"If a guy is interested....he WILL pursue..."

[AD1980]

Waiting to be "picked" for the game instead of making your own game then?

 

Is that what our parents taught you? They were wrong.

 

I tried to make my own game it hasn't worked..tired of rejection or women not even interested in a conversation when I approach and barely saying anything

 

The only women who give me the tons of day are married women because they no I'm not hitting on them..most single women won't give me much of a conversation in fear of me thinking they're interested.

[aprilisi]

I wish men would pursue. I'd love to be pursued.

 

The only men who do pursue or are in relationships. Or don't have a job. Of any kind. At least in my dating life. I get both sides of the spectrum. The dick pic guys who make me gag. Calling me sexy from the get go. Or the guys with no back bone

 

I've actually had more than one man ask me why I didn't ask him out years later. One was a crush from college. Maybe because you acted all cold when we were alone together.

[Zapbasket]

Yes, this has been my experience as well! And yes, I agree that the beginning is so frail, so I think it's best for a guy to make the first move. Why?? Because a woman's interest can always change and become MORE interested if the guy is showing interest in HER. But for a man, I think he knows pretty much off the bat which woman he's attracted to enough to want to sustain a LONG-lasting relationship with. So, if he's not attracted enough to make a move, then I assume he must not be attracted enough.

 

I agree with this, based on my experience. I had a conversation a while back with a male coworker who was complaining about a Tinder date he had where they met at a pricey bar (his mistake in going to a place that specializes in fancy cocktails and the cheapest drink you can get is $8 or so), and as it was after work they were hungry and ordered appetizers in addition to their drinks, so when the bill came, it was pretty expensive, and he suggested they split it, which she did not seem to appreciate. I asked him, "If you had been more interested in the girl, would you have just paid the whole bill?" And he said, "Yes." And I said, "See, that's why women act weird when a guy suggests splitting the bill on the first date. They assume you must not be that interested."

 

I know your thread isn't asking the sticky, "Who pays?" question, but I think it's apropos because often in the beginning "paying" is indicative of interest, or so many people read it.

 

 

Idk why, but I just assume that if a guy isn't making SOME hint that he's interested in me, I just assume that he's not interested in me enough to want to do anything. I think he if were really interested he would have said/done SOMETHING by now...even if it was just teasing me or throwing spit balls in my hair.... lol SOMETHING!

 

I think this way, too. I figure, sure, they may have been interested...just not interested enough.

 

 

You want a woman YOU want making the first move.

 

I agree, but...isn't it the same for women? No one likes unwanted attention.

[Zapbasket]

Which is why we always say how much easier it is for a women.

 

But it's not easier, because a lot of the attention attractive women get from men is not something they'd want to pursue, e.g., sleezy men, desperate men, loser men, misogynistic men who can't see beyond a pretty face, stalkers who won't take "no" for an answer, etc. As an attractive woman, you have to learn to guard yourself against men with less-than-innocent intentions. You generally tell yourself that if a guy is interested in you beyond getting to your pants, he'll be patient and persistent while also respectful of cues you send as to the pace you're willing to progress things. You have to wait to see some sign of the guy's real intentions, his character, etc.; not doing so very often is straight-up unsafe in many instances.

 

So, no, I don't think women have it easier at all.

[Male]

Anytime a woman has been truly interested in me, I never had to pursue them. The interaction between us flowed naturally.

 

There were absolutely no communication games whatsoever

There was not even a hint of second guessing the womans interest

I called and they were always ready and willing to make plans

It was a mutual 50/50 interaction

 

Anything sort of interaction with a woman that requires me to pursue her, or prove anything to her is worthless in my opinion. She isnt proving a damn thing to me by making me pursue her other than she is an immature child. If she was truly interested she would interact with me like an adult.

 

Most guys that pursure women either want sex, or they have an ego and need to make her their woman to prove to themselves and others that the are a man. Period.

 

Woman that think guys are "weak" if they dont pursue them are nothing but insecure princess' that look down on most of society. Thinking the world revolves around them. They dont actually love their boyfriend or husband. They only love the attention that they get from them.

 

Any guy that exerts massive amounts of time and energy pursuing a woman that doesnt invest the same amount of time and energy into him is a complete fool.

[StBreton]

Yes and no. If a guy thinks a woman is attractive, sex with him may be a sure thing. The real question is, is she relationship worthy?

 

I can think of quite a few women I'd have wild money sex with in a heartbeat, but I'd never get into a relationship with. To make me want that relationship, she's going to have to work at it. I don't enter into exclusivity very often, so when I do, it really means something.

 

But it doesn't take much for me to walk away from it. I like a quiet, simple life, and have very little patience for drama.

 

Physical attraction is superficial. Emotional attraction goes much deeper. I don't fall in love very easily, nor do I give it unconditionally (except to my daughter).

 

That's the caveat; women who rely solely on physical attraction (which I'm not saying you do) are neglecting the other components of what makes a man continually attracted to them.

 

I don't care how hot a woman is; if I don't like her personally, I don't pursue.

 

What drives you to "continually" pursue then?

[StBreton]

Anytime a woman has been truly interested in me, I never had to pursue them. The interaction between us flowed naturally.

 

There were absolutely no communication games whatsoever

There was not even a hint of second guessing the womans interest

I called and they were always ready and willing to make plans

It was a mutual 50/50 interaction

 

Anything sort of interaction with a woman that requires me to pursue her, or prove anything to her is worthless in my opinion. She isnt proving a damn thing to me by making me pursue her other than she is an immature child. If she was truly interested she would interact with me like an adult.

 

Most guys that pursure women either want sex, or they have an ego and need to make her their woman to prove to themselves and others that the are a man. Period.

 

Woman that think guys are "weak" if they dont pursue them are nothing but insecure princess' that look down on most of society. Thinking the world revolves around them. They dont actually love their boyfriend or husband. They only love the attention that they get from them.

 

Any guy that exerts massive amounts of time and energy pursuing a woman that doesnt invest the same amount of time and energy into him is a complete fool.

 

Did you read this entire thread?

[sambolini]

What drives you to "continually" pursue then?

 

I said "continually attract", not "continuously pursue". I never "continually pursue", because that implies I'm perpetually chasing, which is something I flat out refuse to do. If there's no reciprocation of my pursuit, I cease pursuing.

 

She has to be the kind of person I want to be around.

[Male]

Anytime a woman has been truly interested in me, I never had to pursue them. The interaction between us flowed naturally.

 

There were absolutely no communication games whatsoever

There was not even a hint of second guessing the womans interest

I called and they were always ready and willing to make plans

It was a mutual 50/50 interaction

 

Anything sort of interaction with a woman that requires me to pursue her, or prove anything to her is worthless in my opinion. She isnt proving a damn thing to me by making me pursue her other than she is an immature child. If she was truly interested she would interact with me like an adult.

 

Most guys that pursure women either want sex, or they have an ego and need to make her their woman to prove to themselves and others that the are a man. Period.

 

Woman that think guys are "weak" if they dont pursue them are nothing but insecure princess' that look down on most of society. Thinking the world revolves around them. They dont actually love their boyfriend or husband. They only love the attention that they get from them.

 

Any guy that exerts massive amounts of time and energy pursuing a woman that doesnt invest the same amount of time and energy into him is a complete fool.

 

 

Did you read this entire thread?

 

 

I'm responding to the OP....what everyone says after that has no bearing on my opinion.

[filani]

Anytime a woman has been truly interested in me, I never had to pursue them. The interaction between us flowed naturally.

 

There were absolutely no communication games whatsoever

There was not even a hint of second guessing the womans interest

I called and they were always ready and willing to make plans

It was a mutual 50/50 interaction

 

Anything sort of interaction with a woman that requires me to pursue her, or prove anything to her is worthless in my opinion. She isnt proving a damn thing to me by making me pursue her other than she is an immature child. If she was truly interested she would interact with me like an adult.

 

A Grown Up Woman would know this but a Little Girl playing dress up can't grasp this concept.

 

 

Most guys that pursure women either want sex, or they have an ego and need to make her their woman to prove to themselves and others that the are a man. Period.

 

To be fair that cuts both ways, the girl in that scenario feeds off the attention. It's an Ego stroke for her as well, something for her to brag about with her girlfriends

 

Woman that think guys are "weak" if they dont pursue them are nothing but insecure princess' that look down on most of society. Thinking the world revolves around them. They dont actually love their boyfriend or husband. They only love the attention that they get from them.

 

Any guy that exerts massive amounts of time and energy pursuing a woman that doesnt invest the same amount of time and energy into him is a complete fool.

 

Mutual respect and reciprocity is key, anything less than that is unacceptable in a balanced, healthy relationship. The sooner more Guys understrand this , the better for them.

[Siquijor]

I just don't think women "grow" on men like men can grow on women. I don't think just because a woman is showing interest in a man that he automatically starts liking her lol.

 

If he wasn't interested in her from the start, I don't think he wakes up one day and suddenly says to himself: "OMG! She's interested in me....now I'm finding that I'm interested in her too!!!" Lol! I just don't think it works that way with men. But correct me if I'm wrong!

 

There have been several female friends & colleagues of mine that have grown on me who initially I didn't find particularly physically attractive. I couldn't class them all as serious relationship material though but nonetheless the attraction to them did grow. So it can happen.

[xxoo]

 

That's the caveat; women who rely solely on physical attraction (which I'm not saying you do) are neglecting the other components of what makes a man continually attracted to them.

.

 

From my perspective, if isn't about relying on physical attraction. It is recognizing that, in reality, physical attraction brings the boys to the yard. From there, women and men must both screen for deeper attraction and relationship suitability.

 

Flowers and bees.

[phineas]

I can't imagine that a woman who is not interested will continue to let the guy take her out. No "free meal," to MOST women, is worth spending time in company they don't enjoy. It seems possible to me that maybe this woman you went out with was just taking it slow. I know for me I don't want to make out, etc. until I have had an opportunity to get to know the guy a bit. Especially where I am in my life now, where I've had my heart badly broken a couple of times and I am very consciously now looking for more of a connection, beyond attraction.

 

It just seems you might have jumped the gun in losing interest in this woman based on what you *think* was her lack of interest in you. Maybe?

 

I don't do "slow" so on the 1% chance that was the case we wouldn't be compatible then.

But she just wasn't that into me.

I know not to pursue or chase or whatever because I recognized it.

 

One of the many reasons men no longer pursue women is because they completely fail to see a woman just isn't into them & then they get burnt by putting in so much effort with nothing to show.

[katiegrl]

Getting rejected sucks. Some women can be downright horrible when they reject a guy. Nobody wants to experience that.

 

You are allowing it to suck ..it doesn't have to though, that's part of my point. Especially in situations where you are approaching and get rebuffed.

 

Said girl doesn't even know you for crying out loud, how can you take that personally? That's your issue IMO... insecurity, lack of confidence in yourself, *overly-sensitive*.

 

She may have a boyfriend, having a bad day, who knows! Not everything is about you.

 

I have done my fair share of initiating conversations and gotten rebuffed. I didn't care ... didn't affect me in the least! I know my value and worth, so whenever some guy I didn't even know couldn't be bothered, I would shrug it off ...next.

 

I mean why should I care? He was a stranger!

 

If you are too afraid of putting yourself about there and taking a risk, you'll never get anywhere....

 

Try not to focus too much on the outcome. Live in the moment. Believe in yourself and if you don't, take steps so you do.

 

People are way too sensitive IMO, take too many things personally that they shouldn't.

 

Again, not everything is about you... so if you initiate a convo and/or ask a chick out and she says no, even if it's harsh, chalk it up to she's having a tough day, has a boyfriend, or whatever! You're not her cup of tea lookwise, who the eff cares!

 

And if she rejects you harshly, she's a bytch and your attitude should be "whew, just dodged a major bullet there"! Instead of taking it personally and crying in your beer about it ...lol

 

If you had more confidence and were more secure within yourself, you wouldn't care. Work on those things.

 

Don't allow your fears to control you ...you control them. Don't let life pass you by ...you will end up alone and lonely.

 

There are no guarantees in this world, so get out there and take a damn risk and stop being so sensitive... and taking everything so personally.

 

Okay rant over .....wish y'all the best

Edited November 7, 2015 by katiegrl

[RedRobin]

I admit to being very traditional, so if a woman pursued me or chased me, I felt indifferent to that. I liked interest from her, but I loved a woman who knew her worth and didn't let just any man catch her. I'm a hunter...I liked the chase, the pursuit, the shy smiles and nervous laughter...drawing out her wit, intelligence...working for her smiles, her touch, her kisses. Maybe that is Neanderthal now, but if any man could catch her, she wasn't for me...I was looking for connection, not an ego boost. I also ascribe to the same philosophy as my grandfather...the harder the goal, the dream, the work...the sweeter the payoff.

Everyone wants ease for everything these days so they never feel proud or happy with what they get because they didn't work for it. Women, when committed, work the hardest for the family and the relationship so it was only fair that I worked hard in the beginning to prove my interest.

Best,

G

I am not traditional, but I see the wisdom in that.

 

I am a woman, and I don't want a guy who chases after just any woman either. There is a balance. Real connections are rare and precious, and I prefer it to be treated as such by both people.

[Male]

 

I have done my fair share of initiating conversations and gotten rebuffed. I didn't care ... didn't affect me in the least! I know my value and worth, so whenever some guy I didn't even know couldn't be bothered, I would shrug it off ...next.

 

I mean why should I care? He was a stranger!

 

If you are too afraid of putting yourself about there and taking a risk, you'll never get anywhere....

 

Try not to focus too much on the outcome. Live in the moment. Believe in yourself and if you don't, take steps so you do.

 

 

 

I believe people that regularly hit on others, that dont let rejection bother them, no longer have emotion connected to the event. They dont necessarily view them as a person the way they view their friends/family. They view them as nothing more than an object or conquest at the moment, because they have no emotional or personal tie to them. Thats why its so easy to totally blow the situation off if it doesnt work out. Its a built in defense mechanism to shield them from rejection. Theres way more going on in the subconscious that you realize. There will be a huge amount of people that disagree with this, but they are the types that think they are always in control of everything they do, say, and think.

[katiegrl]

I believe people that regularly hit on others, that dont let rejection bother them, no longer have emotion connected to the event. They dont necessarily view them as a person the way they view their friends/family. They view them as nothing more than an object or conquest at the moment, because they have no emotional or personal tie to them. Thats why its so easy to totally blow the situation off if it doesnt work out. Its a built in defense mechanism to shield them from rejection. Theres way more going on in the subconscious that you realize. There will be a huge amount of people that disagree with this, but they are the types that think they are always in control of everything they do, say, and think.

 

Well speaking personally, whenever I initiated a convo with a stranger (a man) you are correct, there was no emotion connected to that ...why would there be, I don't even know them.

 

Nor did they know me, so of course I able to stay completely detached to the outcome of whatever happened.

 

No I did not view him as an *object* or *conquest* ...perhaps other people (men) do but that wasn't my game.

 

I am talking in past tense here because I am engaged to be married, so don't initiate convos with strangers (men) anymore...:bunny:

 

Anyway, I had no hidden agenda, I simply enjoy meeting people (men and women), talking and if possible getting to know them. If it was a man I happened to initiate a convo with, and he asked me out, if I was interested after talking for a bit, I would accept.

 

If he did not ask me out, that was fine too ....I was still happy to have met him and chatted.

 

I never took any of this personally, again why would I? Don't know him, he doesn't know me.

 

Can't speak for others, but I prefer to save my emotions for those I get to know on a more personal level, and actually care about, and vice versa.

Edited November 7, 2015 by katiegrl

[xxoo]

I believe people that regularly hit on others, that dont let rejection bother them, no longer have emotion connected to the event. They dont necessarily view them as a person the way they view their friends/family. They view them as nothing more than an object or conquest at the moment, because they have no emotional or personal tie to them. Thats why its so easy to totally blow the situation off if it doesnt work out. Its a built in defense mechanism to shield them from rejection. Theres way more going on in the subconscious that you realize. There will be a huge amount of people that disagree with this, but they are the types that think they are always in control of everything they do, say, and think.

 

No emotion connected to the event is appropriate.

 

That doesn't mean they view them as an object or a conquest. They may view them as a human being, with a million personal reasons to say no, but maybe they'll say yes. And then they could explore more. It's viewing with curiosity and openness, but without attachment to an outcome.

[Male]

Well speaking personally, whenever I initiated a convo with a stranger (a man) you are correct, there was no emotion connected to that ...why would there be, I don't even know them.

 

Nor did they know me, so of course I able to stay completely detached to the outcome of whatever happened.

 

 

Thats why I will never understand approaching a woman that is a complete stranger. I am attracted to personalities. So why would I base my approach on visual appearance alone?

 

And women constantly gripe about wanting a guy to like them for who they are, not for their body. So the cold approach totally contradicts that. Yet some women are flattered that a guy finds them attractive enough to "pick" them out of the blue, so that is a contradiction as well.

 

All I see is games, bs, and contradictions when it comes to pursuing and trying to date women. It seems most of society just conforms, and goes with the flow, even if they are aware of it how screwed up the whole thing is.

[carhill]

I think it was learned behavior because, well, the guys who did pursue otherwise unknown women simply from being attracted to their physicality were the ones who ended up with girlfriends and wives. IOW, they didn't sit around and think about it, ponder the variables, work out an equation and form up a solution, rather went where their libido took them without any qualifications. Sure, some interactions fizzled. Some women were married. Some got married to the pursuer.

 

In my generation and demographic, that's pretty much still true. It works.

[xxoo]

Thats why I will never understand approaching a woman that is a complete stranger. I am attracted to personalities. So why would I base my approach on visual appearance alone?

 

And women constantly gripe about wanting a guy to like them for who they are, not for their body. So the cold approach totally contradicts that. Yet some women are flattered that a guy finds them attractive enough to "pick" them out of the blue, so that is a contradiction as well.

 

All I see is games, bs, and contradictions when it comes to pursuing and trying to date women. It seems most of society just conforms, and goes with the flow, even if they are aware of it how screwed up the whole thing is.

 

We are multi-faceted.

 

I, too, am primarily attracted to personalities. That doesn't mean that I'm not at all attracted to appearance, or that I am opposed to anyone being initially attracted to my appearance.

 

First impressions are shallow, but the can lead to more. Women gripe about initial approaches being about physical attraction. It's a part of the process, and we understand the process. Each step can be fun.

[Imported]

Thats why I will never understand approaching a woman that is a complete stranger. I am attracted to personalities. So why would I base my approach on visual appearance alone?

 

And women constantly gripe about wanting a guy to like them for who they are, not for their body. So the cold approach totally contradicts that. Yet some women are flattered that a guy finds them attractive enough to "pick" them out of the blue, so that is a contradiction as well.

 

All I see is games, bs, and contradictions when it comes to pursuing and trying to date women. It seems most of society just conforms, and goes with the flow, even if they are aware of it how screwed up the whole thing is.

 

You don't marry or even date a girl because you approached her.

[Male]

I think it was learned behavior because, well, the guys who did pursue otherwise unknown women simply from being attracted to their physicality were the ones who ended up with girlfriends and wives. IOW, they didn't sit around and think about it, ponder the variables, work out an equation and form up a solution, rather went where their libido took them without any qualifications.

 

Its actually kind of a selfish action. For a guy to approach and pursue a woman based on visual appearance alone, means he typically has an agenda that really has little to do with her as a person.

 

Most guys see a woman they like, and the main priority becomes "What do I need to do to date her, sleep with her, or make her like me"?

 

Very few guys think "Let me get to know her and see if she is the type of woman I want".

[carhill]

Definitely a selfish action. We see, we covet, we pursue. That's human. Mating isn't Mother Theresa feeding children in the Sudan.

[katiegrl]

Thats why I will never understand approaching a woman that is a complete stranger. I am attracted to personalities. So why would I base my approach on visual appearance alone?

 

And women constantly gripe about wanting a guy to like them for who they are, not for their body. So the cold approach totally contradicts that. Yet some women are flattered that a guy finds them attractive enough to "pick" them out of the blue, so that is a contradiction as well.

 

All I see is games, bs, and contradictions when it comes to pursuing and trying to date women. It seems most of society just conforms, and goes with the flow, even if they are aware of it how screwed up the whole thing is.

 

Suit yourself, but as I said I never had an agenda (like getting a date), I just like meeting and chatting with people! Completely detached myself from the outcome of the convo. Didn't matter ...it was fun chatting!

 

Why do you and other men always need to have an agenda? Can't you just chat with a girl without being so hung up on whether she "likes" you or not or whether or not she will agree to go out with you...or have sex with you?

 

Sheesh, lighten up for chrissakes, meeting people, chatting, dating should be fun! Not this intense game of what if and will she won't she.

 

Back to your post, I never cold approached ...I just took advantage of an opportunity ..like if we were standing in line somewhere, sitting at a coffee bar, on the bus lol (I live in large city) whatever. It was completely natural and spontaneous.

 

Hey it worked for me, not only was it fun chatting with someone new, but I got many dates that way ...and actually met my first two boyfriends that way!

 

My fiance approached ME first...

Edited November 7, 2015 by katiegrl