Time, heals?

[Red123]

In my case I really think time has helped immensely in healing from my Hs A. At almost 2 years from Dday I feel like a new person. Time has allowed my H to show his remorse and commitment and allowed him to earn back trust. It has also given me the opportunity to right the wrongs I did prior to the A and to verify the things he has been doing to earn trust. We haven't heard from the MOW since April 2014 and we are moving forward. I rarely trigger now and if I do it's minor compared to last year. So I do feel time helps with healing. For those of you in R do you feel time has helped you?

[Mrs. John Adams]

Absolutely....time is a very important part in healing. It takes more than just Time...love, understanding, patience, remorse, forgiveness, communication, transparency.....but Time is very important.

[Tayla]

May i commend you for the fortitude to see these healing years thru to a more positive relationship.

 

I value marriages and regard those who weather thru ... Where I differ is... disloyality never gets a second chance.

 

What tips can you share in the healing? Besides time, there must have been active things you both did to make your new attitude happen? Can you share?

[gettingstronger]

I agree- time does heal-its been a long, painful road- but 2.5 years out I am feeling better- not normal, but better for sure-my husband has also been doing "all the right things" not only for our marriage but for himself- I am in the best physical shape of my life- down to a size 0 and stronger than ever-its been a trip, nothing I would wish on anyone but I am still standing-

[Red123]

May i commend you for the fortitude to see these healing years thru to a more positive relationship.

 

I value marriages and regard those who weather thru ... Where I differ is... disloyality never gets a second chance.

 

What tips can you share in the healing? Besides time, there must have been active things you both did to make your new attitude happen? Can you share?

 

Ofcourse there has been lots if hard work and days that I wasn't sure I was cut out for this. My thoughts on time healing is based on allowing myself to stay in this relationship, even when I was afraid to let time help heal. We separated before I found out about the A, so I was already looking at my part in our relationship going down, because it was really bad at that time. Once I knew of the A things got much worse. My H wanted to work on us and completely changed. After a lot of painful talks I agreed to date him again, we agreed on boundaries and still continued to work through the pain. MC and transparency and communication. He has done anything I needed to feel safe. That's what has worked for us, but everyone is different.

[Red123]

I agree- time does heal-its been a long, painful road- but 2.5 years out I am feeling better- not normal, but better for sure-my husband has also been doing "all the right things" not only for our marriage but for himself- I am in the best physical shape of my life- down to a size 0 and stronger than ever-its been a trip, nothing I would wish on anyone but I am still standing-

 

Glad to hear that your still going strong. It's very hard but doable if both parties want it.

[Rainbowlove]

Time has definitely helped us heal and move forward.

 

End of this month will be 2 years for us into recovery.

 

The first year was brutal. Lots and lots of tears and hurt feelings on both ends. My wife felt inadequate a lot. She felt insecure. She questioned whether or not I really wanted her. It was a hard time for both of us.

 

I was confused and hurt and sad and I felt out of place at home and within my-self. I was broken in every sense of the word.

 

We stuck with it. Each time we struggled, we'd say, we know this isn't going to be easy. We knew this going in. We just talked through it.

 

I was so afraid of sweeping things under the rug, but at the same time I was afraid to bring it up because I didn't want to hurt my wife, so I didn't know when to check in sometimes...it was hard to know what to do.

 

I think for my wife, she just needed to see that I wasn't going anywhere and that I was committed to making things work between us. She needed to hear me say I was sorry and I love her and I wanted us. She needed to believe me.

 

The second year was better, but still hard. Triggers became less frequent, but reared their ugly head occasionally. Again, talking through them and being open and honest with our feelings; including fear and sadness and anger.

 

Now, we see 2013 as the year of transformation and growth. We don't look at the affair as something negative in our relationship. We both wish it didn't happen, but it did and we're turning it into something positive in our lives.

 

We've learned from it. We are better communicators and we're also making sure the other knows how important we. Before the affair, we took each other for granted and there was distance between us and a lot of hurt feelings not talked about - mostly on my end.

 

In short, I like the direction we're headed in. I happily look forward to going home to my wife and son everyday. I'm healed. Not fully, maybe I'll never really fully heal and I"m not supposed to b/c the twinge of pain I feel reminds me of how close we were to losing us.

 

I'm grateful for everything that's happened in my life. I'm grateful for every tear and struggle we've been through.

 

We are stronger because of those hard times. We're in a much better place and laughing more now than we ever have together.

 

Life is good and only getting better. Affairs are survivable. It's not an automatic marriage death sentence for some.

[Red123]

Time has definitely helped us heal and move forward.

 

End of this month will be 2 years for us into recovery.

 

The first year was brutal. Lots and lots of tears and hurt feelings on both ends. My wife felt inadequate a lot. She felt insecure. She questioned whether or not I really wanted her. It was a hard time for both of us.

 

I was confused and hurt and sad and I felt out of place at home and within my-self. I was broken in every sense of the word.

 

We stuck with it. Each time we struggled, we'd say, we know this isn't going to be easy. We knew this going in. We just talked through it.

 

I was so afraid of sweeping things under the rug, but at the same time I was afraid to bring it up because I didn't want to hurt my wife, so I didn't know when to check in sometimes...it was hard to know what to do.

 

I think for my wife, she just needed to see that I wasn't going anywhere and that I was committed to making things work between us. She needed to hear me say I was sorry and I love her and I wanted us. She needed to believe me.

 

The second year was better, but still hard. Triggers became less frequent, but reared their ugly head occasionally. Again, talking through them and being open and honest with our feelings; including fear and sadness and anger.

 

Now, we see 2013 as the year of transformation and growth. We don't look at the affair as something negative in our relationship. We both wish it didn't happen, but it did and we're turning it into something positive in our lives.

 

We've learned from it. We are better communicators and we're also making sure the other knows how important we. Before the affair, we took each other for granted and there was distance between us and a lot of hurt feelings not talked about - mostly on my end.

 

In short, I like the direction we're headed in. I happily look forward to going home to my wife and son everyday. I'm healed. Not fully, maybe I'll never really fully heal and I"m not supposed to b/c the twinge of pain I feel reminds me of how close we were to losing us.

 

I'm grateful for everything that's happened in my life. I'm grateful for every tear and struggle we've been through.

 

We are stronger because of those hard times. We're in a much better place and laughing more now than we ever have together.

 

Life is good and only getting better. Affairs are survivable. It's not an automatic marriage death sentence for some.

 

Great post. Thanks for sharing. Again I have to say the similarities in our stories really make me think. I'm so happy for you both and I wish you continued happiness.

[Rainbowlove]

Great post. Thanks for sharing. Again I have to say the similarities in our stories really make me think. I'm so happy for you both and I wish you continued happiness.

 

You too, Red.

 

I wish you and your husband all the happiness in the world.

 

Keep keeping it real