LDR coming to an end? AGAIN?

[LLQ1986]

I had my first LDR a couple of years back and it ended 2 years + into our relationship. Long story short, I was due to visit him with my dad, and were planning to close the distance in 6 months time, he told me he's fell for another girl.

 

Fast forward to present, I stayed single for about 1.5 years after my breakup. I was enjoying my single life and I wasn't in a hurry to date or anything. But I was on tinder.

 

Met this Australian guy while he was taking a language course in my country (Malaysia) back in March, we matched each other during his last week in my country. We met once for dinner and then he asked to meet up again. So we did and we spent a night together. The next day he flew back to his country. And I thought it ended there but it didn't. I didn't have any romantic feelings for him, just thought he's a very fun and interesting to chat with.

 

We texted, talked on the phone and skyped. Then he told me he's married with a son, but no longer stays with the wife since last Dec. (She's a fellow Malaysian and now back in M'sia). They are not divorced but don't have plans to be together anymore. He told me they got married in Malaysia because she was pregnant with her son, but that marriage isn't legalized in Australia.

 

I didn't think it was an issue because I thought we would just go with the flow. He bought me air tix to visit him in June, and he came to visit in Sep and now I'm about to visit him 2 days later as I'm typing this.

 

The fact that he has a bad relationship with the wife; she doesn't let him keep in touch/see the son as he wishes. And is using him for money... puts him in a bad mood constantly as he misses his son too much. So I suggested to close the distance with me quitting my job and move in with him early next year to keep him company; he needs someone to be with him and help him to go thru this.

 

As the date is drawing closer, he got cold feet. Finally today he confessed to me that he's got commitment problem and is afraid of being in a relationship again due to previous bad experience. Well it's not the first time he told me that, but I comfort him and told him we can work things out together, and it's easier when we are physically together. He was at first very thrilled at the idea and we talked about spending our lives together. But then, we got a bigger problem on hand- VISA. There is not one visa that enables me to work legally... My skill set is not in demand in the OZ market. I can't be on tourist visa forever and it takes 12-24 months to apply for a partner visa. He has got no savings as well, and is still working on paying off his debt (not much) but still.

 

All of the abovementioned issues/challenges suggested to him we can't actually be together; he said he doesn't see a shared future with me.

 

Also, we never actually told each other that we love each other; we both think that we like each other but not LOVE.

 

Anyhow we agree to still meet this weekend (me flying there) and we shall see how things go because we like seeing and spending time with each other. NOTE: we actually planned to spend New Year together and will be staying at his mom's house.

 

This trip I'm taking is CRUCIAL. It can either make or break us.

 

Thoughts? Thank you for taking time to read this post.

[Lois_Griffin]

Slow motion train wreck.

 

You're WAY more invested than he is.

 

Why are you so willing to throw your life away for someone like this? He's got more baggage than all the terminals at Heathrow Airport combined, for God's sakes. I just don't get it.

[clia]

So your plan is to quit your job, move to a new country where you can't work (and will therefore be completely financially dependent on him), and move in with a married man who isn't even in love with you?

 

You cannot be serious. This is a mess. Don't do it.

 

Have you considered dating someone local?

[LLQ1986]

So your plan is to quit your job, move to a new country where you can't work (and will therefore be completely financially dependent on him), and move in with a married man who isn't even in love with you?

 

You cannot be serious. This is a mess. Don't do it.

 

Have you considered dating someone local?

 

I know, we couldn't help it.

I have of course have considered dating someone local but I just can't find any guys interesting enough to have a relationship with. Not that I didn't try; went on a couple of dates with some of them but just not feeling it. Trust me I didn't want a LDR and it just happened.

 

You guys are right. We are a mess.

I just hope that I'm strong enough to end this and say goodbye to him this weekend.