, should I (25/f) break up with my boyfriend (26/m) of almost 2 years for

[bystarlight]

So here's the deal, when we first started dating I was 24 and my stomach was flat, now I'm 25 and I guess my metabolism has changed and I'm less active now that I have a 9-5 job where I sit all day. He started making comments about my weight gain how I wasn't trying to look good for him and he makes jokes that I'll be fat when I'm older. I have been going to the gym because this bothers me and I also miss my flat stomach. I told him to stop making jokes and saying hurtful things many times about my weight. Last night he said the top part of my stomach looked really good but the bottom part where there is still some fat he tried to joke that it wasn't healthy and wouldn't make it on a long hike with him. When I got home I started to cry mostly because I feel like I should break up with him for repeatedly making me feel self conscious about my weight when I've told him it upsets me before. He tried to say that he was just joking and was only trying to compliment my progress but it came out wrong. I don't want to break up with him because we've been together for so long and we have plans to live together and he's supposed to be the one, but I don't know what to do. What do you guys think?

[kendahke]

If you insist upon staying with someone who berates you then gaslights you by telling you it was a joke, you'd better start now growing a thicker skin and not giving a damb about what he says about your expanding lower belly.

[Empyrea]

I don't think it's a very good sign that he's belittling you like that.. because okay, you're working out now, but you're not going to be in your 20s forever, your body WILL change, especially if you want children at some point. He should be able to see past that and support you if you want to lose weight, but never make you feel bad about it..

 

I also know some people who just are like that - they make everything into a joke, and can be really honest in a cruel way, maybe because they lack a degree of empathy and can't tell that it bothers the other person? So even if he doesn't "mean anything by it" and cares about you still, you should think very carefully if this is a suitable person for you. For me, I could tell immediately that I was too sensitive for someone like that. I never felt like I could be myself around him, because I was afraid of some criticism. Around normal people, I've always felt much more happy and confident. So it was just a matter of compatibility - he didn't mean anything by it, but it hurt me anyway.

 

Honestly, I think attraction is important, and I've seen relationships fall apart because one (or both) people got too comfortable and neither really said anything about it, but they just stopped feeling attracted to one another. So I've always felt that it's important to never feel THAT comfortable in a relationship that you completely let yourself go. However, that's how I motivate myself, but I would feel horrified if my boyfriend kept tabs on every little pound I gain. I need to know that he would not leave me if I did gain 15 pounds all of a sudden and definitely wouldn't mock me about it..

 

So only you can decide if you should break up with him or not. I suggest trying to be really honest with him and expressing that while it is also in your interests to look your best and you're motivated to stay in shape, it hurts when he jokes about it and that it would be much more helpful if he were supportive.

 

Is he a very athletic person himself? Does he keep in shape? Maybe you could take up some sport together.

Edited November 1, 2015 by Empyrea

[SwordofFlame]

If my girlfriend gained a significant amount of weight while we were dating, I would be turned off. If you're pregnant, that's a different story. I think you should break up if your weight is such a big deal to your boyfriend.

 

I keep in excellent shape myself despite working a demanding job.