Relationship isn't going so well

[FeelingHopelesss]

So for starters I met this guy online over a year ago things were perfect he was perfect everything was perfect. We finally met in person this past July after over a year of texting, phone calls and skype. We live over 600 miles away from each other.

 

I am a southern girl and he is a city boy, there is a huge difference in us right there alone lol but we loved each others cute accents. Before he came here things were amazing, then he flew here for the first time ever getting on a plane he stayed over a week with me we got a hotel and got to be with one another for over a week, got to have, be with, do everything with each other we had always talked about, spent way to much money just to be with me but he loves me and refused to let me help with expenses

 

Then he had to leave and go back home where his job is. I am a single mom, I work, I go to school, I take care of my son, I even foster animals for my local animal shelter so I'm always very stressed and overwhelmed with as much as I have on me which wasn't nothing new before he came here. Its like since he went back home things have got worse, we argue all the time over the most stupidest things you could think of, we're not happy, we have so much anger built up and seem to kind of take it out on each other which causes more problem, we love each other but things are not good at all.

 

We're both so overwhelmed with things we have going on in our lives we don't have much time to spend with each other but we do text each other all day every day. I can't seem to make him realize that I need some time to spend with him even if its a simple phone call to say I love you before bed (although talking on the phone or skype is nothing like the real thing but its better than nothing.)

 

Everything was perfect while he was here and even before he came here. I even let him meet my son which he was absolutely amazing with him. I don't have anyone to talk to about this no friends or family only my son and I. I do have my parents but they don't agree with my relationship. I just want things to get better I want to be happy again I'm so afraid if we don't stop what were doing we won't make it much longer and we'll lose each other.

 

We had plans to get everything figured out and he was going to move here with me but the way things are right now they are not good at all we need to get back to how we were before we ever think about moving in together. So any help, ideas or suggestions would be much appreciated because I honestly don't know what to do I love this man more than anything but the distance is getting to us both I think. I just want to be happy again, I want and need to be with him. I love him and he loves me. Just need to get back to how we were. Have any of you experienced something like this?

[ExpatInItaly]

I think it's important to realize that of course things are good the first time you meet. You're both so relieved and happy to finally meet that it's infatuating and all the positives come out. That is great that it went so well, but it isn't necessarily a barometer for the long-term feasibility of a relationship. I don't think it's necessarily a wise idea to be planning to live together without having spent very much time together in person. You two should date more before moving in together, especially given that there's a child involved. It could very very disruptive to your son to bring another person into the family without an adjustment period.

 

Have you talked to him about your desire for more contact? Have you personally looked into ways you could resolve conflict better? If you're both taking out your frustrations on each other and neither of you is working to overcome it, the relationship will fail. (Long-distance or not) Of course we cannot control control someone else's actions, but we can control our own and our reactions to the other person. Are there ways you could improve your own communication style? That may help to lessen the tension. Hopefully he will be willing to do the same.

 

A question - why don't your parents approve of this relationship?

[Lois_Griffin]

When you're both safely ensconced in your own homes in your own towns and in your own states, it's easy to fantasize about creating a future where one of you has to pick up their life and leave everything familiar to them to go be with someone.

 

I think when it was in the fantasy stage, he was fine with it. But once he actually spent some real time in your world, maybe the reality of it set in and it's not just fantasy to him anymore. I think his visit just drove the reality home to him that he's expected to move there and start his life all over, banking 100% on the success of your relationship - because why else would he ever move there?

 

That's a huge gamble for anyone to take. I think he's got cold feet and I must say, I don't blame him. I wouldn't do it.

[h57zf]

When you're both safely ensconced in your own homes in your own towns and in your own states, it's easy to fantasize about creating a future where one of you has to pick up their life and leave everything familiar to them to go be with someone.

 

I think when it was in the fantasy stage, he was fine with it. But once he actually spent some real time in your world, maybe the reality of it set in and it's not just fantasy to him anymore. I think his visit just drove the reality home to him that he's expected to move there and start his life all over, banking 100% on the success of your relationship - because why else would he ever move there?

 

That's a huge gamble for anyone to take. I think he's got cold feet and I must say, I don't blame him. I wouldn't do it.

 

This is really some great advice. I experienced something similar when I was younger. Met someone from my dad's country on online dating and I was thinking about moving back to meet her. Eventually had cold feet because I kept thinking about what would happen to me if it didn't work out.

 

Ironically, I ended up moving there anyways for work.