Izzybella242 Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I've been with my bf on and off for going on 4 years. He's a very successful professional dancer and very handsome. It makes me nervous that he's always around very attractive women. I've always felt that we were very serious. Until now. There's this girl. I've seen him viewing pics of her online. She's VERY beautiful which immediately bothered me. It bothered me because I know he finds her attractive and that's the reason he was looking at her online. After digging deeper into her Facebook, I realized this is a girl from his past. He slept with her yrs ago. We had a big argument and he told me and also her in front of me that he hates her and used her. This was 2 years ago We usually meet up after he leaves his studio late at night. One night we met up and he only wanted to sleep. I figured it's because he already had sex!! He fell asleep and I snooped through his phone. He spoke to her on the phone that night. And I looked through his pics there are pics saved of her face, in a bikini and even one of her backside in a thong!! She said to him that she loves her backside and his response was "me too". He went out of the country a few weeks ago. He didn't talk to me much but apparently spoke to her EVERYDAY. His messages show that he messaged her everyday he was out of the country. Even from early AM hours to when he went to bed. As if he was checking in with her. Like what couples do! I am so pissed because if you're out of the country?.... Why are you thinking of Her.... Like why! I saw a message she sent him where she said that it's going on year 3 for them, she wants a real relationship and that if he doesn't to leave her alone. She told him she doesn't want to talk to him anymore. She literally said "F u" and goodbye lol. I am shocked he's been seeing her for 3 years!! It makes me mad because there's no way he doesn't have feelings for her. To me it's more than an affair. I honestly feel like he loves this girl. But I still feel he's not serious with her because she hasn't met his family or anything. I'm constantly hanging out with his sister and his family likes me. Idk I feel like he really has no real intentions with her. I'm going to confront him but I don't know how he will react. If he will lie or be honest and say he loves her....but to me this is more than an affair.... Has anyone ever experienced something like this? Is this what leads to being left for someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 What others have experienced is actually irrelevant in the long run; even if you could find similar, or even identical circumstances, they are they and you are you. The important thing is: How do you feel about it, and what do you think you should do? Basically, he's been unfaithful to you for 3 years. She's now basically told him he has to make a choice. So it would appear she has known about you, all along; you're the one who's been kept in the dark about her involvement with him. 2 years ago, he told you he hated her. Since then, it's been a year, and it would appear that they can't stay away from each other. Where does that leave you? It leaves you as the third wheel. You're the 'odd one out' here. In your shoes, I would tell her she can have him. I'd throw him out, but keep all evidence. That way, you can also inform his family what a total douchebag he has been all this time. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Izzybella242 Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 What others have experienced is actually irrelevant in the long run; even if you could find similar, or even identical circumstances, they are they and you are you. The important thing is: How do you feel about it, and what do you think you should do? Basically, he's been unfaithful to you for 3 years. She's now basically told him he has to make a choice. So it would appear she has known about you, all along; you're the one who's been kept in the dark about her involvement with him. 2 years ago, he told you he hated her. Since then, it's been a year, and it would appear that they can't stay away from each other. Where does that leave you? It leaves you as the third wheel. You're the 'odd one out' here. In your shoes, I would tell her she can have him. I'd throw him out, but keep all evidence. That way, you can also inform his family what a total douchebag he has been all this time. I don't think she knew about me because in the message she mentioned something about she suspects I'm still around. She said something like he'd been calling her every second he was out of the country so she never suspected he was involved with anyone. But you're right they can't stay away. Which is why I'm saying it's more than an affair Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I don't think she knew about me because in the message she mentioned something about she suspects I'm still around. She said something like he'd been calling her every second he was out of the country so she never suspected he was involved with anyone. But you're right they can't stay away. Which is why I'm saying it's more than an affair Therefore, I repeat my question: How do you feel about it, and what are you going to do? Because surely to goodness, you know you can't carry on like this? He's two-timing the pair of you it seems, but she's now given him the deal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Izzybella242 Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 Therefore, I repeat my question: How do you feel about it, and what are you going to do? Because surely to goodness, you know you can't carry on like this? He's two-timing the pair of you it seems, but she's now given him the deal. I feel as though he has grown to love her over the years. To be out of the country and she's on your mind. Enough where you call and message her every second. I don't know what I'm going to do. Whether I should speak to her or not. Or just him. If I confront him I just don't know his reaction. Something has to be done today I feel like me being close with his family means nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Here's my take. Confrontation is pointless, because it will just lead to argument. He will throw your "snooping" back on you as a way of deflecting his guilt onto you for not trusting him. You'll go back and forth back and forth accusing, counter-accusing... In my opinion, I try to avoid mentioning the issue at all today, and tomorrow (this is all guesswork) when you both leave for work, you call work, tell them you can't go in that day (make some excuse) and then go back home, remove your stuff, and move out. Seriously. If he can hide things from you, there's absolutely no reason why you can't hide things (your leaving) from him. When he calls you and demands to know what is going on, simply reply, calmly: "It's been going on 3 years, I see. Well, she can have you." and put the 'phone down, block him, and delete every contact trace from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Izzybella242 Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 Here's my take. Confrontation is pointless, because it will just lead to argument. He will throw your "snooping" back on you as a way of deflecting his guilt onto you for not trusting him. You'll go back and forth back and forth accusing, counter-accusing... In my opinion, I try to avoid mentioning the issue at all today, and tomorrow (this is all guesswork) when you both leave for work, you call work, tell them you can't go in that day (make some excuse) and then go back home, remove your stuff, and move out. Seriously. If he can hide things from you, there's absolutely no reason why you can't hide things (your leaving) from him. When he calls you and demands to know what is going on, simply reply, calmly: "It's been going on 3 years, I see. Well, she can have you." and put the 'phone down, block him, and delete every contact trace from him. I think you're mistaken we don't live together Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I think you're mistaken we don't live together Sorted. Easier than I thought, then. Time to do a bit of 'ghosting'. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Guys like him who are in the entertainment industry play by a different set of rules when it comes to women and relationships. They are surrounded by people telling them how great they are, women want to be with them, etc. It's a sense of self entitlement. Basically things will never change with him.....if there is a woman he wants he will take. Guess what, you bf is narcissistic. He only places value of himself and what he wants. That's why things are always off and on and off again.....he takes his needs somewhere else. You never have been that of an importance or anyone else for that matter. He's probably telling her that he loves her just like he tells you. So don't think she's only an affair.....it could be YOU that it's only an affair too. Break the cycle and dump him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 What smackie9 wrote. If you think you can have a meaningful relationship with this guy, then this is just the first time you're going to be disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I don't think she knew about me because in the message she mentioned something about she suspects I'm still around. She said something like he'd been calling her every second he was out of the country so she never suspected he was involved with anyone. But you're right they can't stay away. Which is why I'm saying it's more than an affair Are you going to break up with him now that you have proof he is a Cheater? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Izzybella242 Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 Are you going to break up with him now that you have proof he is a Cheater? Yes i am but I'm just so confused as to how he tells me he hates someone. And she's NEVER around. But he feels she's important enough to call every second when he's out of the country Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Yes i am but I'm just so confused as to how he tells me he hates someone. And she's NEVER around. But he feels she's important enough to call every second when he's out of the country He tells you he "hates" her to throw you off whatever you may have thought about him and her. She was part of his past and to keep you from getting any sort of suspicion, he tells you he hates her. She's never around? Really? I'd say she's around way more than you think she is. He's lied to your face for three years, do you really think he hasn't lied to you about where he is when he says he's at "the studio"? For all you know now, he was with her, spending the day with her. He's carried this on for THREE YEARS and you're just finding out about it. He's clearly amazing at carrying on a double life. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Yes i am but I'm just so confused as to how he tells me he hates someone. And she's NEVER around. But he feels she's important enough to call every second when he's out of the country Wow you are so oblivious.....that's probably why he is with you because you believe what he tells you. I agree he says these things to throw you off like the other poster said. This guy has really pulled the wool over your eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Izzybella242 Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 He tells you he "hates" her to throw you off whatever you may have thought about him and her. She was part of his past and to keep you from getting any sort of suspicion, he tells you he hates her. She's never around? Really? I'd say she's around way more than you think she is. He's lied to your face for three years, do you really think he hasn't lied to you about where he is when he says he's at "the studio"? For all you know now, he was with her, spending the day with her. He's carried this on for THREE YEARS and you're just finding out about it. He's clearly amazing at carrying on a double life. Update I spoke to her.... She said that she's been around for 3 yrs. She met him in 2012 February. She said that she broke up with him On this past thursday because he was inconsistent. She that they weren't even together when he first let for another country but then he started calling and picture messaging her constantly. Apparently he was keeping her updated on his every move (while not calling me). She also mentioned that after she broke up with him she seen him a few days later and he tried talking to her but she ignored him. She also mentioned as someone else mentioned above that he is a narcissistic and that I'm only here because it's convenient for him (which was very hurtful).... Seems like she really thinks he loves her. I regret talking to her. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Update I spoke to her.... She said that she's been around for 3 yrs. She met him in 2012 February. She said that she broke up with him On this past thursday because he was inconsistent. She that they weren't even together when he first let for another country but then he started calling and picture messaging her constantly. Apparently he was keeping her updated on his every move (while not calling me). She also mentioned that after she broke up with him she seen him a few days later and he tried talking to her but she ignored him. She also mentioned as someone else mentioned above that he is a narcissistic and that I'm only here because it's convenient for him (which was very hurtful).... Seems like she really thinks he loves her. I regret talking to her. As I said: Time to start 'ghosting' him. If there's one thing a narcissist hates more than sycophants, it's being ignored.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Yes i am but I'm just so confused as to how he tells me he hates someone. And she's NEVER around. But he feels she's important enough to call every second when he's out of the country Because he's a liar. Cheaters lie...it's part of who they are. You can't be a cheater without being a liar. Forget his family liking you...that's not the issue here. If this happened to me...I'd arrange to see him in a public place..like a restaurant....then say...You've been cheating on me with xxxc for the last 2-3 years ...I don't trust you and I don't need a man I can't trust in my life.....then I'd leave....or the same can be done over the phone and then hang up. One thing that really annoys me..is a guy wasting my time.....there's no reason to keep him in your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 She also mentioned as someone else mentioned above that he is a narcissistic and that I'm only here because it's convenient for him (which was very hurtful).... Seems like she really thinks he loves her. I regret talking to her. Why do you regret talking to her? At least now you know the truth. This man has been deceiving you for 3 years. When are you going to move out? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Izzybella242 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 Why do you regret talking to her? At least now you know the truth. This man has been deceiving you for 3 years. When are you going to move out? We do not live together lol. And I regret talking to her because I felt like she was putting me down and making it seem as if he loves and cares for her. She basically was making it as if he's too much of a narcissist to SAY that he loves her but he supposedly SHOWS it. She basically said she's not waiting around for him to admit he loves her. Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 . . She basically said she's not waiting around for him to admit he loves her. At least she's smart for not waiting around. Are you? I don't think he loves any of you. He loves himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 You sound like a nice gal. Sweet and trusting - so why are you with this Hollywood douchbag? Find a real man who will treat you with respect. From my perspective, women like you are rare. If it were me, I'd be thanking God I have a good women at my side, but this narcissistic dumbass can't and wont see your worth because he literally can't get past his own reflection in the mirror. Like every other poster here, I'd just tell you to get rid of him and get a real man... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 We do not live together lol. And I regret talking to her because I felt like she was putting me down and making it seem as if he loves and cares for her. She basically was making it as if he's too much of a narcissist to SAY that he loves her but he supposedly SHOWS it. She basically said she's not waiting around for him to admit he loves her. Sounds like she's fooling herself about him. What are you planning to do now then? I think you should let his family know what he's done. Cheaters know how to tell their family and friends a very different story. People from a decent family will feel very bad about it. He'll bear that in mind for future relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Izzybella242 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 Sounds like she's fooling herself about him. What are you planning to do now then? I think you should let his family know what he's done. Cheaters know how to tell their family and friends a very different story. People from a decent family will feel very bad about it. He'll bear that in mind for future relationships. So I've told him and his family I know. His reaction about her was I better not speak to her ever basically. He seemed more concerned with if I talk to her!! He said she will not speak to him and has not for a week now. Again only upset that she will not talk to him. His mom backs him up in whatever. He's a spoiled brat. His sister only said she told me to leave him. Now that I think of it a pic of her, him and me age put the caption "my little bro and one of his gfs". They do not care Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 You seem to thrive on all this childish drama and it sounds as though you plan on sticking it out until the bitter end. Not sure what it will take for you to finally realize you're wasting your time. The writing is on the wall. Find your pride and cut this mess loose. Read the ChumpLady website. Their motto is, "Lose a cheater, gain a life." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 So I've told him and his family I know. His reaction about her was I better not speak to her ever basically. He seemed more concerned with if I talk to her!! He said she will not speak to him and has not for a week now. Again only upset that she will not talk to him. His mom backs him up in whatever. He's a spoiled brat. His sister only said she told me to leave him. Now that I think of it a pic of her, him and me age put the caption "my little bro and one of his gfs". They do not care But have you dumped him yet? He doesn't care about you as you can see. Don't waste anymore time. ...that's the one thing you can never get back. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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