What do women want you to write to them?

[S_A]

I am still pretty freshly broken up with my ex, so I don't think I am ready to date just yet, but I browsed some online dating sites last weekend for kicks. So many profiles were turn offs; there really was a lot of the negativity that the OP and Donnivain touched on.

 

Tip (sort of) for women who do OLD: When you say you want a guy at least 6'0", for some reason, even though I am 6'2", I get completely turned off. The weird thing is that I have always had the position that it is completely OK for a woman to want a tall guy and that she should not ever feel obligated to feel attracted to a short guy who is otherwise "great" just because he has no control over biology. For some stupid reason though, the moment I see the height requirement in an online profile, I close It out and I lose total interest. Maybe because I feel like it sends negative vibes?

[JuneJulySeptember]

Yeah, where do they go then? Because I'm certainly not meeting them offline.

 

The same way your friends and my friends met their wives. All different places. Of course, that's much easier when you're younger.

 

I mean, when you get older, it's really tough as a guy. Most of the pool is taken and what's left is kind of being fought over viciously in OLD.

[Tikva]

I recently revived and updated my OkCupid profile. I browsed profiles of women in my age group (late 60s) just to see what's out there. And like the OP, I was appalled at the brevity of those profiles-- I mean, these women aren't even trying. Just a few lame bullet points. You couldn't sell a pair of shoes with stuff like, "Leather, has heels, has soles, contact me if you're interested." Whereas the men I've been browsing clearly put a lot of thought and effort into their "sales pitches." They write long-ish paragraphs about their interests and hobbies and what they're looking for in life and in a relationship. The women, it seems, can't be bothered.

 

What's up with that?

 

 

(BTW, this is my first post on this board. )

[impatiently_patient]

The same way your friends and my friends met their wives. All different places. Of course, that's much easier when you're younger.

 

I mean, when you get older, it's really tough as a guy. Most of the pool is taken and what's left is kind of being fought over viciously in OLD.

 

Well, that's just it. I'm 38 and looking for the proverbial one for the long haul. Been single since I was 34. There are no single, interested, quality women anywhere... and getting a lot of crappy advice about where to meet them from people where didn't meet their respective S.O.'s in any of the suggested places.

[Sarabi]

Well, that's just it. I'm 38 and looking for the proverbial one for the long haul. Been single since I was 34. There are no single, interested, quality women anywhere... and getting a lot of crappy advice about where to meet them from people where didn't meet their respective S.O.'s in any of the suggested places.

 

Awwww no, please don't feel like this. Am feeling sad for you right now

 

I get what you mean about the rubbish advice and those people who tell you "do as I say because it's not what I did", honestly sometimes I want to punch them in their smug little faces with their advice

Remain positive, expectant and hopeful (this is difficult, especially when surrounded by smug marrieds/coupled-ups).

Don't settle...you deserve a good quality woman that you really want.

TRAVEL!

Who cares if you're 38? I told you you look young and anyway, in my opinion, men age better than women generally anyway...

[JuneJulySeptember]

Well, that's just it. I'm 38 and looking for the proverbial one for the long haul. Been single since I was 34. There are no single, interested, quality women anywhere... and getting a lot of crappy advice about where to meet them from people where didn't meet their respective S.O.'s in any of the suggested places.

 

Yea, it's the same for me.

 

Not to say it has ever been easy for me, but it definitely would have been easier to meet a wife when I was younger, because I'm not exactly the kind of guy who women favor online or at first glance or impression. And because social interactions are much more limited when we get older, that is what most people go on.

 

Something like college, or a friend of a friend. That was where I had my best chance. Women need to see my insides to give me a chance.

[Sarabi]

Yea, it's the same for me.

 

Not to say it has ever been easy for me, but it definitely would have been easier to meet a wife when I was younger, because I'm not exactly the kind of guy who women favor online or at first glance or impression. And because social interactions are much more limited when we get older, that is what most people go on.

 

Something like college, or a friend of a friend. That was where I had my best chance. Women need to see my insides to give me a chance.

 

On the upside though...people value more important things as they get older. So now the kind of women you will meet or want to meet WILL value your insides more as well as your outside and I hope someone gives you a chance.

I read someone's comment once about how when you are younger, your relationships are based more on how pretty someone looks rather than more important issues to form a lasting relationship...

Do you work? Lots of relationships form at work too...

[JuneJulySeptember]

On the upside though...people value more important things as they get older. So now the kind of women you will meet or want to meet WILL value your insides more as well as your outside and I hope someone gives you a chance.

 

I haven't noticed that. If anything, my impression of people and how much they value looks is worse than when I was younger.

 

But that's probably only because I didn't do OLD when I was younger.

[avintagegirl]

OP - it just occurred to me - and you may have mentioned this before - but have you tried speed dating?

 

I can't help but wonder if that wouldn't work well for you. This way instead of the cold call email you have eyes to look into and a hand to shake. Also, I would think there would be a higher percentage of women there who were looking to meet someone, rather than being there because they are bored.

[StBreton]

Yeah, where do they go then? Because I'm certainly not meeting them offline.

 

Hey OP ... have you gone to the Crescent Ballroom ... for the concerts or just out on a Friday night? You kinda seem a little more "alternative" than the Scottsdale crowd.

 

I had some guy friends in from out of town and they met some cool girls there ... mid 30s

 

How about the Yard on a Friday night?

[jay1983]

I am still pretty freshly broken up with my ex, so I don't think I am ready to date just yet, but I browsed some online dating sites last weekend for kicks. So many profiles were turn offs; there really was a lot of the negativity that the OP and Donnivain touched on.

 

Tip (sort of) for women who do OLD: When you say you want a guy at least 6'0", for some reason, even though I am 6'2", I get completely turned off. The weird thing is that I have always had the position that it is completely OK for a woman to want a tall guy and that she should not ever feel obligated to feel attracted to a short guy who is otherwise "great" just because he has no control over biology. For some stupid reason though, the moment I see the height requirement in an online profile, I close It out and I lose total interest. Maybe because I feel like it sends negative vibes?

 

This is exactly what I was saying the last time you and I were arguing.

[Erik30]

It doesn't matter what you write them. If she doesn't like the way you look, you'll get the "I don't think we're a match", or no reply at all.

 

You're kind off wasting your time when you're trying to send each girl a really good personal message. Most of them won't care about it if they're not attracted to you. If they're interested, they'll probably reply to a pretty generic message.

[S_A]

This is exactly what I was saying the last time you and I were arguing.

 

Yeah well, I get it now LOL.

 

But still, I bet a lot of them are really decent girls but they have resorted to listing a height requirement due to them getting bombarded by requests from shorter guys. There were some women that were more tasteful about it though. Like instead of posting a height requirement, they'd advertise their height instead hoping you get the hint.

[impatiently_patient]

Hey OP ... have you gone to the Crescent Ballroom ... for the concerts or just out on a Friday night? You kinda seem a little more "alternative" than the Scottsdale crowd. How about the Yard on a Friday night?

 

Yeah, I go to The Crescent on occasion. I fly solo a lot (having no single/socially active friends), and I wouldn't say it's the best place because it's more an event crowd than a singles bar vibe. I'm sure it's a great place to see shows and socialize based on who's playing, but most of what they host is indie rock, and my big foci are modern metal, progressive rock, and underground hip hop (the latter which they do occasionaly have). Maybe I'll head down there next week. It's been a while.

 

Same goes for The Yard. I'm down there once every few months, but it's really more a hangout for groups of friends and not a lot of single ladies on the prowl. I mean I can always go to a place like Blue Martini (my buddy is friends with the management so I get dragged there on occasion) and get hit on by yuppified cougars while the fake band plays to backing tracks... LOL. Seriously though, I hate that place.

Edited November 8, 2015 by impatiently_patient

[LookAtThisPOst]

I recently revived and updated my OkCupid profile. I browsed profiles of women in my age group (late 60s) just to see what's out there. And like the OP, I was appalled at the brevity of those profiles-- I mean, these women aren't even trying. Just a few lame bullet points. You couldn't sell a pair of shoes with stuff like, "Leather, has heels, has soles, contact me if you're interested." Whereas the men I've been browsing clearly put a lot of thought and effort into their "sales pitches." They write long-ish paragraphs about their interests and hobbies and what they're looking for in life and in a relationship. The women, it seems, can't be bothered.

 

What's up with that?

 

 

(BTW, this is my first post on this board. )

 

Exactly, I have even seen empty OK Cupid profiles of those who would post 5 pictures of themselves, but they've written nothing.

 

I've even seen an occasional, "No one ever reads these things, so if you like what you see, send me a note."

[impatiently_patient]

I read someone's comment once about how when you are younger, your relationships are based more on how pretty someone looks rather than more important issues to form a lasting relationship...

 

No one wants to give my insides a try unfortunately. I just want to go on some coffee dates, that's all. I've historically done quite well if I can get face-to-face with a girl.

 

 

 

Do you work? Lots of relationships form at work too...

 

Yes, I work in a white collar office environment. All the women are taken, and a slew of them pregnant (a few with baby no. 2). The only eligible woman is a super hot, twenty-something in trade marketing with a boyfriend. Yeah, doubtful that's in my future.

[impatiently_patient]

...Blue Martini (my buddy is friends with the management so I get dragged there on occasion) and get hit on by yuppified cougars while the fake band plays to backing tracks... LOL. Seriously though, I hate that place.

 

Quoting myself, I know. It's like wearing the shirt of the band that you're going to see. Ha ha.

 

But seriously, my homeboy texts me tonight, wants to go to C̶o̶u̶g̶a̶r̶t̶o̶w̶n̶ Blue Martini, and man I was right. One of the managers comes up to me three drinks in, tells me some woman is interested and gets me a drink on the house (seriously, this how the place rolls to keep the ladies coming back), and then sends this 40-something hippie woman over (who gets another drink on my tab), who tries painfully hard to convince me she's hip. Continue awkward convo until none of my references connect, and she gives up. Cash out for two drinks. I'm a 25 year old girl. Yay.

 

Man, once the ovaries are kaput, the whole tune changes, doesn't it? It's like some environmentally driven schizophrenia... and a subsequent dive from aloofness to desperation. Yeah, no dice. Thinking about this, my new mantra is: The only people (because I'm not picking on women here) who I'm interested in socializing with are those who are in demand who are genuinely nice, and those who are not in demand who are genuinely nasty. The rest of you are all suspect as far as I'm concerned.

Edited November 9, 2015 by impatiently_patient

[SJC2008]

I had some replies by leaving a simple comment about a place or thing in their pics. Good example would be on a popular river that people like to visit in my state. I just said 'Kind of embarrassing, but all the years I've lived here I've never been to x river". She replied, we messaged etc. nothing came of it, IIRC I was already jaded and closed My account not long after that.

 

I think it's a good tool to have in your arsenal. It's opening with something non threatening, you're not acting like many other men who are pervs or throwing themselves at women. If they don't respond, you didn't waste your time on a "thoughtful" message. That's the best part because as long as you meet her looks test and aren't a creep, you could say 1 + 1 = jello and she'd probably respond ?

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

I think it's a good tool to have in your arsenal. It's opening with something non threatening, you're not acting like many other men who are pervs or throwing themselves at women. If they don't respond, you didn't waste your time on a "thoughtful" message. That's the best part because as long as you meet her looks test and aren't a creep, you could say 1 + 1 = jello and she'd probably respond

 

That's pretty much my experience as well. I mean, obviously you're exaggerating, but you can write something more generic and get away with it.

 

A few times, I've come across profiles that are really perfect. Like the woman was my age, lived close, we had everything in common, and I thought they were super pretty.

 

I've emailed those women and have been sincere and told them how genuinely attractive I thought they were and addressed each commonality in detail. These were women who were definitely out of my league and I don't usually message. Being sincere like that at least gets me a profile look. One of them even looked twice. I was kind of surprised because she really was quite cute.

 

You try and think what they're thinking. "Oh man, he seems decent and he really likes me. If only he was attractive. Let me look at his pics one more time. Eh, nah."

Edited November 9, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[impatiently_patient]

.I think it's a good tool to have in your arsenal. It's opening with something non threatening, you're not acting like many other men who are pervs or throwing themselves at women. If they don't respond, you didn't waste your time on a "thoughtful" message. That's the best part because as long as you meet her looks test and aren't a creep, you could say 1 + 1 = jello and she'd probably respond ?

 

Yeah, I never send anything pervy... though you occasionally get those women which that's what they want. Listen, if you want a hookup, say you want a hookup. I'm looking for a LTR and that's what it says. Basically, as a guy, you're wasting my time.

 

So yeah, next I gotta figure out how to meet the looks test... at least for anyone I'm interested in.

[loveweary11]

Mirror her.

 

If she says nothing, just coax a little tiny conversation along. She could very well be shy.

 

"Hey, how are you? I saw X in your pic. What's/Where's that?" "What part of X city do you live in?"

 

Build slowly from there.

 

Write a book to a less talkative one and you're doomed.

 

If her profile has lotsin common, start in a similar fashion. But... just hit one or two things. Ask how she is today, etc.

 

They want to know you care and aren't a total dbag.

 

If that doesn't work, keep tweaking your pics.

[Myragal]

If you wanted to open a business and be successful who do you listen to...successful businessmen. Not those who have never succeeded.

 

If you want to be one of the millions who have found a partner OLD who do you listen to? Not one of the negative losers who haven't.

 

It's a positive you are seeking advice. Don't be sidetracked by the losers who need to justify their lack of success.

 

To the question.

 

-Address something she mentions in her profile

-Do not cut and paste...you want 'her' and not just any woman. Make her feel special.

-be scrupulous in avoiding the slightest sexual innuendo..even in humor.

-smile in your photo and avoid toys ( motorcycles, guns, trucks, etc)

 

In your description present yourself as a responsible mature MAN. Not a grown boy. Boys play video games, party as a hobby, etc.

 

I asked some friends what was the most possible attractive photo a man could have...we came up with a man on a bicycle. It shows he is fit and active.

[impatiently_patient]

 

-Address something she mentions in her profile

-Do not cut and paste...you want 'her' and not just any woman. Make her feel special.

-be scrupulous in avoiding the slightest sexual innuendo..even in humor.

-smile in your photo and avoid toys ( motorcycles, guns, trucks, etc)

 

¯\(°_o)/¯ I've done all that stuff for years. I can't say that any of it really helps beyond a standard deviation. The number of replies are so low that's it's neigh impossible to even quantify that any of it is actually effectual.

 

Does my live pic of me playing guitar constitue "toys"?

 

 

 

In your description present yourself as a responsible mature MAN. Not a grown boy. Boys play video games, party as a hobby, etc.

 

I play video games on occasion, maybe once a month hanging out at a friend's place. Granted not enough to mention it in my profile, but there's nothing wrong with it, and any woman that would prohibit it is an insufferable entity I'll pass on being around, thank you.

 

You might want to check the demographics on video game sales. ****tons of adults play them, A LOT of women included. My last girlfriend was a big gamer. It's not 1988 anymore.

 

 

 

I asked some friends what was the most possible attractive photo a man could have...we came up with a man on a bicycle. It shows he is fit and active.

 

I'll have Google "man on a bicycle" because I don't own one. Maybe I'll get a picture of me doing my taxes.

[alphamale]

I'm revisiting online dating, and there's almost always nothing in womens' profiles other than the occasional "don't be this", and "don't be that"... and usually nothing to riff off. What the hell do you you ladies want us to engage you on?

tell them how pretty they are

[Myragal]

¯\(°_o)/¯ I've done all that stuff for years. I can't say that any of it really helps beyond a standard deviation. The number of replies are so low that's it's neigh impossible to even quantify that any of it is actually effectual.

 

Does my live pic of me playing guitar constitue "toys"?

 

 

 

 

 

I play video games on occasion, maybe once a month hanging out at a friend's place. Granted not enough to mention it in my profile, but there's nothing wrong with it, and any woman that would prohibit it is an insufferable entity I'll pass on being around, thank you.

 

You might want to check the demographics on video game sales. ****tons of adults play them, A LOT of women included. My last girlfriend was a big gamer. It's not 1988 anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

I'll have Google "man on a bicycle" because I don't own one. Maybe I'll get a picture of me doing my taxes.

 

Nothing wrong with video games (or trucks) It just shouldn't be your prime identity.

 

Feel free not to listen I'm sure rejecting advice from women is helping your success on OLD.