Why would she contact, then ignore me...

[desertsessions]

This is driving me absolutely bonkers

 

My ex started talking to me again at the start of 2014 we talked for a year and started hanging out again until she met some guy. I liked her again at that point so I walked away and told her its best I do this if she's not going to give me a chance.

 

Over the last year until now, she's contacted me about five times trying to be nice and sincerely apologizing to me. I always keep it short because I'd like to at least stick to my guns that I'm not interested in friendship.

 

So last month I get a Facebook picture like and then she sends me an invite for a party she's having. I didn't decline but I just left it.

 

A few days after she sends me a message saying

 

"Heyy! I accidentally sent you that Facebook invite, I knew you obviously couldn't make it, but I thought retracting the invite would be rude haha.

 

How are ya?

 

I just ended my relationship with a sociopath for the last year, finally out

 

Are you going to the bass coast Halloween party?"

 

I responded the next day, actually asking her a question back for the first time in a whole year cause I see she overtly told me she's not in a relationship anymore.

 

And she doesn't even reply to me. Been a month now. What the hell? Talks about not wanting to be rude then does that? That is rude, right? i know I shouldn't respond again.

 

But I really want to say "why would you message me, then not respond when I reply..." Why would she do this after being polite with me for a whole year? It really doesn't make any sense I hate how I have to feel bad because I still have feelings for her and she just kept contacting me the past year anyways. Is it because for the first time in a year I seemed responsive? God I hate games.

[Wewon]

This is driving me absolutely bonkers

 

My ex started talking to me again at the start of 2014 we talked for a year and started hanging out again until she met some guy. I liked her again at that point so I walked away and told her its best I do this if she's not going to give me a chance.

 

Over the last year until now, she's contacted me about five times trying to be nice and sincerely apologizing to me. I always keep it short because I'd like to at least stick to my guns that I'm not interested in friendship.

 

So last month I get a Facebook picture like and then she sends me an invite for a party she's having. I didn't decline but I just left it.

 

A few days after she sends me a message saying

 

"Heyy! I accidentally sent you that Facebook invite, I knew you obviously couldn't make it, but I thought retracting the invite would be rude haha.

 

How are ya?

 

I just ended my relationship with a sociopath for the last year, finally out

 

Are you going to the bass coast Halloween party?"

 

I responded the next day, actually asking her a question back for the first time in a whole year cause I see she overtly told me she's not in a relationship anymore.

 

And she doesn't even reply to me. Been a month now. What the hell? Talks about not wanting to be rude then does that? That is rude, right? i know I shouldn't respond again.

 

But I really want to say "why would you message me, then not respond when I reply..." Why would she do this after being polite with me for a whole year? It really doesn't make any sense I hate how I have to feel bad because I still have feelings for her and she just kept contacting me the past year anyways. Is it because for the first time in a year I seemed responsive? God I hate games.

 

Go no contact and block.

 

The invite wasn't an "accident", it was a bread crumb (if I'm using that term right). It was meant to get a reaction, when it didn't she needed to contact you.

 

A friend tries to at least be consistent, she doesn't seem inclined to be, just calling you on a whim.

[desertsessions]

Go no contact and block.

 

The invite wasn't an "accident", it was a bread crumb (if I'm using that term right). It was meant to get a reaction, when it didn't she needed to contact you.

 

A friend tries to at least be consistent, she doesn't seem inclined to be, just calling you on a whim.

 

Yeah, I didn't think the invite was an accident either. It's pretty hard to accidentally invite people to events on Facebook. It probably bugged her that I didn't acknowledge it. I actually didn't even acknowledge it when she messaged me either. Just went straight to how I was doing and about the Halloween event. I guess that was kind of rude on my part come to think of it.

[desertsessions]

Since she's been so friendly with me the last year, I've been thinking about just asking her out for a drink. I kind of wanna just cut through the bull****. If she acts flaky with me, I'm completely fine with just walking away.

 

I'm just worried about it looking needy if I follow up with another message before she responds. I sort of just see it as assertive, what do you guys think?

[dave_1966]

Facebook means jack, the sooner you understand this the better.

[dumbass2]

Since she's been so friendly with me the last year, I've been thinking about just asking her out for a drink. I kind of wanna just cut through the bull****. If she acts flaky with me, I'm completely fine with just walking away.

 

I'm just worried about it looking needy if I follow up with another message before she responds. I sort of just see it as assertive, what do you guys think?

 

No, she plays games with you and doesn't respect you and you are disrespecting yourself in a big way if you open up communication with her. By doing so you are saying that it is ok to treat you like crap and oh, I'd still like your back up plan. You cannot tell her this, you just ignore her and move on. You've got to sit back and look at this logically now. look how long it's been. She doesn't WANT you in a relationship. she WANTS you when it suites her needs and plays game with that. Please, have some boundaries here and don't let her cross them.

 

By the way, the highlighted part, anything you do with her now comes of that you are desperate and yes, needy.

[Blanco]

Sounds like you've invested nearly two years into someone who was already an ex and all you've gotten out of it is being her fallback guy when things with whoever she's actually sleeping with don't work out.

 

You want a relationship with her and it hasn't happened in two years. You've been sitting on the sidelines pining for her while she's actually been out meeting people and living her life, returning for your platonic comfort only when things aren't going well.

[desertsessions]

Sounds like you've invested nearly two years into someone who was already an ex and all you've gotten out of it is being her fallback guy when things with whoever she's actually sleeping with don't work out.

 

You want a relationship with her and it hasn't happened in two years. You've been sitting on the sidelines pining for her while she's actually been out meeting people and living her life, returning for your platonic comfort only when things aren't going well.

 

I would like her back, but I wouldn't call it sitting on the sidelines... I'm definitely not waiting. I've been dating other girls and having a great time doing it. It's more a case of, i've left the door open. I told her exactly what I wanted, and said if she wasn't able to provide that, then we can go our separate ways, cause I'm not into friendship. That was a year ago, and I honestly haven't contacted her once since.

 

Everybody has times of weakness over someone they still have feelings for though. At the time I thought I wanted to respond back with a follow up message stating I didn't appreciate her flaky behavior. I didn't send it though, and I won't. Since that message she still hasn't replied to me, but liked three of my facebook photos just the other day.

 

I'm just trying to understand the whole logic behind this kind of behavior. I truly don't think it's to get a rise out of me... maybe I'm crazy to think that.

Edited November 10, 2015 by desertsessions