Best girl ever, don't feel sexual attraction. Crawling Back to LoveShack

[serial muse]

But that's what they are ...

 

I don't feel a sexual desire...at all... with those outside of my looks preferences. They might as well be dudes.

 

All this is me verbalizing what I feel biologically.

 

The shallow eyes don't give me the dizzy, swooning, lost feeling that nearly black eyes do.

 

This is just my animal reaction to thins. I'm not sure how you can say it's not. ??

 

This thread is about doubting and changing these biological urges. I'm not sure how this isn't clear.

 

It's not that what you're saying isn't clear. It's that what you're saying doesn't ring true. You call it biological but the problem isn't in your body; it's in your head. The problem isn't that you're thinking with your dick. It's that you're overthinking things. It's not "biological" to ascribe soulfulness to a pair of brown eyes. That is not in your DNA. That's not how any of this works.

 

And if you're sincere about wanting to open up to different physical types of women, then I would think you would see that and want to address it. I'm not sure how that isn't clear. That's why I say this doesn't ring true. On the one hand you say you want to change, and on the other you're trying to tell us it's just "biological" which is another way of saying you don't think you're "doing" it or that it's under your control. I'm not saying it's easy to change a fetish, but it's not animalistic or whatever.

 

Nope. Not science. Please leave science out of this. Poor misused and abused science.

 

If you want to keep dating her, please recognize that it might hurt her feelings if she realizes that you're not that into her. When.

Edited November 3, 2015 by serial muse

[loveweary11]

Stop looking at images of small brunettes for a year. Get all of your sex needs from this one woman for a year.

 

But you're going to have to stop turning to the small brunette thing for sexual release for it to work.

 

This is *exactly* what I was thinking of doing.

 

She's like a mix of Scarlett Johansson and Amanda Seyfried.

 

I mean, i should be able to adjust to that, right?

 

This what I'll try. No brunettes, just her.

[preraph]

I think you need to spend some time thinking about it and make sure her being not the right hair color and eye color is really why you lost attraction for her. Maybe her being so much like you is closer to the truth. Maybe she reminds you of someone because of her blond hair (your mother??) Maybe you had a bad experience with a blond sometime. It's crazy, though. Look, I get what you mean because I wasn't crazy about blond guys, but there were exceptions. I just didn't like clean cut blonds. Bad blonds, well, okay then.

 

Also, something happened to me once with this band guy. I found myself crushing on others but he seemed to be the one sticking his neck out to talk to me. He was gorgeous, and i knew that but for some reason I just had a wall up with him. So I had to sort it out and when I did, I realized he looked like this jackass in college who'd said something cruel to me (just in the face). Once I figured that out, I got over it.

[Raena]

Actually, I don't plan to sag. I will just transfer my brain into a young robot body...so speak for yourself!

 

If you figure out how to do that, let me know... lol

[Phoe]

I'm a tall brunette.

 

some of my exes were into short blondes. Not their fault, not my fault, they like what they like.

 

What IS their fault... was that they pursued me anyway, struggled to find me attractive, and then blamed ME for that. When I later come to find what their preference is, I wondered why they bothered with me. I couldn't help but feel weird when I'd get the "you'd look better blonde, you should dye your hair" comments... but it all made sense later. I just wasn't what they wanted. They should've realized that from the start.

 

You made a friend. Don't drag her through the crap that is having your boyfriend not be attracted to you. That feeling sucks. Just don't do it...

[KatZee]

^^^ That.

 

I don't know why people are encouraging that you use this woman as sort of an experiment for a year for you to see if you can get past your brunette fetish.

 

That's cruel. You're not into her sexually. Does it suck? Yes. But if you're not into it, you're not into it and who is anyone to tell you that "you're too picky" or you're too this or that and you need to expand horizons.

 

You obviously like what you like, and what you're doing now is "settling" even though she's amazing and you have a great connection.

 

You've got a great cool new friend. If you're not so into banging her, then why bother? Why be with someone you're not sexually attracted to? Why force it? And why waste her time when she can be out finding someone who IS sexually attracted to her?

[Taramere]

This is *exactly* what I was thinking of doing.

 

She's like a mix of Scarlett Johansson and Amanda Seyfried.

 

I mean, i should be able to adjust to that, right?

 

This what I'll try. No brunettes, just her.

 

I think you should just tell her she's not your physical type. If you're not really into her physically, then the sex is going to be crap for both of you. Why would you want to inflict that on a woman you like and respect? If she's as beautiful as you describe, it's not as though she's going to have trouble attracting somebody more sexually compatible.

[loveweary11]

Sigh....

 

The majority says to move on. What a bummer.

 

I'm going to give up my one shot at a compatible partner for sex? I guess it's more about her sex than mine though. I could give up sex nearly entirely and be fine. I've had tons and there is no topping some of my past experiences, so... it's w.e. Been having sex since 8th grade. Continuously. It's not even that important.

 

I'm far more interested in compatibility and feeling good by my girl's side every hour of every day than the little sex rush sporadically. Not kidding. I could become a Buddhist monk. A rich life is way, way more important to me than orgasm addiction.

 

Since I'm still in the early stages here, I'm going to give it 2 more weeks. A full month. If I can't find deeper attraction in her, I'll give up.

 

I'm not sure I should tell her the truth though. Don't want to screw with her ego/confidence.

 

I'll have to let her down more gently...

Edited November 4, 2015 by loveweary11

[xxoo]

 

I'm not sure I should tell her the truth though. Don't want to screw with her ego/confidence.

 

I'll have to let her down more gently...

 

The truth is that you have a fetish. How would that screw with her ego?

[loveweary11]

The truth is that you have a fetish. How would that screw with her ego?

 

I just read up on it.

 

You're right. It's like a base fetish. The foundation.

 

In addition, edging, cock worship, being controlled through sexual means, and possibly implants are fetishes I have as well, though not as strong as the tiny brunette fetish.

 

The various spectrum of dominant/submissive stuff works against me too.

 

The majority of women want to be dominated. I get turned off by that. I control everyone in my life that isn't my partner or my family. I'm a terrible Type A. I run everything professionally. I'm the boss.

 

I also fare pretty well on battling companies over the phone and generally get what I want in life.

 

Last thing I want to do is dominate anyone in my off time. I do it all day long professionally.

 

Is it wrong to try to get over a fetish though? To try to get past it?

 

If she naturally liked the other fetishes, would it even matter if she ticked off the brunette fetish? Probably not. We haven't had enough time together yet for me to know her kinks.

[jen1447]

I think giving it some time is a good idea. That's what dating's for anyway - you don't have some obligation to 'decide' about somebody within 10 days (and who could do that consistently anyway?). You never know what might develop.

 

btw I guess you and I are finished if you'd be happy living a life w/out sex.

[loveweary11]

I think giving it some time is a good idea. That's what dating's for anyway - you don't have some obligation to 'decide' about somebody within 10 days (and who could do that consistently anyway?). You never know what might develop.

 

btw I guess you and I are finished if you'd be happy living a life w/out sex.

 

But baby.. honey... I'm just being over dramatic. It's my writing style!

[GunslingerRoland]

The thing about most things people call fetishes, is regardless of how kinky they are, they aren't truly fetishes. I may like a woman's feet and I may refer to it as a fetish, but the reality is, I can have sex just fine 95% of the time, without feet even being involved.

 

What you have, while not a particularly kinky fetish, is a true fetish, where you can't get turned on, unless a girl has a very, very specific look.

 

You aren't just going to will that away, especially if you've always been only attracted to that look.

 

I don't know what to do, I mean sure you can only date women who fit this look, but when you've got a height, weight requirement combined with a specific hair and eye color, you've eliminated 90% of women, before even considering if the woman is even attractive, or single.

 

And 5'2 100 pounds isn't just short, it's very skinny. And the older you get, the harder it's going to be finding a woman that thin at that height.

[jen1447]

But baby.. honey... I'm just being over dramatic. It's my writing style!

 

I'll reconsider if you can guarantee me twice a day and five times on weekends til you're 75. Then we can drop it down to 1 and 3.

[loveweary11]

I'll reconsider if you can guarantee me twice a day and five times on weekends til you're 75. Then we can drop it down to 1 and 3.

 

I couldn't do that at 18.

 

An I allowed to tap out once in a while and get the pool boy to take a shift here and there?

 

What about machines?

 

Speaking to the other post... At 5'0"-5'2", 100lbs is not "very skinny", it's in shape, full of nice curves that are solid muscle.

[GunslingerRoland]

Speaking to the other post... At 5'0"-5'2", 100lbs is not "very skinny", it's in shape, full of nice curves that are solid muscle.

 

Ok, so in fairness at those heights the difference between 5 & 5'2 is significant.

 

But 5'2 100 pounds for a woman is an underweight BMI... so no, I don't believe you are finding girls this size with solid muscles and nice curves. I'm not saying they don't look good, but it's a very slim size.

[PrettyEmily77]

^^^ That.

 

I don't know why people are encouraging that you use this woman as sort of an experiment for a year for you to see if you can get past your brunette fetish.

 

That's cruel. You're not into her sexually. Does it suck? Yes. But if you're not into it, you're not into it and who is anyone to tell you that "you're too picky" or you're too this or that and you need to expand horizons.

 

You obviously like what you like, and what you're doing now is "settling" even though she's amazing and you have a great connection.

 

You've got a great cool new friend. If you're not so into banging her, then why bother? Why be with someone you're not sexually attracted to? Why force it? And why waste her time when she can be out finding someone who IS sexually attracted to her?

 

Of course you're right - it's okay to have a specific type. The problem is that LW (and I hope he won't mind me saying this) has a very, very, very specific type.

 

Most ppl on the thread have actually advised him to let her go now, because it's the right thing to do (she's the one potentially being strung along here) rather than because she's tall, blonde and blue-eyed.

 

Most ppl I know have a type, although generally speaking, ppl are a little more flrxible when genuine feelings are at play. No one is telling OP to change that type. If it's that important to him though, he should just focus on finding a like-minded, compatible, single, interested 5'2, 100lbs free spirited brunette and not experiment with other girls just because.

 

Another thing you could do, LW, is try to understand why you have such strong preferences, like Serial Muse suggested. That may give you a better insight into jow your mind works and could potentially help you see the attraction in other that tiny brunettes. That would extend the pool substantially and, even if it doesn't, could help you understand what makes you tick and stop wasting your and other ppl's time when you already know deep down you're not compatible from the start.

 

Expanding one's horizons doesn't necessarily mean trying blondes; it can also mean looking inside to see how we can make sense of own thoughts, IMO.

[loveweary11]

Ok, so in fairness at those heights the difference between 5 & 5'2 is significant.

 

But 5'2 100 pounds for a woman is an underweight BMI... so no, I don't believe you are finding girls this size with solid muscles and nice curves. I'm not saying they don't look good, but it's a very slim size.

 

Don't get me wrong. Your post was fantastic. Right on the money.

 

I don't see a big difference between 5'0 and 5'2", but I'm pretty whack in general reading this thread, so... who am I to say?

 

You're probably right. I guss I'm thinking of the 5'0" and 5'1" girls who weigh 100 lbs.

 

In general, that's what i find attractive though.

 

It's definitely a unicorn. I meet and do well with plenty of them, was married to one for 10 years. The part that makes it so difficult is I'm also looking for one that thinks like this tall blonde (subject of the thread). I can't find all of this in one person. Or haven't yet.

[jen1447]

I couldn't do that at 18.

 

An I allowed to tap out once in a while and get the pool boy to take a shift here and there?

 

What about machines?

 

Machines, eh ....not those big contraptions in fetish porn but if you mean devices, fine. And pool girl, check. Just watch out bc she'll probably be capable of 2 and 5 on the regular and then what would we need you for?

[loveweary11]

Machines, eh ....not those big contraptions in fetish porn but if you mean devices, fine. And pool girl, check. Just watch out bc she'll probably be capable of 2 and 5 on the regular and then what would we need you for?

 

Dead :lmao:

[loveflower]

Depend on your age and motive...if you are still very young then maybe it's a good idea to stick with your physical type, but if you are no longer young and want to settle down, then it is wise to stick with your mental type.

 

anyway, I like this post. It makes me feel better about my height.

[loveweary11]

Depend on your age and motive...if you are still very young then maybe it's a good idea to stick with your physical type, but if you are no longer young and want to settle down, then it is wise to stick with your mental type.

 

anyway, I like this post. It makes me feel better about my height.

 

This is exactly it.

 

Looks fade. Personality is for the long haul.

 

I'm on the cusp here. Oldish, immature as hell, but feeling some wisdom creeping in that says, "go with the best possible personality, regardless of what they look like."

[pteromom]

You are 40?

 

And she is 22?

 

If that is the case, this isn't a long-term situation anyway. So either enjoy time with her while you are together, or let her go and find what you are attracted to.

 

The part that makes it so difficult is I'm also looking for one that thinks like this tall blonde (subject of the thread). I can't find all of this in one person.

 

The odds that you are going to find someone who thinks like this girl, has your very specific looks requirement, doesn't want children, and is available and capable of a relationship are extremely low.

 

Not saying it is impossible, but you'd need to do some pretty intense searching.

 

So you have to decide whether you would rather just be single, look for what you want, or try to get over this look fetish so you can appreciate your new girl. But I wouldn't kid myself that there is much long-term potential here.

[loveweary11]

You are 40?

 

And she is 22?

 

If that is the case, this isn't a long-term situation anyway. So either enjoy time with her while you are together, or let her go and find what you are attracted to.

 

 

 

The odds that you are going to find someone who thinks like this girl, has your very specific looks requirement, doesn't want children, and is available and capable of a relationship are extremely low.

 

Not saying it is impossible, but you'd need to do some pretty intense searching.

 

So you have to decide whether you would rather just be single, look for what you want, or try to get over this look fetish so you can appreciate your new girl. But I wouldn't kid myself that there is much long-term potential here.

 

Oddly, there is huge long term potential here.

 

She's very interested in long term and hasn't been in a relationship in forever. She rejects everyone.

 

We fell for each other. Hard. She already told her mom about me and we will be spending this whole weekend together.

 

She is fully, fully interested in the long haul here and has said so. We both pair bond and are starting to already. We are like two halves of a whole. No exaggeration.

 

In short, it's all perfect, except my hangup.

[PrettyEmily77]

Oddly, there is huge long term potential here.

 

She's very interested in long term and hasn't been in a relationship in forever. She rejects everyone.

 

We fell for each other. Hard. She already told her mom about me and we will be spending this whole weekend together.

 

She is fully, fully interested in the long haul here and has said so. We both pair bond and are starting to already. We are like two halves of a whole. No exaggeration.

 

In short, it's all perfect, except my hangup.

 

 

I would really, really strongly advise on holding up on the pair bonding thing until you have dealt with your hang-up first, for her sake mostly, but also for yours. Not being sexually attracted to your partner is more than a hang up, IME; it's an issue. At 22 she may very well change her mind about a whole bunch of things she's agreeing to now - I really hope all of this has been carefully thought out by and for you both and for each other.