Is my married coworker flirting or just being friendly?

[b.kahendi]

I think a married man at work is flirting with me, but I'm not too sure and it's driving me insane.

 

I've been at my new job for a little over a month, and this man and I met on my first day there, although he works across the hall from me and not actually in the same office. I found out he was married (with kids) early on, but it was through an office mate. This man has never actually mentioned his wife in conversation with me. Ever. But I'm 100% positive he knows that I know he's married (but he is one of those guys that never wears his wedding ring!).

 

We got along from the moment we met. On the days where we're both in our offices at the same time (three to four days a week), he'll come into my office to my desk to say hi and chat, but he'll do things like kick my chair, ruffle papers that I'm trying to read, pretend to trip me when I walk past him, and be distracting in general. Occasionally, he touches me on my shoulder when talking and there have been instances where I feel we have made longer-than-normal contact with, for example, our hands when I try to give him something or if we're standing next to each other. These are things he doesn't do to anyone else. He compliments me (eg, calls me 'sweet') and praises my hard work in front of my boss. We make funny faces at each other, and he even took a funny-face picture of himself on my phone when I wasn't looking and left it there for me to find later that day. There is lots of eye contact (and smiling and laughing) when we talk, and we are very comfortable around each other. Our conversations are mostly about work and school--nothing too personal or TMI, but we have spoken a lot about family, and like I mentioned above, he's never brought up his wife in any of those conversations (he does talk about his kids, though). In fact, his wife stopped by the workplace one day and came into my office to chat with some of my coworkers that she knew, but he never introduced the two us despite the fact that he had ample opportunity. I do not think she knows about me or about the friendship I have with her husband.

 

We do not have each other's phone numbers and we have not met outside of work for any reason. Yes, I am very attracted to him and I honestly don't mind the attention, but it's so confusing and I'm a little annoyed that someone so unavailable is doing these sorts of things to/with me. Is he flirting? Does he find me attractive? Or is he just being friendly?

[TaraMaiden2]

I didn't bother reading your post because not one, but TWO alarm bells rang immediately:

 

"Work" and "Married man".

 

The rule of thumb is to avoid the both of them like a great big sundae of chlamydia and bubonic plague, nicely topped off with a squirt of "wife", lashings of 'never-date-in-the-workplace' syrup, and sprinkled with hundreds 'n' thousands of 'consequences'.

[sandylee1]

Yes it sounds like he's flirting a bit, but not overtly. He's doing enough to show he likes you, but such that if accused of flirting he could easily deny it.

 

In a situation like this....what I once did was to speak about what I did on the weekend with my friends, like the guys we met at parties and clubs. If I met a nice guy I'd tell him, I'd also drop in about a married guy trying it on and how it annoyed me......even though that didn't happen at the time. I'd keep it friendly just in case I was misreading his friendliness...but I was sending a very clear message.

 

He was visibly irritated when I spoke about other guys.

 

I'd talk about how my married sister used call in the early morning while I was so tired from the night before. It

[mrs rubble]

Agree with the previous poster.

It's one thing to enjoy a casual friendly relationship with your workmates. Just make sure you make your boundaries known.ie; you don't mess with married guy's at work. End of story.

[PegNosePete]

Is he flirting? Does he find me attractive?

Yes. So what are you going to do about it?

 

Having an affair with a married man in the workplace is incredibly stupid. Unless you enjoy job-searching. When an office affair goes bad (WHEN not IF) it is always the newcomer that finds themselves at the job centre, without even a good reference.

[Lois_Griffin]

Yes. So what are you going to do about it?

And that's what she was hoping to hear. That he's 'attracted' to her.

 

The guy sounds like a greasy little weasel, yet the OP is flattered by his childish attention and his sleazy inability to mention that he has a wife. Be still my beating heart. He's so desirable and it's so 'hot' when he pretends to trip her, makes funny faces at her, and pretends she doesn't exist when wifey comes to the office to visit.

 

Golly, I can see why she's so mesmerized by this prince.

 

I'm going to assume you're terribly young OP, and just don't know any better. That's what HE'S banking on, too. The young and gullible are the easiest prey for married creeps on the make and your douche bag co-worker knows this. You're the new meat in the office. Wonder how many OTHER women he's come onto at work before you came on the scene?

 

I'd ask around. I bet you're not the first one. How flattering.

I'm a little annoyed that someone so unavailable is doing these sorts of things to/with me.

LOL. Sure you are.

[h0000]

Why do you care if he is flirting with you? Because you are going to have an affair with him if he is?

[d0nnivain]

I think he may be being flirty but I see no evidence that he has any interest in taking it beyond what it is . . . an office distraction. If you are not going for drinks after work & contacting each other on off time (evenings & weekends) I think it's unlikely he's looking to cheat.