"If a guy is interested....he WILL pursue..."

[xxoo]

Yup, that's why I started a thread about it in August, that I never enjoyed being a hunter

 

But you want things, right? Maybe sex, maybe a girlfriend.

 

What are you doing to go for what you want?

[Gloria25]

But you want things, right? Maybe sex, maybe a girlfriend.

 

What are you doing to go for what you want?

 

Exactly, go find a homely, overweight, low self-esteem woman who is just happy "anyone" gave her a compliment. And vola!!! No hunting, no effort, and she'll do all the work in the RL and/or meet you half way.

 

On ID they had this guy who was into mail order brides...cuz he was lazy and yet expected to snag a "10" without any effort on his part. The guy was short, bald, overweight too. Did he bother to go to the gym, get a job - in other words, make himself "dateable"?

 

Nah, his solution was to take advantage of mail order brides. He made them work while he stayed home, demand that in order for him to finish up their immigration paperwork they had to get pregnant for him. He "rented" out a room in his place to some guy and they'd just sit around all day while he collected the mail order bride's checks till they got tired and went back to their own countries.

 

Funny how some guys want women, but don't see how/why any effort is required on their end...and, when/if they're lucky enough to land the "babe" they so desired, they treat them like dirt.

[Male]

In life things don't come to us cuz we sit around and wait for it.

 

Do you have a job?

 

Ok, how did you get the job? Did you sit at home and the employer come and ask to hire you? Or did you go and apply for the job. Oh, how many jobs did you have to apply for, interviews go to, non-selection before you landed this one?

 

 

The problem though, is that women shouldnt judge a guy based on his persistence. Chasing doesnt prove anything. Should a job hire people based on their skillset or can I get a job just because I put in 10 applications more than everyone else??

 

Women think "chasing" or persistence means the guy is more of a man. But it doesnt prove what skills he has to offer her as far as a relationship goes. It could also mean he's one of those wackos that doesnt take no for an answer, and wants to control you once you're in a relationship.

 

Women like chasing because it puts all the attention on them, and feeds their ego. Period.

[GravityMan]

I think that if the man and woman are interested in each other, both will "pursue" each other in their own ways. A bit of give-and-take comes into play here. Yes, including many shy people. There are LOTS of mildly shy adult guys and women in the world, and most of them have had relationships (with the shy dude making the first move a lot of the time) and don't really have much more difficulty dating than an outgoing person.

 

Pursuing can be done in lots of different ways...overt, subtle/indirect, teasing/humorous, straightforward, imaginative/creative and so on...but the intent is usually the same. The pursuing may be bold. Or it may be done a bit awkwardly. Just make sure that you're not sending mixed signals.

 

I also think that in many cases where the person is genuinely interested, his/her pursuing will occur naturally. However if the person is socially awkward that can lead to him overthinking things and coming across a bit forced. If the person has severe social anxiety or is timid (fyi that's much worse than mere mild shyness) then that can inhibit and "paralyze" him to the point where he fails to act on normal human tendencies. Such a timid adult may need professional help...timidness is something that most people should overcome between the ages of 8 and 15 (assuming they had it in the first place).

 

OTOH if the guy is a player or just wants another notch in his belt or just relishes the challenge or whatever...then his pursuits will likely seem calculated unless he is skilled at disguising that.

 

At the end of the day, I think that the majority of people (even those who would score a grade of "C" or so on the "self-confidence" exam) will eventually have the courage to go after what they want, or at least make their presence known in the vicinity of the person they like. This goes beyond confidence...it's just human nature to a large extent.

[Rejected Rosebud]

The problem though, is that women shouldnt judge a guy based on his persistence.

 

Please try to get this through your head: WE DO NOT !!!!!!

 

Should a job hire people based on their skillset or can I get a job just because I put in 10 applications more than everyone else??

If 2 guys have the exact same skill set, the guy who wants it more IS the one who's getting that job. Please don't pretend you don't get this!!! :eek:

 

 

Women like chasing because it puts all the attention on them, and feeds their ego. Period.

Guys who talk to women and tell us what women like. Period. Are probably not guys any of us women would be interested in anyway. :mad: You really don't know a thing about women but you keep on posting here ... and not listening. Why?

[Rejected Rosebud]

Guys - anyone who is listening - if you like a girl, let her know you like her. She might like you too! She might not but at least you gave it a shot. If you didn't give it a shot, then you lose no matter what. And in that case you have zero grounds for whining and complaining and saying crappy things about us and our egos and all that! OK??:bunny:

[loveflower]

I don't want a man who doesn't like me enough or have enough courage to make a move on me.

 

That's my preference.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Then don't hunt.

 

I have to gon on OLD and send "Hi" messages and sit back and wait to see who responds. Do I enjoy it? No. But how else am I going to meet people? Through family, friends, workplace?

 

In life things don't come to us cuz we sit around and wait for it.

 

Do you have a job?

 

Ok, how did you get the job? Did you sit at home and the employer come and ask to hire you? Or did you go and apply for the job. Oh, how many jobs did you have to apply for, interviews go to, non-selection before you landed this one?

 

So add resentment towards having to "hunt" for a job to you list of unfairness in the cruel world we live in

Obviously both men and women are expected to hunt for jobs, but in the dating/mating game, men are expected to hunt, be the pursuers and initiator, besides, doesn't a female Lion do majority of the hunting?

[Male]

I don't want a man who doesn't like me enough or have enough courage to make a move on me.

 

That's my preference.

 

So let me get this straight.....

 

If the guy does show X amount of interest its OK for the woman to give up on him....

 

But while the guy is chasing, he's not a man unless he chases a woman, even if she likes to be chased, and strings him along by showing less interest than he is showing???

 

And I'm the one that is looked at as the idiot for not agreeing to the chase.....

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I guess my parents failed me, that's why I've felt for a while now that parental upbringing, childhood socializing has a much bigger impact on a guys dating life/sex life than the other way around, guess my parents didn't drill into my head deeply enough that life, reality is not fair, and that includes the dating/mating game, mean expected to approach and be the initiator, lead the interaction, oh well can't change the past but must mold myself into what I should be

[Gloria25]

The problem though, is that women shouldnt judge a guy based on his persistence. Chasing doesnt prove anything. Should a job hire people based on their skillset or can I get a job just because I put in 10 applications more than everyone else??

 

Women think "chasing" or persistence means the guy is more of a man. But it doesnt prove what skills he has to offer her as far as a relationship goes. It could also mean he's one of those wackos that doesnt take no for an answer, and wants to control you once you're in a relationship.

 

Women like chasing because it puts all the attention on them, and feeds their ego. Period.

 

Ok, you're taking it to an extreme...

 

The thread here is about a man "making a move", not "chasing".

 

I don't expect any man to "chase" me. For one, I don't think I'm high/mighty like some women, am a manipulator, and/or enjoy putting a guy through "tests", "hoops" or whatever it is a lot of women do.

 

If a guy isn't making a move, demonstrating "romantic" interest in me (i.e. touching, hugging, kissing), how else am I going to know he's into me and taking it slow, please tell me how I'll know that he's into me but taking it slow?

[Gloria25]

I guess my parents failed me, that's why I've felt for a while now that parental upbringing, childhood socializing has a much bigger impact on a guys dating life/sex life than the other way around, guess my parents didn't drill into my head deeply enough that life, reality is not fair, and that includes the dating/mating game, mean expected to approach and be the initiator, lead the interaction, oh well can't change the past but must mold myself into what I should be

 

And my parents failed me too...

 

Not "once" did they sit down and tell me about dating, picking a mate, marriage - nothing.

 

Worst, I was raised in a dysfunctional home - so I never saw what a loving husband/wife/family should look like.

 

But guess what? When I turn on the TV, read a book, listen to the radio, and/or come to a MB like Loveshack I can gain knowledge and give myself the tools I was never given to make it in the RL world. I'm a work in progress - even at almost 40 years of age, but I believe I'm getting better every day.

 

But, I will give you something - which is, dating now a days is difficult. IMO, all this "equality", women's movement, etc. has made it hard for both men and women and yes, mostly men. But I believe there's still some good women out there, I'm one of them. I may be "bent", but I'm not "broken" and I'm learning to love again (taken from Pink's song )

[Imported]

So let me get this straight.....

 

If the guy does show X amount of interest its OK for the woman to give up on him....

 

But while the guy is chasing, he's not a man unless he chases a woman, even if she likes to be chased, and strings him along by showing less interest than he is showing???

 

And I'm the one that is looked at as the idiot for not agreeing to the chase.....

 

MrTurk, the women you dream of making a move on, some other guy has already made a move on. So while you are debating on why you shouldn't have to, the game is already over for you.

 

And no, you will not convince other guys to see it your way, because any guy with some confidence won't give a **** about your way.

[joseb]

 

Do you have a job?

 

Ok, how did you get the job? Did you sit at home and the employer come and ask to hire you? Or did you go and apply for the job. Oh, how many jobs did you have to apply for, interviews go to, non-selection before you landed this one?

 

 

I'd be curious to hear the response too I get the impression male thinks everything in life should be easy, so wondering if he ever had to strive to get something.

[Heatherknows]

Guys only want girls that don't want them or at least don't want them much.

[xxoo]

So let me get this straight.....

 

If the guy does show X amount of interest its OK for the woman to give up on him....

 

But while the guy is chasing, he's not a man unless he chases a woman, even if she likes to be chased, and strings him along by showing less interest than he is showing???

 

And I'm the one that is looked at as the idiot for not agreeing to the chase.....

 

It's always ok for a woman not to want a man (or a man not to want a woman). Not everyone you pursue will return the interest. With practice and experience, most find it easier to discern genuine returned interest.

 

Your chances are better if you go for it. That's all.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

And my parents failed me too...

 

Not "once" did they sit down and tell me about dating, picking a mate, marriage - nothing.

 

Worst, I was raised in a dysfunctional home - so I never saw what a loving husband/wife/family should look like.

 

But guess what? When I turn on the TV, read a book, listen to the radio, and/or come to a MB like Loveshack I can gain knowledge and give myself the tools I was never given to make it in the RL world. I'm a work in progress - even at almost 40 years of age, but I believe I'm getting better every day.

 

But, I will give you something - which is, dating now a days is difficult. IMO, all this "equality", women's movement, etc. has made it hard for both men and women and yes, mostly men. But I believe there's still some good women out there, I'm one of them. I may be "bent", but I'm not "broken" and I'm learning to love again (taken from Pink's song )

 

Specifically, how has equality, feminism, made dating and relationships much more difficult?

[salparadise]

Women like chasing because it puts all the attention on them, and feeds their ego. Period.

 

There certainly are some like this, and in my opinion they usually turn out to be drama queens... self-focused, egotistical, manipulative, constantly in need of validation. They can't be satisfied in a stable relationship. After the initial pursuit should be over they will still be looking for someone new to shower them with attention and validation... in other words, to them the chase never ends and they take pleasure in keeping a guy off balance. How do I know? Because I've been involved with a couple of them. No more.

 

A better way to look at it for me is, it's a dance... and both participate, cooperatively. And perhaps the man leads, but she works with him not against him. It's all very subtle and wonderful when done smoothly with enthusiasm on both sides.

 

But if a woman is resistant, uncooperative, or if she tries to set it up as a competition or make me feel insecure- nope, not going to play those silly, immature games.

 

My current (hopefully permanent) girlfriend got it right. She allowed me to lead but she also let it be known that she wanted to dance... and with me in particular, not just anyone who would feed her ego. At three months in she's still cooperative, affirming and completely drama-free.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Since vagina means receiving, I guess that means women are meant to be the spoiled gender

[Male]

 

A better way to look at it for me is, it's a dance... and both participate, cooperatively. And perhaps the man leads, but she works with him not against him. It's all very subtle and wonderful when done smoothly with enthusiasm on both sides.

 

 

Thats all I'm saying, it should be equal effort on both sides.

 

I do have an issue with women that think a man isnt a man if he doesnt chase. It's called having pride. If you want to spend time with me you will run to me not away....and if you think running away is the right way to get a man to want you more than you are the one that has the issues, not the man.

[Gloria25]

Specifically, how has equality, feminism, made dating and relationships much more difficult?

 

Because women have more options like working and earning their own stuff, so they have no "need" to jump into relationships like back in the day where women needed a man's income.

 

So, they can be more picky. They have more power cuz unless all men are gonna become homosexual, they are gonna want women and are at women's mercy. There's a saying out there about how women, all women, determine how men will treat them. If she's in no rush to marry and a guy wants to get laid, he's gonna be a good little boy to get some.

 

Also, women are being told that doing anything like cooking, sexing, homemaker stuff, running a home is demeaning. So, if you do something nice for a man, you are a "submissive" - not a loving, caring partner....oh yeah, now everyone is a "partner".

 

So men are reduced to sperm donors, paychecks, and babysitters while women "do their thing". If you dare say something to her, no sex and/or divorce where women still get custody, support, etc most of the time.

 

Women know they have that power now a days, so they have a "take it or leave now a days".

 

I was watching Steve Harvey a bit today as I was busy around the house and this woman, who was attractive, got money and like she's got it going on just didn't get why she was having problems dating...mind you, she said she shouldn't be "judged" for who she is. Mind you, she has public Instagram pictures of her half naked on boats, beach, car, etc.

 

Oh yeah, they also are told you have no right to "shame" them. So, when they stop going to the gym and letting go of their looks, you are mean if you dare expect them to do something about it.

 

For the life of me, I don't find most women dateable now a days...if I were a man I'd just get what I can from them (money, companionship, sex) and move on to the next...or, I'd become homosexual.

[Gloria25]

Guys only want girls that don't want them or at least don't want them much.

 

Yep, the same guys complaining about women not making moves, etc?

 

The day a manipulator woman crosses their paths and starts working them, they'll be jumping through hoops to get her. And she'll be like "no, I can't have sex now till we get married" and poof!!! Dude got the ring and a date faster than she can walk away.

[WonderKid]

Women have the power in dating when they are younger. Even a younger single mom still has power when young and in the prime years. Young guys usually don't. A woman at the end of the day, can sit back a get any form of companionship eventually. Women are usually taught at a young age they don't have to pursue, while boys are taught otherwise--so it becomes natural. If she is dolled up and looking great, why would she approach a guy? She doesn't have to. She shouldn't have to.

 

When does a guy have power? When he gets older and/or established. Even if you are young and established you are still good. That's why it is good to focus on establishing yourself then women later.

Money + Power = Women. It is silly to think otherwise.

[loveflower]

Women have the power in dating when they are younger. Even a younger single mom still has power when young and in the prime years. Young guys usually don't. A woman at the end of the day, can sit back a get any form of companionship eventually. Women are usually taught at a young age they don't have to pursue, while boys are taught otherwise--so it becomes natural. If she is dolled up and looking great, why would she approach a guy? She doesn't have to. She shouldn't have to.

 

When does a guy have power? When he gets older and/or established. Even if you are young and established you are still good. That's why it is good to focus on establishing yourself then women later.

Money + Power = Women. It is silly to think otherwise.

 

Nope...I don't find old, ugly and ESTABLISHED men attractive. No money can buy my love.

[xxoo]

There certainly are some like this, and in my opinion they usually turn out to be drama queens... self-focused, egotistical, manipulative, constantly in need of validation. They can't be satisfied in a stable relationship. After the initial pursuit should be over they will still be looking for someone new to shower them with attention and validation... in other words, to them the chase never ends and they take pleasure in keeping a guy off balance. How do I know? Because I've been involved with a couple of them. No more.

 

A better way to look at it for me is, it's a dance... and both participate, cooperatively. And perhaps the man leads, but she works with him not against him. It's all very subtle and wonderful when done smoothly with enthusiasm on both sides.

 

But if a woman is resistant, uncooperative, or if she tries to set it up as a competition or make me feel insecure- nope, not going to play those silly, immature games.

 

My current (hopefully permanent) girlfriend got it right. She allowed me to lead but she also let it be known that she wanted to dance... and with me in particular, not just anyone who would feed her ego. At three months in she's still cooperative, affirming and completely drama-free.

 

This is exactly it. It's a dance--he leads, she keeps up with him.

 

But he MUST lead. For me, anyway. I don't get anything at all out of leading a man. It's just....brotherly.