landangel Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 So I have a single female friend. Weve been friends for about a year. I am married and she knows this, knows my wife, and is even friendly with her. We hang out once or twice a week, she texts or calls everyday, usually several times a day. I've always been flirty with her from the get go and she is shy. In fact she hasn't been intimate with a man in over 6 years or in any kind of relationship. What confuses me is that I've hung out with her at her place and watched movies and fondle and caress her often. The confusion comes from the fact that I touch her just about everywhere (rub her inner thigh, lower back beneath her shirt, back of her neck, I grab her chin to make her look at me, play with her hair, smack, grab, and caress her butt, put my hand down the back of her pants, etc). I've seen her shower at least twice and once even touched her breast and butt and dried her off with her towel after. We've wrestled on her bed, she pokes and plays with me. The issue is that while all this is happening, she won't touch me back the same way. When I rubbed her tummy under her shirt and grazed her breasts, .....YET... She won't reciprocate. Then sometimes she'll barely let me touch her. Moreover she won't acknowledge it either. She refuses to talk about it and deflects by saying "why do you have to push it". She refuses to give back any emotional feedback but also won't stop me. Correct me if I am wrong, but are these are these the actions of a girl who is sexually interested? She is my friend, she is single, and she knows my wife, and yet she still lets me see her and fondle her nude. Am I misreading these signs? Are these the minds of things that females do with their married male friends? Granted I am flirty and even initiate a lot of this, but she usually just goes along. How do I escalate this? I've been about as direct as I can be I think and she will not reciprocate. She will play along, even flirt back a little but she won't just give in. More than anything I'd just like to hold her, maybe kiss her. I find it hard to believe that she still invites me to do things, knows I am married and my wife, and allows me to see her naked, showering, intimate fondling etc. it's coming to a fever pitch. It's becoming harder and harder to want to be around her if we can't express ourselves more physically. Any help is appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Be very careful. These could be signs of someone who was sexually abused. She doesn't reciprocate but she doesn't know how to say no either. Sounds like she is very confused about appropriate boundaries. And no, it's likely she would never tell you because of the shame. It may be that you are unwittingly exploiting her in this way. Have you asked permission to touch her or do you just do whatever you please? Link to post Share on other sites
Author landangel Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 Be very careful. These could be signs of someone who was sexually abused. She doesn't reciprocate but she doesn't know how to say no either. Sounds like she is very confused about appropriate boundaries. And no, it's likely she would never tell you because of the shame. It may be that you are unwittingly exploiting her in this way. Have you asked permission to touch her or do you just do whatever you please? Very good point sassy girl. I doubt she has been abused, I know her family and most of her past. I almost always ask to touch her. I asked to so Watch her showe, to lift her shirt so I can touch her. When I poke or play with her she usually giggles or pokes back. I just want her to show me the same kind of affection. Doesn't necessarily have to be sex. I really want to kiss her but she seems to have a limit that I hope is eroding. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Perhaps you could ask your wife to give you some pointers of how to seduce a timid, hesitant possibly frightened young girl. I mean, after all, if she's a friend, and knows your wife, that makes everything ok, right? Your wife is completely aware of the extent of your contact with this girl? She knows you hang out with her and have sexual intentions? You may have to consider something called 'boundaries' or how you are pushing for something, and she's resisting because she knows you're wrong. As I say, the best way to find a solution is for you all, as obvious good friends (you mention she knows you AND your wife, 3 times in one post) is to sit down one day, round the table, and ask them both what the best way to actually have sex with her, is. I'm sure your wife will come up with plenty of suggestions of her own.... 10 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 you're married AND she knows your wife. could be that she enjoys flirting but won't cross that "officially in the affair" line. she likes your attention but probably doesn't want to take it any further OR she's confused about your behavior -- you're showing interest in her but you stay with your wife. all of that if you don't have an open marriage - if you do and she knows it? then she enjoys teasing & playing but either waits for you to make a FIRST move (kiss or direct words) or... again... doesn't want to take it sny further. Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Anyone smell elephants? Are you in an open marriage or does being unfaithful simply not bother you ? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Haha ..wow 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 How do I escalate this? I've been about as direct as I can be I think and she will not reciprocate. She will play along, even flirt back a little but she won't just give in. More than anything I'd just like to hold her, maybe kiss her. You want to escalate... She wont just give in.... You would just like to hold her.... But you have been with her naked body, fondling her, touching her.... How about you continue fondling her, and have sex with your wife to blow off your sexual tension. You could offer to take turns, on 31 day months you have sex with your wife and on 30 day months (naturally, your wife deserves the extra day, being your 1st choice and all) you have sex with your new friend. And on leap years you could have a threesome. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 This is quite clear and simple, you are being used. She is getting off on the attention and company and is digging being desired and woo'd by a married man, but she has no desire or intention to actually have sex with you. You have simply been friend zoned and played for a chump. She has been getting ego strokes and attention kibble a but has given you nothing in return, you've been played as a fool. If you want to have an affair, you are either going to have to lay it on the table and tell her to put out or get out. She'll either go for it or not. If she opts not, cut off her kibble sand look for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Be very careful. These could be signs of someone who was sexually abused. She doesn't reciprocate but she doesn't know how to say no either. I was thinking this too. otherwise, why no sex in 6 years, and why putting up with you pawing her? Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 she doesn't sound that shy to me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Very good point sassy girl. I doubt she has been abused, I know her family and most of her past. I almost always ask to touch her. I asked to so Watch her showe, to lift her shirt so I can touch her. When I poke or play with her she usually giggles or pokes back. I just want her to show me the same kind of affection. Doesn't necessarily have to be sex. I really want to kiss her but she seems to have a limit that I hope is eroding. Individuals have been abused and their own parents don't know....so don't assume she hasn't been abused because you know her family. Victims of abuse have taken it to their graves. You need to leave her alone....or it might bring her some painful memories for her. She doesn't know how to rebuff you....you know you're being more than flirty. Have you considered that she feels that you are putting her in a difficult situation as she knows your wife. A bit like if one of your friends was hitting on your wife....it's really awkward. Or if it's your wife's male friend that you know hitting on her and putting his hand down her pants and touching her boobs......it can be very difficult to handle....very uncomfortable. I had a friends boyfriend do this to me many years ago......it's not a pleasant situation and being a lot younger, I didn't knock him off as I would have done now. I just started avoiding him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Well I don't get why she hasn't jumped all over you. I myself find it a huge turn on when a married mouth-breather spends all his time pawing at me, humping my leg, pulling up my skirt and watching me shower. Hell, I live for that. It's kind of like when you're 13 years old and your 16 year old male cousin continually tries to touch you inappropriately or tries to convince you to play doctor, or engage in that old favorite, "you show me yours and I'll show you mine." That's pure magic. I'm stumped as to why she isn't all up in this. It's a conundrum, for sure. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
MightyPen Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 You want to escalate... She wont just give in.... You would just like to hold her.... But you have been with her naked body, fondling her, touching her.... How about you continue fondling her, and have sex with your wife to blow off your sexual tension. You could offer to take turns, on 31 day months you have sex with your wife and on 30 day months (naturally, your wife deserves the extra day, being your 1st choice and all) you have sex with your new friend. And on leap years you could have a threesome. Whether this was sarcastic or serious, I like the advice either way! Well done! Link to post Share on other sites
Dancewithme Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I have no words... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 OP, is this related to the open relationship you discuss in this thread? If so, then this would be more a matter of sexual communication rather than infidelity, presuming your wife is fine with you having other sexual partners. It could be something as simple as the single lady not being comfortable with the open or swinging lifestyle. She might find you attractive but has inhibitions which prohibit full-on sexual contact. Hard to know. Perhaps you can clarify. Link to post Share on other sites
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