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we broke up, it was a bad relationship but she kept coming back


jerrygordon3

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after 1 year of a toxic relationship my ex broke up with me for someone else, whom she works with. she is sometimes manipulative, and when we broke up she sort of kept the whole thing a secret and kept trying to see me. when i eventually caught her, i ended things. or at least went NC. about three weeks went by and she was still texting and calling and blah blah.finally we got back together, and she is very serious and apologetic as ****. but she still works with the guy, she mouthed off to her coworkers about me and they HATE me now, and the guy she was seeing is her boss. she's having trouble being upfront and just ending things with this guy, and honestly, she works at a bar and is out late and it just wears on my conscious. I've told her that she needs to end things, but she is dragging her feet, and part of her story is that she doesn't want to **** herself out of a job, and wreck the work situation. honestly part of me feels like she might be playing me. not to mention, last night after us being back together for a week she got off work late and didn't call me and went to her GFs house. granted she worked all weekend long and got like zero sleep, but she knows how i feel about the situation and for all i know she could be seeing him still. I just don't trust her yet, but I've confided in some close friends and they think if I'm going to do this, to be stern about asking her to end things, but relax and let the good times roll and just try and have a healthy relationship without any bull****. I'm just having a panic/anxiety attack constantly. i need to smoke a joint or something because my brain is all over the place. I want to marry this girl, but she's been sort of shady and still hasn't ended things with this guy. should i just keep dating other people and say screw it, or jump in both feet and give her an ultimatum to end things with the guy or ill walk. please help

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That's tricky...

 

Personally, if she left you for someone else and isn't being serious about ending things with the other guy, she sounds no good. She can't be fired because she ends things with the guy. I'd stay away, as hard as it may be. :(

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She is no good man. Give her the ultimatum to end things with that guy if she wants to be with you. If she doesn't immediately, walk away. She is stringing you along. If she chooses the boss, they will eventually have an argument and think of how that will effect her work situation. But you've got to show her you're willing to walk and close off all lines of communication with her if she can't end things with him.

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My advice - Disapear! Never answer her calls or texts. If you have to explain, do it in one sentence like "Never call me again, I've had enough of you".

 

If you agree to what she's doing to you - You agree to establish a certain structure of relationship in which she will always leave you\cheat on you\will break your heart, over and over again. That structure will become very stable made of concrete. You will never be able to change that.

 

You love her, Yes... But it's something you should cure. Unless you wish to be miserable for many years.

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I have never really had a reason to disbelieve anything she has said. I've done a fair amount of snooping and Ive never found anything shady. last night she came over after drinking with her friend jenn, and said they went out with her coworkers, and the guy kevin was there. SHE said, that the fight started and ended with her saying she was uncomfortable with the situation, and after leaving she SAID she texted him ending things and all he replied was ok. thing is, when she came over she passed out, and i went through her phone. there were no records of her texting him or me. pretty much, we are ghosts in her phone. both of the us. after reading some texts to friends, she had been talking about me and how much she missed me. and also how she had wanted to end things with this rebound coworker. this morning she said he was always out drinking and a party guy, going to strip clubs and just too much for her. after she left this morning she said she's feeling down on herself and texted me saying she feels like she doesn't deserve me, and that i don't have anything to worry about. she just wants us to do it right this time. for the record, she had EVERY right to leave me, and, i to leave her. but two months later, here we are

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