"If a guy is interested....he WILL pursue..."

[Male]

Hey it worked for me, not only was it fun chatting with someone new, but I got many dates that way ...and actually met my first two boyfriends that way!

 

Of course it works for you!! You're a woman!

 

I am not being mean, or trying to cause a problem with this...but when women have your mindset, and you dont realize that situations transpire totally different for you because you are a woman, compared to how they transpire for majority of men, that just drives me nuts How do some women not realize the world works that way???

 

Just about any average looking woman can cold approach almost any guy or group of guys and be quickly accepted into the conversation. But turn it around and most women have no interest in having even the basic random chit-chat with a guy unless he's good looking enough.

 

Majority of women see it as a nuisance having a guy try to talk to them randomly in public. And no I'm not talking about the overbearing guys that "hit" on women, I'm talking about random conversation. The better looking the woman is, the less she wants you to talk to her, or even look at her for that matter.

[katiegrl]

Of course it works for you!! You're a woman!

 

I am not being mean, or trying to cause a problem with this...but when women have your mindset, and you dont realize that situations transpire totally different for you because you are a woman, compared to how they transpire for majority of men, that just drives me nuts

 

 

""How do some women not realize the world works that way??? ***

 

 

 

Just about any average looking woman can cold approach almost any guy or group of guys and be quickly accepted into the conversation. But turn it around and most women have no interest in having even the basic random chit-chat with a guy unless he's good looking enough.

 

Majority of women see it as a nuisance having a guy try to talk to them randomly in public. And no I'm not talking about the overbearing guys that "hit" on women, I'm talking about random conversation. The better looking the woman is, the less she wants you to talk to her, or even look at her for that matter.

 

Quote in asterisk, I guess because it hasn't been my experience, that's how.

 

Nor the experience of my fiance when he was dating, nor the experience of my five brothers....all of whom have had (and for my single brothers continue to have), very positive experiences (give or take).

 

And when they don't, they don't go crying in their beer about it, they simply chalk it up and move on.

 

If there was something to be learned, they would ..and applied it to the next experience.

 

Getting rejected actually made them stronger, and made it easier the next time.

 

They weren't and aren't afraid to take a risk!

 

That said, I am sorry ...you are having such a difficult time.

 

Yes women can be brutal sometimes, so can men for that matter. Men do not have the market cornered on that one!

 

Each gender experiences their own fair share of trials and tribulations.

 

All I can say to that is, again, stop taking everything so damn personally!

 

If you continue to be bitter and negative, you will attract negative experiences.

 

Conversely, if your attitude is more positive, you will attract positive experience.

 

It's not easy dispelling negative thinking though I understand that.

 

Not sure what the answer is, except perhaps trying a different approach, try adopting a different attitude, even if you have to fake it at first.

 

Choose to think more positively... choose to not allow it all to affect you so negatively.

 

Choose to relax a little, choose to have fun with it!

 

Women can sense the attitude, and either be drawn to you, or repelled.

 

Not that you were looking for advice, if you are content and happy with your life now, as is, then hell who am I to tell you you need to change!

 

You just don't seem happy to me, I could be wrong.

Edited November 7, 2015 by katiegrl

[phineas]

Its actually kind of a selfish action. For a guy to approach and pursue a woman based on visual appearance alone, means he typically has an agenda that really has little to do with her as a person.

 

Most guys see a woman they like, and the main priority becomes "What do I need to do to date her, sleep with her, or make her like me"?

 

Very few guys think "Let me get to know her and see if she is the type of woman I want".

 

And you think women don't know this?

Seriously?

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Ya that's why there are times I hate being born male because of the cards I was dealt with in the dating/mating game

[Revolver]

There's plenty of women I've been interested in but never enough to where I'm going to risk rejection/embarrassment to stick my neck out and approach. It just makes things awkward and weird when she says no especially if you know that person well or she knows other people you do

[katiegrl]

There's plenty of women I've been interested in but never enough to where I'm going to risk rejection/embarrassment to stick my neck out and approach. It just makes things awkward and weird when she says no especially if you know that person well or she knows other people you do

 

Awkward and embarrassing for who though? You? Apparently, but why?

 

Since when is expressing an interest awkward and embarrassing?

 

You had an interest, you expressed it, asked her out, she declined, life goes on, business as usual!

 

The way I see it, good for you for going for it! Takes courage and confidence to go after something/someone you have an interest in. To take a risk!

 

What's to be embarrassed about??????

 

I don't understand you guys, seriously. I am trying to, but I just don't get it.

 

Bunch of cowards IMO. When did this happen? How did it happen?

 

Sad.

 

Edit: And lest you think I haven't taken risks myself, read my posts on this thread. I have and have gotten knocked down as well.

 

I never got *embarrassed* jeez. Even if I had to (god forbid...lol) face them again.

 

Oh the horror! Lol

Edited November 8, 2015 by katiegrl

[Male]

Quote in asterisk, I guess because it hasn't been my experience, that's how.

 

Nor the experience of my fiance when he was dating, nor the experience of my five brothers....all of whom have had (and for my single brothers continue to have), very positive experiences (give or take).

 

And when they don't, they don't go crying in their beer about it, they simply chalk it up and move on.

 

Its always amazing how women are allowed to come to a forum like this and complain, whine, or bitch about their experiences, but when a guy complains about his experiences, theres always women that put him down for it, and talk down to him in a negative way.

 

If there was something to be learned, they would ..and applied it to the next experience.

 

The only thing I keep learning over and over is that women have proved they want nothing to do with me because......

 

I'm under 6ft(their words not mine)

And the fact that I dont have any kids(their words not mine)

 

2 things that arent going to change anytime soon.

 

 

 

 

If you continue to be bitter and negative, you will attract negative experiences.

 

Conversely, if your attitude is more positive, you will attract positive experience.

 

That is utter BS. Theres plenty of negative jerks that get women, and use women on a regular basis.

 

You dont know how I present myself when I try to get a date so its pointless for you to judge that without asking first.

 

Believe it or not...I've actually tested the theory, and I got completely ignored sending out positive, upbeat messages to women online, but negative messages get a return rate of well over 50%.

 

 

It's not easy dispelling negative thinking though I understand that.

 

Not sure what the answer is, except perhaps trying a different approach, try adopting a different attitude, even if you have to fake it at first.

 

Choose to think more positively... choose to not allow it all to affect you so negatively.

 

Choose to relax a little, choose to have fun with it!

 

Women can sense the attitude, and either be drawn to you, or repelled.

 

Not that you were looking for advice, if you are content and happy with your life now, as is, then hell who am I to tell you you need to change!

 

You just don't seem happy to me, I could be wrong.

 

I got married in 2004, divorced a few years ago, and now I'm back in the dating scene. I am the same person I was before I got married. I never had trouble getting a date or interacting with women back then. But obviously while I was married everything else changed. Dating is not the same as it was 10 yrs ago. The internet, social media, and online dating has changed everything. Its literally impossible from my experience to find a woman that wants to actually talk on the phone instead of texting. You dont go on dates anymore...now you have to meet them so they can "get to know you" before any dating starts, and take your spot in line while she meets 5 other dudes on FB or a dating site.

[katiegrl]

Its always amazing how women are allowed to come to a forum like this and complain, whine, or bitch about their experiences, but when a guy complains about his experiences, theres always women that put him down for it, and talk down to him in a negative way.

 

 

 

The only thing I keep learning over and over is that women have proved they want nothing to do with me because......

 

I'm under 6ft(their words not mine)

And the fact that I dont have any kids(their words not mine)

 

2 things that arent going to change anytime soonn

 

 

That is utter BS. Theres plenty of negative jerks that get women, and use women on a regular basis.

 

You dont know how I present myself when I try to get a date so its pointless for you to judge that without asking first.

 

Believe it or not...I've actually tested the theory, and I got completely ignored sending out positive, upbeat messages to women online, but negative messages get a return rate of well over 50%.

 

 

 

 

I got married in 2004, divorced a few years ago, and now I'm back in the dating scene. I am the same person I was before I got married. I never had trouble getting a date or interacting with women back then. But obviously while I was married everything else changed. Dating is not the same as it was 10 yrs ago. The internet, social media, and online dating has changed everything. Its literally impossible from my experience to find a woman that wants to actually talk on the phone instead of texting. You dont go on dates anymore...now you have to meet them so they can "get to know you" before any dating starts, and take your spot in line while she meets 5 other dudes on FB or a dating site.

 

Wah wah wahhh ...cry me a river.

 

I was trying to understand and help you ...but nevermind!

Edited November 8, 2015 by katiegrl

[Male]

Wah wah wahhh ...cry me a river.

 

I was trying to understand and help you ...but nevermind!

 

You are unable to help because you dont understand the situation. The major factors that women arent attracted to me are factors that I cant change.

 

I'm so sick and tired of women telling guys "You just need to smile and be positive". I could have a team of professionals helping me, and that still isnt going to change the opinions of most women.

 

The only chance I have is to find that super rare woman that actually cares about getting to know me as a person, and isnt so insecure that she needs a "tall guy to make her feel small" or any other bs like that.

[StBreton]

You are unable to help because you dont understand the situation. The major factors that women arent attracted to me are factors that I cant change.

 

I'm so sick and tired of women telling guys "You just need to smile and be positive". I could have a team of professionals helping me, and that still isnt going to change the opinions of most women.

 

The only chance I have is to find that super rare woman that actually cares about getting to know me as a person, and isnt so insecure that she needs a "tall guy to make her feel small" or any other bs like that.

 

 

Ok... are you willing to date someone outside of your age bracket if you're expecting girls to date outside of their whatever bracket? What bracket are you willing to forego in order to date?

 

I'm fairly new to the dating scene after a loooong hiatus ... I definitely date outside the norm of my brackets 20 years ago. I dated the Rob Lowe kind of guys. I don't care about that anymore. I'm not going to date a guy who doesn't have his life together though ... that's my new bracket.

[katiegrl]

You are unable to help because you dont understand the situation. The major factors that women arent attracted to me are factors that I cant change.

 

I'm so sick and tired of women telling guys "You just need to smile and be positive". I could have a team of professionals helping me, and that still isnt going to change the opinions of most women.

 

The only chance I have is to find that super rare woman that actually cares about getting to know me as a person, and isnt so insecure that she needs a "tall guy to make her feel small" or any other bs like that.

 

Male, look didn't want to end this on a negative note.

 

After reading the above, something clicked and I do get it. Honestly truly. And yah it sucks, many women are shallow, superficial, it's all become a big freaking mess.

 

But there *are* good women out there, my fiance found one! :love:

 

I couldn't give a rat's rear end how tall or gorgeous a man is, chemistry and feeling connected go WAY beyond that superficial crap IMO.

 

I am only one of many many women who feel this way, so she's out there, keep going!

 

Stay away from OLD!

Edited November 8, 2015 by katiegrl

[StBreton]

Its always amazing how women are allowed to come to a forum like this and complain, whine, or bitch about their experiences, but when a guy complains about his experiences, theres always women that put him down for it, and talk down to him in a negative way.

 

The women who "complain" do not do so because they aren't putting themselves out there. I see a lot of complaining as a result of guys not being forthright, committed or just plain bad behavior.

 

The only thing I keep learning over and over is that women have proved they want nothing to do with me because......

 

I'm under 6ft(their words not mine) I see a lot of short guys dating/married

And the fact that I dont have any kids(their words not mine) Does give a girl pause as to why and if you can deal with kids...can't fault them for that ...prove them wrong. Please learn how to use an apostrophe.

 

2 things that arent going to change anytime soon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

That is utter BS. Theres plenty of negative jerks that get women, and use women on a regular basis. Apparently these are the over 6 ft with children types right?

 

You dont know how I present myself when I try to get a date so its pointless for you to judge that without asking first.

 

Believe it or not...I've actually tested the theory, and I got completely ignored sending out positive, upbeat messages to women online, but negative messages get a return rate of well over 50%.

 

I would not ever go out with a guy that leads with a "negging" introduction...good luck with that outcome...seriously

 

 

I got married in 2004, married in 1998 divorced a few years ago, divorced last year and now I'm back in the dating scene me, too. I am the same person I was before I got married I'm a lot more mature and look a bit older. I never had trouble getting a date me either or interacting with women back then. But obviously while I was married everything else changed obviously so .... Dating is not the same as it was 10 yrs ago. The internet, social media, and online dating has changed everything true. Its literally impossible from my experience to find a woman that wants to actually talk on the phone instead of texting what age are you dating ...you going for the young ones?. You dont go on dates anymore...now you have to meet them so they can "get to know you" before any dating starts again...who are you dating...I only go on dates if I choose, and take your spot in line while she meets 5 other dudes on FB or a dating site judging from your marriage date...you are in your 30s...are you dating the 20 something year olds? Date until they find a good one...what is wrong with that?.

 

I'm mostly dating guys in their 40s to early 50s ... many guys in their 40s want to date woman in their 30s...you are competing with these guys ... and they may have a lot of resources that have a tremendous influence on woman that you are pursuing. That is your competition. Internet dating has given people access to so many possible people to date now ... back when you and I dated...we had a small sphere of which to date. It's just the nature of the game. I know what I have to offer ... yet many guys in my age range would rather date the crazy chicks or girls who are a lot younger ... mostly because a lot of guys who are single in my age range are single for a reason...they are not emotionally balanced...I'm not sitting here complaining... and I haven't really complained on this forum... I just go for the guys that appreciate a woman like myself.

 

Another batch of popcorn...

Edited November 8, 2015 by StBreton

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Awkward and embarrassing for who though? You? Apparently, but why?

 

Since when is expressing an interest awkward and embarrassing?

 

You had an interest, you expressed it, asked her out, she declined, life goes on, business as usual!

 

The way I see it, good for you for going for it! Takes courage and confidence to go after something/someone you have an interest in. To take a risk!

 

What's to be embarrassed about??????

 

I don't understand you guys, seriously. I am trying to, but I just don't get it.

 

Bunch of cowards IMO. When did this happen? How did it happen?

 

Sad.

 

Edit: And lest you think I haven't taken risks myself, read my posts on this thread. I have and have gotten knocked down as well.

 

I never got *embarrassed* jeez. Even if I had to (god forbid...lol) face them again.

 

Oh the horror! Lol

 

Yup, typical passive woman

[anduina]

Okay, here's a question for the guys....

 

Most of my life I have had the belief that "if a guy is interested...he will pursue you..." I've been fed that line many times before. And based on personal experience, that logic is definitely true! Whenever I went AFTER a guy, it would never work out. But whenever I let the guy come to ME (ie. meaning he's definitely shown that he's attracted to me, he's interested, he talks to me, etc) things usually work out SO much better! Even super SHY guys in the past who were interested in me eventually made a move later on down the line.

 

But then, often I hear (or even read on message boards) an overwhelming amount of guys saying that this sentiment (guys will always pursue) is NOT always true! Some guys SWEAR that they won't always pursue a girl they are interested in or catches their eye (assuming the guy is SINGLE of course), and they will be just fine leaving things up to chance!

 

So....tell me guys... If there is a girl you meet/know of and you're REALLY interested in her, or you're really attracted to her (you just have to get to know her better), for the most part, will you pursue her or try to at least talk to her and be in her company? Or do you sometimes leave things up to chance (ie. wait for the girl to show interest in YOU first, wait for the girl to pursue YOU, or see if the girl has other qualities that you like)? BE HONEST!

 

Because from my experience usually a guy who is interested WILL do/say something, even it took him days, weeks, months, or even YEARS to do so!

Yes they do. I date introverted, shy guys since they're so sweet and because I'm also an introvert. They will make the effort if you return their interest. This one introverted guy with social anxiety even made the effort and asked me out.

[katiegrl]

Yup, typical passive woman

 

LOL ...initiating convos with men ...asking them to join me for coffee, getting together is passive?

 

Alrighty then!

[StBreton]

LOL ...initiating convos with men ...asking them to join me for coffee, getting together is passive?

 

Alrighty then!

 

 

Setting my popcorn aside...

 

He wants a woman to do all the work ... so he doesn't have to deal with the rejection ... because it would further deteriorate his fragile self worth.

 

Back to the popcorn..

[kilgore]

Setting my popcorn aside...

 

He wants a woman to do all the work ... so he doesn't have to deal with the rejection ... because it would further deteriorate his fragile self worth.

 

Back to the popcorn..

 

An aside - popcorn is the best

[kilgore]

I'm mostly dating guys in their 40s to early 50s ... many guys in their 40s want to date woman in their 30s...you are competing with these guys ... and they may have a lot of resources that have a tremendous influence on woman that you are pursuing. That is your competition. Internet dating has given people access to so many possible people to date now ... back when you and I dated...we had a small sphere of which to date. It's just the nature of the game. I know what I have to offer ... yet many guys in my age range would rather date the crazy chicks or girls who are a lot younger ... mostly because a lot of guys who are single in my age range are single for a reason...they are not emotionally balanced...I'm not sitting here complaining... and I haven't really complained on this forum... I just go for the guys that appreciate a woman like myself.

 

Another batch of popcorn...

Curiously why do you prefer guys in that age range?

[StBreton]

Curiously why do you prefer guys in that age range?

 

 

Because they know all the words to the Journey songs ...like me:)

 

Just to stay on topic...if a guy doesn't pursue...I'll assume he doesn't know all the words to the Journey songs:laugh:

[kilgore]

Because they know all the words to the Journey songs ...like me:)

 

Just to stay on topic...if a guy doesn't pursue...I'll assume he doesn't know all the words to the Journey songs:laugh:

 

That makes sense. We're I ever single again which hopefully will not happen I would only pursue a woman who knew the words to my songs and vice verse

[StBreton]

An aside - popcorn is the best

 

 

Popcorn is the one area in my life in which I have a problem sharing:)

 

Just to stay on topic...if a guy doesn't liberally share his popcorn...it doesn't matter if he pursues or not...I'm not interested.

[kilgore]

Popcorn is the one area in my life in which I have a problem sharing:)

 

Just to stay on topic...if a guy doesn't liberally share his popcorn...it doesn't matter if he pursues or not...I'm not interested.

 

Agree. He should share. But you don't have to

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

LOL ...initiating convos with men ...asking them to join me for coffee, getting together is passive?

 

Alrighty then!

 

Well you have stated that you would never approach or go up to a guy and talk to a guy first, initiate conversation with a guy first

[katiegrl]

Well you have stated that you would never approach or go up to a guy and talk to a guy first, initiate conversation with a guy first

 

You're obviously mixing me up with another poster.....I have never stated anything of the sort.

 

I have been initiating convos with men (and women) .... ever since I can remember, in fact I met my first two boyfriends by speaking to them first, and with my first, I was the one who suggested we go for a drink!

 

Do I *chase* men? No. Nor do I think men should *chase* women.

 

I admit I do prefer a man to initiate the first few dates, but after that we pursue "each other". Equal give and take. But I have absolutely no problem with talking to him first.

 

I suggest you my read my posts (and try to understand what you're reading) before tossing out baseless accusations.

 

Thanks a bunch!

Edited November 8, 2015 by katiegrl

[phineas]

Setting my popcorn aside...

 

He wants a woman to do all the work ... so he doesn't have to deal with the rejection ... because it would further deteriorate his fragile self worth.

 

Back to the popcorn..

 

Screw that noise.

I'd rather find out if a woman is into me NOW then spend weeks agonizing on whether she likes me or not while I plan for the perfect moment to ask her out.

 

And if a woman does shoot me down.

Who cares?

And when a woman who did shoot me down later on changes her mind?

Well, then I make her work for it.