Miss Confused Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 I had a post on here of: he says ima cutie, but wants to be friends.... update on that situation.. He still treated me like a friend and like he wasnt interested in me THAT WAY, and i accepted that. i called myself a fool for liking him and going out of my way for him, when he couldnt even do tha minimum for me.Well since then when i FINALLY ACTUALLY and REALLY got over him i started to see he isnt sumbody i would like to be with romantically, hell im fighting myself to stay friends with him, he seems lame to me now...but a week ago I met this islander dude who truly adores me, for everything i am and am not..he says im perfect, diamond in the ruff,one of a kind,etc...with him i can be myself and dont have to worry about am i going to say anything wrong,with him i wake up with my tummy aching cuz we laughed so hard onthe phone the night before. wit the man that i thought i liked/loved and wanted to be with, i was on my toes tryna get to know him, and the same wasnt given back to me, which made him seem uninterested in me. now the tables have turned, he's due to come back to the states soon, and wants to meet up and take me out, and he's being nice/different towards me now ( actin as if hes interested now)...but im not into him at all, bf or friend wise..see how things work out...from this situation i have learned, never take anything/anyone for granted, always show appreciation even for the small things, never settle for less because of infatuation, and usually that same person that didnt want you then will change their mind later and regret it..
RecordProducer Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 A similar thing happened to me. A guy that claimed to be very much in love with me couldn't accept the fact that I have two children. He said he wanted to get used to the kids first then talk about marriage. But since I've been married to a man who had a child from his first marriage that I couldn't accept, I know these things don't change, but become worse when you start living with your step-child. So I realized he'd never love my kids and broke up. Six months later I fell in love with another man. My ex found out about it and suddenly started chasing after me like crazy. I was the only one, he never stopped loving me, he cries all day, he wants me and my children in his life permanently, he will love them because he loves me, etc. He says he was confused then, recently divorced, he needed more time, we could have worked things out and so on. But I saw his faults, I saw how he ignored my kids (didn't touch them or smiled at them even once) and I fell out of love with him. My love for him was never really strong anyway. His demeanor is too passive and inert for my passionate nature. The sex was not so good either; he is selfish too and has bad manners and I kinda felt bored with him. But I wonder if he ever really loved me. He said that after the break up, he didn't really grieve our relationship. I told him it's because when he realized that someone else wanted me with the kids, plus he met many women and figured he didn't really like them, he started having second thoughts about me. He started making promises that he didn't know he can fulfill, such as we'd be happy, he'd do anything for me, love my kids, etc. He said he simply wanted to give me time to get over his previous behavior and give him another chance. Time? Time to find another man? I mean, he gave me like 6 months and emailed me here and there saying he still loved me. So he claims when he realized he was losing me, he panicked that he would lose me forever. I think he just wasn't sure about the kids, wasn't so in love with me and thought that nobody would want me with two kids so he can have me anytime he wants. In the meanwhile, he saw that the merchandise in the other stores was not so good and the goods he rejected found another buyer. He says had we stayed in a relationship in the first place, he would get used to the children and eventually marry me. He said I pushed him and he had to act like an ass hole. He said I was always the one, but he forgot that 6 months before that he said that he wasn't sure he would ever marry me and that the kids were the reason. In any case, I am still with the new guy, it's been 8 months and we're very much in love. I don't see the episode with my ex-BF as my victory. I am just happy I didn't make any bigger mistakes with him. He is hurting now and I feel stupid because of that because I don't really believe in his love. I think if he loved me he would have grieved our relationship from day one of our break-up. Some people just don't know what love is. If somebody wants you when he lost you, it's not real love. It's never been love. It's a temporary temptation to accept a challenge and conquer the thing you lost. People don't chnage just like that. Soon enough he would become as he was before unless the challenge is always there. But we need peaceful love, not hostile.
Jtizzle Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 I understand what both of u are saying, same thing here, most folks know about my situation with the married army guy and whatnot, and things turned out the same way basically. the thing that turned me off to my married dude (besides the fact that he was talkin/thinkin bout givin his wife another shot even tho they already filed for divorced) was i had sent him a 8/9 page letter and in it said i would like to get to kno him much better, so i asked the fav color, fav sports, what makes u happy,etc questions,..in return i expected him to ask me the same thing, well letter comes n the mail, and its just all about HIM..oh i like this, i love that, i like doin this..the only thing that remotely pertained to me was when he wrote my name in the opener of Dear Jae.. that alone turned me off, and made me weary of dudes intentions and start to build up my wall again. but i myself also found somebody that wants me for all i am, all i have, and all that i will be.. and it makes me glow now,knowing that this new man is all for and about me, i myself like miss confused sit and think what in the heck was i thinking of fallin for this man who is selfish and all this stuff..so now i guess i will give him a dose of his own medicine..ill let him go out of his way to tell/show me he love me and ima just dismiss him like he did me..he had his chance, he a fool if he think i would wait so long for him to come around.. as RP stated In the meanwhile, he saw that the merchandise in the other stores was not so good and the goods he rejected found another buyer. Amen to that girl I think if he loved me he would have grieved our relationship from day one of our break-up..If somebody wants you when he lost you, it's not real love. It's never been love. It's a temporary temptation to accept a challenge and conquer the thing you lost. People don't change just like that. Soon enough he would become as he was before unless the challenge is always there. amen to that as well... u preach it girl... my mom would never give a man the time of day if he didnt love me or our pet cat...she say a man that doesnt accept her kids, cant accept and doesnt love her..so wen i have kids and if me and the father dont work out and im datin, that will b my motto as well...
RecordProducer Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by Jtizzle my mom would never give a man the time of day if he didnt love me or our pet cat...she say a man that doesnt accept her kids, cant accept and doesnt love her..so wen i have kids and if me and the father dont work out and im datin, that will b my motto as well... Yup. Kids come first. My new guy loves them and my 6.5-year old twin boys love him too. It fulfills my deepest needs, the very core of my being, since I am a mother first then everything else. I've been a step-child too, a molested one, and I know how painful it is to see your mother with someone you hate. The mother can't be happy if her kids suffer. It's interesting what you did, the letter thing. I would stay away from married men in any case. Never been in love with one, just slept with two of them (for two weeks when I was 19 and a one-night stand a few years ago). I would never trust a cheater. They go back to their wives every night and pretend that everything is cool, think of a myriad of lies on a daily basis, pull your leg for years like they're divorcing them, etc. We should learn to say "no" to MM.
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