Has anyone been the ow unknowingly!??

[BeautifulOne]

Really in need of someone to talk to. I feel so bad right now after finding out i've been being lied to for the past 6 months by the guy i had been dating. Things started out good but the past month or so didn't feel right. He is an otr trucker so he's gone a lot. We've gone out of town a few times, dated, etc. but i started to feel that something wasnt right... I've never met his family or friends and i feel we didnt go out or do things as much as we should.

 

I had bought us tickets to a show last month & he said he could go. I gave him a months notice. he cancelled a few days before and said he had to work but turns out he was with another woman & her family. I confronted him and at first he denied even knowing the woman until i told him there were pics on facebook posted on the same day of the show we were supposed to be at. He isn't on facebook but his brother is so i started browsing his brothers page.

 

I looked at his friends list and saw the womans page and she had several pics of herself with the guy i was dating so it looks like they've been together for sometime at least since last year and on our very first date he said he'd been single a year...LIE! I also think he's engaged to her as i found unfinished wedding registry's online. I asked about that and he said there was an engagement but not anymore which i feel is still a lie since in her pics there is a ring on her finger but he Said i was jumping to conclusions and its not what i think.

 

Said he was sorry & should've told me he was going to her family thing. Made it seem as if she's just a friend. Said he was beating himself up about this and felt he needed help and to talk to someone. Sorry but i also felt this was bull also and that he was only sorry i caught him. He lied about his whereabouts! But why do i feel so bad as if i was wrong!??

 

His entire demeanor changed after that. I haven't heard from him in a month now. I also found out he had an online dating profile and he said he wasn't on there to meet women and he was just on there playing a game! More lies!! U can use phone apps to play games!! I can see he hasn't been on that in weeks now either since I confronted him.

 

So i guess shouldn't feel this way but why do i feel like his fiance is the lucky one? He's cheated on her and lied to her too. I should not feel Like he's now going to be this better person for her since he stopped talking to me and hasn't been online AND changed his number? He called me from a restricted number with this bogus story of how he lost his phone. If thats the case why is it still disconnected. I'm sure if that was true he could have gotten a new phone with the same number!!

 

In the last few weeks i've found out his track record with women hasn't been good, he's barely in his kids lives. He was married for 11 years once and had 2 kids with different women other than his wife during that time. He seems to be a compulsive liar and I should feel lucky to be free with all i've found out lately but I feel like its tearing me up!!!! Like i lost something but this is a pathological liar i almost feel he's a sociopath the way he lies!

Edited November 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs ~6

[SoleMate]

I don't know if he's a sociopath, but he definitely is a hardcore liar and deceiver.

 

I haven't heard from him in a month now.

That's actually good, you don't have to be tempted to listen to his lies anymore. He sounds like really bad news, he has done you a major favor by leaving.

 

But why do i feel so bad as if i was wrong!??

That's the way it is when you deal with liars and cheaters....they're never wrong, YOU ARE (according to them). Also you blew the whistle on his castle of lies and that kinda ruined it for him as regards you.

 

So i guess shouldn't feel this way but why do i feel like his fiance is the lucky one? He's cheated on her and lied to her too. I should not feel Like he's now going to be this better person for her since he stopped talking to me and hasn't been online AND changed his number?

People like this rarely change their basic natures or operating principles. However, based on his experience with you, I suspect he will get better at covering his tracks. Probably brother will be asked to stop posting cheater photos to FB......

 

This was painful, but at least it's over. If the "fiancee" has won, all I can say is I feel truly sorry for her...... She likely does not suspect. Anyhow, not your problem anymore.

[BeautifulOne]

I don't know if he's a sociopath, but he definitely is a hardcore liar and deceiver.

 

 

That's actually good, you don't have to be tempted to listen to his lies anymore. He sounds like really bad news, he has done you a major favor by leaving.

 

That's the way it is when you deal with liars and cheaters....they're never wrong, YOU ARE (according to them). Also you blew the whistle on his castle of lies and that kinda ruined it for him as regards you.

 

 

People like this rarely change their basic natures or operating principles. However, based on his experience with you, I suspect he will get better at covering his tracks. Probably brother will be asked to stop posting cheater photos to FB......

 

This was painful, but at least it's over. If the "fiancee" has won, all I can say is I feel truly sorry for her...... She likely does not suspect. Anyhow, not your problem anymore.

 

Yeah I'm not 100% sure he is a sociopath but all of this made me turn to a therapist and she said he sounds like one. He's been in trouble with the law, seems to not want to accept responsibility at times especially concerning the kids that were created while he was still married, you know the kind of person who won't do the right thing when no ones looking,etc. i should be relieved but i guess i need more time to heal. Just feeling crappy right now. Everyone on the outside looking in can see how wrong and deceitful he was and i agree but i gueds my heart hasn't caught up to my brain yet

[BeautifulOne]

Also in looking back on it he was very quick to say he loved me and felt we were soul mates and like he wanted me to give him my undivided attention and not focus on any other guys

[Goodbye]

Yes. My R with exMM was (very) long distance. He claimed to be separated and divorcing. I am divorced. He did have a separate residence than his wife, but it was their vacation home and he eventually confessed that his wife had no idea about his affair. It was awful. Run...don't look back.

[Bluebelle38]

Yes, it happened to me too. A man I was seeing on and iff for 10 years. We lived in different countries, an hour flight away.

 

I got suspicious when I suggested a week's holiday and he suddenly cut me out if his life saying we should not contact each other anymore. I was devastated. We had been meeting up every few weeks for a good while. Prior to that we had been together years.

 

It turned out he was engaged and living with his fiancé. She found my phone number on his phone bill.

 

I was so upset, disgusted, you name it. She wanted to meet me, I refused.

 

I am now, several years later, with the man I intend to spend my life with. I couldn't be happier he is everything my toxic ex was not, trustworthy, affectionate and DECENT. Cute too

 

We live and learn and our hearts heal. This man was clearly not good enough for you. Xx

[BeautifulOne]

Yes, it happened to me too. A man I was seeing on and iff for 10 years. We lived in different countries, an hour flight away.

 

I got suspicious when I suggested a week's holiday and he suddenly cut me out if his life saying we should not contact each other anymore. I was devastated. We had been meeting up every few weeks for a good while. Prior to that we had been together years.

 

It turned out he was engaged and living with his fiancé. She found my phone number on his phone bill.

 

I was so upset, disgusted, you name it. She wanted to meet me, I refused.

 

I am now, several years later, with the man I intend to spend my life with. I couldn't be happier he is everything my toxic ex was not, trustworthy, affectionate and DECENT. Cute too

 

We live and learn and our hearts heal. This man was clearly not good enough for you. Xx

 

Wow! Reading your post gives me hope! Thanks for responding

[BeautifulOne]

Yes. My R with exMM was (very) long distance. He claimed to be separated and divorcing. I am divorced. He did have a separate residence than his wife, but it was their vacation home and he eventually confessed that his wife had no idea about his affair. It was awful. Run...don't look back.

 

Thanks! And I don't plan to look back! As hurt as i am i agree with the other poster that him not calling anymore is doing me a huge favor. There was no closure and i feel like I'm trying to make myself understand but its pointless to try to make sense of any of this. Everything was a lie and his intent was to deceive... Selfish!

[Bluebelle38]

Wow! Reading your post gives me hope! Thanks for responding

 

Awwww, its all true though.

 

We have just come back from 4 days away celebrating my partner's 40th (I am 43). I was looking at him at one point over the weekend and thought, 'God, I am so lucky'. I never thought I would be someone who met the real deal.

 

As for my ex, well he still contacts me out of the blue every now and then. He's single, well, I know the fiancé left him as she told me so.

 

You have to love karma

[BeautifulOne]

Awwww, its all true though.

 

We have just come back from 4 days away celebrating my partner's 40th (I am 43). I was looking at him at one point over the weekend and thought, 'God, I am so lucky'. I never thought I would be someone who met the real deal.

 

As for my ex, well he still contacts me out of the blue every now and then. He's single, well, I know the fiancé left him as she told me so.

 

You have to love karma

 

Glad you were able to find happiness. I hope I don't hurt too long over this and Yeah i hear karma never forgets an address.

[sandylee1]

Yes....this happened to me.

 

I was seeing a guy for a few months...but it turns out he had a long term GF. A friend told me and I dumped him over tne phone and told him he could go and f**k a hole in the wall. I was rather ticked off. More so because I had introduced him to family members.

 

Several years later when I had married, I saw a friend of his at a party and after introducing him to my husband...he pulled me aside a bit later on snd told me how lucky I was to be rid of his friend, who had run into some trouble.

 

That felt great.

 

This guy is lying to you.

[BeautifulOne]

Yes....this happened to me.

 

I was seeing a guy for a few months...but it turns out he had a long term GF. A friend told me and I dumped him over tne phone and told him he could go and f**k a hole in the wall. I was rather ticked off. More so because I had introduced him to family members.

 

Several years later when I had married, I saw a friend of his at a party and after introducing him to my husband...he pulled me aside a bit later on snd told me how lucky I was to be rid of his friend, who had run into some trouble.

 

That felt great.

 

This guy is lying to you.

 

Yes he was lying... Lies on top of lies! Even after I confronted him he still would not admit it. He's gonna marry someone and can't even admit to it. I know it must have really been hurtful after he met your family. This guy never met mine... For some reason i never really felt like i should take him to meet them.. Maybe it was my gut intuition telling me not too and the fact that i never met his.

[sandylee1]

Yes he was lying... Lies on top of lies! Even after I confronted him he still would not admit it. He's gonna marry someone and can't even admit to it. I know it must have really been hurtful after he met your family. This guy never met mine... For some reason i never really felt like i should take him to meet them.. Maybe it was my gut intuition telling me not too and the fact that i never met his.

 

 

It was very hurtful after he met my family....and I'd already tried to harden my heart and not get sucked in.....after having it badly broken in a previous relationship otherwise I wouldn't have been so angry. After that, I vowed not to introduce anyone to my folks until I knew it was serious and very likely leading to marriage. No need for them to meet all the frogs I had to kiss along the way.?

 

I really didn't 100% trust him...but like your chap...he had a job that involved shifts and it was hard to pin him down...that was his excuse but when we went out.....he wasn't hiding me....his friends must have known. ..but they kept the guy code. I guess they didn't owe me anything as they only knew me through him. I was mid twenties though..much younger and he was clearly a player.

 

You'll be fine. Just watch out for anything that doesn't add up with other guys in the future.

[Bluebelle38]

It was very hurtful after he met my family....and I'd already tried to harden my heart and not get sucked in.....after having it badly broken in a previous relationship otherwise I wouldn't have been so angry. After that, I vowed not to introduce anyone to my folks until I knew it was serious and very likely leading to marriage. No need for them to meet all the frogs I had to kiss along the way.?

 

I really didn't 100% trust him...but like your chap...he had a job that involved shifts and it was hard to pin him down...that was his excuse but when we went out.....he wasn't hiding me....his friends must have known. ..but they kept the guy code. I guess they didn't owe me anything as they only knew me through him. I was mid twenties though..much younger and he was clearly a player.

 

You'll be fine. Just watch out for anything that doesn't add up with other guys in the future.

 

Ah yes, that code. My ex and I were together so long I knew all his family. After a separation in which I dated someone else for 18 months, we got back together. I was out with ex and his brother numerous times. No mention at all that he was living with another woman. Don't be as naive as I was would be my advice to all. Their friends knowing you is no guarantee of anything. All his friends had no morals when it came to women. I look back and wonder how I was so naive! God, am so well rid of that now. My life is happy and peaceful.

[BeautifulOne]

Ah yes, that code. My ex and I were together so long I knew all his family. After a separation in which I dated someone else for 18 months, we got back together. I was out with ex and his brother numerous times. No mention at all that he was living with another woman. Don't be as naive as I was would be my advice to all. Their friends knowing you is no guarantee of anything. All his friends had no morals when it came to women. I look back and wonder how I was so naive! God, am so well rid of that now. My life is happy and peaceful.

 

Very true! He had mentioned me to his brother and best friend but again i never met them. But i think his best friend is a lying con just like him because he also had an online dating profile based on what this guy i was daying told me. This guy would always tell me his exes were crazy and they " grew" apart as if he was the poor little victim in all of his past relationships. He said his last ex was so insecure and they argued a lot but I honestly think she found out about his cheating ways. I found out he started living with her before he divorced his last wife and now she's gone and he's now with this new woman his "fiance". Its like he always has a new wonan before the old (current) one is completely gone!!!!