Best girl ever, don't feel sexual attraction. Crawling Back to LoveShack

[loveweary11]

So I met this girl.

 

Most compatible person I've ever met in my life.

 

She is a female me, down to every last opinion. She wants to travel, is a minimalist, wants experiences over things, is active and fit, etc etc and has flipped 100% for me. I've never been more excited about someone in my life. I could probably have the most amazing life of fun and adventure with her. She's no less than perfect!!

 

Problem is, she's tall, blonde with blue eyes. She's in perfect shape, but tall blonde/blue.

 

I find short, tiny brunettes with brown eyes sexually attractive.

 

She's everything I've ever wanted in a woman, but I'm having a hard time finding her sexually attractive.

 

What should I do??

 

PS: I could be happy with less sex. I've had tons of sex with very attractive women in my life. I'm about the "everything else." She's 22 and will be hard to keepi if I'm not wowing her sexually, I'm pretty sure.

Edited November 3, 2015 by loveweary11

[RecentChange]

Really hair color is enough to turn you off? Your type is that set?

 

I can find a variety of "looks" attractive (as long as they are still healthy and athletic) - so have you been "intimate" with her yet?

 

I can think of one guy I found nothing special to look at, but man we were compatable in bed....

Edited November 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[GirlyGurl]

Are you freaking kidding me? You find a person that you characterize as no less than perfect except she is tall, blond and blue eyed?? And then you come on here to ask people what you should do?? I think you should leave this poor woman alone so she can find a man that will love all of her and not wish she was something else. I am sorry but you deserve to be alone.

[mystikmind2005]

Some women are not good at signaling horniness..... a guy might not even realize that is what he is getting unattracted too?

[Zapbasket]

I wonder if what's really going on with you, OP, is fear.

 

By your account, she's perfect in every way, and on top of it, she's objectively very attractive. Maybe prior to now, you've known your way around in the sack because the women you were with were "just" beautiful, but not everything you're looking for in a partner. Maybe now, with everything that you want being there in terms of non-physical compatibility, the physical component is a bit more intimidating, because so, so much more real. Maybe therefore you've come up with a perfect "out": that she's not brunette and short with brown eyes.

 

I don't know whether this is the case, of course, but it seems like it could be a possibility. Maybe?

 

I know people who meet someone who is not their physical type, maybe not even very objectively attractive, but the chemistry and compatibility in every other respect is so off the charts that the emotional/intellectual attraction evolves into a very decidedly sexual attraction, with sex off the charts. Do you really not see that happening with this woman?

[Jessie1231]

Oh you're back. So what you should do is end things with her. From the last few months of your posts, you've got your own train wreck to work out. So fix your boat if you didn't already, and go off somewhere WITHOUT A WOMAN and just find out who you are and what you want and what you need. Stop trying to find this perfect woman who probably cannot even exist yet in your state of mind.

[Tayla]

Loveweary!!!! welcome back!!! Was just thinking about you and wondered how life was treating you since last you posted. Glad to see you are being positive in your dating life! You had quite the drama with your new york adventure.

 

Best I can say is this gal sure sounds more in tune to where you are headed in life.

 

Wb to online !!! How is the boat coming along??? Still dreaming of you writing from Spain or some exotic place!

[Kamille]

I remember that time, I was six, it was Christmas. I wanted a knock off brunette doll but instead my parents sprung for a blonde Barbie. Sigh. So difficult being spoiled and yes I'm humblebragging.

 

 

This is just like that. Life is so hard. Or maybe it isn't .

[loveweary11]

I have been sifting though the pile for this whole time, constantly going through girls.

 

I finally found the ideal woman for me. But... I'm not sexually attracted to tall blondes.

 

What do I do?

 

Do I have to give this up because I don't feel much sexual chemistry? Or... do I sort of force my way through it because literally every other thing about her is perfection?

Edited November 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Inflammatory ~T

[jen1447]

Sorry L-Dubs but if you've got no go for her, that's that ....unless she happens to be satisfied being domestic partners or sth but ....22 years old? Yeah no.

 

Can't force hot, combustible sex, and you don't want to be that guy just putting in his sack time as a duty. (And that wouldn't be fair to her.) Sorry.

[loveweary11]

Loveweary!!!! welcome back!!! Was just thinking about you and wondered how life was treating you since last you posted. Glad to see you are being positive in your dating life! You had quite the drama with your new york adventure.

 

Best I can say is this gal sure sounds more in tune to where you are headed in life.

 

Wb to online !!! How is the boat coming along??? Still dreaming of you writing from Spain or some exotic place!

 

Hey, how are you? Boat is in the water and traveling domestically. Still a while until Spain, but this on wants to go/take part in the road to getting there.

[loveweary11]

Sorry L-Dubs but if you've got no go for her, that's that ....unless she happens to be satisfied being domestic partners or sth but ....22 years old? Yeah no.

 

Can't force hot, combustible sex, and you don't want to be that guy just putting in his sack time as a duty. (And that wouldn't be fair to her.) Sorry.

 

&%#¶÷°^!!!! I thought this was the answer.

 

But based on all the other ones between last I was on here and now, I'm seeing a pattern.

 

The ones that "do it for me" sexually look like pornstars (like Christy Mack body) but are never compatible.

 

The only one I've found in my entire life that is compatible is the exact opposite. Looks like a magazine model. Tall, blonde, no boobs really (as opposed to the fake ones pornstar types have).

 

Maybe I could try my hardest to get into this model look? Even though it's not what turns me on?

[Tayla]

Hey, how are you? Boat is in the water and traveling domestically. Still a while until Spain, but this on wants to go/take part in the road to getting there.

 

I'm well, thank you for asking.

 

It just dawned on me, could this gal actually be a positive challenge for you? To get out of your comfort zone of what you think you want? Maybe she is what you need? Think about it...

 

Variety... can enhance and keep ya on your toes. I've nothing but faith that you'll take this lady as an opportunity to level up as they say:)

[loveweary11]

I mean she's ready to move onto the boat, help finish the interior, travel with me. We agree on every little thing. We are male/female versions of the same thing. We have the same idea of what we want to do with our lives. It's perfect harmony, except on my end with sexual excitement. I'm wondering if i can fix that somehow because I don't want to mess this up.

[loveweary11]

I'm well, thank you for asking.

 

It just dawned on me, could this gal actually be a positive challenge for you? To get out of your comfort zone of what you think you want? Maybe she is what you need? Think about it...

 

Variety... can enhance and keep ya on your toes. I've nothing but faith that you'll take this lady as an opportunity to level up as they say:)

 

Yes, this is exactly the situation and I don't want to screw it up.

 

She is just what you are saying.

 

How many times do you meet your ideal of perfection? I'm just struggling because she isn't the type that lights the fires sort of speak.

 

I have to learn how to get past my hunger for the little brunettes somehow...

[Mrlonelyone]

I know the feeling. You meet someone who is everything you could want but for some reason you just aren't feeling any kind of a spark. They can even be objectively good looking. (We are told that tall + thin + blonde + blue eyes = ideal standard beauty). Here you have that and she's into the same things you are and you aren't attracted.

 

Let me give you advice that has worked for others.

 

Has dating your type worked out well so far? Sometimes what you need is to date against your type. Either you will find that you can enjoy a broader variety of people or you will discover just how much you really like your type.

 

So how about this.

 

Give this woman at least six months. If after six months of dating you still don't feel anything for her then cut her loose. You may learn that your physical type isn't so important. You may learn that you have found a very good woman.

[loveweary11]

I wonder if what's really going on with you, OP, is fear.

 

By your account, she's perfect in every way, and on top of it, she's objectively very attractive. Maybe prior to now, you've known your way around in the sack because the women you were with were "just" beautiful, but not everything you're looking for in a partner. Maybe now, with everything that you want being there in terms of non-physical compatibility, the physical component is a bit more intimidating, because so, so much more real. Maybe therefore you've come up with a perfect "out": that she's not brunette and short with brown eyes.

 

I don't know whether this is the case, of course, but it seems like it could be a possibility. Maybe?

 

I know people who meet someone who is not their physical type, maybe not even very objectively attractive, but the chemistry and compatibility in every other respect is so off the charts that the emotional/intellectual attraction evolves into a very decidedly sexual attraction, with sex off the charts. Do you really not see that happening with this woman?

 

I really hope so!

 

I'm scared. Definitely. Scared I'm going to lose this because the sexual side is so tuned in to specific types.

 

I want this to work. I don't know how to get the sexual side of me to want her more.

 

Like Jen said, I'm going through the motions.

 

I see all sorts of people out there in real life with some far less than ideal looking partners and they do fine sexually. Why can't I?

 

I need to find a way to find that raw sexuality about her like I do when the next cute little brunette walk into the room.

 

I think that's a problem inside of me because so many other people can do it. They can find less than their ideal sexually exciting. Why can't I?

 

Is there a trick to it?

[loveweary11]

I know the feeling. You meet someone who is everything you could want but for some reason you just aren't feeling any kind of a spark. They can even be objectively good looking. (We are told that tall + thin + blonde + blue eyes = ideal standard beauty). Here you have that and she's into the same things you are and you aren't attracted.

 

Let me give you advice that has worked for others.

 

Has dating your type worked out well so far?

 

Not at all. My type has brought train wreck after train wreck. Girls I have to baby sit and be a caregiver for.

 

Sometimes what you need is to date against your type. Either you will find that you can enjoy a broader variety of people or you will discover just how much you really like your type.

 

So how about this.

 

Give this woman at least six months. If after six months of dating you still don't feel anything for her then cut her loose. You may learn that your physical type isn't so important. You may learn that you have found a very good woman.

 

Ok. that sounds good.

 

The beauty of this is we won't be dating in a sense of multi dating.

 

I can take a break from all that and just be with her, she doesn't like multi dating.

[jen1447]

&%#¶÷°^!!!! I thought this was the answer.

 

But based on all the other ones between last I was on here and now, I'm seeing a pattern.

 

The ones that "do it for me" sexually look like pornstars (like Christy Mack body) but are never compatible.

 

The only one I've found in my entire life that is compatible is the exact opposite. Looks like a magazine model. Tall, blonde, no boobs really (as opposed to the fake ones pornstar types have).

 

Maybe I could try my hardest to get into this model look? Even though it's not what turns me on?

 

I don't want to be a naysayer but it usually just doesn't work that way. If you're just on the fence I don't think there's any harm in seeing if anything develops, but any plan to trick your sensibilities is bound to fail because ....sensibilities. They just are. :-/

[mystikmind2005]

I don't want to be a naysayer but it usually just doesn't work that way. If you're just on the fence I don't think there's any harm in seeing if anything develops, but any plan to trick your sensibilities is bound to fail because ....sensibilities. They just are. :-/

 

Well that depends on where the 'sensibility' is founded? If it is from nature, instinct, genetics, then yes, probably cannot fight that.

 

But if it is a 'learned' sensibility, then it can be unlearned.

[Imported]

How tall is she?

[neowulf]

Chemistry is about how you feel, not about how she looks.

If you had real chemistry with this girl, you'd be into her no matter how she looked. Or to put it another way, people's looks can and do change as they go through life. What if she dyes her hair? Or puts in a few pounds. Love has to be bigger than the superficial.

 

When you've got connection with someone, in the end, the looks take a back seat.

 

Don't try talk yourself into being attracted man. Never works. Let her find someone who's crazy about her.

[Imajerk17]

Well, I have a couple thoughts on this.

 

1. You met this girl, what, a month ago (going by your last thread). What is your rush. What concerns me more than anything is that you described in clear detail *what her body looks like*, yet we're not quite sure *what her character looks like*.

 

2. The above is a reason why the responses you get from some people seem to be harsh. You don't owe anyone an explanation for how you want to live your life. Physical attraction is indeed important too. At 40 though, hopefully one has learned to screen for character just as hard. Have you? (I also think that there is a bit of humblebragging--you are posting about situations that you know most people on here don't relate to and don't WANT to relate to. Keeping that in mind, I think some people are why you are asking advice here then.)

Edited November 3, 2015 by Imajerk17

[lollipopspot]

Chemistry is about how you feel, not about how she looks.

If you had real chemistry with this girl, you'd be into her no matter how she looked. Or to put it another way, people's looks can and do change as they go through life. What if she dyes her hair? Or puts in a few pounds. Love has to be bigger than the superficial.

 

When you've got connection with someone, in the end, the looks take a back seat.

 

Don't try talk yourself into being attracted man. Never works. Let her find someone who's crazy about her.

 

I believe this is true.

 

LW, I don't think this is really about looks. I think the chemistry just isn't there. I don't think you can force yourself to feel it.

 

I mean, if she died her hair dark, would you really be more attracted to her? I don't think so. I think there must be something that's missing that has nothing to do with hair color and height. I think this is someone who "looks good on paper" for you, but you just don't feel it with her. Lots of people have that experience, and really try to make it work, and it just doesn't. If she looked different, but nothing else changed, do you really think that you would feel differently for her? What do you think?

[joseb]

Hi lw. Thought you had sailed off into the sunset

 

Have you actually hooked up (been intimate) yet?

 

Also how tall is she?

 

Personally I'm not attracted attracted to taller girls, especially blonde ones. Lots of guys coo over them and I just don't see it. I'm not sure you can really force yourself to like a type you're not attracted to.

 

 

How well do you know her? I've met girls who seemed to share all my opinions, desires,etc but were just mirroring me...