Best friend is only around when she needs something

[moonlightpath]

I met her (her name is Lexy) in January. (We're both in college.) She was a new student and my other friend's new roommate. When we met we clicked instantly. We realized we were so alike in so many ways. We became close friends and have been inseparable until lately. -At least in my opinion.

 

After she started attending our university she met this guy who lived in our dorm hall. (His name is Alan) It wasn't long until they started dating. At first me and our other friend really liked the guy. He was funny and very kind. But after a couple months I realized how controlling he was. Alan was always making my friend feel guilty. Lexy even told me and our other girl friends that Alan told her she should not be friends with girls like us. (The main reason why he does not like me or our other friends is because we enjoy the occasional party and alcoholic drink once in a while. He basically thinks we are a bad influence. Which we are not. He pretty much acts like we have a drinking problem!)

 

Anyways, we all can't help but notice how much he pulls her away from us. For example, one night we were supposed to go out for sushi and drinks. Lexy told Alan about our plans for the night. Once he heard that alcohol was involved he suggested that Lexy should instead go to his place for the weekend. And of course Lexy has no spine, so she did what he wanted as always. Keep in mind that this is just one example. She ALWAYS does something like this. She is ALWAYS choosing her boyfriend over me.

 

I don't care that she spent the weekend with him instead of me and our other friends. What REALLY bothers me is that she didn't even have the decency to tell me our plans were canceled. I had told my boyfriend days in advanced that I could not go to his family dinner because my friend really wanted me to hangout with her.

 

Last week her boyfriend broke up with her because he found out she had cheated on him. Honestly I was a bit happy he broke up with her. I know that’s not something to be happy about. But she’s such a different person without him. She’s the person I first met. When she is with him its all about him. I feel like she only bothers with me when he isn’t around.

 

Anyways, they broke up a few days before her birthday. She was incredibly sad. I made sure she had the best day possible. I spent a lot of money on her birthday gift, treated her to lunch, canceled the weekend plans with my boyfriend just for her... She was so grateful and happy. I could tell the old Lexy I knew was coming back. Our friendship was going back to the way it used to be before her boyfriend came into the picture.

 

Last night we were hanging out. She told me she would be right back. After a few hours didn’t return so I assumed she had fallen asleep so I decided to go to sleep myself. But before I slept I texted her and asked her if I left my car keys in her room. When I woke up this morning there was still no response from her. I waited a couple hours and then texted her again because I REALLY needed my keys. No response. Finally around 6pm I hear a knock on my door. She said that last night she really wanted to see her boyfriend so she went to his house to try to win him back. -Which does not bother me.

 

What bothers me is that she even said she did read my two texts about my keys. I asked her a simple question and she didn’t even care enough to respond to me because she was too busy having sex with the guy she cheated on! Now they are back together and she is back to always treating me like her second choice. I just always do so much for her and she acts grateful but then she treats me like this.

 

It’s honestly really hurtful. I wouldn’t care if she only was like this occasionally. But she has pretty much been acting this way since April. I am so tired of it. She values her relationship more than our friendship. She doesn’t realize I have always been there for her. Especially when her boyfriend is not (Which is pretty often by the way. All she does is complain about him. And cheats on him.)

 

I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend agrees with me. He thinks she’s really selfish and ungrateful. Our other friends feel the same way sometimes. But since I am the closest to her I see it a lot more. Before I met her I barely had any friend at all. I’m introverted and shy with anxiety. It took be 6 years to finally find a friend like her. (The friend she used to be.) She really helped me get out of my shell. But now I am realizing I would rather go back to having no friends and being lonely than having a friend who does not appreciate me. I am considering not talking to her anymore since a lot of the time she only contacts me when it is convenient for her.

Thoughts?

[Tayla]

how did you unlock your place if the keys were allegedly left at her place? Or drive home? Or were these keys simply a ruse to see if your friend was okay? Sort of testing her...

Well she failed I guess, so sad that she didn't respond. Im sure you were concerned for her. Good friends care.

 

Was she selfish? nope.

 

She was making her own choices....

 

Mention to her your concerns...

[moonlightpath]

We live on campus in dorms. I left my car keys in her room. Not my dorm room keys. I sent her a text about the car keys I left in her room. I knew she was not on campus since I knocked on her door. All I asked in the text if she could please let me know when she would be back because I needed to go somewhere and if she would't be back soon to tell me so my boyfriend could take me where I needed to be.

 

In a way I do feel like she was being selfish because she even admitted to reading my messages. She knew I needed my car keys. All she had to do was text back. She didn't even bother. She always does things like that.

[Tayla]

hmmm... then by all means, feel free to address this with her, I'm sure calling her selfish, inconsiderate will keep the friendship flourishing. That is your goal in this? To address the communication and her delay in response?

 

I'm sure you know her well enough to make a fair conclusion of her behavior. Good luck and may you both respect the other moving forward.