to placate me every once in a while.

Don't get me wrong but I have a life too

I have no life without you.

It's not because of you that I m leaving

It's because of me

Who am I kidding? We both know I'll never leave.

I can't handle this anymore and I hate myself for putting up with it when I have no business with somebody else's man

*more of the same bitching*

May be in the near future it will change the way I look at you and I don't want to get there

Did I mention I want you to leave your wife and pick me?

I m doing it for myself

Please save me the agony and the heartbreak

Let's call it quits before our world starts to shake

Hahaha. We both know the last thing I'd ever do is call it quits, but hopefully that gave you a good laugh.

I love you that's for sure

Ignore everything I said above about being able to leave you or live without you--I'm madly in love with you and can't live without you.

But I also love myself may be more

If I loved myself more I would have hit the road eons ago.

I may not be worth anything to anybody

But I m definitely worth for myself and that's more than enough for me

It's how I see myself that moves me

It's what I know I am ; not what others see I am

*illegible female psychobabble*

For that I don't see myself doing this anymore

Please ignore my professions of undying love to you a few lines up and try to believe my empty threat that I will end this relationship with you if you don't leave your wife.

Remember, if you married a woman it means that you once loved her more than anyone else. Save your marriage and invest your time in it.

Did I mention, "LEAVE YOUR WIFE!!!"

[Popsicle]

I don't know how to put it in words

I hate what you re putting me through

I don't want you to leave her I just want to know what is it that you really want

I just want you to man up and stand up for what you want not what she wants

You say you are waiting for her to figure out how she wants your life together to be

But is it fair that I join you in your waiting game with her?

Is it good enough for me to wait for a stranger whom I share nothing with but you?

If you don't know what you want then take the time and figure it out but don't keep me hanging there till you do

I m not the woman that sits on the sideline waiting for someone to make a decision even if it was you

Don't get me wrong but I have a life too

It's not because of you that I m leaving

It's because of me

I can't handle this anymore and I hate myself for putting up with it when I have no business with somebody else's man

May be in the near future it will change the way I look at you and I don't want to get there

I m doing it for myself

Please save me the agony and the heartbreak

Let's call it quits before our world starts to shake

I love you that's for sure

But I also love myself may be more

I may not be worth anything to anybody

But I m definitely worth for myself and that's more than enough for me

It's how I see myself that moves me

It's what I know I am ; not what others see I am

For that I don't see myself doing this anymore

Remember, if you married a woman it means that you once loved her more than anyone else. Save your marriage and invest your time in it.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong in sending this if it makes yiu feel better, but often times we send things like this because we want a response and to engage in some way in an effort o continue something (and often it works), so just be aware of that.