figgurinoutlife Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Does anyone ever wonder if a person doesn't want to date you again or breaks up with you because they KNOW you are everything they want and they are scared if they dated you again and you both broke up again the pain would be unbearable, so they go out and date someone who is a loser, or ugly that way they don't have to worry about getting to hurt if the relationship doesn't work out, but they will still have companionship at the same time. Ever wonder if it is just an "I don't wanna get hurt if the relationship doesn't work out" situation? Maybe some people cannot handle you being everything they want because they have that fear of losing you so they downgrade? I have heard of some being scared off because they found the perfect one, has anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 I've heard this excuse as well, but it's just a bunch of BS. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 I think sometimes people get scared but I don't think they break it completely off because of that...... I know I've been scared in my relationship with my BF- because I know he's the One and I've been hurt so much in the past. I find myself sometimes wanting to run away because I'm scared of being hurt. I'd never do it though because he's too good to be without IMO! Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 I agree with mz. pixie. I'd say women who have been hurt in the past a lot, will go through this when they finally do meet a decent guy. It's like it's too good to be true, so it must not be true and there must be something wrong with this guy if he is actually 'normal' and wants a normal relationship. It's not that the woman doesn't want it, it's that she's scared about things actually being 'good' for once and are always on edge, preparing for the day things come crashing down. And sometimes, you have feelings that you want to get out before it gets bad. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 You say you're afraid of getting hurt by the perfect guy but then you fall for someone who ends up hurting you again... never mind. Link to post Share on other sites
outdated Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer You say you're afraid of getting hurt by the perfect guy but then you fall for someone who ends up hurting you again... never mind. :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer You say you're afraid of getting hurt by the perfect guy but then you fall for someone who ends up hurting you again... never mind. I know, it's dumb, but I'm just telling it like it is. It's like going through a huge shock, you don't really know what to do with yourself. I really think that decent guys have a hard time understanding how much hurt and pain other guys who are jerks put women through. Anyways I'd say it's best to avoid getting into the situation altogether so there's no misunderstandings on anyone's part. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Oh no, I'm not leaving him because I'm scared of falling- it's just scary. I go through periods of feeling like this, like it's too good to be true. I think it's just normal because this is the relationship I've always wanted- no red flags- just being good to each other. It's hard- especially when you've been through alot. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie It's hard- especially when you've been through alot. We all have battle scars, but who's paying attention? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by figgurinoutlife I have heard of some being scared off because they found the perfect one, has anyone else? sure, the fear of success is just as prevalent as the fear of failure in any area of life. there are people who stuff their faces all year long to stay fat as hell so they don't have to deal with dating and relationships and getting hurt emotionally. it is very well documented. Link to post Share on other sites
outdated Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale sure, the fear of success is just as prevalent as the fear of failure in any area of life. there are people who stuff their faces all year long to stay fat as hell so they don't have to deal with dating and relationships and getting hurt emotionally. it is very well documented. Are you being serious Alpha, or is that sarcasm? Personally, I believe in the fear of success as I live it everyday. On second thought, maybe I'm just lazy... Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer We all have battle scars, but who's paying attention? Someone who wants a good relationship to start off on the right foot. Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer You say you're afraid of getting hurt by the perfect guy but then you fall for someone who ends up hurting you again... never mind. Well, I think many women believe that when they decide on the "other" guy, it will be ok because they won't have the intense feelings as the one guy they really like. In the end, the women will develop the same instense feelings for the new guy and get scared again or the guy could be an a$$ and she will leave him to find the one she loves. I think some women do this because they already expect a guy to be a jerk or an a$$. So, if they go out and find a jerk, they know what to expect. If the guy is truly a good guy, she will always be wondering when he is going to change into a jerk, or dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale sure, the fear of success is just as prevalent as the fear of failure in any area of life. there are people who stuff their faces all year long to stay fat as hell so they don't have to deal with dating and relationships and getting hurt emotionally. it is very well documented. I believe that Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by sarah12 Someone who wants a good relationship to start off on the right foot. I respect that, even though I coudn't care less. If you and I had something between us, I wouldn't let you get away with it, because you're simply copping out. Actually, I don't respect it at all, because it shouldn't be an issue, period. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Anyone with fear of a successful relationship, to me at least, is using a cop out excuse. That's a definite sign of a lack of self-confidence/assuredness. They think they've found the one but don't want to get hurt? "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all..." Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Anyone with fear of a successful relationship, to me at least, is using a cop out excuse. That's a definite sign of a lack of self-confidence/assuredness. They think they've found the one but don't want to get hurt? "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all..." That is exactly what it is... a lack of self-confidence. It is fear due to insecurity and the possibility of one that he/she loves so much will leave. So, in some cases, it is not an excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer I respect that, even though I coudn't care less. If you and I had something between us, I wouldn't let you get away with it, because you're simply copping out. By copping out you mean that I'd be using it as an excuse? I don't play games. But I realize not every girl is the same way. Anyways you brought up an interesting point though. If I'm in that situation, I'd need a guy to shake some sense into me and show me that I can really trust him. He'd have to have lots of patience. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by sarah12 By copping out you mean that I'd be using it as an excuse? I don't play games. But I realize not every girl is the same way. Anyways you brought up an interesting point though. If I'm in that situation, I'd need a guy to shake some sense into me and show me that I can really trust him. He'd have to have lots of patience. That's exactly what I'd do. I was with someone who was NOT a communicator so she ran scared without even letting me know that was the problem. No intestinal fortitude. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by sarah12 Anyways you brought up an interesting point though. If I'm in that situation, I'd need a guy to shake some sense into me and show me that I can really trust him. He'd have to have lots of patience. Trust is definitely something that has to be earned... Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Leaving someone because you are scared they might be the "One" and you will get hurt is a load of bullshyt. Originally posted by Alphamale sure, the fear of success is just as prevalent as the fear of failure in any area of life. there are people who stuff their faces all year long to stay fat as hell so they don't have to deal with dating and relationships and getting hurt emotionally. ROFLMAO!!!! I kinda believe that though.... Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer I've heard this excuse as well, but it's just a bunch of BS. Exactly my thought. Link to post Share on other sites
suegail Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Well, I think if someone has been in a relationship and been hurt, and they are faced with the offer of a chance to reconcile, depending upon their emotional fortitude, i.e., if they are balanced, they may well say 'never again' and mean it, regardless of how much in love they may have been, regardless of past or even present emotional ties. They'll just walk away forever. You've mentioned 'downgrading' to a 'loser' or someone who is 'ugly.' I guess what I would think is that if the person happened to be strong enough and smart enough to stay out of a situation which will only mean eventual pain, they are not likely to be taking up with a loser. They've probably established a relationship with someone caring, someone much less likely to hurt them. Nothing wrong in that. Link to post Share on other sites
whtelightn Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by sarah12 I agree with mz. pixie. I'd say women who have been hurt in the past a lot, will go through this when they finally do meet a decent guy. It's like it's too good to be true, so it must not be true and there must be something wrong with this guy if he is actually 'normal' and wants a normal relationship. It's not that the woman doesn't want it, it's that she's scared about things actually being 'good' for once and are always on edge, preparing for the day things come crashing down. And sometimes, you have feelings that you want to get out before it gets bad. I agree with Sarah12. This is so true. This is how my ex is doing. Everything was going great and she was happy and smiling at work and all of a sudden, turned cold and making up invalid excuses like I am alway around, feeling pressured by parents etc. and has issues and dont; know how to grow. I mean all of a sudden like this is too good to be true, can this be happening to her etc. Yes of course she had a bad relationship with her ex and when they were living together it was bad, but she even mentioned that I was different than her ex by treating her right but I guess she just did does not know how to handle a decent guy. The saying goes, You don;t know what you have till it is gone and hopefully one day she will know that. Link to post Share on other sites
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