My Counseling sessions...how has therpay ed you?

[circlesinfinity]

I have been having counseling lately and it has kept me off from asking questions on the internet.

 

I get so upset when no one answers my questions about men, but I am so glad to have this.

It is like therapy had opened my eyes to a few issues that I have and that I am going to be okay.

 

I am also so glad that there are people in the whole JUST like me.

[sportygirl89]

I had this friend who told me she could not be there for me as she has two kids. In a way I'm thankful for therapist. If friend was only around me because she felt sorry then I deserve better quality people!!!

[Lion Heart]

Hi girls,

 

I'm 50yo so I've seen alot. Given my age I'd want to be able to say I'm street wise and wary but my nature is to be trusting and generous. Not a nice internal fight! Lol.

 

It's important to remember that classing "all men" and "all women" generalizations is a very limited attitude to reality. "Some people" do this or that is a far fairer and reality based theory.

 

Some people use others only for their own selfish needs. Entirely for their needs and wants. Allow this and we can become stuck. Recognizing it as a red flag as early as possible is very difficult for me. It may be so for you too.

 

To educate ourselves in the "ways of the world" can be frightening. It's then that we need courage to continue to face the world. To continue to open new opportunities for friendship and not live in fear.

 

Know there are PLENTY of people who are wonderful and I always imagined that they were bursting to meet me too! I was right. I have a beautiful circle of friends who have been with me through thick thick thicker and worse! As I for them. I've lost my extended family. That was shocking and a life I never imagined. But I also never imagined being LOVED by so many people because they CHOSE to be in my life.

 

Make as many good choices about your career as possible. This will buoy you through the hard times and provide ample opportunity for giving yourself the funds for the good times! Simple theory that works for me.

 

The 7 Habits by Stephen Covey is a book and author I will be forever grateful for. There are 2 books I've had nearby for over 20 years. Both by him.

 

Work on your circle of influence and watch it expand. The other thoughts are limiting your life.

 

Many hugs

Lion Heart.

[circlesinfinity]

i have been having counseling lately and it has kept me off from asking questions on the internet.

 

I get so upset when no one answers my questions about men, but i am so glad to have this.

It is like therapy had opened my eyes to a few issues that i have and that i am going to be okay.

 

 

I am also so glad that there are people in the whole just like me.

 

sorry about the typos!!!!!!!!

[circlesinfinity]

I had this friend who told me she could not be there for me as she has two kids. In a way I'm thankful for therapist. If friend was only around me because she felt sorry then I deserve better quality people!!!

Wow, this is so true. Thank you for sharing this.

[circlesinfinity]

Hi girls,

 

I'm 50yo so I've seen alot. Given my age I'd want to be able to say I'm street wise and wary but my nature is to be trusting and generous. Not a nice internal fight! Lol.

 

It's important to remember that classing "all men" and "all women" generalizations is a very limited attitude to reality. "Some people" do this or that is a far fairer and reality based theory.

 

Some people use others only for their own selfish needs. Entirely for their needs and wants. Allow this and we can become stuck. Recognizing it as a red flag as early as possible is very difficult for me. It may be so for you too.

 

To educate ourselves in the "ways of the world" can be frightening. It's then that we need courage to continue to face the world. To continue to open new opportunities for friendship and not live in fear.

 

Know there are PLENTY of people who are wonderful and I always imagined that they were bursting to meet me too! I was right. I have a beautiful circle of friends who have been with me through thick thick thicker and worse! As I for them. I've lost my extended family. That was shocking and a life I never imagined. But I also never imagined being LOVED by so many people because they CHOSE to be in my life.

 

Make as many good choices about your career as possible. This will buoy you through the hard times and provide ample opportunity for giving yourself the funds for the good times! Simple theory that works for me.

 

The 7 Habits by Stephen Covey is a book and author I will be forever grateful for. There are 2 books I've had nearby for over 20 years. Both by him.

 

Work on your circle of influence and watch it expand. The other thoughts are limiting your life.

 

Many hugs

Lion Heart.

 

Thank you so much for your post!

The only real family I have now is my brother and mom. We have slowly cut ties with extended family because they was not there for my mom and do not treat is very well.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm a HUGE advocate for therapy and have talked about it countless times on here.

 

I've been seeing the same therapist off and on for the past 15 years. Some months I'll make multiple appointments while other times I'll only see her once every 6-8 weeks. It just depends on what's going on in my life.

 

All I know is that I owe so much of my emotional "success" to therapy. Being on forums like this are also good if only to remind us of how far we've come. I think sharing those experiences, good or bad, can also help others as well as keep us in check of our own progress.

 

Personally, I think everyone should be in therapy

[Lion Heart]

Thank you so much for your post!

The only real family I have now is my brother and mom. We have slowly cut ties with extended family because they was not there for my mom and do not treat is very well.

 

Totally my pleasure. When I was a child seeing so many people's lives go off the rails, I used to think "What can I learn from their lives so I don't have to have THAT happen to me?"

I used the examples of other's mistakes to rewind their lives to the "left hand turn" when they could've taken the "RIGHT hand turn" and avoided that mess. Needless to say I didn't learn EVERYTHING. I never will! Lol. And I am waaaay ok with that lol. Though this practice helped me dodge ALOT of bullets, it certainly hasn't meant I avoided them all. I've taken alot of hits and that's just the scarring of a live lived as fully as I could. :-)

 

I set my sights on a career by 14yo and started saving for university. I fought my family and my first husband tooth and nail to complete my first degree. They were all VEHEMENTLY against me (won't go into details but TRUST me, it was horrible). I got through. ..just. Then worked for a couple of years in the field then was head hunted for a paid Post Grad Degree. Yep had left H number 1 by then :-( and :-). Family were still quite disgusted. So I took a posting interstate. And it goes on very successfully for 30 years.

 

I was also determined to buy my first house, alone as a single mum. EVERYONE was against me AGAIN! OMG the nay sayers of this world. So I did. It nearly did my head in and I didn't own a pair of shoes that didn't have holes in the soles, but I DID IT. Then bought another bigger house by myself again on top of a mountain with water views. It was a ramshackle, massive place that I doubled my money on by the time I'd finished working on it. Then I bought an investment property.

 

I thought I could so I did.

 

I'm back feeling the fight from naysayers all over again. I'll have to share some funny sayings I've lived by for decades, some of them..... ready? Btw I'll cite where I got them from:

 

* Your opinion of me is none of my business.

* Never let anyone live in your head, rent free. It's a precious space. (Both from My cousin Rebecca)

* Opinions are like ar**holes, everyone's got one. (This WH)

* Family can be just another F word (that's mine).

* When someone's pointing their finger at you, there are 4 of their fingers pointing back at them.

* Detachment is a virtue. So is assertiveness.

(Both from a wise friend J)

* If someone's flinging sh** at you it's probably because they're full of it! (Lol. Can't remember but I think it's an amalgamation of mine & Ts).

 

These are the ones that jump to mind.

 

It's YOUR life.

Create it just the way you want.

Imagine EVERYTHING exactly as you want it then be prepared!

 

I never thought I'd have everything I wanted in life. My wants are quite simple but I have so much more than that and I am grateful for it all.

 

Much love

Lion Heart.

 

Anyway circle what are all your questions about men? Wanna start a thread? I'm serious! Lol. I'd be very interested since I'm raising twin 13yo boys. My brother turned out well. I raised him with my mum.

 

LH

[camillalev]

Totally my pleasure. When I was a child seeing so many people's lives go off the rails, I used to think "What can I learn from their lives so I don't have to have THAT happen to me?"

I used the examples of other's mistakes to rewind their lives to the "left hand turn" when they could've taken the "RIGHT hand turn" and avoided that mess. Needless to say I didn't learn EVERYTHING. I never will! Lol. And I am waaaay ok with that lol. Though this practice helped me dodge ALOT of bullets, it certainly hasn't meant I avoided them all. I've taken alot of hits and that's just the scarring of a live lived as fully as I could. :-)

 

I set my sights on a career by 14yo and started saving for university. I fought my family and my first husband tooth and nail to complete my first degree. They were all VEHEMENTLY against me (won't go into details but TRUST me, it was horrible). I got through. ..just. Then worked for a couple of years in the field then was head hunted for a paid Post Grad Degree. Yep had left H number 1 by then :-( and :-). Family were still quite disgusted. So I took a posting interstate. And it goes on very successfully for 30 years.

 

I was also determined to buy my first house, alone as a single mum. EVERYONE was against me AGAIN! OMG the nay sayers of this world. So I did. It nearly did my head in and I didn't own a pair of shoes that didn't have holes in the soles, but I DID IT. Then bought another bigger house by myself again on top of a mountain with water views. It was a ramshackle, massive place that I doubled my money on by the time I'd finished working on it. Then I bought an investment property.

 

I thought I could so I did.

 

I'm back feeling the fight from naysayers all over again. I'll have to share some funny sayings I've lived by for decades, some of them..... ready? Btw I'll cite where I got them from:

 

* Your opinion of me is none of my business.

* Never let anyone live in your head, rent free. It's a precious space. (Both from My cousin Rebecca)

* Opinions are like ar**holes, everyone's got one. (This WH)

* Family can be just another F word (that's mine).

* When someone's pointing their finger at you, there are 4 of their fingers pointing back at them.

* Detachment is a virtue. So is assertiveness.

(Both from a wise friend J)

* If someone's flinging sh** at you it's probably because they're full of it! (Lol. Can't remember but I think it's an amalgamation of mine & Ts).

 

These are the ones that jump to mind.

 

It's YOUR life.

Create it just the way you want.

Imagine EVERYTHING exactly as you want it then be prepared!

 

I never thought I'd have everything I wanted in life. My wants are quite simple but I have so much more than that and I am grateful for it all.

 

Much love

Lion Heart.

 

Anyway circle what are all your questions about men? Wanna start a thread? I'm serious! Lol. I'd be very interested since I'm raising twin 13yo boys. My brother turned out well. I raised him with my mum.

 

LH

 

 

You're an inspiration.

[Lion Heart]

You're an inspiration.

 

You're very kind Camilla thankyou. If I am, then the hardships I've been through are worth WAY more :-) and I'm happy for that.

 

What I've realized only truly realizing in the past 10 months since my D Day is that it's REALLY REALLY SAD that the REALLY NICE people of this world get pushed around, shoved down by OP. Stop or stunt their lives because of the words and actions of OP, usually the people they love. Who say they love them. It's very cruel.

 

I started thinking about this when I read posts in the infidelity forum quoting the book "No More Mr (Mrs in my case) Nice Guy". Plus an acquaintance of mine said after my D Day "you were too nice to your H". "Too good" and other descriptions too.

This got me thinking. IDK? Do we ALL have to be Major A**holes to get anywhere in this world? IDK. But I don't want to be an Ahole. Now I've certainly been a DOORMAT! I'm changing THAT FOR SURE! lol.

 

There needs to be a balance. I'm working on this. My clients at work are now benefiting as well. This makes me happy. Id be the happiest mum on earth if my children could achieve this balance in their lives. It's a fine line to walk imo. Very difficult for a born optimist and self sacrificing person like me.

 

I believe ASSERTIVENESS is a virtue.

Detachment is too.

 

Detaching from OPs opinions, control and influence to assert the direction we want our lives to head. Fix on your goals and let no one force you off that path. If you REALLY want something, go for it!

 

I think I've been extremely resilient. I had a nightmare of a childhood. I've been NC with my mother since she was jailed for violence against me when my twin boys were new borns. I was 37yo.

 

If you're fighting with anyone in your life to make GOOD choices for YOUR life then you need to put alot of space between you and that person. At times (like mine I'm sad to say) it requires full NC. I was depressed for 5 years after making that decision but the police said they may not come for my next call to remove my mother. I had to think of the safety of my children. Yes it should've been for me. But it wasn't. I loved my mother but I had to get an AVO on her. Well the police did that. I couldn't.

 

Anyway I'm trying to communicate that it wasn't from a Fairy tale childhood that I got my "resources" although I learnt alot of what NOT to do! My work is entirely centered around empowering children. I'm blessed to be able to empower young people. That's ALL I want to do. Empower people.

 

My 10yo D watched Martin Luther Kings "I have a dream" speech and another speech which made me cry also. Going forward with determination is what will make our world a much better place. If our kind could ADMIRE strength in OP we wouldn't have desires to assassinate them. Don't let people psychologically "assassinate" YOU. Keep the urge going and get there. Others have. Why not you? No reason at all.

 

Yes I've had a LOT of therapy from all types of people. Done alot of seeking too. I don't think I'll ever be 'done'! Lol.

 

Lion Heart.

[Lion Heart]

Gosh I was trying to say that it's never been from an "I'll SHOW you" perspective that I got my motivation. It's always been because I knew they were GOOD decisions to make.

Not spite. Goodness and love.

LH