Feeling down today

[purpledooze]

I quit my job just recently so I could have a clean break from my ex. He didn't know he was the reason I quit. But I had other job offers waiting in line already, all I had to do was jump ship and restart. Not a problem there.

 

Suddenly, I no longer have a support system. I have a close male friend whom I talk to about my problems with my ex. This male friend used to have a crush on me, but I don't find him attractive and he already knows this. He provides some good insight as to how men think, kinda like an older brother, but sometimes I feel like his advice is kind of biased. When I talk to him about my problems with my baby daddy, despite telling him I would really want to work things with him, he would insist that my baby daddy was an *******.

 

Lately, I've been very vulnerable about my feelings. When my ex didn't greet me for my birthday, I talked to my friend about it and for some reason he was really angry and said, "You and me are ****. **** people get dumped. **** people don't get birthday greetings. Look at you, you're still pining for your ******* ex. I'm working hard to become a better person, but you, you like wallowing in ****. Why would anyone want to stick their dick in trash like you?" He also threatened that if I don't stop talking about my ex, he would personally contact my ex to let him know that I'm obsessed.

 

Because of this I've stopped talking to friends and family about my baby's father. I don't even want to post anything on Facebook anymore. Not even about how excited I am about my job. I feel like I don't want people to say: "Finally! Good for her." I don't even want to deactivate my Facebook because the last time I did that (I needed to disconnect after my baby died), someone from my friends list told me to cut the dramatic deactivating/reactivating. I feel like I just want to shut all my windows and doors and hide. I don't want people to see me. I just show up for work and go home as quickly as I can. I don't want to be seen anywhere. Though I'm friendly with the people at work and we click, I'm finding it hard to exert effort in making meaningful connections at the moment. It's like I'm always afraid people have an ulterior motive. I don't want anyone to know what I'm up to. What struggles I'm going through.

 

I guess this is what wanting to be alone feels like.

 

Is what I'm feeling normal?

Edited November 6, 2015 by purpledooze

[PaperCrane]

Talking about relationship problems with a guy who's into you, and you know it, is a death sentence to that friendship right there. He got fed up with waiting for you, which is on him. If I were him I'd get fed up with it too, but lashing out was wrong.

 

However what we can take away from this is that on a level he was right. You should move on from your ex. That's creating toxicity in your life. Let the friend go for now. Work on your self esteem by not allowing others to impact you so fiercely. Tell yourself you don't need validation to be happy, but accept that it does feel good if it happens.

 

You don't want to be alone, you want someone you can trust.

 

The steps to doing this are to get friends who aren't into you. Develop a mutual bond and share things that way.