sandylee1 Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 You don't seem to take much responsibility for what you've done...and one ovary wouldn't be reason enough not to use BC.....perhaps you just weren't doing it at the optimum time to conceive. It's not a lot of fun when your innocent child is hated by half siblings and their mother, but it's good job you are okay financially and can support the baby - it's probably best you prepare to go it alone .....then you don't start having to 'share' time with the baby anyway. It takes more than releasing sperm to make a real dad. Having seen the contempt and treatment some OCs get while in MM and the wife's house..... I'd pass on custody if it were my child. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 I went through every treatment I could to try and get pregnant for 13 years, with no luck. When I became involved with xMM, I got on BCP with a quickness. I figured that would be my luck...never able to conceive until I go get involved with someone unavailable. A child is always a blessing. No matter what I just couldn't deal with the additional stress that situation would've caused me. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 1. it means exactly what I wrote. 2. Counseling?- oh sweetheart you have no idea. Of course me and my children are in counseling. 3. Calling me disillusioned and out of touch with reality? Now that just rude. 4. I was not the Aggressor in this situation. Yes- I used poor judgment by not using protection but I haven't needed it in 8 years. Why would I think I needed it now? 5. Not understanding the ramifications of my actions. Oh I understand them better than you think. I'm sorry where are you from that a baby isn't a blessing? Yes-ideally a child should have 2 loving parents but as with my other children my daddy and my brothers have stepped up their roles. My children want for nothing. I have an extremely well paying job. I technically wouldn't need child support. I make more then enough to pay my own bills and my children's bills. We have not suffered financial since my husband has left the home. Emotionally yes. Now you want to be mad that I had an affair with a married man- be mad. But be mad at him. I didn't break my marriage vows- he did not me. I don't know the meaning of that... does that mean inappropriate touching of your children? If so, I'm sorry no one should have to go through that. Ok, I'll take that I was a little rude, but you just told a group of strangers, that you slept with another woman's husband and got pregnant and that you don't see much of an issue with it... you aren't gonna get a lot of pats on the back and no biggies from that. You were part of the affair, you have responsibility in that, not just him. It was consensual... I agree he was more wrong than you, but that doesn't make you right. I wasn't even thinking about financial issues. I was more thinking about the ramifications of having this child, that will either grow up without a father, or grow up with a father who lives far away and is married to someone else, who will probably always resent him. Those aren't the best options. That doesn't mean a baby isn't a blessing, but you've got a complicated road ahead of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 You have a lot on your plate-my best advice is to let him know he is the Father and then take care of yourself- you can not control his reaction BUT keeping it a secret and having him find out you are pregnant is just more drama and really not necessary- let him know, prepare for a reaction you may not like and then get on with the business of being you- Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Except, God forbid, something horrible happens to her. Then the child is left without a parent and without support. Go,see an attorney about paternity suit. If you are indeed pregnant. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lovinDKT3 Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 1. it means exactly what I wrote. 2. Counseling?- oh sweetheart you have no idea. Of course me and my children are in counseling. 3. Calling me disillusioned and out of touch with reality? Now that just rude. 4. I was not the Aggressor in this situation. Yes- I used poor judgment by not using protection but I haven't needed it in 8 years. Why would I think I needed it now? 5. Not understanding the ramifications of my actions. Oh I understand them better than you think. I'm sorry where are you from that a baby isn't a blessing? Yes-ideally a child should have 2 loving parents but as with my other children my daddy and my brothers have stepped up their roles. My children want for nothing. I have an extremely well paying job. I technically wouldn't need child support. I make more then enough to pay my own bills and my children's bills. We have not suffered financial since my husband has left the home. Emotionally yes. Now you want to be mad that I had an affair with a married man- be mad. But be mad at him. I didn't break my marriage vows- he did not me. The last couple of weeks I have been really busy with my upcoming wedding, but unless in that time the medical world has put an end to STD'S you have plenty reasons to wear protection. You are not a teenager and this simply should not have happened. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 The last couple of weeks I have been really busy with my upcoming wedding, but unless in that time the medical world has put an end to STD'S you have plenty reasons to wear protection. You are not a teenager and this simply should not have happened. Completely agree. And yes, a baby is always a blessing. Except I wonder how much of a blessing the baby will consider its circumstances. This woman has no idea how horrible this could become. What if she spends the next 10 years embroiled in a custody battle that saps her finances? What if the child turns 13 and decides to live with its father? What if it resents her? Blames her for the circumstances into which it was born. Just a few of the plethora of things that could go south. She is going to be tied to a guy who cheated and walked away Scott free for the rest of her life. Omg. What a disaster. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JPaperclips Posted November 5, 2015 Author Share Posted November 5, 2015 Yes- not using protection was foolish- I trusted him when saying he was clean. I was screened he was screened. Never once in all these years did I ever really think pregnancy would be an option. NEVER. As for the fall out with me being pregnant and how the custody issue is going to go or fall I have no clue. I was looking for advise not to be chastised or judged. No one is perfect- even though I passed out judgment left and right before I found myself in this situation. All I can say is Yes- I am happy that I'm pregnant. Having a baby is always a blessing. But you want to condemn me for not allowing this child to have a father figure. My other two children no longer have a father (no way is that there fault or mine) so why is it ok for them not to have a father figure but not this child? I can't predict the future on what's going to happen or what's not going to happen. I want my child to be loved- if his father chooses not to that on him not me or my child. If his wife throws a fit then shame on her- if she loves her husband then she should love the child be that it is a part of him. Many parents get married and have children and then the dad up and leaves. Many women have children by themselves and its doable. My response is I just don't know what's going to happen, no one on this forum knows what is going to happen. Do I expect this to this to be all giggles and gum drops HELL NO I don't but I am trying to stay positive given the circumstances. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Do you have a strong support system? If not can you move to be closer to family? Even married I've found raising children thousands of miles away from family & friends incredibly hard. I know people who don't know 1 or 2 parents often say they wish they knew medical history of the extended family. Even if he doesn't want to be in the babies life he can at least do that. I think CS is for the child. Even if you put the money into a savings account you should claim what your baby is legally entitled to. Best wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) Yes- not using protection was foolish- I trusted him when saying he was clean. I was screened he was screened. Never once in all these years did I ever really think pregnancy would be an option. NEVER. As for the fall out with me being pregnant and how the custody issue is going to go or fall I have no clue. I was looking for advise not to be chastised or judged. No one is perfect- even though I passed out judgment left and right before I found myself in this situation. All I can say is Yes- I am happy that I'm pregnant. Having a baby is always a blessing. But you want to condemn me for not allowing this child to have a father figure. My other two children no longer have a father (no way is that there fault or mine) so why is it ok for them not to have a father figure but not this child? I can't predict the future on what's going to happen or what's not going to happen. I want my child to be loved- if his father chooses not to that on him not me or my child. If his wife throws a fit then shame on her- if she loves her husband then she should love the child be that it is a part of him. Many parents get married and have children and then the dad up and leaves. Many women have children by themselves and its doable. My response is I just don't know what's going to happen, no one on this forum knows what is going to happen. Do I expect this to this to be all giggles and gum drops HELL NO I don't but I am trying to stay positive given the circumstances. Let me be clear. I know your circumstances, I was OW once myself. I do not condemn OW. I am not condemning you. But I won't sit back and act like your decision was not incredibly foolish. I understand what your point is with the baby, kids go without a father, men step in and take over the role sometimes for an absentee father ( my h, who was my MM, di d this and is a wonderful father figure to my kids) People adopt, etc. However, his wife... definitely NOT ON HER if she can't accept your child. It is on him and you for thrusting a child into her life without her knowledge or permission. What if she resents your child???? After all, this child is a constant reminder of her husband cheating. Not only that, it will never be a private infidelity. Anyone who can count will know he cheated because of the child age. It is selfish to the point of ridiculous for you to just expect her to accept the child or it's ' on her'. And if the wife throws a fit shame on her... wow. You, the person who slept with her husband, think she should feel shame. Do you think her kids will love a sibling from their fathers cheating? You know, causing their mother the most amount of pain imaginable? And if the child's father chooses not to love it, that is on him AND YOU for bringing a child into terrible circumstances. Take responsibility. Stop the denial. This is just sad. You need to wake up to the reality of the circumstances of your situation for what they truly are. I don't usually believe in disclosure of an affair by the OW because their marriage is not your business but in this circumstance I think as soon as you see a Dr you should tell her that her children will have a sibling. I am sure she will be thrilled. Edited November 5, 2015 by goodyblue 6 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 I was looking for advise not to be chastised or judged. No one is perfect- even though I passed out judgment left and right before I found myself in this situation. All I can say is Yes- I am happy that I'm pregnant. Having a baby is always a blessing. But you want to condemn me for not allowing this child to have a father figure. My other two children no longer have a father (no way is that there fault or mine) so why is it ok for them not to have a father figure but not this child? I can't predict the future on what's going to happen or what's not going to happen. I want my child to be loved- if his father chooses not to that on him not me or my child. If his wife throws a fit then shame on her- if she loves her husband then she should love the child be that it is a part of him. Many parents get married and have children and then the dad up and leaves. Many women have children by themselves and its doable. My response is I just don't know what's going to happen, no one on this forum knows what is going to happen. Do I expect this to this to be all giggles and gum drops HELL NO I don't but I am trying to stay positive given the circumstances. As you wanted a baby... of course it's a blessing for you. It's very good that you are financially secure and are fully prepared to raise the baby alone. Just because the baby is a part of her husband..DOES NOT mean she should love it or that she has to love it. Try and be realistic and have some empathy.......otherwise you sound like a cold hearted person. You say shame on her if she throws a fit .. really??? You expect her to welcome the child with open arms??? Just because she loves him?? Your blessing will be a constant reminder of her husband's betrayal.... I'd hate to be the mother of a child that triggers anyone else...... not a pleasant situation..... but it's about you..... And really after you sleeping with her husband.... the shame is not on her - even if she goes ballistic. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Wow - the wife should be happy her husband cheated and brought forth this bundle of joy?! I would upset if my husband cheated. If my husband cheated and got some broad knocked up? I would be ENRAGED cheating... We have worked through that before. But if s baby was in the picture? No way I could love someone enough to stand by them through that. I would probably do some really spiteful ****. Good luck lady - what a freaking mess. Poor kid. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) If his wife throws a fit then shame on her- if she loves her husband then she should love the child be that it is a part of him. If you can raise the child on your own then go ahead and do so and be happy about it. You are right many children do not have 2 parents in their life and it's okay. However I can't believe that you have some sort of expectation that his wife will love and accept your baby. She has been horribly betrayed and she has no obligation whatsoever to care about your baby. Now if she finds out and agrees to stay with her husband and agrees to visitation with your child then at some point she may come to love the child just through spending time with him/her but no way is she just automatically going to love the kid just because he's the child of her husband. Nobody does that, not even when there is no affair. I've heard people try to claim that BS but it's simply not true. We grow to love people by spending time with them and getting to know them. Kids are no different. You are dazed if you believe otherwise. Shame on the MM's wife??!! Shame on her for what? Shame on her for being cheated on? Shame on her for being stabbed in the back by a family friend? There is no shame on her. She is the one being done wrong here. Edited November 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) OP, I hope you aren't too close with the people of the social circle you hang out in with MM and his wife. Something tells me when they all find out you got pregnant by this womans husband they will not want to socialize with you anymore. Women there now know you can't be trusted. You originally asked how to tell MM you are pregnant. Just text him or pick up the phone and say "I'm pregnant." This will be his worst nightmare. Edited November 5, 2015 by stillafool 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JPaperclips Posted November 5, 2015 Author Share Posted November 5, 2015 OP, I hope you aren't too close with the people of the social circle you hang out in with MM and his wife. Something tells me when they all find out you got pregnant by this womans husband they will not want to socialize with you anymore. Women there now know you can't be trusted. You originally asked how to tell MM you are pregnant. Just text him or pick up the phone and say "I'm pregnant." This will be his worst nightmare. We are close. Do I think that the women in our group will up and desert me or abandon me. No- of course not. No one is perfect. I am not out to steal their husbands. I am not the first to have an affair nor will I be the last. But I can say this was my first affair and last. I accept my responsibility in this situation that is why I was on the fence as to tell him or not. Of course he will notice that I am pregnant but what he chooses to own or not own is up to him. If he chooses to tell his wife and she chooses to stay then YES- she will need to accept our child. Personally I have seen people do it and I've known wives that couldn't. I have no need or want to push my child on her. That is up to him. I am not trying to force his hand. I am not delusional. You would be surprised how often this happens. No one should ever be angry with a child. A baby is always a joyous occasion. I am not trying to plan a new wedding nor do I have fantasies of us running off in the sunset together. I don't plan on us have a girl's day out anytime soon but that being said- she and I were never really that close to begin with. It was always he and I that had the familiar contact. A lot of women are bitter and angry that I had an affair with a married man. Ok- **** happens. I am not narcissistic- I never set out to specifically hurt her. I don't think that I have zero blame in this- I've accepted my responsibility. I've never pushed or flaunted our affair in front of her. Nor would I. I don't know how to explain this happened. I am a good Catholic and a good person in general. I refuse to say I made a mistake because then that would be saying my child is a mistake and a child is never a mistake. Some are mad at me because I broke "girl code"? I coveted thy neighbors spouse. I am extremely remorseful for my behavior and can not imagine the devastation this will cause. But at the end of the day what's done is done. We learn and grow from the experience and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Hey I have cheated. But I couldn't imagine having a married man's baby..... That was topic #1 before we slept together (the various precautions we were going to take to avoid such a disaster). But I don't want children at all - so I really can't wrap my head around the "blessing" getting pregnant in an affair is. It's litterally one of my worst nightmares. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Yeah, I never used to take responsibility for my part in the affair and aftermath either. Then I realized the misery it causes. What you don't realize is that his wife doesn't EVER have to like your child. She can hold resentment for the rest of her life and you cannot change it It will have an effect on your child if it goes for visitation and the wife his cold, or even just aloof. If she feels put out, or if she is outright unkind in word or deed. My h was a deacon in the Catholic church when we had our affair. He is no longer. We pay a high price for cheating eventually and you had better learn that now. People are not going to pat your head and tell you it is ok. I will grant you that we did not have much fallout socially, I am not from here and when my h left his ex their friends chose sides or are neutral. But I was not a trusted friend. I also did not flaunt o ur affair, we waited to date openly and I didn't just shrug and expect people to love and trust me. That sh*t is EARNED. And this baby... it WILL be judged. As will you. Open your eyes woman!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) Wake up and smell the coffee. You have, or soon will have, a legal or problem on top of the emotional one. Talk with a lawyer about acknowledgement of paternity (voluntary on his part) and a paternity suit (involuntary on his part). As I understand it, the first mother of his kids to file and get a decree for support ends up best financially. Maybe you don't think you need it, but your obligation isn't to you but to the unborn child. Don't count on wife being so accepting of the child she took no part in creating. Rather, she just might file for divorce and support leaving you behind to catch the scraps. Sort of like the more typical affair with a MM, isn't it? I don't have personal experience, but an old flame mine came to me pregnant with MM's child who had hinted he wanted nothing to do with that child. Wife found out and there was a paternity suit and divorce action at the same time. Fortunately, I had give old flame a court form regarding paternity which he signed. Judge would not let him disavow what he had knowingly signed. I know none of this response addresses your concerns. And I don't mean to be piling more concerns onto you. But you have a lifetime of obligation to that child whose life will be eased with some formal decree for support from MM. Even if the legal requirement for support end at 18. Edited November 5, 2015 by Bufo Comma and typos 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JPaperclips Posted November 5, 2015 Author Share Posted November 5, 2015 Yeah, I never used to take responsibility for my part in the affair and aftermath either. Then I realized the misery it causes. What you don't realize is that his wife doesn't EVER have to like your child. She can hold resentment for the rest of her life and you cannot change it It will have an effect on your child if it goes for visitation and the wife his cold, or even just aloof. If she feels put out, or if she is outright unkind in word or deed. My h was a deacon in the Catholic church when we had our affair. He is no longer. We pay a high price for cheating eventually and you had better learn that now. People are not going to pat your head and tell you it is ok. I will grant you that we did not have much fallout socially, I am not from here and when my h left his ex their friends chose sides or are neutral. But I was not a trusted friend. I also did not flaunt o ur affair, we waited to date openly and I didn't just shrug and expect people to love and trust me. That sh*t is EARNED. And this baby... it WILL be judged. As will you. Open your eyes woman!! My eyes are WIDE open. I'm not looking to be patted on the back. I never thought in my lifetime I could be the type of person that does something like this. But you live and learn and try to correct your behavior as you continue in life. But what many of you fail to understand is not all of us carry such hate in our hearts. Maybe its because I live in the deep south. If anything I will be judged and I'm okay with that. His wife can either support him or not she can accept our child or not. That is her decision. No one will ever know what's in her heart but she and God. As I previously stated if he chooses to tell his wife that is on him. I do not plan on telling her- it would seem vengeful, spiteful and hateful. I can not worry of the what ifs or the what nots. Do I think someone would be brave enough to speak ill of my child or children in front of me. Never. But I can't control what they say behind closed doors. Just like I can't control what people do behind closed doors. You all want to be the first to throw out the preverbal stone- cast away. I have made my peace. Some of you need to accept that this could happen to any of you. If you are upset your spouse cheated you need to take that up with them. I didn't cause you this hurt and pain. If you stayed with your spouse after they cheated then you chose to accept his/her infidelity and move on. You can't move oh if you still have hate in your heart. You are just punishing them. Either you are with them 100% or you are not. You can not be in a marriage halfway. But then again who am I to judge you. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Hahah dont be in a marriage half way? So the betrayed wife should be all in with her husband, and his bastard child? Got it. One does not have to have "hate in their heart" to be hurt by despicable actions. You have certainly chosen a rocky road to travel. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JPaperclips Posted November 5, 2015 Author Share Posted November 5, 2015 Wake up and smell the coffee. You have, or soon will have, a legal or problem on top of the emotional one. Talk with a lawyer about acknowledgement of paternity (voluntary on his part) and a paternity suit (involuntary on his part). As I understand it, the first mother of his kids to file and get a decree for support ends up best financially. Maybe you don't think you need it, but your obligation isn't to you but to the unborn child. Don't count on wife being so accepting of the child she took no part in creating. Rather, she just might file for divorce and support leaving you behind to catch the scraps. Sort of like the more typical affair with a MM, isn't it? I don't have personal experience, but an old flame mine came to me pregnant with MM's child who had hinted he wanted nothing to do with that child. Wife found out and there was a paternity suit and divorce action at the same time. Fortunately, I had give old flame a court form regarding paternity which he signed. Judge would not let him disavow what he had knowingly signed. I know none of this response addresses your concerns. And I don't mean to be piling more concerns onto you. But you have a lifetime of obligation to that child whose life will be eased with some formal decree for support from MM. Even if the legal requirement for support end at 18. I can handle the "Family" Legal issues myself. Legally this child will be for me and my husband given that our divorce still has not been finalized- it does not matter that we are not together. It doesn't matter that we are separated. Once my husband is convicted he will lose all rights to any children born in our marriage. Meaning our two and the new one. Unless the MM wants to acknowledge paternity I can speed up the divorce and petition the court system for a no fault divorce but I'd prefer not to jump start this process yet. I'd prefer that all my children have the same last name as me. I am not dumb I do not need my child being questioned as to why he/she does not have the same last name as his/her siblings. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) Wait.... You think you have the right to demand that your husbands family name be given to a child that he has no relationship to?! So if your husband is a Smith, and his children that carry Smith blood are also Smiths.... But the child which has NO BLOOD RELATION to the Smiths, should carry HIS name?!? The child is NOT RELATED to your husband!!!! Wow, if I were your not yet divorced husband I would fight that tooth and nail. Are you going to be truthful with these men as to who knocked you up? How are you going explain to your child why it has your ex-husbands last name? Edited November 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 I agree that many of us make mistakes. In your case, I can understand even more how it happened that you ended up pregnant. I wouldn't worry about the judgment. You had reasons for doing what you did at the time. None of us can turn back time. It's done now. Love your baby and do whatever else feels right in this case. Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 We are close. Do I think that the women in our group will up and desert me or abandon me. No- of course not. No one is perfect. I am not out to steal their husbands. I am not the first to have an affair nor will I be the last. But I can say this was my first affair and last. I accept my responsibility in this situation that is why I was on the fence as to tell him or not. Of course he will notice that I am pregnant but what he chooses to own or not own is up to him. If he chooses to tell his wife and she chooses to stay then YES- she will need to accept our child. Personally I have seen people do it and I've known wives that couldn't. I have no need or want to push my child on her. That is up to him. I am not trying to force his hand. I am not delusional. You would be surprised how often this happens. No one should ever be angry with a child. A baby is always a joyous occasion. I am not trying to plan a new wedding nor do I have fantasies of us running off in the sunset together. I don't plan on us have a girl's day out anytime soon but that being said- she and I were never really that close to begin with. It was always he and I that had the familiar contact. .... The woman who slept with my now ExH thought everyone would be "cool" with her too. She thought her social group would still accept her. She was soo wrong. At sporting events, I would watch wives turn their backs to her and god help her if she tried talking to husbands. Last I heard, from her ExH, she got tired of being treated like a leper and moved. And as to the baby, being in the deep south...ouch. I am from there and you may not hear it but that poor kid will. I know a man in his 30s who is the product of an A. I know about it because when ever someone talks about him it is mentioned. Like "go talk to Susie to get your hair done, you know Susie, her momma spent time with Debbie's husband" with the raised eyebrows. That baby has a hard row to hoe, and so do you. I suggest you take off the rose colored glasses. Talk to an attorney, be prepared for things to get ugly, pray it doesn't, and don't assume how others will handle it. You, your children and this baby will get thru it. There will be bumps and bruises but, eventually you will have weathered the worst of it and you can live your life. Fortunately, there is always another scandal for people to ohh and ahh over and you will be put on the back burner. Eat, rest, get some exercise, take care of yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) My eyes are WIDE open. I'm not looking to be patted on the back. I never thought in my lifetime I could be the type of person that does something like this. But you live and learn and try to correct your behavior as you continue in life. But what many of you fail to understand is not all of us carry such hate in our hearts. Maybe its because I live in the deep south. If anything I will be judged and I'm okay with that. His wife can either support him or not she can accept our child or not. That is her decision. No one will ever know what's in her heart but she and God. As I previously stated if he chooses to tell his wife that is on him. I do not plan on telling her- it would seem vengeful, spiteful and hateful. I can not worry of the what ifs or the what nots. Do I think someone would be brave enough to speak ill of my child or children in front of me. Never. But I can't control what they say behind closed doors. Just like I can't control what people do behind closed doors. You all want to be the first to throw out the preverbal stone- cast away. I have made my peace. Some of you need to accept that this could happen to any of you. If you are upset your spouse cheated you need to take that up with them. I didn't cause you this hurt and pain. If you stayed with your spouse after they cheated then you chose to accept his/her infidelity and move on. You can't move oh if you still have hate in your heart. You are just punishing them. Either you are with them 100% or you are not. You can not be in a marriage halfway. But then again who am I to judge you. Wow. As previously stated, I was OW. My h has never cheated on me. Not throwing stones. Warning you of the likely outcome. And her husband is the jackass that is not in the marriage. You sure do expect miracles from his wife though, don't you. And your husband is being convicted for inappropriate touching of the children... did I get that right? Jesus. You need to focus on that. Their healing. Instead you give a new child the name of a child molester, mark it for life. Sweet baby Jesus. I would rather have a cheater on my birth certificate. You need some intense therapy. And just so you know MY feelings... I don't think babies are always a blessing, for example: molestation victims who become pregnant, rape victims, babies born to mother's too young, poor and uneducated to care for them. And yeah... a baby born from an affair can be a blessing, but sometimes... sometimes it is most certainly not. You THINK your eyes are wide open. They are NOT. They will not be until later, when the baby suffers, if even then. Edited November 5, 2015 by goodyblue 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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