newmoon Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 So, I just got an email from my brother - who I am close to - showing me his marriage certificate to someone our family has never met or heard of. I knew he had a new gf, but that was all. They have only been dating 3 months and no one has met her, we just know her first name. And now they are married? Welcome to the family... Yikes... what is protocol here??!! He kept it a secret the past 2 weeks from everyone and just told the family today. They live in separate states and met on the internet. Ugh... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Objectively, this sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen. That said, we'll go with optimistic. Call your brother & tell him you'd like to throw them a small party (something at your house or your parent's house, small, not a wedding reception) Find out when they can both come. This is your opportunity to welcome her to the family & at least start out looking like you are supportive. You only say positive supportive things to him. Meanwhile I would probably use the info on the license to hire a private investigator to have her thoroughly researched. It's all just too fast. Perhaps learn about ante nuptial agreements in your state & casually mention such protections to your brother. Better safe then sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 protocal is to send a gift, offer to be introduced, and respect your brothers' choice. He married her. Who is to assume that its shady... It well can be they know when its right, its I-do-able:) Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Oof, this sound concerning and yes, I'd be alarmed too. The only trouble is that anything other than unmitigated support from you at this moment is bound to do nothing but alienate you from your brother. I agree with the others: send a gift and your warm regards. Schedule a family gathering soon, and hope for the best. Stay in his life as a supportive influence. Stay positive. If the thing blows up in his face, he will need all the love and support he can get from his family. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Sounds pretty nuts, but hey he chose to marry her, what is showing your displeasure going to do at this stage? They're already married. I'm sure you'll all struggle to hide your surprise, but as others have said, don't say a bad word about his new wife or his choice. I think it's a wise suggestion to call him up and offer to throw a small party to welcome his new wife to the family. You'll be able to get to know her and suss her out, and maintain a bond with your brother by being so supportive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author newmoon Posted November 6, 2015 Author Share Posted November 6, 2015 thanks for the advice everyone... seems so dishonest to be supportive when you're not, but i guess i'll go with the advice given here since i'm not able to figure it out alone. i'll do as suggested and send a small something of congrats and pretend (basically) that i'm happy for my brother. i believe she is having thanksgiving with our family since she presently lives elsewhere and is making plans to move in with him then. will be the first time we get to meet her. so crazy! we're all in shock. Link to post Share on other sites
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