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"i wanted to see how far i can push you"


Confusedovo

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What does scare me is how i react to these abusive /dominant types. Its like something in me is so curious about them. I also become instantly submissive. And for that I need therapy

 

Thank you all so much for taking sense into me! Sometimes I don't wanna believe what's staring ne right in the face ?

 

I do worry ill get fooled again by ab abuser that doesn't show very early signs (like my ex)

 

OP, Good for you and I'm happy for you (and I mean it).

In retrospect, I regret my original reply to you; I think it was bad judgement and I think sounded apathetic (which was unintended).

 

 

[i realize, so sadly and so frighteningly, that if I were in your shoes, I would have gone farther--not to pursue him--but to understand my own mind--why I'm instinctively drawn to unhealthy choices, ignoring the flagrant warning signs. It's almost as if I NEED to break myself to pieces, look at my own inner wiring, scattered all over the floor, just so that I can understand how I was put together. Scary.]

 

So, perhaps, that's why, more than anything else, I'm genuinely glad that you came to your senses hearing all these people's suggestions. That ought to give you great hope towards therapy.

 

Here's a couple of references, which you MAY find relevant while you are waiting for therapy to start. If you don't find them relevant, at the least they are intriguing.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201110/what-borderlines-and-narcissists-fear-most-part

 

The Dance Between Codependents & Narcissists | World of Psychology

 

Good luck to you.

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