Can people change??

[Opium]

I've been reading around and seeing different situations and problems that people are going through. And it came to me that in my life I've had to make some adjustments about my personality but I don't want to change WHO I am. I want to be me, with of course a more open mind and not so naive to what people tell me.

 

I can take constructive critisizm but when should we get offended when we're being critisized for what we believe in and in what we think is right? Is their a right or wrong way to do everything?

 

People in my opinion can change, but do some extent. You can have a conversation with someone discussing religion but in the end no one wins. It's what we believe is right and how we're raised that makes us grow up to think the way we do.

 

In my life as we speak I'm trying to change certain things about my personality to be a more humble and understanding person. But it's because I want to better myself. I guess my question is, What causes people to change whether it's for the better or worse???

[RoxStar]

I guess my question is, What causes people to change whether it's for the better or worse???

 

There are a million factors. Trauma, stress, death, divorce, marriage, family or work can make people change either way for the better or for the worse. It just depends on the person.

 

Yes people can change if they are dedicated to change and not changing for someone else of because someone wants them to.

[Opium]

Yes people can change if they are dedicated to change and not changing for someone else of because someone wants them to.

 

That's the thing people change because they want to, but what if you're not that type of strong headed person and you believe what others tell you. For instance, if you had a friend constantly telling you, hey wtf do you mean by that, why do you think that way?? Instead of having an aggressive discussion about something they want to beat it into you that YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR WAYS???

 

Why because other's disagree with you. Everyone has their own opinions right?! Right!! So what do you say to friend that is constantly trying to OPEN your eyes and teach you a lesson, when in reality everyone does their own thing, their own way not matter what anyone tells them.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Opium

What causes people to change whether it's for the better or worse???

 

lets see:

 

- finding religion

- having kids

- divorce

- having sex for 1st time

- age

- experience

- education

- major illness

- upbringing

- bad or good things that happen

- financial stuff

- not getting what u want and being forced to change

- not caring anymore

- love

- hate

- indifference

 

....and a thousand other things OPIUM.

[EC]

Cute signature OPIUM.

[Opium]

Do you think someone cause another person to change??

[AndrewJ]

Opium,

 

I beleive one can help another to change, however change has to come from within of the chameleon.

 

If the soul feels that he/she must change to live a more fullfilling existence then change must arise.

[Opium]

Originally posted by AndrewJ

Opium,

 

I beleive one can help another to change, however change has to come from within of the chameleon.

 

If the soul feels that he/she must change to live a more fullfilling existence then change must arise.

 

I guess you're right. It's up to the person to take in the info and if how it effects them. I do believe people can change, it just takes the right person to open their eyes.

[monkey00]

Change is often influenced by environmental factors and life experiences, as others stated it can turn out bad or good.

 

Whether they are good or bad is how society perceives it.

 

Altho aside from this, accepting personal growth/change to a certain level that you set is definitely possible. As long as you are aware of yourself and your limitations.

Find out what bad habits you may have and try to stray away from them. As well as good habits, try to aim towards them. Just be open-minded. I've noticed stubborn and arrogant people to be the least susceptible to change, because they are very close minded. At best, if you want the greatest growth potential, i would advise to stay away from people like these. And find open minded people to be around.

 

Whatever part of you that grows in your journey is dependent upon your choices, you do have options after all. They are what makes and breaks us. it defines who you are. Change wont come overnight, but in due time it will.

[Opium]

Bad habits are hard to break!!!

 

I'm just overwhelmed by this friend of mine who thinks his way is the best way. And though he does have valid points and I agree I do have room for change, don't beat into me like I'm a child. Let me know what in "his opinion" I should change and maybe I can consider it.

 

No one's perfect we all know this but we all try to be. When I'm ready to make my changes or think about what aspect of myself I feel needs tweeking then I'll do it!

 

Change wont come overnight, but in due time it will.

 

That's what I was trying to tell him, that in my own time and my experiences I'll think about what I feel needs to be changed and honestly why can't he accept me for me, why change??

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Opium

Do you think someone cause another person to change??

 

Yes.

 

With me it simply took losing the most important person in my life. Once that happened, I started talking to friends, who CONFIRMED some of the personality traits I had that needed to be improved upon.

 

Listening, undertanding and accepting advice is 75% of the battle. That's the part I am past.

 

Now the harder part for me is how to actually implement the changes. I have used sticky notes throughout my house. I have pasted reminders on my PC and I'm going to put notes in my car. Everywhere I go I want to constantly be reminded of the changes I need to make so that they will be engrained in my mind and become WHO I am.

 

Calm, Confident, Self-Assured, Masculine. That's where I am starting. And by learning to love myself, I will achieve two of my goals: Confidence and Self-Assuredness.

 

Being a CALM, less exciteable person will probably have to come from taking something for adult ADD (which I have). And being masculine, that's coming from working out and patterning myself after men I look up to and reminding myself when I do things they wouldn't think of doing (whining a lot, saying girlish things, not "nutting" it up when I should be, etc.)

 

It will take time, but I WILL see these improvements through.

[Opium]

With me it simply took losing the most important person in my life. Once that happened, I started talking to friends, who CONFIRMED some of the personality traits I had that needed to be improved upon.

 

Something I learned the hard way is the most important person in your life should be YOU, then the rest of the people you care about.

 

It's nice to see you've decided to make all these changes but don't forget to be you and not someone you think you should be because you feel you need to change for someone to love you. Does that make sense?

[westernxer]

Better to change on your own than to have it forced on you. Way to go, Opium.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Opium

Something I learned the hard way is the most important person in your life should be YOU, then the rest of the people you care about.

 

It's nice to see you've decided to make all these changes but don't forget to be you and not someone you think you should be because you feel you need to change for someone to love you. Does that make sense?

 

Every change I have made in my life has been for me. The simple proof of this is I've already lost her but I still want to improve the areas of myself that I can. The improvements I am making are to help me for the present and future, not to try and fix the past.

[Opium]

Originally posted by westernxer

Better to change on your own than to have it forced on you. Way to go, Opium.

 

Someone's gotta stand up for me!

[Opium]

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

Every change I have made in my life has been for me. The simple proof of this is I've already lost her but I still want to improve the areas of myself that I can. The improvements I am making are to help me for the present and future, not to try and fix the past.

 

That's good to know! I have imperfection and so does everyone else but how do I take this into consideration when the things he wants me to change ARE ME?

 

Why is it that everyone tells ME to change when they themselves aren't perfect and need to change?? People can be so contradicting sometimes and it's scary. I don't want this to effect me the wrong way but it's beating down my my spirits and making just hide in my room underneath the sheets and stay there!!

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Opium

That's good to know! I have imperfection and so does everyone else but how do I take this into consideration when the things he wants me to change ARE ME?

 

Why is it that everyone tells ME to change when they themselves aren't perfect and need to change?? People can be so contradicting sometimes and it's scary. I don't want this to effect me the wrong way but it's beating down my my spirits and making just hide in my room underneath the sheets and stay there!!

 

My ex decided she didn't want to change and wasn't open to change. She doesn't know how to communicate and is immature in what she expects from men. She doesn't have any self-confidence so she's attracted to men that are stoic and never show their emptions. She wants that sense of security because she is herself, very insecure.

 

Now that I understand this I know she's going to have trouble with other men. And she has, her entire life. No man she's ever dated had fought as hard as I did. She sees that as a weakness, I see that as true love in it's purest form.

 

What it means to me is that I didn't do things wrong, necessarily. I just found some weaknesses to shore up and though I realize she's wrong for me in so many ways, I know my love was true. My aching heart and crying myself to sleep proves that.

[Opium]

Try not to focus on her anymore. Do what you've been doing, concentrate on you and being a better person for the next girl that comes around.

 

I myself am working on a lot of traits that I have to change but this all takes time and my friend doesn't seem to ease off. I respect him very much and value his opinions but enough is enough, I am who I am and you know what, I've lost plenty of friends before, one more isnt' going to hurt if he can't deal with it.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Opium

Try not to focus on her anymore. Do what you've been doing, concentrate on you and being a better person for the next girl that comes around.

 

That's my goal, but it's hard as heck when your heart is aching, badly....

 

I myself am working on a lot of traits that I have to change but this all takes time and my friend doesn't seem to ease off. I respect him very much and value his opinions but enough is enough, I am who I am and you know what, I've lost plenty of friends before, one more isnt' going to hurt if he can't deal with it.

 

You can't get everyone to accept you for who you are and you can't let them get to you. Those are people with hang ups and to me, they're very closed-minded, shallow people.

[Illusion24]

What causes people to change whether it's for the better or worse???

 

Themselves!!

 

When people realize what it is their trying to tell them, they'll change. Some may never come to understand why they should or even if they should.

 

It takes a lot to change especially if you've always been a certain way, you just have to look within yourself and see what it is that makes YOU unhappy about yourself, not necessarly what people are trying to beat into you.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by NeverSayNever

Themselves!!

 

When people realize what it is their trying to tell them, they'll change. Some may never come to understand why they should or even if they should.

 

It takes a lot to change especially if you've always been a certain way, you just have to look within yourself and see what it is that makes YOU unhappy about yourself, not necessarly what people are trying to beat into you.

 

Well put.

[Illusion24]

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

Well put.

 

Thank You

[monkey00]

Originally posted by Opium

 

 

Why is it that everyone tells ME to change when they themselves aren't perfect and need to change?? People can be so contradicting sometimes and it's scary. I don't want this to effect me the wrong way but it's beating down my my spirits and making just hide in my room underneath the sheets and stay there!!

 

The harsh reality is that no one's perfect. and unfortunately the human race is guilty of being arrogant and pompous.

 

The people who are telling you to change clearly dont understand you. They are passing judgement on you so soon, what gives them the right?

 

You dont need negative people like this in your life, they'll only bring you down more. I know for a fact i had a friend that always tried to bring down my spirits just to reinforce his self esteem and make him feel better, while on my end bad.

 

Well it's not hard to surpass them. The thing is you need to make them respect you. They need to see that earning your friendship and trust isnt as easy as 1,2,3.

and that theyll ahve to work for it.

 

My advice to you is to stay away from people who think theyre better than you. There's no point in being friends with someone who's only good at putting you down. If he/she really wanted you to change for the good they would support you all the way.

[Marshbear]

I think true and lasting change can only happen if some major happening occurred in our lives. It usually takes an event of cosmic proportions to make us want to be different than we are. It is just human nature to take the path of least resistance and go with the status quo. I applaud people who can make that change and better themselves.

 

Time and age also makes us change our thoughts and attitudes. We usually do not like the same things or think the same when we're 16 than when we're 35.

I really don't think people can make us change because it requires the change to come from us not them. Someone can suggest something and we can ponder it and accept it or reject it. We must be open to change or it will never happen.

 

Peace...