kenmore Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Made a move Saturday. I contacted my ex. Big no, I know! I said I have an idea and it does not involve getting back together nor sex. I said do you want to hear it? Her response was No! Now, tonight, Wednesday, she contacted me asking what I meant. Huge smile! We conversed. I now have a date Saturday. Wow!!! Sorry, just weird. Not knowing what to expect but it is looking good. F*ck!! My idea is vacations, gift giving, talking. Is that friendzone? Can it move forward? F*ck! Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 ???????????????? I guess congratulations are in order.... Good luck. Remember Ken, I'm the guy that likes happy endings. PS: That's one way to see your stepdaughter. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
foam12 Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 My idea is vacations, gift giving, talking. Is that friendzone? Can it move forward? F*ck! Hi Ken. New here, but recommend getting rid of the first two things in your idea unless that was the main issue in your relationship in the first place. It may seem as if you are trying to buy her love even though it isn't. I did that too and it simply doesn't work because of that perception. Talking or even no contact is the first start in moving forward with or without each other. But, each experience is different and wish you the best. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
theredpill Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Take her somewhere fun, with the intent of having a great night leading to a bit of the ole "how's ya father" Do not and I repeat, do not.... buy her anything - this would be incredibly foolish. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Yeah, don't do the gift thing. BIG BIG mistake. I did it after we reconciled, and even THAT was a big mistake. He used me that way (getting a very expensive present for his bday, which I had missed since he had broken up with me before his bday and we got back together after his bday had passed), then threw me away like garbage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
itisdanielle Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Were you the one who broke up with her, or did she break up with you? I agree - a definite no to the gifts! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Definitely do not set up a vacation or give her a gift. And settle down on calling it a "date". No counting chickens before hatching. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Made a move Saturday. I contacted my ex. Big no, I know! I said I have an idea and it does not involve getting back together nor sex. I said do you want to hear it? Her response was No! Now, tonight, Wednesday, she contacted me asking what I meant. Huge smile! We conversed. I now have a date Saturday. Wow!!! Sorry, just weird. Not knowing what to expect but it is looking good. F*ck!! My idea is vacations, gift giving, talking. Is that friendzone? Can it move forward? F*ck! Good on you for doing what your heart told you to do, regardless of some of this **** this site can spew, Good luck with your mission, should you choose to move forward, Settle past grievances and hopefully a mutual future is something to look toward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Made a move Saturday. I contacted my ex. Big no, I know! I said I have an idea and it does not involve getting back together nor sex. I said do you want to hear it? Her response was No! Now, tonight, Wednesday, she contacted me asking what I meant. Huge smile! We conversed. I now have a date Saturday. Wow!!! Sorry, just weird. Not knowing what to expect but it is looking good. F*ck!! My idea is vacations, gift giving, talking. Is that friendzone? Can it move forward? F*ck! What did you guys talk about and how did you explain your text to her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Made a move Saturday. I contacted my ex. Big no, I know! I said I have an idea and it does not involve getting back together nor sex. I said do you want to hear it? Her response was No! Now, tonight, Wednesday, she contacted me asking what I meant. Huge smile! We conversed. I now have a date Saturday. Wow!!! Sorry, just weird. Not knowing what to expect but it is looking good. F*ck!! YEP. PLEASE REPEAT THAT. My idea is vacations, gift giving, talking. Is that friendzone? Can it move forward? F*ck! THAT'S RIGHT! Oh, Kenmore. I recommend you cancel at last minute. Then do not do this again. That will leave her hanging, and you may "recover." The ideas you want to discuss sound like "bargaining," (see "Stages of Grief"). Please don't do it. Yas 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Yeah, I'm a little worried about you framing it as it not being a reconciliation attempt then you going in there expecting it to be exactly that and plotting romantic gestures for that get-together. If you do that, it's going to piss her off, because you will have lied and she'll think that this whole thing was a con to trick her into dating you again. You said you wanted to talk about something that has nothing to do with getting back together or sex. Stick to that. If you show that you're a man of your word, then maybe she'll initiate the romantic aspect of it. But if you are going to be disappointed and sad if she doesn't, then this is a bad idea. Either way, be a man of your word. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 Dear Ken, I'm really happy for you. More power to you man! From my POV (if it strikes anything) the elements of your side of the M your exW complained about (employment being a major issue previously to her) have CHANGED and alot more has changed with OW being interested and some VERY VERY interested! lol etc. Your SELF perception is higher than it was when you were M. Guard this self perception. THIS is how you ARE. If exW can SEE how you are now (as opposed to her perception of you during M that IMO built resentment) then I think she's on a winner. REGARDLESS of whether exW sees it or not, YOU are the winner. You've done all there is to be done to pull all your sh** together, get a great job, have wider prospects in the romance sector (have I said too much?) and just get through this D period and BECOME as strong as you could be IMHO. YOU are a champion. SO IF this is an empowering move then I'm really glad you're doing it. JUST BE empowered regardless. I really admire your qualities Ken. No doubt exW did to marry you. Keep all your great qualities shining and try REALLY hard to keep the integrity of them no matter who you date. Roaring for you Ken Lion Heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Same ex-wife that was sleeping with the one guy that you did some work for?.....PASS!!! Why are you even calling her? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted November 12, 2015 Author Share Posted November 12, 2015 Thank you all for your replies, I know they are from the heart! It really means a lot to me. Praying4Daylight, I had thought that at one point but it was nothing more than an idea that that had happened and as I found out more, it turned out my thoughts were false. In fact, as I was working with this guy, I was house-sitting with one of the girls he has in his group and we got to talking about the meeting in the park which was what I thought may have been made up, and she said she was there! Obviously there was nothing untoward going on if she was there also. I realized that was a wrong line of reasoning. there was no infidelity. Anyway, we did go out and the night was perfect in almost every way. We had fun talking, the old feelings were there, we obviously enjoyed each others company. At one point I had to tell her I was moving out of the state and her response was "so this is about saying goodbye then." It wasn't. It was not about getting back together as in getting re-married either. It was about having someone who cares. It was about having someone to do things with sometimes. Not things like coffee, but things like trips to Alaska or Europe. If it costs me some money, I have a lot of catching up to do in that dept anyway. The reason I contacted her is I still have feelings for her and I saw she has them for me too that night. There was no way she doesn't despite her words. As you said Lion Heart, so much has changed. She had said she's happier alone. This would be a chance to be alone but still have someone she still cares about to do things with. I can never have a normal relationship anymore with this job. It would have been good for us both. But...at the end of our date, she gave me a peck on the cheek. A far cry from no I can't hold her hand at the beginning of the date. I asked if she would like to see some photos of my trips and she said email them to me so I did. The next day she replied to that email saying good luck in your new career, thank you for a nice date last night but we said goodbye and it makes me sad to hear from you, please stop. I stopped. At first it hurt a lot. Two days it hurt but then one morning I realized I had a great night, I reached out and I did my best. The door is still shut. But somehow, now, I feel I can move on. I feel released. Like that weight of uncertainty is gone. I tried my best and it didn't work. It will never work. So I'm glad I did it. Yeah, it could have been a disaster. It was a bold move and crazy too, but I think it helped me. I have no idea how it affected her. Ken 1 Link to post Share on other sites
theredpill Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Good on you for doing what your heart told you to do, regardless of some of this **** this site can spew, Good luck with your mission, should you choose to move forward, Settle past grievances and hopefully a mutual future is something to look toward. I would say but fair comment, DrReplyinRhymes The reality is, you need to get with the times The OP wants to buy her, but she's not his to own Following his approach, he will end up alone His woman wants strength and him to be strong Episodes of Friends have taught him so wrong She know she can have him and have him today His weakness she knows and it's this he must stay Take it slowly and let her come back at her own pace If she wants him, it's real, it'll be her that doth chase Your partner should want you and want you for you If they don't deserve the effort, you know what to do The OP won't agree, but in time that will pass As the bribery stops working and bites him in the *** 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 Thanks theredpill, that was really good! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 What did you guys talk about and how did you explain your text to her? Sorry, I missed this earlier. I told her she would have to wait for our date to find out. I didn't want to tell her I was moving away because she would have cancelled. Link to post Share on other sites
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