Dating for over a year and still hasn't filed for divorce

[jerrygordon3]

We met last September and she was about 6 months out of a 5 year marriage. The husband lives hundreds of miles away and sort of stiffs her with bills sometimes. They talk often but there's definitely nothing going on there. Just talk about bills and their daughter and visitation etc. but her and I have been talking about marriage here and there and it's something I want but I don't feel like it's my place to push the issue. But it makes me feel sort of like **** sometimes cause I want to move forward and her actions say that she is just sort of lazy and stuff about it. I want to marry this girl potentially, within the next year and it's just been weighing on my mind. Should I just keep waiting?

[redtail]

Should I just keep waiting?

I wouldn't, but that's me.

[BetrayedH]

I'm a little confuzzled. Can you explain if this is the same woman, or a different one...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/556188-wants-wait-until-marriage-have-sex-suddenly

[jerrygordon3]

She's dragging her feet to get divorced. No matter what happens she always comes back to me. We've had a tough go. I've never been in love like this. But at the same time the constant reminder that she is still married along with our recent break up. It's just a lot. I don't mind waiting but Jesus how much **** should I put up with. She promised she would get a divorce this week. Or start the paperwork. Now it's bottom of her list that we are back together again.

[oldshirt]

She's a nutcase. Stop expecting her to be stable and behave in the same manner that stable, normal, healthy people do.

[sandylee1]

- Talk to her about it.

- Set a time frame that she files... and if not...end it.

 

You have to be firm. Don't let her take advantage of your kind nature. This marriage you intend to have won't work if she calls all the shots. Don't let your love for her be so undying...that you accept everything she says.

 

Between this and your last post...I'm sensing an imbalance in the relationship. You need to work on that or it won't end well.

 

Stop being so available for her.

 

Question ..... is she ready to get married again just yet? Maybe that's why she's dragging her heels.

 

She might not want to jump into marriage after one failed one.

[ShatteredLady]

I'm a bit confused! So her H left 6 months ago? How long have you been together? Was the 'affair boss' another affair or her H? Was she with both you & other man at the same time as she was with her H or has all of this happened in 6 months since the separation?

 

If she's had 2 affairs in 6 months why on earth are you thinking marriage?

 

Quote - "my 25 y/o GF wants to stop having sex because we have had a very sexual relationship, we ended up breaking up after a year, and have gotten back together, but she says after she dated someone else after us,"

Edited November 5, 2015 by ShatteredLady

[sandylee1]

So you've been together since September 2014? At that point she had split from her husband 6 months ago..am I right so far?

 

You broke up after a year..... that's after September 2015.. and you're back together now?..... and you want to get married within a year or so, but in addition to not filing for D....she doesn't want to to sleep with you until after marriage?

 

If she's not getting divorced yet ....logic dictates you aren't getting married anytime soon... meaning there won't be any sex for quite some time.

 

Obviously waiting is up to the both of you and there's nothing wrong with that at all....... but maybe it's too soon to be talking marriage taking everything into account.

[Lion Heart]

I'm sorry but I have to say that NO WAY is this woman ready to M again. Absolutely no way. Just because you are ready for M, doesn't mean she'll ever M you. And I'd be very concerned if she does tbh.

 

I left my first H for many reasons. It was a 5y M but 10y relationship. We were VERY young. So when I met my next bf after separating, I probably should've "played the field" more b4 settling into a LTR. IDK. I didn't feel the need to.

We didn't live together so that helped keep it "light" for me ie no heavy shared financial burdens, pressure from family etc. It lasted about 3 or so years and in that time he proposed SO MANY times. I just kept saying "not now", "I'm not ready", "let's wait and see" and just couldn't jump in that M boat again. He was SOOOO frustrated by me. It was very sad. He kept breaking up with me and coming back. I felt for certain if he just kept steady, I'd trust his commitment, but I needed a LONG time with him to make sure.

 

Exactly the same thing happened with another LTR after the break up of my 2nd M. Again this bf was so incredibly frustrated with me. I just couldn't commit.

 

I've been M 3x!!! I don't mean to demean any body. I was proposed to so many times, some of those men I never had sex with. It was quite mind altering for me that some men were so desperate to M, I became quite sure, it almost didn't matter WHO they married! Yes I have an impressionable career and bfs parents and family seem to like me very much etc but I NEEDED more than that to convince me. I needed TIME.

 

I don't understand why you persist with your own agenda and time line when she plainly isn't on the same page as you?

 

Why do this to YOURSELF?

 

My advice is to either drop the periscope you're looking through for your future and pick up the binoculars to view your lives in parallel OR give her PLENTY OF SPACE as in separate from her.

 

The 1st LTR of mine kept coming back for over a decade. But I was not allowing his advances after the final break up for me, years before.

 

Stability in the other person was what I was looking for in a long term relationship.

 

TBH she's the age I was when I ended my first M. I'd give her a very wide berth to "play the field". She started to by dating again and was even with someone during your break up period. But make sure, she understands you may not be available later on down the track.

 

Best wishes

Lion Heart.

[Mr. Lucky]

I'm a little confuzzled. Can you explain if this is the same woman, or a different one...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/556188-wants-wait-until-marriage-have-sex-suddenly

 

This is why you shouldn't start multiple threads about the same situation.

 

50% unstable in that thread plus 50% delusional in this one equals 100% likelihood of future drama and problems.

 

Certainly wouldn't marry her and expect stress-free course of events...

 

Mr. Lucky