not sure what my ex is thinking...

[anna.s121]

Can understand why you'd think that but it's not how he feels. I was sceptical to enter the relationship whilst dealing with these feelings but my Boyf wanted to and was understanding of me dealing with it and actually it's helped me loads. He doesn't see it as casual we've been friends for years and he's made clear he doesn't want it to just be casual. Sounds unusual maybe but prob makes sense due to our friendship.

[anna.s121]

From experience, it's unlikely you will be able to get these things. These conversations tend to bring about more questions. I think these talks can make you feel good for a few days, but, ultimately, you are always going to be left to deal with this and grieve on your own.

 

I think that the more relationships you have, you will realize that there are usually no black and white, logical answers as to WHY it ended. It usually comes down to feelings and one party not feeling strongly enough to continue. You can't quantify and explain feelings, which is why many dumpers are very reticent to discuss why it ended. Because they can't give you any concrete answer unless it was something like cheating or abuse. And the frustrating thing is: you can't understand how your ex feels, so there's really no use in him trying to explain it.

 

As far as alleviating guilt, I'd be careful about using another person to accomplish that. One, there might be a legitimate reason you should feel guilt, and, if that is the case, you should own up to it and process it. Learn from it. Two, if there is no legitimate reason to feel guilt, you don't need him to tell you that. You don't need to rely on another person to take away your guilt if there is no reason for the guilt. You can rely on your own judgement of the situation and let that be enough.

 

Thanks, will think about it. Am tempted to try the convo though as recently I have come much further in healing and feel there is little to lose