I married a Virgin, I have had five partners

[Asuna]

I lost my virginity at 20 with the first boyfriend i ever had after he broke up with me for the 3rd time and told me to come over. got me drunk- I don't remember much all i know is that it happened fast and he was very small. go porn for ruining my standards. anyway after that i had three other boyfriends whom I had sex with and one one night stand after my last ex broke up with me and I once again got drunk and slept with a friend of his. That's it.

however I have kissed many people. I can't even count really because it was always at big parties during truth or dare or while i was drunk and very single. boy girl gay straight.... didn't really care. At that point I had been cheated on(with about 20 different women), kicked out by both my family and my roommate so i was living out of my car. It was a time where I just did what I could to feel something.

before me and my husband started dating I had not idea he was a virgin. he talked so smoothly and handled himself very well- I considered him a friend and we would chat a lot on Facebook and at work where I met him. later we started dating, somehow we ended up sleeping together and I still couldn't tell he was a virgin... he handled himself very well. I went over my sexual exploits one day while we were hanging out with a friend of his not really knowing he had been a virgin before me so he couldn't relate. i just assumed he had been with his ex sexually and that he had been with other girls. i mean he said he got his first kiss when he was like 8. I had mine when i was 19. x.x I guess thats where my assumption failed.

after we got married and after i was about 4 or 5 months pregnant he finally came out with it that he was a virgin and that he had never slept with anyone else. I thought it was the sweetest thing ever- and i was a bit sad that i couldn't give him the same gift he just gave me because i was young and stupid and hyper emotional....

but anyway... now he brings it up all the time, gets super insecure and worries that I compare him to the others and that I just settled and all that. I tell him i don't- and I don't... I made a lot of mistakes saying things like you are the best I've ever had and stuff like that because i was unaware...

Its weird... but at the same time... it works

I just wish there was a way that I could convince him that I'm not a slut whore

and that I'm not gonna do anything to hurt him

cause I'm not- yah i kissed girls- and boys- but i only slept with those I loved except for once... and that is a mistake i relive over and over.

[basil67]

Oh dear, it's a shame he saved this one till after you married him.

 

First piece of advice is to stop reassuring him when he raises the issue. Thing is, not only is the reassuring not working - you're also rewarding his behaviour.

 

Second piece of advice is to call him on it. Something like "this topic keeps coming up. What do you want me to do about it?" Or perhaps it's time for the spiel of "you married me knowing that I've had other relationships. I can't change the past and I'm not prepared to listen to this anymore. If you can't stop talking about it, go and get therapy. But don't put your anxieties on me"

 

In short, this is his problem to resolve with himself. There's nothing you can do other than to stop rewarding his behaviour.

[66Charger]

This is not just his problem. You are married and if you intend to stay married, you have to work it out.

 

From a Mans point of view, you should change your tactic.

 

Instead of saying you dont compare him to others, next time he brings it up, set him down, look him in the eye and tell him of course you compared.

 

And then you married the best one.

[sandylee1]

Just tell him you love him, your happy with him and if he never told you. ..you wouldn't have known because he's fantastic...then say the past is just that and it's the two of you as a team for ever more. There's no room for past escapades in the marriage now because he's the only one for you.

 

End of discussion ☺