Best girl ever, don't feel sexual attraction. Crawling Back to LoveShack

[lollipopspot]

Holy.........I am 5'2" and I hate being short and believe that's my biggest shortcoming.

 

and now it's actually an attractive feature to some guys? wow...um...maybe I should stop whining about my height.

 

I don't think 5'2" is really a deal breaker for most guys. I'd hate to be that short because you can't reach a lot of things, but it's not really considered freakishly short or anything.

[PrettyEmily77]

I prefer 5'2" and under, 100lbs. Brunette. Brown eyes. That's what I find sexually attractive.

 

5'2, petite, brown haired and fit but having just weighed myself, I'm apparently 12lbs above your threshold (on top of not being single). Damn... .

[Httm]

Holy.........I am 5'2" and I hate being short and believe that's my biggest shortcoming.

 

and now it's actually an attractive feature to some guys? wow...um...maybe I should stop whining about my height.

 

It is fairly common that a girl being short is an attractive quality(if she is slim). I figured short girls just whined about it for attention.

[loveweary11]

I agree that you could try to change, and I support that idea. But I don't think that your 1) and 2) show a great understanding of yourself - you're still clinging to the idea that it's about your penis. It isn't. It's not about logic or not logic; it's about your associations - "dark eyes have a depth" is obviously related to some preconception you have. I'm sure you've known soulful, thoughtful blue-eyed people, and shallow dark-eyed people without a brain in their heads.

 

I don't know, LW, my sense from your many posts on here is that you cling to these preconceptions about things very tightly for some reason - perhaps because they tie in tightly to your perceptions of yourself. But you're not going to change anything unless you allow yourself to doubt them and challenge them, even if it leads to some uncomfortable thoughts about your judgments of people. Don't romanticize them by making them "animalistic" or about raw sexuality.

 

But that's what they are ...

 

I don't feel a sexual desire...at all... with those outside of my looks preferences. They might as well be dudes.

 

All this is me verbalizing what I feel biologically.

 

The shallow eyes don't give me the dizzy, swooning, lost feeling that nearly black eyes do.

 

This is just my animal reaction to thins. I'm not sure how you can say it's not. ??

 

This thread is about doubting and changing these biological urges. I'm not sure how this isn't clear.

[loveweary11]

5'2, petite, brown haired and fit but having just weighed myself, I'm apparently 12lbs above your threshold (on top of not being single). Damn... .

 

That's still hot.

[xxoo]

 

This thread is about doubting and changing these biological urges. .

 

Lay off the porn. Get all of your excitement from this one woman.

[loveweary11]

Yet all the woman who you're attracted to are incompatible and loaded with drama.

 

It's not like height and frame determine temperament. You're attracted to a personality type as well as a look.

 

Yeah. I'm attracted to this blonde's personality type. I like cool, laid back chicks.

 

Inevitably, very few of those are hot (in my geographic regions).

 

Then you have the really hot ones I'm sexually attracted to. They are almost always crazy, full of drama, etc. It's the nature of life.

 

There is a quote on an old Simpsons about it. Chief Wiggum says, "what are the pretty ones always so crazy?"

 

Also, it's my personal theory that the hotter they are, the lower the bar for reproduction. You could be a certified mental patient and if you are hot enough, you're going to have some guy come along and impregnate you. So.... hot girls don't have bad personalities killed off by natural selection. In their family history, they could still reproduce.

 

That's a tangent, but i very much have zero drama.

[xxoo]

Yeah. I'm attracted to this blonde's personality type. I like cool, laid back chicks.

 

Inevitably, very few of those are hot (in my geographic regions).

 

Then you have the really hot ones I'm sexually attracted to. They are almost always crazy, full of drama, etc. It's the nature of life.

 

There is a quote on an old Simpsons about it. Chief Wiggum says, "what are the pretty ones always so crazy?"

 

Also, it's my personal theory that the hotter they are, the lower the bar for reproduction. You could be a certified mental patient and if you are hot enough, you're going to have some guy come along and impregnate you. So.... hot girls don't have bad personalities killed off by natural selection. In their family history, they could still reproduce.

 

That's a tangent, but i very much have zero drama.

 

Sorry, but this is bull. Do you mean hot, or image hot?

 

I really think you're attracted to an image type more than a physical type. Lots of small brunettes are chill and smart and busy working on degrees and careers. How is it you never meet them?

[loveweary11]

Compared to that, pretty much everyone could be considered tall. 5'7 is barely above average according to statistics. You are choosing a miniscule pool of women. Also, most people dye their hair blonde and aren't natural. Ask her if she dyes.

 

I don't need to ask anyone if they dye their hair or have fake boobs or eyelash extensions. I can see all of these tnings.

 

Brunettes are, on a whole, made up of rounder featues, which I, with angular features, find attractive. You can easily spot people who color their hair. Brunettes who dye blonde are still attractive to me because of the rounder features. Scandinavian blonde types have long, more angular features which don't attract me.

 

But yes... it does limit my pool. No question.

 

I have a big pool of shorties (lol), but none have ever been as compatible as this tall blonde.

[PrettyEmily77]

That's still hot.

 

What I was (subtly, I thought) trying to get at is that your standards are mad. Even if you bump into your exact physical type, there's a chance that, you know, it might not be mutual... You need to expand your horizons a little bit.

[loveweary11]

My sister is a short brunette. She has a preference to larger guys because they make her feel dainty and feminine. I would wonder if you have an issue with feeling emasculated by a woman who isn't petite. A petite girl could make you feel very masculine and protective.

 

Maybe some bad experience along those lines with a blonde. I really don't get the depth of your type because while I definitely lean towards tall and dark types. I've been 3 times bonkers about someone with blue eyes. The instant attraction is not there for someone with light eyes. But to be where you are with her and not feel it =\

 

Emasculated is the wrong wording.

 

I feel the tall ones are less feminine, for no reason at all, other than biology. That's how I'm wired.

 

Which does speak to a lot of the people saying to move on...

 

That's how I'm wired. No different than being gay. I was born this way. Maybe I can't change it.

 

As a small child Susanna Hoffs, Cyndi Crawford (yes, she's too tall), sandra Bullock, even Jackie Onasis looking at history. These are the types of looks that turn me on.

 

I have a stupid strong ego. Very few insecurities and if I do, they are all published here.

[clia]

I think you've answered your own question. You don't even seem interested in exploring whether you could grow to be attracted to her. You just keep telling us why you aren't. So, the answer is to end things with the tall blonde and move on to a short brunette. Next time don't even bother getting to know the tall blonde. It's a waste of her time.

[loveflower]

It is fairly common that a girl being short is an attractive quality(if she is slim). I figured short girls just whined about it for attention.

 

well, try to imagine you can not really ride a motorcycle properly because you can't plant your feet firmly on the ground and have to ham every pants you buy.

 

damn, I am 120 lb...looks like I have to starve myself to reduce weight...I love to eat though:mad:

[loveweary11]

Sorry, but this is bull. Do you mean hot, or image hot?

 

I really think you're attracted to an image type more than a physical type. Lots of small brunettes are chill and smart and busy working on degrees and careers. How is it you never meet them?

 

 

I've had piles of small brunettes all summer in ny. 2 stand out.

 

There were 2 that I got kind of serious with, but... they had the exact problems you are describing. . School and work were keeping them from having fun. ha ha They didn't want to leave their home towns and travel. One didn't want kids (good compatibility), but she stayed in a tiny loop in her home town. Afraid to venture out.

 

This blonde wants to travel. We have the same life paths and dreams.

[loveweary11]

I think you've answered your own question. You don't even seem interested in exploring whether you could grow to be attracted to her. You just keep telling us why you aren't. So, the answer is to end things with the tall blonde and move on to a short brunette. Next time don't even bother getting to know the tall blonde. It's a waste of her time.

 

I'm telling you what the problem is.

 

I want this blonde, but am having a hard time with the animal attraction.

[xxoo]

I'm telling you what the problem is.

 

I want this blonde, but am having a hard time with the animal attraction.

 

I dunno. I'm a woman, but if I'm into a guy, I don't have a problem getting a girl-don for him.

 

It really sounds like your attraction is fetish-level specific. Not attracted to women in general so much, but rather to an image.

[Kamille]

First, I would like to apologize for my jokes yesterday. I was having fun but I was out of line.

 

I'm under the impression that what you're saying is that you struggle to maintain an erection with this woman because you don't feel attraction to her. Is that it specifically?

 

The first thing I would do, if that is the case, is rule out any medical issues. This could have nothing to do with the specific physical traits of your almost soulmate. When's the last time you maintained an erection with a partner? Do you masturbate? Are you able to get hard that way? You don't have to answer here, obviously - but step one is making sure the issue isn't physiological. It could be that you've developed these very specific requirements for attraction as a way to not face a medical issue.

Edited November 3, 2015 by Kamille

[loveweary11]

First, I would like to apologize for my jokes yesterday. I was having fun but I was out of line.

 

I'm under the impression that what you're saying is that you struggle to maintain an erection with this woman because you don't feel attraction to her. Is that it specifically?

 

The first thing I would do, if that is the case, is rule out any medical issues. This could have nothing to do with the specific physical traits of your almost soulmate. When's the last time you maintained an erection with a partner? Do you masturbate? Are you able to get hard that way? You don't have to answer here, obviously - but step one is making sure the issue isn't physiological. It could be that you've developed these very specific requirements for attraction as a way to not face a medical issue.

 

 

 

No, it's not so clinical.

 

We can have sex, but looking at her doesn't turn me on at even half the level a small brunette does.

 

I'm not sure how this isn't clear.

 

How else could I possibly phrase it?

[Kamille]

 

I'm not sure how this isn't clear.

 

How else could I possibly phrase it?

 

The way you just did. That was clear. Congrats.

[loveweary11]

I dunno. I'm a woman, but if I'm into a guy, I don't have a problem getting a girl-don for him.

 

It really sounds like your attraction is fetish-level specific. Not attracted to women in general so much, but rather to an image.

 

Really? I guess I'll Google that.

 

I'm not familiar with fetish only attraction.

[xxoo]

No, it's not so clinical.

 

We can have sex, but looking at her doesn't turn me on at even half the level a small brunette does.

 

I'm not sure how this isn't clear.

 

How else could I possibly phrase it?

 

Stop looking at images of small brunettes for a year. Get all of your sex needs from this one woman for a year.

 

But you're going to have to stop turning to the small brunette thing for sexual release for it to work.

[Httm]

I don't need to ask anyone if they dye their hair or have fake boobs or eyelash extensions. I can see all of these tnings.

 

Brunettes are, on a whole, made up of rounder featues, which I, with angular features, find attractive. You can easily spot people who color their hair. Brunettes who dye blonde are still attractive to me because of the rounder features. Scandinavian blonde types have long, more angular features which don't attract me.

 

But yes... it does limit my pool. No question.

 

I have a big pool of shorties (lol), but none have ever been as compatible as this tall blonde.

 

Sounds like it is more of the shape of the face that you care about rather than hair color then.

 

I'm curious. How tall are you?

 

I suggest online dating and put in a specific height range. That should get you what you are looking for.

 

You cannot think your way out of this. Just accept it and move on.

[Raena]

I skipped over a few post so I think this may be missing part of the conversation about porn stars and girl-don's.. (what??)

 

I think it really sucks to find someone you connect with emotionally, but not sexually. It's an issue I've dealt with myself before and again right now. It's called friendship. No matter how hard you try, you can't force yourself to be physically attracted to someone.

 

There are times that spending more time with the person and falling in love with who they are helps improve the attraction sexually but I've found that to be rare. More often than not, if after spending a great deal of time together you find yourself STILL not attracted to her sexually then she's meant to be nothing more than a friend to you.

 

At some point you'll realize that in the end, your life partner should be someone you love for their character, their personality, their wit, honesty, judgement... etc. We all age, sag, grey, wrinkle and get OLD. It happens whether you want it to or not. Some do it more gracefully than others, but I digress. The thing is, is it more important to you to get that sexual gratification or to be with someone who truly gets you? How important are her looks really?

 

I tend to think that it's both, not one or the other. If she isn't doing it for you on all levels then she's not "the one". Besides.. she's only 22... of course she has the energy and time to do the fun things you like and want to do. Will she still be the person you want or need in 10 years? 20? Just a thought... think long term.

[Httm]

Actually, I don't plan to sag. I will just transfer my brain into a young robot body...so speak for yourself!

[BlueIris]

I think you've answered your own question. You don't even seem interested in exploring whether you could grow to be attracted to her. You just keep telling us why you aren't. So, the answer is to end things with the tall blonde and move on to a short brunette. Next time don't even bother getting to know the tall blonde. It's a waste of her time.

 

Yep. That's it.

 

It is a waste of her time. Let her go so you can each find people who match you better and who appreciate you.