LDR questions?

[tearose422]

So a bit of back story, my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now, and back in March or so, he was accepted to a study abroad program. Instead of your average semester, he decided to do a year, so we agreed to do long distance because we really do love one another and want to stay together into the future. The next time I see him in person will be in May of next year, when I go visit him in Europe (and then he comes home for the summer, our senior year of college, etc etc).

 

So its been 3 months, and it honestly feels like an eternity lol. Some days. Thats the thing, the month of October went by completely unnoticed, skyping and messaging and what not, but sometimes it feels like time is coming to a screeching halt.

 

Any "issues" that have come up have been purely my insecurities (which I am working through) but its still really scary sometimes. Sometimes our conversations are lack luster, and I know to have realistic expectations that not every convo will be amazeballs, but it is easy to feel let down when a convo is just so-so, and even easier to feel afraid.

 

I love my boyfriend, and I know he loves me, and I recognize in any relationship, there is a natural ebb and flow to things, but this is all really new to me and quite scary when I think about all the time that is left.

 

I am so excited to be together again, I am just wanting advice on how to keep things fresh, and how to make the time pass a bit more quickly. Thanks!

[d0nnivain]

Just keep talking. Use this time to learn more about each other. Pursue new interest of your own. As you continue to grow as a person, that alone will keep your relationship fresh because you will have new exciting things in your own life. Don't focus on what you don't have. Focus on what you do have -- lots of ways to stay in touch & that it's only for a little while longer. Since you have a planned visit & a fixed end date know this too shall pass.

[Michelle ma Belle]

It sounds like you've got your head on straight and therefore I don't have much more to add except to reassure you that what you're experiencing is very normal and very possible to navigate.

 

Perhaps this site might be of interest for you Long Distance Relationships - 100+ FUN activities, Forum, Goodies, n' More!. I've been known to peruse the site myself during my 3 year LDR.

 

Enjoy!

[Els]

It's normal for some conversations to feel lacklustre in a long-term LDR. The key word here is 'some' - if every single conversation for weeks on end feels lacklustre, then there is probably a bigger problem, but otherwise it's normal and fine.

 

The thing is that LDRs are a double whammy - communication is more important than ever because it's all you have, but on the other hand it's more difficult to have conversations where you feel deeply-connected because you don't have the natural conversation-boosters that people who share their daily lives IRL do. When you go out on a date IRL, you can chat about things and people you see along the way, the movie you just saw together, the food you just ate, etc, while it's happening. When your conversation is taking place with both of you on a computer/phone, it's a lot harder because you have to extract things from your memory to tell them about. Not as natural.

 

Now, that being said... it's definitely possible to survive a year LD, lots of people have survived longer than that. My R was LD for 2 years before we reunited. But you need to have realistic expectations about it. A LDR is, IMO, an investment - it's typically not great fun while you're in it, but you put up with it in hopes that you will have many more years to spend in person with that great guy/girl, in the future.

 

There are several threads/articles on how to keep things fresh, especially with webcam and courier services, so I won't list them all here.

[Ryyrich11]

Back story:

I met this girl 2yrs ago ....and honestly we never left each other's side ...we like literally stayed together since we met ..and I'm not that kinda person ..just felt right.

So she got offered a job in tx...so we decided to move. I was a Rsm for a insurance company in which I could work in tx ..and they also left me work out of pa ...well I got a DUI ..so was really hard into to get around. She is a litigator for the state...so we have money .so she said just stay at home clean cook and take care of the dog....boring ..so got job at pizza joint ..she didn't like cuz we never saw each other ...so I quit...

She suffers from depression and a few months ago they changed her meds ..this was really bad ..she became very crazy. One fri she came home early ..we were not fighting or anything was having a good day ...well she came in and yelled leave me alone ..all I said was hello

Long story short she ended up calling the cops later cuz I grabbed her by her arms and was yelling for her to snap out of it ...she admitted tht I didn't do anything wrong ..but I flew home to pa.

 

So she started talking to a counslor once a week and she is trying to get her meds right...before I left she said she loves me but things changed ..she got distant,always wanted to sleep,iwent from doing everything right to everything wrong ...was like she was comparing ..

She stopped being affectionate in every possible way..I find a handprint on her inner thigh a mark tht looked like a hickey ..she kept telling me I could go out with other girls as friends ..cuz I need friends cuz I love ppl and always on the go.

 

So ..our first month she has lied so many times ....which she never has dines inch I met her... She has been out more in this month than since we met. One week she disappeared all Saturday long ..to end up buying "play shirts" not to go out ..but was out for a baseball game very next day. Then next week went and bought pjs ..to say in sat the neighbors invited her for a drink while she was taking dog out..to to find out she was txting whoever ..oh and she was in her pjs to go to neighbors..

So ...she has been treating me like a monster ...and I said last Sunday ,...maybe we should just b friends ....another night she was yelling at the top of her lungs ...very next morning she was back to the sweet caring girl I fell in love with ...

 

I was thinking tht their possibly a person tht she was maybe fond of ...but not sure ...but then she was late to work Monday by an hr ..then around lunch she said she was dizzy and was going to go home .....so she called When she got home ...I said tht I was going shopping and she about said she was going to return shirts tht she bought wrong size ...so she has been awesome till last nite she was in fb till prob around 3am ..i couldn't sleep so just got in tht is how I knew ,...was late today to work and disappeared for 2hr lunch and started to act weird again after her lunch ...

 

So I feel I'm the only one trying to make the

Us work...and she is just Lying.....plus I am very affectionate so this time apart is so miserable...

When we talk ..it's like I am the one carrying the convo..like she has nothing to say...almost seems like it is a pain to talk ..

She says she needs time to fix herself but still want ps us to workout...

She already has a plane ticket to come home for Xmas and I asked Wht our plans r..she said she didn't know cuz she didn't want to rent a car ..well my parents have extra car here we could use ...so..I don't know Wht to think ...

 

I don't know how much more I can take seems like time is goin Sooo slow..like way slow ...

 

She says it is her meds ..and we should b fine but she doesn't want to hold me back cuz her depression she doesn't know..our anniversary isn1/11

I figure maybe if she doesn't want to make it a point to see me by then I should maybe bag this ...but I don't want to let her down if this is truly a depression thing but kinda looks like it is someone else.....

FYI ..I also found girl on girl porn in her dresser when I was putting her clothes away

 

Wht would u do