What do women want you to write to them?

[impatiently_patient]

I'm revisiting online dating, and there's almost always nothing in womens' profiles other than the occasional "don't be this", and "don't be that"... and usually nothing to riff off. What the hell do you you ladies want us to engage you on?

[d0nnivain]

Here's a hint: don't contact women with those kinds of profiles. They are too negative & won't make good partners.

 

 

The person you want to contact will have a positive profile because it will reflect her healthy outlook on life. Those types of profiles will contain a starting point for your opening salvo.

[impatiently_patient]

Here's a hint: don't contact women with those kinds of profiles. They are too negative & won't make good partners.

 

Except that's pretty much all the profiles I'm coming across.

[d0nnivain]

Join a different site. Keep looking. Use another method to meet people. Because the women with the negative "I don't want this. . ." profiles are telling you from the outset that having a relationship with them will fail. Since you know that from their profile, why bother?

[TaraMaiden2]

Are you fixing on a specific age group?

I ask because it sounds like they've been 'once bitten'....

[impatiently_patient]

Are you fixing on a specific age group?

I ask because it sounds like they've been 'once bitten'....

 

Not really, I cast a pretty wide net. The negative stuff gets almost bizarrely specific (and oft inane), and anything else, if there is even anything else, is typically just cliché platitudes.

 

Maybe I should write, "What a coincidence, I also work hard and play hard." I dunno. I forgot how much this online dating stuff blows.

[Protec]

All they want is a pretty face.

 

I have noticed that.

 

I wrote to this women who had almost 100% similar interests and view of life.

 

I wrote a LONG post why i contacted her, why i liked her profile etc. on "paper" she seemed like perfect match.

 

"sorry, i don't think we'd get along".

 

She listened same music.

She watched similar tv-shows.

She watched same kind of movies.

She went to gym (i do to), she did contact sports (i did too).

 

So all i can think of: My face.

 

I feel so god damn lonely. More i spend time in OLD, more lonely i feel.

If i watch seinfeld 24/7 i feel more accepted to society than spending time on OLD sites.

[Snakechammah]

You can...

 

Read about her interest and comment on it. Eg If she likes Game of Thrones, say something like "I saw Khaleesi at Central Park the other day, instead of dragons, she was feeding pigeons!"

 

The trick is to write something to show your knowledge in her interest - be it Starwars or Harry Potter or bloody One Direction. This shows you have read her profile and has something to add in her life.

 

Secondly, tell her something completely random about yourself. Be truthful but fun. Eg. "You know, I've climbed Mt Fuji in 1999, I was so inspired I grew a samurai beard!"

 

And then.... wait for her reply. There's no need to get too personal or ask for her number/a date or be cheesy and tell her how cute she is... those are cliches... take your time and build some trust and rapport. If she doesn't bite the hook, move on. She's a party pooper anyway.

 

This is only my personal advice, other ladies may have their own preference.

 

ALL THE BEST!!

[truthtripper]

I'm revisiting online dating, and there's almost always nothing in womens' profiles other than the occasional "don't be this", and "don't be that"... and usually nothing to riff off. What the hell do you you ladies want us to engage you on?

What is more important to you impatiently? - what women want or what you want?

[impatiently_patient]

All they want is a pretty face.

 

I'll hit up Amazon Prime and see if I can't get one.

 

 

 

 

 

You can...

 

Read about her interest and comment on it. Eg If she likes Game of Thrones, say something like "I saw Khaleesi at Central Park the other day, instead of dragons, she was feeding pigeons!"

 

The trick is to write something to show your knowledge in her interest - be it Starwars or Harry Potter or bloody One Direction. This shows you have read her profile and has something to add in her life.

 

Secondly, tell her something completely random about yourself. Be truthful but fun. Eg. "You know, I've climbed Mt Fuji in 1999, I was so inspired I grew a samurai beard!"

 

And then.... wait for her reply. There's no need to get too personal or ask for her number/a date or be cheesy and tell her how cute she is... those are cliches... take your time and build some trust and rapport. If she doesn't bite the hook, move on. She's a party pooper anyway.

 

This is only my personal advice, other ladies may have their own preference.

 

ALL THE BEST!!

^

Yeah, I wish there was even enough in most of these profs to riff off even to that capacity. If their are interests, they're so bloody generic: 'Football, hiking, walks on the beach'. Yeah, I can (and have made comments) on that stuff, "What's your favorite team?", "Where do you like to hike?", "What's your favorite beach?", but they never answer. It's like they don't want you to be able to engage them on a conversational level.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is more important to you impatiently? - what women want or what you want?

 

Neither. Both are important to me. I know what I'm looking for in a woman (which is hard to pinpoint if they're not going to write about themselves to any depth), and I'm trying to put myself out there in a way that will appeal to the type of women who appreciates and might be compatible with a guy like myself.

[JuneJulySeptember]

^

Yeah, I wish there was even enough in most of these profs to riff off even to that capacity. If their are interests, they're so bloody generic: 'Football, hiking, walks on the beach'. Yeah, I can (and have made comments) on that stuff, "What's your favorite team?", "Where do you like to hike?", "What's your favorite beach?", but they never answer. It's like they don't want you to be able to engage them on a conversational level.

 

Yea, same experience.

 

The one thing that I could say that might help is that I don't know what kind of women you are messaging. If you are messaging a woman who is white, fit, cute, 34 years old, no kids, and has a bachelors degree and is wearing an Arizona Cardinals jersey in one pic and drinking a beer in another pic, the chances are she probably gets 60 messages a week.

 

So ... no surprise that your message dies in cyberspace. When I have sent messages to such women, most times they don't even look at my profile. Sometimes they don't even read the message.

 

Other types of women, you're more likely to get a response, with the same generic response to their profile page.

[casey.lives]

Every women is different.

[aprilisi]

Most men who contact me say hey or hello. Or how are you. Or worse hru. I respond to everyone even the ones obviously looking for sex. Usually just a nope with those guys. But I think getting a response excites them so much many times they keep trying. Usually block them. But many will create new accounts and keep messaging me. I've blocked one man at least 6 times.

 

The best are when they mention something I say in my profile. Best message I ever got turned out to be from a white supremacist. He was good looking and witty and he knew the nerdy meaning behind my profile name. About 3 messages in he mentioned the supreme race. Shame.

Edited November 2, 2015 by aprilisi

[truthtripper]

I've wasted a lot of my life trying to give men what they want. It's tiring and draining and there's no genuine friendship in it and the sex means nothing. I might as well have been dead.

[LookAtThisPOst]

All they want is a pretty face.

 

I have noticed that.

 

I wrote to this women who had almost 100% similar interests and view of life.

 

I wrote a LONG post why i contacted her, why i liked her profile etc. on "paper" she seemed like perfect match.

 

"sorry, i don't think we'd get along".

 

She listened same music.

She watched similar tv-shows.

She watched same kind of movies.

She went to gym (i do to), she did contact sports (i did too).

 

So all i can think of: My face.

 

I feel so god damn lonely. More i spend time in OLD, more lonely i feel.

If i watch seinfeld 24/7 i feel more accepted to society than spending time on OLD sites.

 

Ditto this, exactly...when I see how nicely matched we are, it HAS to be about them assessing your physical appearance, how handsome/ugly your face is, height, etc.

 

Yep...I used to do this. I would find these rather uncannily matched women to my own shared interests and beliefs only to get the same results upon writing a decent email to them.

 

One I recall was kind of the heavy set side, but wasn't too badly overweight, as I was attracted to her smile and eyes. You could say we were evenly matched in the looks department...and still, "Sorry, I don't think we're a match" response.

 

Just blew my mind how easily someone will write someone off on when it comes to dating sites. She even lived rather close.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Not really, I cast a pretty wide net. The negative stuff gets almost bizarrely specific (and oft inane), and anything else, if there is even anything else, is typically just cliché platitudes.

 

Maybe I should write, "What a coincidence, I also work hard and play hard." I dunno. I forgot how much this online dating stuff blows.

 

ROFL...you're spot on. So many vanilla, cliche'd profiles it comes to the point where you almost seem repetitive when sending them a first contact email.

 

"Cool, I like to, 'live life to the fullest!' as well!" What a coincidence!"

 

"You love to laugh? So do I!"

 

And of course, this is a response to those women NOT wanting certain characteristics in a man.

 

"Hey, no worries, I'm NOT a player, drug user, alcoholic, have my own job, and don't have a jail record. So we're perfectly matched!!"

[impatiently_patient]

Yea, same experience.

 

The one thing that I could say that might help is that I don't know what kind of women you are messaging. If you are messaging a woman who is white, fit, cute, 34 years old, no kids, and has a bachelors degree and is wearing an Arizona Cardinals jersey in one pic and drinking a beer in another pic, the chances are she probably gets 60 messages a week.

 

So ... no surprise that your message dies in cyberspace. When I have sent messages to such women, most times they don't even look at my profile. Sometimes they don't even read the message.

 

Other types of women, you're more likely to get a response, with the same generic response to their profile page.

 

I'm pretty open minded, so I message different types. I know some women who are "basic bitches" as you describe above and they're really cool people, and then I've encountered some who are completely two-dimensional and stuck up (despite being the epitome of middle of the road). But, how am I supposed to know from a profile either way?

[impatiently_patient]

ROFL...you're spot on. So many vanilla, cliche'd profiles it comes to the point where you almost seem repetitive when sending them a first contact email.

 

"Cool, I like to, 'live life to the fullest!' as well!" What a coincidence!"

 

"You love to laugh? So do I!"

 

And of course, this is a response to those women NOT wanting certain characteristics in a man.

 

"Hey, no worries, I'm NOT a player, drug user, alcoholic, have my own job, and don't have a jail record. So we're perfectly matched!!"

^

EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

[EngnimaticResponse]

I met with the same thing. Tons of women who Demand substance, and yet, can't provide it themselves. That's why they are OLD'ing. They fall into the category of that other post about "It's fine to want what you deserve, but do you deserve what you want?"

 

The type you and I are looking for, they don't need to go online. That's why I quit all my profs a few months ago.

[wrench in gears]

This whole thread is pretty interesting. I tend to agree with the Op and engnimatic. 9 times out of ten women you meet have no substance beyond what 90% of the women of the world have, the same music, same personalities, same interests, and even the same dislikes. Every first date begins to feel like the last, you're trying to be funny and aloof and different with each woman, yet they all seem to be carbon copies of one another. Online I try to only message women that stand out, whose profiles aren't all the same mindless do's and don'ts. I have very little online dating experience though. But even meeting women out in the open world is much the same at least with the online profile you get more of a heads up.

[lino]

I met with the same thing. Tons of women who Demand substance, and yet, can't provide it themselves. That's why they are OLD'ing. They fall into the category of that other post about "It's fine to want what you deserve, but do you deserve what you want?"

 

The type you and I are looking for, they don't need to go online. That's why I quit all my profs a few months ago.

 

This sounds about right. Especially your second paragraph.

[impatiently_patient]

I met with the same thing. Tons of women who Demand substance, and yet, can't provide it themselves. That's why they are OLD'ing. They fall into the category of that other post about "It's fine to want what you deserve, but do you deserve what you want?"

 

The type you and I are looking for, they don't need to go online. That's why I quit all my profs a few months ago.

 

Yeah, where do they go then? Because I'm certainly not meeting them offline.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Yeah, where do they go then? Because I'm certainly not meeting them offline.

 

If you're not meeting them offline, I'm just specualating her, but I have known some single people to prefer to remain reclusive, even though they have friends that try to get them out of the house. Usually their friends that try to get them out of the house are either married or have boyfriends..doing a GNO, but there they stay behind closed doors. This is why some women aren't open to being approached in public venues like the grocery store or the gym...which is typically the way our older generations met.

 

Actually, some of them remain permanent fixtures in the online dating world. Some of which probably don't even leave the house if they live in a more suburban or rural area like mines. Of course I had already emailed them, with no response.

 

I have known some to mention, "I haven't meet any decent men in this city, so I'm trying online dating." I recall one woman stating, "All the men I am attracted to are either gay or taken."

 

Which pretty much is admitting to having given up on their geographic area or city and some have resolved themselves to the world of online dating.

 

I actually had known a real life woman that I met in a Meetup to be on a local dating site that she frequented, but only did so because she was bored with no real intention of meeting ANYONE in person. (Yes, she told me this...apparently was only doing it because she was bored and nothing more.)

 

So there you have people who are on these sites out of sheer boredom, too. So there's THOSE types of online daters. I am just speculating here, but I think some single people in the online dating world that are deliberately reclusive or socially awkward/inept. They find themselves in a boolean loop of perpetual singlehood. Self-sabotage maybe?

[Odinani]

just keep it simple

[No Limit]

What always caught my interest were clear messages - who you are and what you want. But I also never wrote "don't be this" etc in my profile, I wrote who I was and what I was looking for (although the latter a bit vaguely - I'm really versatile, I can't just list every possible thing I might like or we could do because that would be almost anything under the sun).