seawater4 Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 i am 25 years old. i have a crush on my bestfriend. i know him since April '04. i am starting to like him since November'04. i never tell anyone or act like i like him more than friend. he has no idea that i like him. he also very good friend with my husband. my husband, my bestfriend and other friends and I always go out party or drinking every weekend together. he stay at our house almost every weekend in the guess room because he can't drive home. when we hang out, i will hug him sometimes or give him a kiss, but he thought it was just a friend kiss and hug, but inside me i felt more than that. last week my husband was out of town. my bestfriend and i went out drinking at the bar together and he stay in the guess room as usual. But later that night i convinced him to stay in the same bed as me and he's ok with that because the guess room was dirty. last week my husband's mother came to stay with us for 2 days and i haven't clean the bed sheet yet. he didn't want to sleep on dirty sheet so he slept next to me nothing happen. next day he we went to the bar again and as always he stayed at my house. he slept in the same with me just like last night. but after we turn the light off we started to get little closer. we made out but we didn't kissed on the lips just around the faces...... we woke up next day. i told him that i like him, but he didn't say that he like me back but he said that he was just too comfortable with me and he had too much drink. i know that deep down inside he might has a little feeling for me, but he respects my husband. he said if i am single he would pursue something more than friend. we are still bestfriend nothing change. we decided not to tell my husband. but what should i do? i want to be with my husband but i like my bestfriend. how can i stop liking him more than friend? i really need some advice please help me thank you so much Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 i want to be with my husband but i like my bestfriend. how can i stop liking him more than friend? By putting some real distance between yourselves. Stop seeing each other. Stop hanging out. Rededicate yourself to finding whatever it is that is missing in your relationship with your husband that led you into this affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 You need to realize that you cannot just be his friend when you have romantic feelings for him. They will always cloud your judgement and you will want to act on them. If you want to keep your marriage then you need to stay away from him ( no sleeping in the bed or staying at your house with your H gone ) so your feelings can ebb away. You will not like the answer ( as why I suspect you wrote this post ) but it is the right thing to do. You can't have a different B/F other than your H if you have feelings for them. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by seawater4 i am 25 years old. i have a crush on my bestfriend. i know him since April '04. i am starting to like him since November'04. i never tell anyone or act like i like him more than friend. he has no idea that i like him. he also very good friend with my husband. my husband, my bestfriend and other friends and I always go out party or drinking every weekend together. he stay at our house almost every weekend in the guess room because he can't drive home. when we hang out, i will hug him sometimes or give him a kiss, but he thought it was just a friend kiss and hug, but inside me i felt more than that. last week my husband was out of town. my bestfriend and i went out drinking at the bar together and he stay in the guess room as usual. But later that night i convinced him to stay in the same bed as me and he's ok with that because the guess room was dirty. last week my husband's mother came to stay with us for 2 days and i haven't clean the bed sheet yet. he didn't want to sleep on dirty sheet so he slept next to me nothing happen. next day he we went to the bar again and as always he stayed at my house. he slept in the same with me just like last night. but after we turn the light off we started to get little closer. we made out but we didn't kissed on the lips just around the faces...... we woke up next day. i told him that i like him, but he didn't say that he like me back but he said that he was just too comfortable with me and he had too much drink. i know that deep down inside he might has a little feeling for me, but he respects my husband. he said if i am single he would pursue something more than friend. we are still bestfriend nothing change. we decided not to tell my husband. but what should i do? i want to be with my husband but i like my bestfriend. how can i stop liking him more than friend? i really need some advice please help me thank you so much You caused it and now you want to stop it. Why did you let him sleep in your bed? None of this had to happen. First thing you need to do is tell your husband. He has the right the know and when you cut this friend of yours off (its the only way) he is going to know something is wrong. So tell your husband and then cut the friend completely off. You can't be friends with this person and stay with your husband. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Then after all of that you and your husband should get a therapist to help you with your problems (which seem to be many). If you don't cut this guy off you will end up sleeping with. You won't be able to resist temptation. You've already shown that you're weak in your ability to do that. So cut him off now. If not you may as well just divorce your husband. He deserves better than a wife who cheats on him (yes making out without kissing on the lips is cheating) with her best friend and his friend. He will probably never trust you around male friends again, which is understandable. I guess you should of thought about that before you asked that guy to sleep in your bed and before you cheated. Good luck, you're gonna need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Hello, Just a thought but how would you feel if your husband was doing what you are doing with your best girlfriend? Maybe your husband does not do these things because he respects and trusts you too much. What you are doing to your husband is totally disrespectful and humiliating to him and your marriage. This is a double betrayal. You are making out with not only someone besides your husband but his best friend as well. You need to be open and honest with your husband about this. If you continue like this you will end up divorced and your husband will find someone else who can truly respect him and the concept of a marriage. Is this what you want? Again how would you feel if the roles were reversed? Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 only kissed around the faces? OOooOOoooOOokay...........are you guys people or Poodles? First of all,....I dont believe that part at all. You cant "make out" as you put it,.....and never have kissed on the lips. Second,....you think that THATS when it became wrong? You had another man in your home while your husband was away. AND HE SPENT THE NIGHT. This guy is a pig. A stabbing friend to you husband,....and obviously wants to get in your pants at the expense of his friendship with your husband. Hes trash. Ask yourself this question. When you stood at the alter in front of God and your family AND his,.....and exchanged your vows......did you mean to "foresaken all others"? Or did you mean "foresaken all others......unless someone wants to make out around my face "? You KNOW this is wrong. And you KNOW that you should tell your husband. You CANT have this guy around you anymore,....and the only way to explain his absense now,..is to tell your husband. You did it,.....you deal with what you have done. Only a two timing coward would hide it. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 By the way,............................you're a married adult woman. And you're using the phrase "I have a crush" Kids on the playground have "crushes" Grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seawater4 Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 about having him (my bestfriend) home when my husband is away. my bestfriend always stay at our house. sometiems my husband home sometimes he doesn't. it's normal. it's a regular routine for him to stay at our house. it's just only that night that's thing got crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by seawater4 about having him (my bestfriend) home when my husband is away. my bestfriend always stay at our house. sometiems my husband home sometimes he doesn't. it's normal. it's a regular routine for him to stay at our house. it's just only that night that's thing got crazy. Things didn't get crazy, YOU did. You cheated on your husband. That doesn't just happen. One of the biggest myths in infidelity is that "one thing lead to another", one thing can't lead to another if you don't let it. Your want for physcial gratification is stronger than your love for your husband. He deserves better. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by seawater4 about having him (my bestfriend) home when my husband is away. my bestfriend always stay at our house. sometiems my husband home sometimes he doesn't. it's normal. it's a regular routine for him to stay at our house. it's just only that night that's thing got crazy. . That is the dumbest pile of B.S. Ive heard in a while. And you cannot tell me you actually believe it yourself. I wanna hear you admit it. How would you feel if this were reversed? How would you handle it if you always had some bimbo friend of yours sleep over and when you were OUT of town.......she STILL slept over? Go ahead.....try with a straight face say you wouldnt mind that. You keep making these ridiculous excuses for why he ended up in YOUR bed. "The spare bedroom was dirty".....oh freakin,...PAAAAAAAAALeeeezz. Then guess what??? He doesn sleep at your house. OR havent you ever heard of a couch? Or the floor? OR how about a damn Taxi to take his horny drunk azz home? Quit trying to justify it. You cheat on your husband. Cut and dry. You should be ashamed of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by seawater4 about having him (my bestfriend) home when my husband is away. my bestfriend always stay at our house. sometiems my husband home sometimes he doesn't. it's normal. it's a regular routine for him to stay at our house. it's just only that night that's thing got crazy. How you would like it if you went away and your husband invited his 'bestfriend' who is a woman, who is attracted her, and kissed abit - To stay in the house and Sleep in your MARITAL bed together! HMMMMMM, Ya think you'd be UPSET and JEALOUS?? If you can HONESTLY say that would not bother you one bit - Then continue down this insane path of destruction. You're playing with fire, tempting fate and purposely putting yourself in a situation where you can't or won't be able to say NO and stop the passion. You're married. Act like it. Married people do not "have sleepovers with the opposite sex!" Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 very well said.......................right !! Married people dont do "sleepovers".................Yeah your husbands coming over my house tonight. But dont worry...... we will only make out around our faces.(whatever that means) No lips. Oh and my couch has a newspaper on it, so, he will sleep in my bed with me. How stupid does this sound??? Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by seawater4 i am 25 years old. i have a crush on my bestfriend. i know him since April '04. It says right there that you have only known him for a year?????????????? Yeah,...it will be sooooo hard to end that kind of a lifelong friendship. whatever Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Sorry if I've sounded very harsh seawater4 but everybody is trying to open your eyes here. Obviously you got married too young - Or weren't ready to. This man you've known for about a year now made it as bestfriend status?? Let me tell you something - MEN and WOMEN can be friends - As long as the lines aren't crossed, especially when one or both are married to other people. I have some male friends and my husband knows them too. Most are from work but afew are from childhood. I include my husband in the friendships out of respect for him. Any new friend I happen to meet that is a male, same thing. Not that it happens that often - Anyway, my other point too is, your husband TRUSTS you. I'm sure he isn't too concerned or jealous that your bestfriend is there. Why should he worry? He's married to you, and knows you love him in his mind. Self control is what this boils down to - That is another thing married folks have to do. Sure, it would be so easy for me to tell afew of male friends, let's kiss - I'm sure they'd consider it! But why would I do that? What purpose would that serve and what's the point of "going there" when I'm married? See what I'm getting at? Stop and think about the whole picture here and not just what your bestfriend makes you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 I dont know how old you are or anything,..but,....it seems younger people today have a very difficult time thinking past 5 minutes into the future. Thats why you see some of ridiculous tattoos and piercings and all the divorces.....you need to think past the 10 or 20 or whatever minutes of fun it would be to BE with this guy.....................but you need to play that tape all the way through. Sooner or later you have to face your husband and the fact that your marriage will be over maybe because of that 10 or 20 minutes of fun you had with this guy who really doesnt even care about you. Except for whats down your pants and under your shirt. Link to post Share on other sites
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