How often should I text my ex if I initiated breakup?

[kendahke]

He already doesn't trust women because of me, I don't want to be the reason for him giving up on love.

 

Unfortunately, you can't control that or dictate what he bases this on.

 

When the right woman comes along, he will embrace love again. Understand, that woman may not be you.

[Wewon]

So I went on the coffee date and I'm a little disappointed with how things went.

 

He spent half the time on his phone texting and calling and he said slightly rude things. He's not the same guy I fell in love with a year and a half ago. He's changed so much.

 

We agreed to meet again next week but I'm having second thoughts. I think we're too different now to be together anymore.

 

How should I handle this situation?

 

Lot of good feedback is coming in and I almost didn't respond for fear of simply being redundant, but I do want to give a different tact on this, that may help, give clarity or maybe just annoy.

 

I don't think that you experienced was that he "changed" but more that you are not being used to sitting with him and not having 'girlfriend' status.

 

I've found that this is the hardest thing for women after a breakup, particularly if they were the one that ended it. A lot of what you saw was him treating you like he treats every other schmoe out there.

 

When you're a girlfriend, cell phones go on vibrate, plans get rescheduled and she gets priority. When you're a schmoe, he might check a text right in front of you in mid conversation.

 

I'm not saying that there wasn't some obnoxiousness on his part or at the very least, he's not as concerned with impressing you than you are used to from a year and a half ago. But keep in mind that you opted out of that position, you weren't pushed out. You're going to have to demonstrate that he can trust you in that position again.

 

My $0.02.

[itsdinaah]

Hmm that definitely puts things into perspective.

 

I talked to him last night for a few hours and he asked me again why I broke up with him so I explained it to him again. (Reasons: I felt like we were moving too fast, I wasn't sure what I wanted in life at that moment not just in terms of our relationship, I needed to rediscover myself).

 

He said he was just asking because he wanted things to go better than they did last time. I told him it didn't seem like he was interested and he said he wouldn't be talking to me if he wasn't, he's just scared.

 

It is a hard place to be because we never really friends before, so I don't know how to act around him and I think it's the same for him.

[Simon Phoenix]

Hmm that definitely puts things into perspective.

 

I talked to him last night for a few hours and he asked me again why I broke up with him so I explained it to him again. (Reasons: I felt like we were moving too fast, I wasn't sure what I wanted in life at that moment not just in terms of our relationship, I needed to rediscover myself).

 

He said he was just asking because he wanted things to go better than they did last time. I told him it didn't seem like he was interested and he said he wouldn't be talking to me if he wasn't, he's just scared.

 

It is a hard place to be because we never really friends before, so I don't know how to act around him and I think it's the same for him.

 

I hate to be a broken record, but if you want him back, you need to tell him that directly ASAP.

[NopeNah]

Hmm that definitely puts things into perspective.

 

I talked to him last night for a few hours and he asked me again why I broke up with him so I explained it to him again. (Reasons: I felt like we were moving too fast, I wasn't sure what I wanted in life at that moment not just in terms of our relationship, I needed to rediscover myself).

 

He said he was just asking because he wanted things to go better than they did last time. I told him it didn't seem like he was interested and he said he wouldn't be talking to me if he wasn't, he's just scared.

 

It is a hard place to be because we never really friends before, so I don't know how to act around him and I think it's the same for him.

From my view: Dude does not trust that you won't do it again..I've gotten back with ex's and,honestly, they were all mistakes. Once someone leaves you,for whatever reason, you expect and almost wait on them, to do it again..It's hell!

[itsdinaah]

It's been going pretty well. He started contacting me first now and we have nice conversations. He's gotten comfortable enough to start teasing/joking with me again.

 

We haven't talked about our breakup since last time but we're not together yet. Going at a slow pace but just making sure that this is what we both want.

 

Thank you all for your opinions.