ConfusedInOC Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 I still haven't gotten my books back. One of them is dear to me (my US Marine bible). I need to call her and ask if she has looked for them. I am probably going to get a voice mail. She's studying for finals and I know she's busy and won't have time to mail them. She could leave them on the porch and I can swing by when she isn't home and get them. Any advice? The books are invaluable to me and I want them. I won't hound her about breaking up with me, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Why Can't you just email her? Don't ask how she is, or tell her you hope she's great (Cause ya don't ) Be specific like Want My (Insert names of Books here) I will come by on (Insert day of week here) at (Insert time here) Leave them on (Location here) Thanks DON'T ask when is good for her. DON'T ask anything else. DON'T add anything that would need a reply from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Why Can't you just email her? Don't ask how she is, or tell her you hope she's great (Cause ya don't ) Be specific like Want My (Insert names of Books here) I will come by on (Insert day of week here) at (Insert time here) Leave them on (Location here) Thanks DON'T ask when is good for her. DON'T ask anything else. DON'T add anything that would need a reply from her. Why wouldn't a phone call be good? Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Why wouldn't a phone call be good? Less emotions involved. Do you have a friend to get them for you? Link to post Share on other sites
defuzer565 Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 The voice! It will kill you. I know as I am one month displaced from my divorce and it still kills me to hear or see her. I would do the email route. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl Less emotions involved. Do you have a friend to get them for you? Nope. No emotions though. I expect to get VM. I was just going to say: "Hi. Have you had a chance to look for my books? I know you have finals, but if you could grab them and set them on the porch I can swing by and get them. Thanks." Click Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Why wouldn't a phone call be good? Because it isn't neccessary. You can convey the EXACT same thing in an email without need for discussion or small talk.. It's a one way dialouge.. a phone call IMO is just a way to talk to her.. not about getting the books. IF getting the books is REALLY your only objective, then email her with the 411 of what (books) when (day and time) and where (location she can leave them) Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl Do you have a friend to get them for you? This is your best course of action. I remember that you have a mutual friend so you could ask her to get them for you. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 Merin: I didn't ignore you, I full expected her to send me to VM. I was convinced she wouldn't pick up/ Marshbear: Our mutual friend lives farther from her than I do. Well. She picked up. I didn't think she would since she knows it was me. She was at the library and had to whisper. It went like this (my voice was solid, no cracking or waivering). Me: "Hi" Her: "Hello" (whispering) Me: "Are you sick?" Her: "No, I'm at the library" (whispering) Me: "I know you know where my bible is, have you found my other book?" Her: "No, I haven't looked." Me: "Can you look when you have a chance and leave them on the porch? I can swing by and pick them up." Her: "Sure, I can do that." Me: "Ok thanks. Bye." Her: "Bye" That quick and simple. I can't believe she picked up the phone. Since I've had no contact for 9 days, I think she was surprised I called. Anyway, it's over. I maintained my composure and probably got some respect back for not haggling her. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC No emotions though. Ah, but there are your emotions. When you actually hear the person's voice, you can get an idea of how well the person is coping. Email, you wont convey anything, and it'll make them more curious. Up until recently, my heart broke everytime I spoke to my stbxh (even by email), but atleast via email he didnt have a clue what I was feeling. I just broke NC because he stood me up, but I'm happy because my emotions were in check. If it wasnt for the fact that he wanted to come over and then stood me up I would never have called him. It was a risk I took. What if you dont get her vm? Email is the safest/cleanest method. Noone can say anything to provoke the other. And you know they're going to just say one little thing to make you jump. It always happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Merin: I didn't ignore you, I full expected her to send me to VM. I was convinced she wouldn't pick up/ Marshbear: Our mutual friend lives farther from her than I do. Well. She picked up. I didn't think she would since she knows it was me. She was at the library and had to whisper. It went like this (my voice was solid, no cracking or waivering). Me: "Hi" Her: "Hello" (whispering) Me: "Are you sick?" Her: "No, I'm at the library" (whispering) Me: "I know you know where my bible is, have you found my other book?" Her: "No, I haven't looked." Me: "Can you look when you have a chance and leave them on the porch? I can swing by and pick them up." Her: "Sure, I can do that." Me: "Ok thanks. Bye." Her: "Bye" That quick and simple. I can't believe she picked up the phone. Since I've had no contact for 9 days, I think she was surprised I called. Anyway, it's over. I maintained my composure and probably got some respect back for not haggling her. BUT now this requires ANOTHER contact! AND you know it does! Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 LOL COIC! So much for asking our advice You waited 20 mins then called her. Dont you know you're not suppose to be contacting her in the heat of the moment??? Atleast things didnt go too screwy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by Merin BUT now this requires ANOTHER contact! AND you know it does! That's fine. I held my composure. I am not afraid of talking to her. It was a good test run to see if I could keep my emotions in check. At some point, we're going to cross paths and if I can't maintain my composure then I am a big wuss.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl LOL COIC! So much for asking our advice You waited 20 mins then called her. Dont you know you're not suppose to be contacting her in the heat of the moment??? Atleast things didnt go too screwy. I didn't expect them too. When she calls me or emails me that I can pick up the books, I will blow her off. It's not like I am going to start a conversation. She has finals and a new beau. I just want my books. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 I agree with Merin on this one. NC is NC yet if you have to break NC email is the way to go as even though you think she has had no affect on you, she indeed has. Did you have any physical reaction to hearing her voice? Have you thought about her alot since the phone call? Email and tell her she has ONE week to get your stuff organized, and then leave it on the porch and you'll pick it or a friend will. NO excuse why she can't do this unless she is playing a game with you to piss you off. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Why wouldn't a phone call be good? Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Alpha........ You are to much...... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear Alpha........ You are to much...... Ain't he?? That's our ALPHA! Rising to the occasion once again. Talking about rising...Oh wait, that's a different thread all together... Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC That's fine. I held my composure. I am not afraid of talking to her. It was a good test run to see if I could keep my emotions in check. At some point, we're going to cross paths and if I can't maintain my composure then I am a big wuss.... Who said you're afraid to call her? *Merin looks around* The point wasn't/isn't that you're afraid to call her, AND it isn't the point if you can keep your composure for a 1 minute phone call, the point is why are you going off about NC NC NC IF you're not going to NC NC NC?! See this is why EX's NEVER believe it's that the books, shoes, clothes, sentimental toothbrush is why you're calling.. the SAME thing could've been done in an email without ANOTHER follow up contact being made on either end.. And IMO IF you're being honest about it, it isn't just about the books... it's the excuse for contact... While you're probably right that at some point you may cross paths, lets hope by then you won't be calling about that special lint from your right black sock know what I mean? LOL I'm only telling you this COC because I hate to see you continue to do this to yourself... IF you never go away, how can you be missed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by Merin IF you never go away, how can you be missed? I agree with you. But like I said, we WILL cross paths again and this was a good litmus test. It really made me feel better about myself that I AM getting over her that I could talk to her and keep my composure. Like I said, my intention was NOT to talk to her but to leave a VM and when she picked up, I was surprised but maintained my composure. NC is a method to get over your ex. It doesn't mean that you'll never talk to them again or won't have to. It means you keep things short and simple if you MUST talk to them and above all, don't let them see you sweat. I agree an email would suffice and I am sure when the books are ready, she will email and not call. And if she calls, I'll let it go to VM. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Like I said, my intention was NOT to talk to her~~~ It means you keep things short and simple if you MUST talk to them. I agree an email would suffice COC.. IF you agree that an Email would've worked just as well AND it WASN'T your intention to talk to her AND you really DIDN'T NEED to talk to her.. Then why CALL Her? "Who's in Denial? I'm NOT in denial" LOL just seems like you're protesting to much... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by Merin COC.. IF you agree that an Email would've worked just as well AND it WASN'T your intention to talk to her AND you really DIDN'T NEED to talk to her.. Then why CALL Her? "Who's in Denial? I'm NOT in denial" LOL just seems like you're protesting to much... I'm protesting?! LOL Because she can blow an email off, but she can not blow a phone call off. And I don't want to be relegated to "whenever I can get to it." They are my books and I want them. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC I'm protesting?! LOL Because she can blow an email off, but she can not blow a phone call off. And I don't want to be relegated to "whenever I can get to it." They are my books and I want them. What? She can't blow off a phone call? AND you were NOT pretty much told on the phone "When ever I can get to it." But the phone call went like this... Me: "Hi" Her: "Hello" (whispering) Me: "Are you sick?" Her: "No, I'm at the library" (whispering) Me: "I know you know where my bible is, have you found my other book?" Her: "No, I haven't looked." Me: "Can you look when you have a chance and leave them on the porch? I can swing by and pick them up." Her: "Sure, I can do that." Me: "Ok thanks. Bye." Her: "Bye" So yeah.. I can see how making the CALL over telling her in an EMAIL EXACTLY what you wanted, when you would be there to get your books (day and time) and where she could leave them was a much better way of actually getting your books... Now you STILL don't know WHEN you'll get them (and I think saying when you have a chance is pretty much the same thing as letting her know it's cool whenever she gets to it) AND you'll have a reason (excuse) to contact her again... Yay! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC NC is a method to get over your ex. It doesn't mean that you'll never talk to them again or won't have to. It means you keep things short and simple if you MUST talk to them and above all, don't let them see you sweat. It is hypocritical to say the above COC and then have links to the NC guides in your signature line. Because the above goes totally against the NC guides. Originally posted by ConfusedInOC They are my books and I want them. If these books are so "extremeely valuable" then why are they still in her posession? Link to post Share on other sites
chris1063 Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 "NC is a method to get over your ex. It doesn't mean that you'll never talk to them again or won't have to. It means you keep things short and simple if you MUST talk to them and above all, don't let them see you sweat." Some Contact then ? Kind of goes against the grain IMO. No Contact should mean No Contact - unless they contact you. Understand that you wanted your books back but you are crucifying yourself by calling her man. You have given some good advice out on here but you do need to cut yourself off completely. Nobody knows better than I do how much it hurts but you'll never heal completely unless you practice what you preach. Chris Link to post Share on other sites
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