superdub Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 My ex-wife is getting married again. We share a child. I limit my interactions with the ex-wife to exactly what the court order needs and to my child/scheduling etc. I am going to put a pair of brackets here in a moment. In those brackets, I am going to leave out telling you a horrible long drawn out story of divorce, parental kidnapping and mess that is worse than anything you have ever seen [ story ] Whatever you just imagined I was meaning by those brackets, it's ten times worse. We use Family Wizard and texts so everything is in writing. About four months ago, my ex-wife's new fiancee started calling me. They've been dating a long time. He made it pretty clear he had no idea what he was getting into with my ex. I am not a jealous guy. I didn't say a single bad word, but he kept calling and calling, all the time. The conversations got a little more paranoid. I cut it off and directed him back to my ex-wife. Basically, I think she was cheating and he was either trying to figure out if I am involved (I wasn't) or if I was cheated on (I was, but none of his business, in my opinion, right?) by her. Two weeks ago, she had him arrested for the third time for misdemeanor domestic violence and is now sending me messages on Facebook. I have him blocked there now. I have his phone number blocked. Last week, she got a DUI (for pills, not alcohol) and got arrested. She also sent some stuff (pictures and messages) through Family Wizard (monitored and I can't delete) about three of my ex gfs. Really nasty accusations and commentary about them. I think it's only because I talked or have talked to her fiancee, ever how briefly. These people are walking disasters. So, I've come to ask for some advice. As far as the custody stuff goes, I have that handled. The thing is, a judge will review, put a few more safety measures in place and it will be out of my hands. I'm okay with that because my child is with me when most of their shenanigans take place. What do I do with the fiancee continuing to contact me? Ignore him? (I think yes) Do I tell him her behavior gets worse (he really should be reading the writing on the wall at this point)? How do I address the sending me information about ex gfs? I don't talk to two of them. I don't look for them. She only knows who they are via old social media. I have been divorced from my ex-wife since 2009. This is ridiculous right? In my post history, if you read it, there is a whole thing where I thought one specific ex-gf was stalking me. Well, in court about three weeks ago, my ex wife told the judge she had orchestrated the whole thing and begged forgiveness. I somehow thought this thing I had going on with someone who was married probably lined me up for it karmically. My ex has gone so far as to imitate me on social media to get information from my friends and family. Everyone close to me knows it goes on. Do I try and stop it? Or do I try and use it to leverage for custody? Sorry for the mess. Thanks for reading. Advice is always valuable to me. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) Wow that's a lot of crazy business OP ... sorry to hear you've had to endure that all for the sake of co-parenting. As for the fiance...continue to block but I would send a message to him via FB that you know he's concerned about his relationship with your ex...but her life is her business and you do not wish to be involved. As to your wife creating chaos in your life... I would bring up in court the instances of using the wizard app as your ex's personal venting platform. As far as the DUI...is your ex in a treatment program? I would worry about her transporting the kids...that's scary. Getting off of painkillers is very difficult so unless she's in a treatment program...she'll probably not get off the meds ...relapse is common. Also...is she being randomly drug tested? Not that she won't try to fool the system by using someone else's urine...that does really happen btw. Have you talked with your ex about her drug issues as it relates to the kids? Being a single parent myself...I am worried that you're going for more custody...kids are better off seeing both parents on a regular basis...unless the children really want to just be with one parent because of the amount of chaos...as with your ex ... how do your kids feel about everything that's going on? As you've had 3 ex gf's yourself after the divorce...you too have a story of some instability. Do you introduce your kids to the new gf's? This is all hard on the kids. Divorce ... Just try to stay out of the mess as much as possible ... do not perpetuate the drama...and come here to vent as needed. I'd try to stay out of the courts as much as possible as well. Edited November 6, 2015 by StBreton 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author superdub Posted November 6, 2015 Author Share Posted November 6, 2015 Wow that's a lot of crazy business OP ... sorry to hear you've had to endure that all for the sake of co-parenting. As for the fiance...continue to block but I would send a message to him via FB that you know he's concerned about his relationship with your ex...but her life is her business and you do not wish to be involved. That's what I was thinking too As to your wife creating chaos in your life... I would bring up in court the instances of using the wizard app as your ex's personal venting platform. Don't even have to bring it up but I've already been warned both lawyers have seen the most recent comments she made As far as the DUI...is your ex in a treatment program? Court monitored. I don't have any control over it. It was part of an additional piece of drama (Kid out of state when they were not supposed to be) I would worry about her transporting the kids...that's scary. Getting off of painkillers is very difficult so unless she's in a treatment program...she'll probably not get off the meds ...relapse is common. Also...is she being randomly drug tested? She is. So is the fiancee Not that she won't try to fool the system by using someone else's urine...that does really happen btw. Have you talked with your ex about her drug issues as it relates to the kids? Yes. This has been on-going. A judge hammered her this last trip to court Being a single parent myself...I am worried that you're going for more custody...kids are better off seeing both parents on a regular basis...unless the children really want to just be with one parent because of the amount of chaos...as with your ex ... how do your kids feel about everything that's going on? It's getting to be a problem. They don't want to leave me at all anymore but we are all sticking to what the monitors at court are suggesting at this point. As you've had 3 ex gf's yourself after the divorce...you too have a story of some instability. Do you introduce your kids to the new bf's? They met two of them. We were divorced in 2009 and they met the girl I dated the longest. This was one of the people harassed. She gave me a heads up that my ex was doing it but didn't want to get involved this summer. She did come to court and testify on my behalf. The other one was the only person I have lived with since the divorce. I don't talk to her anymore and I am not completely sure if she is aware of the harassment. She did not mention it, call, etc. I only saw the messages because my ex shared them with the lawyers "in case" it came up in court. My ex seems to think this girl STILL lives with me (The girl moved out last October and I just haven't answered her questions regarding her because she is so harsh about not liking her and how she talks about her, I find it better to just leave it alone) This is all hard on the kids. Divorce ... Just try to stay out of the mess as much as possible ... do not perpetuate the drama...and come here to vent as needed. I'd try to stay out of the courts as much as possible as well. I really have done as much as I can to keep it out of the courts. I kept the divorce/custody costs to a minimum and was extremely agreeable. My ex and her SO both have worked in IT and use that to their advantage frequently to stir the pot. I really don't know what the last few months have been about. I stopped trying to explain it to anyone, even myself and I have really had to rely on the courts to figure this part out. Mainly because of their criminal offenses against each other and the DUI case. Thanks for your reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Absolutely block the BF and cease all contact, it's just a further trip down the rabbit hole. His situation is not yours to worry about unless there's some overlap with your child and any interaction just inflames your already unstable ex. I hope you're a solid pillar of the community. You child needs a safe harbor from all this drama... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author superdub Posted November 7, 2015 Author Share Posted November 7, 2015 Absolutely block the BF and cease all contact, it's just a further trip down the rabbit hole. His situation is not yours to worry about unless there's some overlap with your child and any interaction just inflames your already unstable ex. I hope you're a solid pillar of the community. You child needs a safe harbor from all this drama... Mr. Lucky Thanks, man. It's good to have confirmation. I'm just a completely normal guy...mid-level government job who reads and writes a lot to understand the world. I had some "unlucky" relationship circumstances 15 years ago. I don't know if I am a pillar, but I am not a scourge. Have a great weekend! Link to post Share on other sites
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