He's still torturing me two weeks after I left

[Astruch]

After being in a relationship with another man for 7 years I broke up with my ex almost two weeks ago. He was emotionally abusive and during counseling a couple of years ago my therapist told me that he was a narcissist. I didn't heed her warning, accepting that the man I'd been in love with for years was incapable of loving me back was very difficult so I stayed with him. I readily accepted his manipulation, constant cheating, devaluing, and bullying for many years. During an argument a few weeks ago I told him that “I am a person worthy of respect and will not allow anyone tell me otherwise.” He perceived this as a personal attack and lashed out. After six hours of calling me names and humiliating me I was emotionally drained. I went to lay down on the couch in an effort to disengage. He followed and stood above me, all high and mighty, continuing to insult me just to make sure he’d bullied me into submission. When I said to him “You can’t break me” he laughed “You’re weak and pathetic. You’re in the fetal position, yet you’re talking about how strong you are.” Standing up to him only made things worse.

 

For the following two weeks he punished me for having the nerve to speak up. His abuse got worse, he ignored me and treated me cruelly. He didn't come home for three days and wouldn't answer my calls, when he came back he refused to tell me where he was. All I got was "a friend." A few days later he said he wanted to make it up to me by letting me make plans for us that Friday night. He didn't show up. I think this was the first time that I seriously decided to leave him.

 

I've implemented no contact since the day I left. He texted me a couple of days after, saying that he missed me and wished we could at least be friends. I didn't respond. I miss him too but I know I don't love him. This monster abused me and chipped away at my self-esteem and sense of self-worth. It's more like Stockholm Syndrome. I've been mourning the relationship, for all the cheating and humiliation I think I'm handling it pretty well. The sadness comes in waves and it feels like a stabbing pain on my chest, I keep telling myself that's just my self-respect growing.

 

This weekend I went to my best friend's house. He knows I frequent her neighborhood, especially on weekends. I ran into him while he was on his way to meet a date a block from my friend's house. He stopped to tell me this. He also told me he got a promotion. I smiled and congratulated him for it but my heart was beating really fast. I wasn't trying to have a conversation with him so I said my goodbyes, put my headphones on and kept walking, he stopped me again and said we should meet up sometime, I said "we gon' see" and left. I told my friend that I'd just ran into him and she assured me that it's not a coincidence he's hanging out in her neighborhood on a Friday night.

 

I'm proud of how I handled myself but I really don't wanna repeat this. Should I just stop visiting my friend altogether? Ignore him if I run into him again? I feel that he's doing this to me because he wants to continue hurting me emotionally. If I accuse him of doing this he'll just say I'm being dramatic. I'm not immune to the pain that he's trying to inflict, but if I react it'll only serve to "prove" to him that I'm crazy. He's already been damaging my reputation by painting me as the crazy ex. I've blocked him on all social media and ignored his friends calling to attack me about "breaking his heart." I don't give a **** about anyone's opinion of me. I'd just like him to leave me alone and let me move on with my life. I feel powerless and don't know what I should do.

[Male]

Youre doing a great job so far. Stay strong!

 

I would see if your friend could make other arrangements, meeting you at another location. If your ex is lingering around, hoping to run into you, then the best thing to do would be avoid him/the area for awhile.

[TaraMaiden2]

You know what Narcissists do?They find the strong to capture them, feed off them and use their energy to fuel their own weakness.

A narcissist is a narcissist precisely because they're weak and lack inherent strength and goodness.

That is the very fuel a narcissist seeks: The power of someone else they can tap into to keep themselves elevated.

A narcissist knows they're not perfect. In fact they know they lack the essential qualities that make them humane, acceptable and convivial.

 

So they seek those who have those qualities by the truckload, in order to purloin their energy for themselves.

They bask in reflected glory, and triumph by trying to destroy that thing they need most.

 

Please know this: It is absolutely totally true, I swear as I live and breathe:

 

HE NEEDS YOU FAR MORE THAN YOU NEED HIM.

 

This is why he seeks you out.

This is why he continues to haunt you.

This is why he invades your space and trespasses upon your territory.

 

Because he still needs your energy.

Do not speak to him, do not engage with him, do not be friendly, gracious, or accepting.

Always always respond to him with:

 

"I have nothing to say to you. You no longer matter to me."

 

Don't ask him to leave you alone; that is an indication that he's getting to you.

Don't ask him to not be where you are.

That is an indication to him that he DOES matter to you.

Arrange different times to see your friend, or get her to come to you....

 

There are ways round him.

You just have to think outside the box he's trapped you in, to understand that the cage door, is actually open.

It always has been.