What's my problem ?

[freebird31]

I am wondering if the root of all i am about to descrive is insecurity.

 

So it all started when my cousin, who i was once closer to, got a girlfriend. Before he had the girlfriend, my cousin and I would go to concerts together and go to the gym together. That was what I considered our quality time together.

 

They have been together for almost 3 years now. She is sweet, nice, funny, and a real genuine person. She is not shady, she is actually legit "real." I like her. Also, she reminds me a lot like myself. She goes to school, as well, like I do and has big ambitious dreams for a career (like I do as well.) She also has a good head on her shoulders and avoids drama, just like I do. She is quite normal compared to my dysfunctional family, like I would describe myself as well.

 

The problem is, there are times when I get annoyed of hearing about her success through my family. Ultimately, i think I am jealous since she came around.

 

Before she came around, my cousin and I used to workout and lift weights together (I am a girl btw, not a dude). Well, since she got a gym pass 1 year ago, only the two of them go now. and have been going for a year. I continued to go on and off but not as much as i did when i had a gym partner, and went with my cousin (not that that is an excuse to not go as much anymore. You shouldnt need a gym partner to commit to fitness either or.)

 

Anyway, I cannot stand when my family brags about her to me. My aunt just recently told me "Have you seen so-and-so's (My cousin's GF) legs? They are so FIT and have so much muscle!" Immediately, i wanted to roll my eyes and change the subject. It was an annoying feeling.

 

Another time my grandma told me. "So-and-so (cousin's GF) works so HARD! She goes to school and works as well!" (I also go to school and had to work throughout college as well.) I wanted to roll my eyes. i got so annoyed.

 

Another thing is that she is always at my cousin's house. And she always posts phtotos of my little cousins, like they are her own family.

 

This makes me sound so awful, but yes, i am a little jealous. I want to be the one that is going to be their "aunty." and i feel like the kids also consider her an "aunty" too, even though she isn't blood-related, nor is she my cousin's wife. she is his girlfriend.

 

ANOTHER thing that REALLY bothered me. Was one of my cousins from out of town came to visit. He (the cousin from out of town) brought his GF, and they went on a doubel date to a theme park with my other cousin (the one this post is about ) and his GF(the girl im discussing in this post). I was really hurt and annoyed that I wasnt invited, but i shook it off. And, all 4 of them seemed to have bonded. Anyway, the next day, all of my cousins came over. My cousins GF knocked on my door and then told me "Your cousin from out of town is here." I was so infuriated that SHE (WHO IS NOT EVEN BLOOD RELATED) was telling me about my cousin, like SHE KNEW HIM. I was so annoyed and hurt and I cried that night. Because I honestly felt replaced. I feel like she took my place.

 

Anyway, this makes me sound really really ugly, jealous, and insecure. Maybe even threatened, i dont know. Im just annoyed. I never see much of my cousin anymore because they are together 24/7 too. which is fine, its not like we were the closest of cousins, but we def are not as close anymore since their relationship.

 

Like I said, i really like her. I dont want to feel this annoyance of her. But i cant help but feel this way when my family talks so highly of her. The gym thing was especially annoying, when my aunt said "she got really fit." ANNOYING.

 

Anyway, what's my problem?

[AspenBaldwin]

Sounds like you are in love with your cousin.

[Blue08]

I know where you are coming from I was an only child and I was the only girl out of 9 of my boys cousins who I think of like brothers. We grew up together, hung out in high school and they all got girlfriend's (most wife's now) and had children.

You and your cousin will always share a special place in each others' heart for one another and memories that know body else can replace. As we get older and are transitioning into settling down in life things change but you will always be best friends.

Her comment was snoody and it is weird she didn't invite you, and maybe it was her idea to plan the whole outing in the first place. Maybe she is jealous of you! Always take the high road and things will work them selves out.

[freebird31]

I know where you are coming from I was an only child and I was the only girl out of 9 of my boys cousins who I think of like brothers. We grew up together, hung out in high school and they all got girlfriend's (most wife's now) and had children.

You and your cousin will always share a special place in each others' heart for one another and memories that know body else can replace. As we get older and are transitioning into settling down in life things change but you will always be best friends.

Her comment was snoody and it is weird she didn't invite you, and maybe it was her idea to plan the whole outing in the first place. Maybe she is jealous of you! Always take the high road and things will work them selves out.

 

Thank you. I just continue to keep my distance. And like you said, things change as we get older. Someday when I am married it will be different. And maybe when we each also have our own kids. Maybe then, we will see more of each other. Not sure. In any case, it's not a big deal. It's life. I have just brushed it off and moved on.

[basil67]

My husband and his cousins were really close. In their teens, they did everything together. As they got girlfriends, they still saw each other at parties and group events the weekend - but they all had to make space for the girlfriends too.

 

They have gradually gotten their own lives with partners and kids. They've moved away from each other. While they still love each other's company, it really is only a few times a year they see each other now.

 

What you're experiencing is fairly normal. You need a group of friends so that you aren't so reliant on just one. And kids can enjoy more than one aunt.

 

The only weird thing is why your family talk about her so often. Don't know what's up with that.