ShatteredLady Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Can we take a time out here? You only got serious when your PREGNANT wife found out about your affair & moved out? What are you doing with your life? Did you get married because your wife was pregnant with your daughter? Why are you married to a woman you don't love? Why did you make another baby with a woman you don't love? Why aren't you divorcing a woman you don't love even after you've done horrific damage AND she's moved out? Why didn't you move out? It reads like you're waiting for your OW to risk EVERYTHING & be a 100% dead cert before you're willing to do anything. If your OW dumped you today would you be begging your wife to come back & be trying to make another baby in a years time? I'm sounding harsh on purpose. Are you sure of what you're doing? Out of interest Satine is a fake name to protect her anonymity I guess? Did you really pick the name of a famous Moulin Rouge prostitute for your OW? This reads horribly. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Sorry, just realized that you don't have any children yet. Your daughter is your unborn baby. We're you trying all these years for pregnancy? Are you frightened of becoming a father? Is OW ok with being step Mum? How/when did you meet OW? I'm intrigued & confused now.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author tronprogram Posted November 7, 2015 Author Share Posted November 7, 2015 (edited) Sorry, just realized that you don't have any children yet. Your daughter is your unborn baby. We're you trying all these years for pregnancy? Are you frightened of becoming a father? Is OW ok with being step Mum? How/when did you meet OW? I'm intrigued & confused now.... Yes, we'd been trying for several years to get pregnant with no luck. My wife was off birth control for years and it never took. The doctor would put her back on it to regulate her and then she wouldn't regulate, so we just sorta gave up and left the door open. Then in May of this year, there was an incident where my wife got upset with me over something very trivial and felt like I wasn't contributing to the marriage, so she suggested we have an open relationship. I jump at the idea because I feel like I'm able to get a lot of things I've gone without in our marriage. I meet someone who's married, but consensually non-monogamous. I try to implement that consensual-monogamy model into our OR. Instead, my wife goes back on the OR idea completely, even though I don't want to and don't get a say in the matter apparently. So I keep talking to the girl. Wife and I find out we're pregnant. Wife gets mad because I'm still talking to the girl and tells my mom when I go out with the girl and kiss her. Mom gets PISSED. I stop talking to the girl and wait for my wife to help me figure out how to get what I need in ways that she can handle. Two months go by and wife doesn't really offer any compromises or suggestions. I get more desperate and feel more anxiety over not getting what I need. Finally, I decided to take matters in my own hands and do my own thing. I try contacting the first girl again. She's found someone else and doesn't want to jeopardize it. Two days later, I happen to meet Satine on an adult forum and we hit it off. Two weeks later, we had the rendezvous in the middle of Indiana, just planning to fool around and get out of the house. It turned into more than that. That's when I realized it was time to call off my marriage, because it would be silly to pretend like I was happy. Sometimes I'm frightened of becoming a father because of the guilt I'm carrying from all this. My parents are giving me HELL over it. But I knew they would and it still doesn't change my opinion that I'm doing the right thing at a really tough, inconvenient time. I wanted our unborn daughter to be born into an already-separated family so that she doesn't need to transition into it. My wife and I are making it a priority to keep things decent between us so that we can make that work for her. As for me anticipating having my daughter and being with her, I have my moments of sheer terror and excitement. But I know that's normal. What's frustrated me about this separation process was that when I came back from my rendezvous with Satine, I pictured the divorce happening in late Spring, when our daughter was here and wasn't needing as much constant care. I knew my wife would need that kind of care herself in the months leading up to birth, so I didn't want to upset things physically. However, I get back from the rendezvous and wife moves out the next day. All right, whatever. Also, I wanted to take a while to go over our finances before we split our bank account, but my wife went ahead and split them anyway without warning one day because her family told her to do it. I feel like I had a rational plan in place for how to end the marriage, but get us through the pregnancy and then her family mucked it up. Satine's fine with being a stepmother. In fact, I think she's looking forward to it. She's a youth counselor, so she's REALLY good with kids. She's been good about respecting her boundaries, though, and encouraging me to have a good relationship with my SBTX. It's still early, but Satine and I have been talking nonstop (and I mean NONSTOP) for two months now and we just feel like we know we're right for each other. Both of us have been in incompatible marriages for so long and haven't been able to be ourselves, that we just kinda know what we're looking for now. We know ourselves better than we did when we first got married to our spouses. How we feel about each other is how we feel like we should've felt about our spouses all along, but didn't. We were both pretty inexperienced at relationships when we got married. I'm only Satine's second boyfriend (hubby was first) and she's my third girlfriend (there was my wife and one other before wife). I feel like we just made the best decisions with the best information we had at the time, but that just wasn't enough to make our marriages last. I know for me, I'm much more positive about wanting to marry Satine than I was my wife this far into the relationship. With my wife, I just felt an absence of anything bad about her, even though I didn't feel sparks, so I felt like that was good enough for us to marry. It wasn't. I think Satine might've been the same way. Edited November 7, 2015 by tronprogram Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Satine would be certifiably insane to stop or alter her paperwork for a legally married man who is about to become a father. Feelings and emotions change so much during and after the birth of a baby. It's entirely possible you'll find a new love for your wife shortly before or after the birth. You're not divorced yet. Your plans and schemes are mere smoke in the wind until you have divorce papers in hand. Until then, it's all future faking, which is common in extramarital affairs. Speaking of future faking, maybe she's reluctant to change her immigration status because she thinks you're future faking. The flip side is maybe she's the one future faking and that's why she isn't working to change her situation. She might be "stonewalling" you because she is merely enjoying the fantasy and has no intention of actually making any real life changes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tronprogram Posted November 7, 2015 Author Share Posted November 7, 2015 Satine would be certifiably insane to stop or alter her paperwork for a legally married man who is about to become a father. Feelings and emotions change so much during and after the birth of a baby. It's entirely possible you'll find a new love for your wife shortly before or after the birth. That'd be something, considering I never found the old love. You're not divorced yet. Your plans and schemes are mere smoke in the wind until you have divorce papers in hand. Until then, it's all future faking, which is common in extramarital affairs. That's understandable. Another major hurdle standing in the way of getting a divorce before February (when the baby's due) is that the state where I reside doesn't finalize divorces if the couple is pregnant so that they can wait to sort out custody once the child is born. That's definitely not future faking. However, my wife and I can sort out everything but custody beforehand, which is what I'm starting to work on right now. She might be "stonewalling" you because she is merely enjoying the fantasy and has no intention of actually making any real life changes. This was my first thought, but for now, I'm choosing to have faith that she's not future faking either until I have evidence to prove otherwise. Her stonewalling could be evidence of that or it could be that she's just afraid of immigration. In talking with the immigration attorney, it sounds like my plan, by far, is the best for getting us married and getting her a green card, but I just wish I had better tools for how to approach the topic with her since she acts this way about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Since you're married and expecting, why is your fiancées "stonewalling" a surprise? You're not exactly a contestant on The Bachelor... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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