JPaperclips Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 I am 34 years old and have been married for 14 years. In January my husband and I split due to an allegation of inapproiate touching in our home. I called a friend of mine who is an attorney and has experience in this field. It started with a few texts here and there with him checking in on me and my kids. A text in the morning. A text every know and then in the evening and then somewhere our relationship became inapproiate. A line was crossed sometime around Easter and I'm not even sure how. Then a couple of months in June the relationship became sexual. He and I have both been friends during our marriages and nothing like this ever happened. He lives in Texas and myself in Louisiana. He recently took a case here that put him in the area for a little under 3 weeks. We were together frequently. He has now left to go back to Texas and I haven't heard from in over a week. Which is really weird because I would normally hear from him every day. I texted him today just a simple hey and haven't heard a peep from him. That being said I am now late and more then likely pregnant. I have no idea how to even bring up the subject that I'm late and could be pregnant. Given the state of my home at this time I am terrified but also a little excited. My biggest concern if I am- how do I tell him. I didn't start out to be a home wrecker but yet here I am . I doubt his wife would even leave if I am pregnant. Sometime appearances mean more then the marriage. But here I am hoping to be without a way to tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Before you do anything, take a pregnancy test. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Take a pregnancy test, or two. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mayday2016 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Don't trust the home test. They can show you're pregnant super early and sometimes, it can be a chemical pregnancy or you can miscarry, so even if you're pregnant it may not be viable. I'd wait until home pregnancy was positive, progesterone and hcg levels are checked, and there's been an u/s that shows a heartbeat before I said anything. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 I've always done a home test and it was right every time..even before my period was due. Be sure before you worry for nothing. If it's negative ...use protection/BC or both next time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Neverevereverever have a baby with a married man! Why is it that people let this happen? This baby won't have a father figure in its life, the half siblings will resent it, and if he wants visitation, he will get it which leaves his wife helping to raise your child. Dear eight pound, six ounce baby Jesus. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Why wouldn't you use protection? And I hope if you aren't pregnant you ghost him because this seems to be a case of the chase...the build-up...the fantasy....he finally gets the climax...the sex...so...its OVER. No offense but even you mentioned the chaotic state of your home and some serious family issues...thats baggage and he probably only wanted the fun part...this is heavy and he may see drama ahead so he wanted to make sure to see his fantasy with you through before he decided to go back to life and business as usual. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Don't trust the home test. They can show you're pregnant super early and sometimes, it can be a chemical pregnancy or you can miscarry, so even if you're pregnant it may not be viable. I'd wait until home pregnancy was positive, progesterone and hcg levels are checked, and there's been an u/s that shows a heartbeat before I said anything. Home tests are pretty darn reliable and the sooner the OP finds out the sooner she can figure out what she is going to do. OP why exactly are you excited to be pregnant? If you have really been wanting another baby and you are fully prepared to be a single parent and that doesn't bother you then you should be excited over having a new bundle of joy. But if you are excited because you have fantasies going through your head about this MM being happy to be your baby daddy and you picture him being a doting caring father then you are likely to be sorely disappointed. He will not be excited with you, he will likely try to deny paternity, beg you to abort and then maybe begrudgingly pay you child support but you will be alone with a baby who will have a father who doesn't want him/her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Why wouldn't you use protection? Sounds like she wanted to get pregnant (or was not entirely opposed to it). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mayday2016 Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Home tests are pretty darn reliable and the sooner the OP finds out the sooner she can figure out what she is going to do. OP why exactly are you excited to be pregnant? If you have really been wanting another baby and you are fully prepared to be a single parent and that doesn't bother you then you should be excited over having a new bundle of joy. But if you are excited because you have fantasies going through your head about this MM being happy to be your baby daddy and you picture him being a doting caring father then you are likely to be sorely disappointed. He will not be excited with you, he will likely try to deny paternity, beg you to abort and then maybe begrudgingly pay you child support but you will be alone with a baby who will have a father who doesn't want him/her. I didn't say they aren't reliable, I said not to tell the man until she's had an u/s and is certain it's a viable pregnancy. Why cause drama if it's a chemical pregnancy or ends in miscarriage before 6-8 weeks? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 I didn't say they aren't reliable, I said not to tell the man until she's had an u/s and is certain it's a viable pregnancy. Why cause drama if it's a chemical pregnancy or ends in miscarriage before 6-8 weeks? Because it is his child too. Why should she have to worry alone, now that they have behaved irrevocably immaturely. Hell, he is just as responsible for this disaster as she, why is he allowed the protection of ignorance? If my monthly was due Friday at noon, I would ha e been blowing up his phone at 12:01. Smh... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 No protection? Jesus how hard is it.? He's ghosted you because he got what he was after. He knows full well how babies are made. He's looooong gone. And $5 at the chemist could have saved you. Man what a heavy price for an innocent baby to pay. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 This is just me but I'm not sure I would say anything to him about it. He seems to have brushed you off so it's your call as to what you choose to do. Hey, him being the father doesn't put you under any obligation to tell him about the child. Nature gave us women the advantage in that department. I would just disappear and have the child. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 This is just me but I'm not sure I would say anything to him about it. He seems to have brushed you off so it's your call as to what you choose to do. Hey, him being the father doesn't put you under any obligation to tell him about the child. Nature gave us women the advantage in that department. I would just disappear and have the child. But make sure you file for child support. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 But make sure you file for child support. Well, if she does that, then it's a dead give-away that he has a child. I'm just saying that it's not always necessary to tell the guy. I get it if a person needs the financial help or whatever. But if a guy brushed me off like that, I personally would disappear and never say a word about being pregnant. At best, I'd tell him and then I'd disappear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JPaperclips Posted November 4, 2015 Author Share Posted November 4, 2015 Many questions were thrown out- "why didn't we use protection?" Honestly it never crossed my mind. My husband and I tried for years to get pregnant after our 2nd child and even consulted a specialist. It didn't work. I had a procedure soon after and the left half of my reproductive systems was removed. All these years I have been birth control free and it was never an issue. It never occurred to me that I might get pregnant. I took a test last night and its positive. I have scheduled an appointment with my doctor to confirm with an ultrasound. Yes-I am happy that I'm pregnant for 8 years I tried and nothing happened. As for the situation not so much. I too agree with one of the posters- maybe it was the trill of the chase that turned him on. I took my vows serious for 12 years and never crossed that line or even came close to approaching. He on the other hand I'm not so sure. It will definitely be a sticky situation come the Holidays as our 2 families will be at the same functions. I am thinking of maybe skipping Thanksgiving or Christmas but I can't skip both as my two other children would be deeply disappointed not seeing our family and friends. I have no grand illusions of him leaving his wife or family- infact I think I plan to keep this pregnancy quite until after Mardi Gras. But that being said do I tell him or not. His wife is going to notice I am pregnant and our families or connected. So whether I tell him or someone else tells him he will find out. I wonder if it would be better to let him find out on his own without having to confirm or deny. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddieandtae Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Why not approach this situation with the best interests of your child's future? If your family's are connected be upfront and tell him. Don't shroud this child's life with secrecy and shame. You are both responsible for creating this baby and you both should be responsible for the babies wellbeing. Of course it will be shocking and very hurtful to this mans wife and family. That being said you know how important it is to raise an child with stability, love and security, give this child those things and take the consequences of what you and the other mans actions are bringing you. Refuse the drama and keep the plot to have a healthy pregnancy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Go to the doctor, get it confirmed. Then call the MM. Your child deserves to know his father. You child deserves to be supported by both parents. But, since you had "half" your reproductive systems removed, you might need to ask your doctor if you are capable of maintaining this pregnancy. If he throws a fit, then remind him that he did nothing to stop you from getting pregnant either. Does nobody take sex-ed or watch Jurassic park? Nature will always find a way. PSA: Always take care of your own birth control. And as a female, make them wrap it up, STDs can ruin your life way more than a pregnancy might. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Bear in mind he may think this was deliberate and he could just ignore you from now on. He is legally required to pay CS but he can't be forced to be a dad. If his wife wants to stay after she finds out.... be prepared to be kept at a distance and that they decide on NC with you and the child. It's a sad situation for a child to resented before it's even born..... and to know that it's life could be the reason a family is torn apart. It's very sad indeed. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 If I had a partial hysterectomy I would be more concerned on whether or not the pregnancy is viable rather than keeping baby, telling MM, etc etc. Chickens before they hatch, ya know? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 I am 34 years old and have been married for 14 years. In January my husband and I split due to an allegation of inapproiate touching in our home. . Wait, I know this has nothing to do with the thread, but what does that mean? Anyway... I think you need some counseling, the fact that you've put yourself in this situation and seem happy about it, makes me wonder if you're not fully connecting the reality of what you've done and the ramifications for everyone involved, not least of which is this baby. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JPaperclips Posted November 4, 2015 Author Share Posted November 4, 2015 If I had a partial hysterectomy I would be more concerned on whether or not the pregnancy is viable rather than keeping baby, telling MM, etc etc. Chickens before they hatch, ya know? I didn't have a hysterectomy- I have a fully operating uterus. I just had my left ovary removed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JPaperclips Posted November 4, 2015 Author Share Posted November 4, 2015 Wait, I know this has nothing to do with the thread, but what does that mean? Anyway... I think you need some counseling, the fact that you've put yourself in this situation and seem happy about it, makes me wonder if you're not fully connecting the reality of what you've done and the ramifications for everyone involved, not least of which is this baby. 1. it means exactly what I wrote. 2. Counseling?- oh sweetheart you have no idea. Of course me and my children are in counseling. 3. Calling me disillusioned and out of touch with reality? Now that just rude. 4. I was not the Aggressor in this situation. Yes- I used poor judgment by not using protection but I haven't needed it in 8 years. Why would I think I needed it now? 5. Not understanding the ramifications of my actions. Oh I understand them better than you think. I'm sorry where are you from that a baby isn't a blessing? Yes-ideally a child should have 2 loving parents but as with my other children my daddy and my brothers have stepped up their roles. My children want for nothing. I have an extremely well paying job. I technically wouldn't need child support. I make more then enough to pay my own bills and my children's bills. We have not suffered financial since my husband has left the home. Emotionally yes. Now you want to be mad that I had an affair with a married man- be mad. But be mad at him. I didn't break my marriage vows- he did not me. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 If he's still not talking to you, then let him figure it out for himself. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 I have no grand illusions of him leaving his wife or family- infact I think I plan to keep this pregnancy quite until after Mardi Gras. But that being said do I tell him or not. His wife is going to notice I am pregnant and our families or connected. So whether I tell him or someone else tells him he will find out. I wonder if it would be better to let him find out on his own without having to confirm or deny. OMG he is the father of this baby correct? If so then YES he needs to know and so does his wife as he will be paying child support to this child should it not work out between the two of you. The fact that your families are aware of each other is going to make this situation far more ugly. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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