So MM I've flirted/had an EA just texted me...

[MsHopeful0208201689]

I noticed he texted me & I am at point in my life (I am trying to be more spiritual/morally right & even have started back in church & bible study) to where I think it is WRONG to converse with an MM especially if there has never been any indication of him wanting to take the intiative for us to be friends the proper way (we have been "friends" for over 2 years now and he is about 15 years my senior) & let me meet his wife.... It has been about 2 weeks since I last heard from him... while my moral compass tells me it's wrong to text with him another part of me wants to... I enjoy the "friendship" but think it would be waayyyy more appropriate if I was friends with the wife and him in which means no conversing with him alone...

 

So my question is should I just continue the NC or respond explaining my feelings?

 

In all honesty the "friendship" serves no purpose besides texting and occasional phone convo.

[OneLov]

I would continue no contact. If you really believe it is wrong to converse with him, responding is only going to lead to things even more "wrong" than that despite your best efforts to keep it casual. Not because you cannot control yourself, but because you want more than a "friendship." Unless you were close growing up, texting and the occasional phone call go beyond friendship.

[yodelwithyu]

Honestly, I would ignore, ignore, ignore. The fact that you keep putting the word friends in quotation marks should be answer enough for you. Hang tight. It is easier to mourn the loss of a "friendship" than it is to mourn the loss of your dignity and judgement.

 

Best of luck.

[Cymbeline]

I think i would reply truthfully. Say you value his friendship but feel uncomfortable being too friendly as you don't know his wife and think it is not quite right. Well done.

[StBreton]

You can explain to him re meeting his wife then he'll blow you off as he's not going to introduce the two of you ...so which way do you want it to go down?

 

Seriously ...I responded to your last post about this guy ... I was your age once ...a few married guys approached me and wanted to be "friends" ... ya right. C'mon OP ... you like to play with fire a little bit don't you? Are you so desperate for friends that you choose married men 15 yrs your senior? Acquaintances or work pals sure. If I were your mom ...and I'm old enough to be ... I'd wonder where I went wrong in my parenting.

 

Join a group of young singles to get your yayas out ...take up a high adrenaline sport ... go do something else to get your ego stroked ...what ever it is that's driving you or that's empty in you that allows for this behavior ... Please go do it and leave his behind you.

 

If you want an older guy who is more mature than your boyfriend (because your current one is full of shenanigans as you've described) go find one that's single ...lots of those seeking younger woman.

 

Glad you've upped your moral compass OP ...stay the course ...stay NC

 

B

[MsHopeful0208201689]

You can explain to him re meeting his wife then he'll blow you off as he's not going to introduce the two of you ...so which way do you want it to go down?

 

Seriously ...I responded to your last post about this guy ... I was your age once ...a few married guys approached me and wanted to be "friends" ... ya right. C'mon OP ... you like to play with fire a little bit don't you? Are you so desperate for friends that you choose married men 15 yrs your senior? Acquaintances or work pals sure. If I were your mom ...and I'm old enough to be ... I'd wonder where I went wrong in my parenting.

 

Join a group of young singles to get your yayas out ...take up a high adrenaline sport ... go do something else to get your ego stroked ...what ever it is that's driving you or that's empty in you that allows for this behavior ... Please go do it and leave his behind you.

 

If you want an older guy who is more mature than your boyfriend (because your current one is full of shenanigans as you've described) go find one that's single ...lots of those seeking younger woman.

 

Glad you've upped your moral compass OP ...stay the course ...stay NC

 

B

 

While I respect and appreciate your input, I just want it to be known am I in no way desperate for friendship. I have plenty of things to occupy my time but I receive the text early in the AM & I had idle time on my hands and decided to come here to vent instead of respond.. Came here for some validation not to be bashed.

[StBreton]

******while my moral compass tells me it's wrong to text with him *****another part of me wants to.******

 

 

.

 

From your words above ... Exactly what sort of "validation" are you seeking?

 

You present as "conflicted". Why do you need validation when you know what is right? Unless you really don't know what is right. Are you still justifying your behavior as you have been? Not once did I ever think flirting with a MM was right ...not once.

 

 

I'm not seeking to bash but to point out that you're not determined in your own mind what is right and wrong ... Otherwise you would know what the appropriate answer is ... Stay NC ... That is my point.

 

In Bible study or in your reading/understanding ...have you learned about facing and dealing with temptation? It's like an alcoholic facing a bottle of vodka ... And him asking a forum "gee should I take a drink or not touch it? I really want to take a drink" The answer is obvious ... NC with that bottle ... Do a 180 ...and we know it's tempting!

 

It's just abundantly clear to me to do a 180 ... Taking one drink could undue all the hard work of ridding oneself of some of the temptation ... If one drink is taken ... All the work has to be started from square one again. Same for your situation. Why set yourself back. Get busy doing other things and put this guy behind you ... Unless you really don't want to ... There's the rub as shakespeare said.

 

 

Validation to OP ...stay NC ... Do not take a detour ...stay as strong as you have been these past few weeks. Good job!

Edited November 5, 2015 by StBreton

[yodelwithyu]

MsHopeful0208201689, I just realized that my post may have come off as cold. It was totally not meant in that way, I'm sorry! I did mean to add an exclamation point after "Good Luck" and instead put a period. I am just dealing with my own funk and it is showing. Sorry again!

 

Xoxo.

[StBreton]

OP ... There's someone better for you out there ... Who is available to love you the way you deserve ...nothing clandestine ... no rude comments ... Just someone good to and for your heart. Stay the course of NC so you can be whole and clean hearted for that person when they come around.

[MightyPen]

while my moral compass tells me it's wrong to text with him another part of me wants to... I enjoy the "friendship" but think it would be waayyyy more appropriate if I was friends with the wife and him in which means no conversing with him alone.

 

 

You probably enjoy it because it's exciting/stimulating and somewhat dangerous. I've been there (as the MM on the other end of a relationship/friendship with a younger unmarried woman). It's natural to seek out some excitement, and I'm certainly not throwing stones at you. However, as others pointed out, there are other ways...safer, healthier ways...to seek out excitement.

 

 

I'd also just throw out that you should consider what the end game is/would be. What if things intensify? It's smart to look ahead and consider these potential complications.

[privategal]

I think if they think she/he is losing interest, tired of being ow etc. They try harder to keep you on a string...if he knew it was a change of morals and adopting your spirituality were your core reasons I think it may be polite to explain this.

If a true transparent friendship were to take place it would be his understanding of that..and also MUCH more time for fog to wear off and pretty tight boundaries.

If you want to explain..do so.

In this particular situation he also took a moral step in the right direction to introduce you.

No need for ignoring games...if you don't feel comfortable, and need space, its ok to explain and be firm about your future intention rather than coldly disappearing.

[MsHopeful0208201689]

I think if they think she/he is losing interest, tired of being ow etc. They try harder to keep you on a string...if he knew it was a change of morals and adopting your spirituality were your core reasons I think it may be polite to explain this.

If a true transparent friendship were to take place it would be his understanding of that..and also MUCH more time for fog to wear off and pretty tight boundaries.

If you want to explain..do so.

In this particular situation he also took a moral step in the right direction to introduce you.

No need for ignoring games...if you don't feel comfortable, and need space, its ok to explain and be firm about your future intention rather than coldly disappearing.

 

Not sure if you misread or I made a typo but he has NEVER introduced to his wife... But he calls himself MY friend and does texts and call me & has even entertained the idea of trying to meet me privately... I asked him why did we need to meet privately and he said we needed face to face time but claims he wasn't up to anything that would be considered inappropriate in which I know is probably not true... After that I decided keeping distance was for the best.