Cheating with the same guy

[Mobay2014]

I am in a need of an advice. In a relationship for over a year now and couldn't be happier. I love my partner and can't imagine to spend my life without him. As cruel as it seems I have cheated on him and not once? with this guy I met far earlier than my bf who became a very good friend of mine. We used the have the "fling"& the "thing" and all that as it apperars we still do. He is in a relationship as well for about the same time as I am. We live in different countries so we only see each other every month for few days when I am there for work. I could go and visit more if I wanted to but I am not sure it's doing anything good for us?!!! It's always the same, I am so happy to see him I know I will have stress less time and attention and we will do stuff together we don't do usually and go to places we would never go with other people and he will not feel lonely away from his family that far as he is. Also lots of emotions, endless talking about everything and amazing sex than reality hits..... I feel awful I love my bf and we are planning to get married. The other one is begging me not to get married or take any decisions even thought he is in a relationship too. I don't get him. He is not opening up only few times so as much as I try to read him I can't. The last time I had seen him he messed me up completely. Usual thing happened our moonlit night on the beach drinking rum which became our routine every time we meet the first night (just to clarify we never ever get drunk together) just talking about life and enjoying the night.... But that night became far more romantic than any other before..well apart from the very first time we met and we're both single. Anyway cut the long story short it felt amazing and again we ended up making love on the beach but this time even thou we both are in a committed relationship he wasn't careful. In fact he was well going for it and I didn't stop him. This might sound stupid but I couldn't and I don't know why I just couldn't. We talked about our relationships I know she isn't the one for him but he knows I love my bf dearly which doesn't make sense at all trust me guys. I have never been more confused in my life than now. I've always sensed that somehow he wants me to take the decision to ask him to leave the girl and be with me but he knows better that I would never do that! It has to be his own decision without me interfering in any way and obviously he has to come to terms with the fact that he might end up alone as I will have a choice to make. It will be hard for me I love my partner but I don't actually know what would go through my mind if he was actually single now and after all this. After the last time I sent my "lover" a message saying I can't do this anymore and how everything is complicated and I wish someone would give me an answer. All he replied was "safe flight my love the countdown until your return begins once again"! I also can't find an answer for why we never tried together when we were both single? I feel bad and horrible but is it possible to be in love with them both??? Is this normal? They are both amazing and in both of them I find things which will make them be the person I can't live without. Selfish I know.... Anyway all the opinions and even judgements are welcome as I am very lost right now and could use some advise regardless if it's good or something I am not willing to hear. I can't be any lower than this and I don't want to loose any of them so what do I do now??? Thank you for being able to vent....

[kgcolonel]

You and your OM are experiencing "holidays" together. In this, you are not having to manage the day to day responsibilities on an ongoing basis. You are there for a few days and then back to reality. He is being very clear in his persona per your writing in that "He is not opening up only few times so as much as I try to read him I can't. The last time I had seen him he messed me up completely."

 

You on the other hand, want the holiday and can't bring yourself to live in reality with your BF who by your own admission is "In a relationship for over a year now and couldn't be happier. I love my partner and can't imagine to spend my life without him."

 

I would say that you're not ready to be married as your partner deserves to be loved, honored and respected by someone who would not betray him as you are. I see this ending very badly with you being caught in limbo between the OM who enjoys your body for a few days a month with no commitment. This is very selfish on yours and his part. Your poor BF is trusting and loyal and does not deserve this treatment. Either stop cheating on him, cut things off completely with the OM or free your BF to find someone who will return the affection and loyalty that he is showing you.

[road]

You need to tell your boyfriend. For worse then cheating on him is for you to hide this from him and let him marry you.

 

 

You need IC for it is not right to cheat yet you continue to do so.

[JS84]

Please don't marry your fiance. Let him find someone who won't do to him what you're doing. He deserves better.

[almond]

You're an adult. Make a choice and stick by it.

 

What you are doing is cruel and dishonest in the extreme. Do not marry your boyfriend.

 

Choose - the other man, or your boyfriend. Don't deviate from this choice, and seek counselling to ensure that you don't repeat this sort of behaviour and screw up every chance you have at a happy and healthy future.

 

 

This is not only damaging to your boyfriend, but to yourself also. Get it sorted.

[LostOnes05]

Yikes, I must've had the wrong interpretation of love all this time...Seems like to you it means stringing someone along, lying, cheating, and being incredibly selfish. Just a bit of advice...what you have with your bf is not love, it's comfort or else you would never cheat. With the other guy it's just a long distance FWB. Let that guy deal with you on a regular basis, through your daily ups and downs and see how fast you're the one complaining about being cheated on. And neither of you are relationship material (even with each other), much less for marriage. If you and the long distance FWB are both cheating how could you possibly trust each other if you entered into a relationship? Your bf sounds like he deserves better than that. Let him go, preferably after you tell the truth so he doesn't think he's the problem. Best of luck though, whatever you decide.