I think there's something wrong with my boyfriend - how to bring up health issues?

[MightyQuinn]

I have been dating my boyfriend for a couple months now and things have gotten more serious lately. However in the last few months I've also noticed a few things that could indicate he is depressed, or at the very least has sleep apnea.

 

He has been having trouble sleeping. Very low mood, much more irritable lately at work, in traffic, in general. He isn't interested in sex, even has stopped playing with himself. The other night he slept over and I woke up a few times because he was snoring, but several times he also stopped breathing. I think his sleep apnea is causing sleep deprivation, which can look a lot like clinical depression.

 

Any advice on how I might be able to bring this subject up with him, and get him to at least see a doctor? Either way, I think I'm going to talk to him about it this weekend when I see him again, just wanted to see if anybody else it may be gone through something like this before.

[Redhead14]

I have been dating my boyfriend for a couple months now and things have gotten more serious lately. However in the last few months I've also noticed a few things that could indicate he is depressed, or at the very least has sleep apnea.

 

He has been having trouble sleeping. Very low mood, much more irritable lately at work, in traffic, in general. He isn't interested in sex, even has stopped playing with himself. The other night he slept over and I woke up a few times because he was snoring, but several times he also stopped breathing. I think his sleep apnea is causing sleep deprivation, which can look a lot like clinical depression.

 

Any advice on how I might be able to bring this subject up with him, and get him to at least see a doctor? Either way, I think I'm going to talk to him about it this weekend when I see him again, just wanted to see if anybody else it may be gone through something like this before.

 

This is very important. You should simply say something like "You know, Name, I've noticed that you sometimes stop breathing during the night and I know that this is a sign of sleep apnea. Are you aware of it? I am concerned because you don't seem to be yourself lately and sleep apnea disturbs sleep so you may not be getting the quality sleep you need. You may want to consider going to the doctor just to check it out".

 

It's not too unusual to stop breathing briefly while snoring, however. It's when the breathing stops long enough to cause the person to wake up and gasp for breath that really indicates that apnea has manifested itself.

 

It's worth checking out though, because it could escalate to that if it's say, developing.

 

Is he overweight? Does he drink heavily and/or smoke? What else is going on in his life that may be causing him to be stressed, if anything? Work/family problems?

[Wewon]

Be straight with him, tell him that you're noticing he's snoring (it woke you) and that he doesn't seem to be getting enough sleep. You're concerned that its sleep apnea.

[MightyQuinn]

It's not too unusual to stop breathing briefly while snoring, however. It's when the breathing stops long enough to cause the person to wake up and gasp for breath that really indicates that apnea has manifested itself.

 

It's worth checking out though, because it could escalate to that if it's say, developing.

 

I really think it is apnea. More often than not lately, even nights when he is not with me, he says he wakes up in the night even though he is exhausted - after Saturday I'm getting it's from not breathing.

 

One of the times when his snoring woke me up, he got so quiet a had to lift my head and look at his chest to see if it was moving. Just about the moment I realized it wasn't, he suddenly gasp-snored loud enough to wake himself up. Then after he got settled and back asleep, it happened again less dramatically two more times before I fell asleep.

 

 

Is he overweight? Does he drink heavily and/or smoke? What else is going on in his life that may be causing him to be stressed, if anything? Work/family problems?

 

Yes, I think he could stand to lose 30 pounds, he says 50. Not a heavy drinker, nonsmoker. He used to like his job, I think he would like it more if he could get a decent night's sleep. Nothing really going on with his family, but one relevant piece of trivia I know his mom has sleep apnea and I think needs a machine at night.

 

Thanks for responding.

[xcupid]

Sounds like sleep apnea which would account for his mood and behavior as well as lack of sexual desire. A visit to a doctor might help. Simply bring up the topic as you have suggested.

[MightyQuinn]

Unexpectedly had dinner with him tonight and was able to finally explain what I observed as far as him stopping breathing in the middle of the night. He thought about it and asked a few questions about how long he wasn't breathing and how much it happened. I told him all that I had learned about symptoms when I Googled it and every symptom I mentioned, he nodded his head - he basically had every one. Like me, he had thought that he was just seasonally depressed with the light/weather change, but with apnea on the table, it seemed like most of what he has been feeling can probably be explained by not getting quality sleep.

 

He was not happy, but at the same time seemed to be relieved to know what the issue is and he can do something about it now instead of just muddling through sleeplessness.

 

I feel so much better and so much lighter. Now to help motivate him live a healthier lifestyle because the first thing the doc is going to say is "Lose some weight."

 

Thank for the advice and for "listening" to me

[htmshsj]

Get him going to the gym. You don't see too many fit people with sleep apnea.

[Captivating]

I have been dating my boyfriend for a couple months now and things have gotten more serious lately. However in the last few months I've also noticed a few things that could indicate he is depressed, or at the very least has sleep apnea.

 

He has been having trouble sleeping. Very low mood, much more irritable lately at work, in traffic, in general. He isn't interested in sex, even has stopped playing with himself. The other night he slept over and I woke up a few times because he was snoring, but several times he also stopped breathing. I think his sleep apnea is causing sleep deprivation, which can look a lot like clinical depression.

 

Any advice on how I might be able to bring this subject up with him, and get him to at least see a doctor? Either way, I think I'm going to talk to him about it this weekend when I see him again, just wanted to see if anybody else it may be gone through something like this before.

 

This is a valid concern. Sleep apnea is a serious condition that needs to be treated!!! Get a referral to a sleep specialist clinic where they will have your boyfriend sleep overnight, monitoring his sleep. He might need to use a mask overnight to eliviate the sleep problems. Also, losing the extra weight might put an end to this as well. It takes time though so getting a C-pap machine will help until then. Take care !