Salvaging an LDR? Taking a break while living apart

[karori]

Thanks for taking a look at this post. I'm in need of some guidance/advice/pick-me-ups about how to handle taking a break while in an LDR. I'll try and keep it as concise as possible.

 

Background: Me and my SO met while I had an internship abroad in New Zealand over the summer. I was there for around seven weeks, and spent six out of the seven weeks with him. After meeting each other, we immediately hit it off and were absolutely inseparable. I've never been so happy and connected with someone in my entire life. When the time came for me to leave to continue my studies in the US at the beginning of August, we both mutually decided to try long distance. As a commitment phobe it was a big leap of faith for me, but I couldn't imagine not having him be a part of my life.

 

I've made plans to return to New Zealand after completing my studies in May. I've applied to grad school, gone job hunting, began poking my nose around flatting situations etc. We had also both decided to try and visit each other twice before I make the move out to NZ, once in January and once mid-March to kind of break up the time apart. My family is incredibly supportive of the decision, and all looks really promising for funding. He was incredibly supportive too, helping me find flatting situations, offering a place to move in, planning on coming and visiting me in the states. All looked so so promising.

 

Fast forward to the present, and we've encountered a couple of very rough patches in our relationship. The beginning of LDR was great - we Skyped, communicated well, sent each other care packages etc and although lonely I felt very happy that he was trying to be so present in my life. However, about a month into it, our communication really began to fall off (on his end). I made several attempts to reach out to him and reassure him that I was present and faithful to him, but he began contacting me less and less and wasn't eager at all to communicate over FaceTime etc. The most communication we'd normally see over the past couple of months was a few Facebook messages a day and some snapchats. I began to feel unhappy and insecure about this and pressed him to try and communicate more, but he never really stepped up to the plate.

 

Last night he asked for a break from the relationship. He told me that he was feeling the pressure of being in a relationship and that he couldn't be sure of his feelings anymore since we haven't seen each other for so long in person. It's both our first LDR, so we knew it was going to be difficult. He said he wants to see if some time apart will clear his head, as he said he's really been struggling with the separation and has found it really hard to connect because of the time difference etc. I've agreed to give him his space although it's really devastating to me, as I ultimately want what's best for him and don't want our relationship to be stressful to him anymore. He told me that he really doesn't want me to view this break as the end of things, but I can't help but being really paranoid that it's the beginning of a break-up.

 

We've already gotten so far and are on the homestretch in terms of seeing each other again in January. I've been super proud of us although at times distance has really taken its toll and been stressful. I really love this guy and want to work things through. Hands down believe he is incredibly worth the effort and have told him so, but it sounds like he's really unsure on his end of how to proceed.

 

Does anyone have any advice as to how to approach this situation? I fully respect his need for space and will give him what he needs, but I feel like I'm going to go insane thinking about what the end result of the break will be. Does anyone have similar stories? Situations? Anything would be so appreciated.