Poetry by the WS or BS

[Rainbowlove]

I don't know exactly when I wrote this - my guess is in that first year of recovery. Poetry has always helped me through some dark days.

 

This was for my BS, my wife and my love. I never showed it to her.

 

Feel free to share a poem if you have one.

 

Suffering in Solitude

 

When you look...look passed

When you look...look through

When you look...look beyond

The look I now wear

The look I now bear

From time to time, my dear

 

You know the look

The hollow, blank stare

The barren, guilty glare

Please, don’t look

Too deep inside

I beg you

Don’t look

Let me hide

 

So you can’t see

All the broken

F'ed up pieces of me

 

I beg you

My darling wife

Your use to be your pride

Your use to be your joy

Let me be

And

Turn a sad blue

Blind eye

 

No

You don’t need to know

No

You don’t need to see

The depths

The fragments

Of what use to be

A whole

Complete picture of me

 

I’ll shelter you

Now

I’ll shield you

Forever

I’ll hold your hand

I’ll kiss your lips

To keep as a reminder

 

To get a firm grip

On reality

On us

On the present

On the now

 

And to somehow

Right the wrong

I did

To you

To us

To all

 

Suffering in Solitude

Is the least I can do

[Timmos]

All your friends think I'm a liar

Some sort of sordid, stupid, a**hole

I never once believed it, but

what the hell do I know?

 

I'm having trouble dealing, and

there's no one that could blame me

So send my thanks to Marlboro and

my regards to Mrs [Name Redacted]

[merrmeade]

When WH said he "should've known better," I found it absurdly understated and so wrote and recorded this angry country song. It was very cathartic and tells the story of my having lived ignorant of his "flings" until we were "old."

 

When he heard it, of course, he sort of blanched and sounded sick, so I wrote and recorded a cleaned up version for Valentine's Day the next year. Might put that here, too, but don't get much satisfaction from that one.

 

Shoulda Known Better

 

When I was a young girl

And lookin' for love,

I knew when I oughta stop lookin'.

Now I'm old

And your story's told;

I see that I shoulda known better

 

Then I got older,

But still none too wise.

I never thought not to believe you.

You gave me a line;

It worked out just fine

'Cause I never knew any better.

 

Because I was blind

Did you feel more kind?

Forget it and walk on unfettered?

Well, I may be

old

But you're still on hold.

Don't think that I still don't know better.

 

When you were a young man

And lookin' for love

You hitched up before you stopped lookin'.

So mostly you stayed,

but sometimes you strayed

And now say you shoulda known better.

 

A little bit older

But still none too wise

You couldn't believe I believed you.

You gave me that line

I bought it just fine

And you thought we'd all be much better.

 

You thought I was blind

And you were

so

kind?

To hide it and walk on unfettered.

So

now we are

old

And you want your soul

With: Oh, yeah, I shoulda known better.

 

There's no one to fool now

Just you and yourself

But that's all that I ever wanted.

For love doesn't lie

Or close either eye.

I know that you always knew better.

 

You can't save your honor;

I see through and through

But willin' to take what's before me.

Just give me one line—

I'll be gone on a dime;

I promise this time I'll know better.

 

Was I just a fool?

Were you really that cruel

To think you're above the red letter?

You might fool my:kin

But then, look again:

Some of us know you knew better.

 

So lookin' for honor

Or lookin' for love

The first step is look in the mirror.

You gave up the game

And you buried your shame.

Now show me that you can do better.

 

No, no one to fool now

Just you and yourself,

But that's all that I ever wanted.

For love doesn't lie

Or close either eye.

I know that you always knew better.

 

You thought I was blind

And you were

so

kind

To hide it and walk on unfettered.

So

now we are

old

And you want your soul:

Just tell me you know you knew better.

[merrmeade]

The cleaned up version.

 

For Worse or for Better

 

1

When you were a young man

And looking for love

You knew when you oughta stop looking.

Now, you're old and

Your story's told.

For better or worse, you got better.

 

When I was a young girl

And looking for love

I knew when I oughta stop looking.

Now, we're old and

Our story's told.

For better or worse, we got better.

 

(Chorus 1)

We sometimes went wrong

But tried to hold on,

Fix it and walk on together.

For love doesn't lie

Or close either eye.

Love was for worse or for better.

 

2

So looking for honor

Or looking for love,

The first step is look in the mirror.

It's never the same,

Much more than a game,

But when it gets worse, it gets better.

 

There's no fame or honor

For seeing it through,

For taking what's laid out before you.

For richer or poorer

Nothing is sure,

But when it gets worse, it gets better.

 

(Chorus 2)

Things'll go wrong

But you will hold on,

Fix it and walk on together.

For love doesn't lie

Or close either eye.

Love is for worse or for better.

 

3

There's no one to fool now

Just you and myself

But that's all that I ever wanted.

In sickness or health

Or without wealth,

We'll make it for worse or for better.

 

I'm just an old girl

Still lookin' for love

Sending my love a love letter.

Dear Valentine,

Will you be mine

And love me for worse or for better?

 

(Chorus 3)

Things'll go wrong.

We'll still hold on,

Fix it and walk on together.

For love doesn't lie

Or close either eye.

Love is for worse or for better.