I want him to propose soon!

[whichwayisup]

Thanks for your comment, d0nnivain.

 

When he said to give him a chance, he had a slight smirk on his face, almost like he was up to something. My initial gut feeling at that moment was that maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he had been thinking about it already, and maybe there is a plan in motion.

 

The way that conversation ended gave me a small sense of reassurance, and made me feel like a cruise proposal was a possibility. But then a couple weeks later the "I don't know" response came after he was asked about proposing by someone else and I found myself having doubt again and I'm not sure if I read too much into some of his comments.

 

Our apt lease ends in the summer, so I had told myself if nothing happens by my birthday, which in March, then it would be time for me to make a decision, and possibly walk....

 

Tell him if he has fears of the unknown to figure it out by going to counseling and talk to someone to help him. You can't wait forever. You want marriage and children...He seems comfortable and happy enough as things are, maybe never get married and someday kids will just happen but no ring on your finger.

[MJJean]

Some of these posts are a little disappointing to me. I guess I've always felt if you have something special with someone you both just know it. I guess I feel you shouldn't need a ceremony or a piece of paper from the state as proof of your love for one another. If you had a loving happily ever after relationship, raised a beautiful family together but never got married, would you feel unfulfilled because you never walked the aisle?

 

Marriage is socially, legally, and spiritually treated differently than other relationships. It does make a difference and on more than tax forms.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I commend you for speaking up about what you want from the relationship now, even if you didn't before you moved in together. It's a good trait to ensure the other person in a relationship knows what you want so that you're not left unfulfilled.

 

Bringing it up to talk about once or twice should suffice, but signing him up to an engagement ring mailing list really did go way, way too far. As much as he laughed about it and you seem to think you both found it light hearted, as a man I'd be extremely put off, feeling as though I'm being strong armed into proposing. It's the equivalent of grabbing him by the arm, frog marching him to the jewellers, standing in front of a ring display, getting the jeweller to put it on the desk, and then standing there expectantly holding his hand, gazing into his eyes and waiting for him to pay for it and slip it on your finger. Don't you see that it's all your doing?

 

He knows you want to be married. He's probably wondering whether it's to him, or just in general. You made your feelings clear now back off, keep your silent deadline and see what happens. The more you push and push, the more you're probably causing him to back off and back away.

 

In healthy, equal relationships, it's usually both partners who are pushing the relationship forward and initiating each new stage, or at the very least they take turns. You've had to initiate everything so far, and you've initiated this too, whether he proposes or not now, you've taken away his ability to decide he wants to get engaged to you off his own back. I'm not saying people shouldn't say to their partners they want marriage, of course you should put it out there, but it sounds like you're trying to badger him into it and surely you don't want someone to marry you who has been strong armed into it.

[basil67]

Marriage is socially, legally, and spiritually treated differently than other relationships. It does make a difference and on more than tax forms.

 

It may make a difference to you, but it doesn't mean that we all have the same exprerience.

 

I've just notched up 23years defacto. Society treats my partner and I no differently to other couples who are married. Besides our closest friends, I don't think many people know that we aren't married anyway. It's not as if people check the marital status of everyone they meet. Our kids are happy and secure.

 

Defacto laws where I live are the same as for people who are married.

 

As for spiritual? Pfft. I care not what someone's imaginary friend thinks of us.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

In my mind, my birthday is the deadline, which is 4 1/2 months from now.

 

 

 

Well OK, but if that's your deadline, stoooooooooooop suggesting to him that (every moment of dead air planned together over the next 4 1/2 months "would be a good time" )

 

If you want the sort of romantic proposal you seem to be envisioning, you will really lose something if you foresee out loud a potential proposal upon each and every return trip from the bathroom at night.

 

 

I hope it works out for you.

[mightycpa]

My boyfriend and I have been living together for just over a year and in just a couple weeks it will be our 3 year anniversary since we started seeing each other. We are both 32, and nearing our 33rd birthdays.

 

I'm at the point in our relationship where I am ready to take the next step, and get married and am starting to get frustrated and tired of waiting for him to propose. I feel as though 3 years is plenty enough time to figure out whether you want to be married to the person you are with, especially when you are in your 30's and want to have children.

 

If I was still in my early 20's, I wouldn't be feeling as impatient as I am now. But I'm not. I'm quickly approaching my mid-thirties, and the reality is I have an expiration date hanging over my head when it comes to having children. Not to mention, I don't want to be in my late 30's to early 40's having children. Not that there's anything wrong with those who do, that's just not what I want for myself.

 

Now, before I really get into the whole thing, let me first give a little background about my boyfriend and our relationship. I am his first serious girlfriend lasting more than 3 months. Now, I know what you may be thinking, "red flag!" But I assure you, there is nothing wrong with him, other than him getting inside his own head. He is sweetest, kindest and most loyal man I have ever met and couldn't be a player if he tried. (This sweet, handsome man of mine has absolutely no game. lol). But he has a tendency to let his fears control him a bit.

Actually, that is what I was thinking.

He has a fear of change and the unknown, like many of us do. But his problem is he let's it stand in his way sometimes. And with many of his past relationships, he put an end to it before he ever really gave it a chance. He almost did that to our relationship when we hit the 3 month mark, and it took a bit of convincing when it came to us moving in together about a year or so later. But once we did, he made it a point to tell me how happy he was, and how living together is so much better than he thought it would be. So sometimes, he just needs a little nudge, and to be fair, he has been getting better when it comes to his fears.

 

Anyway, I have brought up the topic of marriage to my boyfriend several times now over the course of the last 8 months. The first time being right after I turned 32. Up until that point, the subject had never been mentioned. During that first conversation, he admitted that he does want to marry me and have children with me. And when I asked him when he saw himself settling down and having kids he said around 34 or 35. I reminded him that we were both 32, and that if he wanted to start having children around 34, that it pretty much meant we needed to be engaged "yesterday." I realize that many guys don't seem to take into consideration the time needed to get to that point, so I broke it down for him, counting backwards from age 34 (9 months of being pregnant, time to conceive, wedding, engagement etc.).

 

After a few months I brought up the marriage conversation again and I told him how it killed me inside every time I saw someone else post on facebook that they were engaged, meanwhile I felt we were no where closer. It was especially frustrating when the couple's getting engaged had been together for less than a year, and here we were 2 1/2 yrs in. I had nothing against those that were getting engaged, and I was and am truly happy for them. But I every time I saw an engagement announcement, I couldn't help but think of my current situation. I told him what I wanted, and also told him that if he didn't want the same thing, that it was okay, but he needed to let me know so I could find someone who does. I reminded him that I'm not getting any younger and of my desire to have children sooner rather than later. He told me that he did want that, and that he didn't want to lose me and that he wasn't going to waste my time. So again, I let it go for a few months.

 

Well recently, it came up again when we went to visit his family for a weekend a few hours away. This time, it came up in a joking around manner while were at a small get together at family friend's home, and after a few drinks. I had recently signed him up for a contest on BlueNile.com to win a $5000 engagement ring. It was done partially as a joke, and partially as a "creative" way to put the thought of "ring shopping" in his head. I knew there was no real chance of winning, but at the worst, he would start receiving ads/promos for engagement rings. He of course found out b/c of the confirmation email he received, which had been mentioned that night, so we both laughed about it and as a result started a light hearted conversation about marriage, with me joking about how he better hurry up and propose soon, preferably by the end of the year, and how our cruise in December would be a good time, but the latest being by my 33rd birthday). This went on for a little while, with me even mentioning my ring size, and showing him pictures of what I liked. There was no awkwardness with this conversation, we were both having a good time with it, and laughing together at certain points.

 

The next evening, we were driving home and I brought up the previous night's conversation. I told him that even though we had been joking around, that I meant every word I was saying and he replied saying he knows. We then began having a serious conversation about us and marriage. I asked if it freaked him out when I said that I want an engagement soon, like preferably by the end of the year. He kind laughed and said "kind of" in a joking around tone. So I of course I asked why. He said, "I don't know...the fear of the unknown, I guess."

 

So we discussed his fears, and I reminded him that no one can predict the future, and that it doesn't matter if we wait another 5 years, he still wont know what's going to happen. That you just have to trust in your heart that you are making the right decision. I also told him that at this point, we've been living together for over a year, and have been together for about 3 yrs. now, and if he didn't know now if he wanted to marry me, he was never going to know and that he should just let me go. He said that he did want to marry me, and when I mentioned a mutual friend that had just gotten engaged to his girlfriend of 1 yr, he said, "well, not everyone is on the same timeline."

 

I responded telling him, "Well, this is true, however, if you and I are not on the same time line or same page, then this is a real problem for us." He then retracted, and said that he thinks we are on the same time line. I then proceeded to tell him that I don't want to feel like I have to convince him to marry me. I want him to propose because he wants to marry me, not because he's afraid of losing me or feels obligated to. But at the same time, I'm not sure how much longer I can afford to wait. I don't want to miss out on my opportunity to have children, or be forced to have them in my 40's because I was being strung along by him. And if it didn't happen soon, then I would be forced to re-evaluate our relationship and current situation and might just have to move on with him. I told him, it's not an ultimatum, that I'm just telling him how I feel and what is going on inside my head. We ended the conversation with him saying, "just give me a chance..." with a smirk on his face. I replied, saying, "I'm trying.."

 

I would love to believe that he's already had a plan in motion, even before this last conversation. But he's also a huge procrastinator, so I really just don't know. While he has been more open to talking about our futures, even starting conversations with me about how many children I want to have and my preferences when it came to having boys or girls, I still worry that he's slacking when it comes to making moves.

 

About a week ago we were hanging out with one of his friends and his friend's girlfriend mentioned to me that she asked him when he was "gonna put a ring on it." And his reply was, " I don't know....if I had a dollar for every time I got asked that, I could buy her a huge rock by now." While, I laughed when she told me that, I couldn't help but focus on the part where he said he didn't know. I didn't expect him to actually say when. But I guess I would have preferred an answer like, "soon," or "I'm working on it..." or something along those lines. But, the phrase "I don't know," makes me feel like he's not even thinking about it. And that not only worries me, but saddens me.

 

Part of me had hoped that maybe, just maybe he might propose when we go on our cruise in December. But when I heard that he said he didn't know, it made feel like there is no chance of that happening anytime soon, and made me wonder if it will happen at all.

 

I feel stuck, and I'm not sure what to do. I told myself that I will not be bringing it up again, and I still feel that's the right decision. I've laid all my cards on the table, told him how I felt and what I wanted, so now the ball is in his court. I don't want to nag him about it. But I keep wondering if I'm wasting my time for nothing, and holding out hope for something that may never happen.

 

Any thoughts? Advice?

You've said your peace, you've established your deadline. Now all that's left is what happens on your birthday. Nothing will happen before then, so you probably need to get your ducks in order, just in case. Too bad you picked your birthday... you probably should have gone with a three year anniversary instead, so that your future birthdays won't remind you of when he didn't propose, if he doesn't. Edited November 9, 2015 by mightycpa

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

I still dont get how you set a deadline for such a thing. It really does sound to me like the OP is more concerned with getting married then actually being married. If you want to spend the rest of your life with him, how can you give him an ultimatum like this? You will break up with him if he doesnt propose by a certain day? That tells me this marriage is ultimately all about you, and not about your relationship. The marriage will fail anyway. I would leave if I were the OPs bf.

[Lois_Griffin]

I'm thinking I should wait and see how the cruise /rest of this year plays out since the last conversation was so recent. If nothing happens, then maybe bring it up one last time in the beginning of the year.

See, this is what I don't get.

 

He has no problem with you guys spending thousands of dollars on a cruise - which you know is at least $3,000-$4,000 by the time you add in the basic cost of the cruise, all the tips you pay at the end of the cruise, excursions, money spent on the ship for drinks and such, souvenirs, gambling, and the list goes on and on.

 

Honestly? If he had a mind to buy you an engagement ring anytime soon, he wouldn't have planned this cruise with you (unless you guys have a whole lot of expendable income) because he would have earmarked this money for an engagement ring. He's not even thinking along those lines.

 

And it sucks having to constantly hint around about marriage to someone who just doesn't really seem motivated at all. Ugh.

 

Like someone else said, I'd probably set a secret deadline for myself and if nothing positive has happened by then - and I don't mean lame lip service - you'll need to make a decision. I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to be 38 or 40 years old having kids either.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I still dont get how you set a deadline for such a thing. It really does sound to me like the OP is more concerned with getting married then actually being married. If you want to spend the rest of your life with him, how can you give him an ultimatum like this? You will break up with him if he doesnt propose by a certain day? That tells me this marriage is ultimately all about you, and not about your relationship. The marriage will fail anyway. I would leave if I were the OPs bf.

 

I might be wrong but I think OP and most of the rest of the posters are talking about a silent deadline: you decide in your mind a date, if it hasn't happened by then, you leave. You're able to let go and enjoy the relationship and just see how it goes and whether or not he proposes to you, it's easier to go with the flow knowing that you know it isn't forever and have a date in mind. And keeping it silent means that if he proposes, it's because he's decided to do so and not because he feels forced into it by a certain date. Although I agree, the OP does seem more bothered about marriage on the whole than she does marrying this specific guy. But hey, I don't think that's madly uncommon with women in their early thirties keen to settle down and marry so they can have a family.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Although I agree, the OP does seem more bothered about marriage on the whole than she does marrying this specific guy. But hey, I don't think that's madly uncommon with women in their early thirties keen to settle down and marry so they can have a family.

 

He has probably picked up on that. Bummer for him too to find a girl he probably really likes doesn't care for him the same. You don't set a freaking date on that type of thing. He probably feels like all he means to her is a trip down the aisle and a shiny new ring and an updated Facebook status. I know I would feel used. If all you want is marriage, find some other schmuck. See how that works out for you.

 

I don't think it's uncommon for men either btw. I just watched my borther in-law do the same thing to himself. I guess I just don't understand how marriage is viewed as one of life's stepping stones for so many people. Bottom line is when you find someone you can't live without, you won't give a flip if they put a ring on your finger or not.

[MissBee]

This guy is clearly not gungho about getting married. It seems like he has commitment issues in general, given the background you've stated and that it may not be personal, but he's simply not trying to race down the aisle with you.

 

Men who want to marry a woman bring up the conversation too. Don't let anyone tell you that it's a woman's job to coerce a man into it. Trust me, from talking to male friends, having a brother and dating, many of the guys I've talked to when they want marriage, believe in it and are in love with a woman, they WANT to marry her and she doesn't have to negotiate with him or bring it up umpteen times and wait in vain.

 

I think you pretty much know where things seem to be headed and know he's not gonna be the guy who is thrilled about this and at this point it's up to you to make a decision for yourself. I'm approaching my late twenties and at this point in the game for me, any serious relationship is one that needs to have marriage potential, which means I won't date or move in with a man without first knowing his ideas about marriage, if he wants marriage etc. Why? I don't want to end up waiting in vain. We decide to be serious on the basis that we're either moving towards marriage or not. 3 years and living together is enough time for him to know and enough time for you to know....

 

If marriage is something you absolutely want then you may need to be frank with him about that. It's not about the proposal. Proposals are formalities. The proposal is simply the day a man does the official ritual of asking, one knee, ring etc....however, BEFORE the proposal, you need some mutual agreement that you want to get married. Do you have this? Has he said he wants to get married to you? Because without him confirming this, waiting for a proposal doesn't make sense. To be honest, I would not want to marry a man that I had to ask multiple times about it. If he doesn't bring marriage up on his own and express that he's thinking about it and sees me as his wife, I don't want it. Marriage is hard as is, and even more so if you have a potentially reluctant or reticent person. I've never been married or engaged but with my serious boyfriends they at least spoke about it and said..."If we get married so and so" and made some type of comments or plans of their own free will in which they expressed seeing that kind of future with me as their wife. That's what I would look for. if a man says nothing about this and you have to say it all...well you need to think about if that's a dealbreaker. For me, for a solid relationship, one of the values we have to have in common is marriage. I don't think everyone needs to marry and I respect people who feel it isn't for them, but I want it so if a guy is not into it, then I'd rather know sooner rather than later.

[Mr. Lucky]

My boyfriend and I have been living together for just over a year and in just a couple weeks it will be our 3 year anniversary since we started seeing each other. We are both 32, and nearing our 33rd birthdays.

 

I'm at the point in our relationship where I am ready to take the next step, and get married and am starting to get frustrated and tired of waiting for him to propose. I feel as though 3 years is plenty enough time to figure out whether you want to be married to the person you are with, especially when you are in your 30's and want to have children.

 

Pragmatically, what incentive does he have to marry you? You're living together, he's enjoying the benefits of cohabitation and your companionship and he doesn't think you'll leave. I understand your desire for marriage and family but he may not see any upside to the present arrangement.

 

What does marriage provide he doesn't already have ?

 

Mr. Lucky

[lucy_in_disguise]

It's kinda hard to gauge whether he is stringing you along or has a propsal planned and trying to keep it a surprise. The goos news is, I think uou have been very clear about your needs and expectatiins, so if he acts like he doesnt get it, either he is dense, or just acting.

 

As others have said, not much you can do now besides wait for the secret deadline in your head, and be prepared to leave if you learn you are not on the same page. In the meantime, I would stop bringing it up and definitely stop commentng on others' engagements. It just adds stress and your boyfriend is right about one thing, which is that others' timelines are totally irrelevent to your relationship.

 

Re: your ticking clock, you may want to look into options like embryo and egg freezing regardless of how this relationship goes. That could help to give you some peace of mind re: your opportunity window for having children. I cant inagine trying to start fresh with that kind of pressure.

[Eternal Sunshine]

This is so depressing to me. All this beating him over the head to propose (and yes, I count 3 very specific conversations and entering the ring contest beating him over the head). However, none of that matters to you if you can just get him to propose. Get married or die, for most women.

 

Have you considered locking him in a basement without food or water until he proposes? I am sure that would work

[BC1980]

He sounds ambivalent about getting married. He's not necessarily against it, but he's not rushing out to make it official either. That's really the worst type of relationship because one persons ends up getting strung along. 3 years is plenty of time to know if you want to marry a person. At this point, his answer is NO. If you stay and try to wait this out, be fully prepared for the fact that this answer may always be NO. You are young and in your prime right now. You don't get these years back, so be wise with your decision. Also, stop making excuses for him. He is a grown man that knows his own mind, and he is perfectly capable of making a decision. In fact, he has made the decision not to marry you at this point in time. No decision is a decision.

 

If you really want to know where he stands, I say give it about 6 months. Back completely off the guy. Maybe even move out and get a place of your own. Start making plans for a future without him. Start hanging out with friends more and doing your own thing. Get a hobby for yourself, and take some solo trips or trips with girlfriends. If he is still ambivalent after all of that, you have your answer. I would set an ultimatum for yourself, and I'd give it no more than 6 months. After that, I'd be out the door, and, if he doesn't chase you, you will know he never felt that deeply about marriage with you.

[BC1980]

Pragmatically, what incentive does he have to marry you? You're living together, he's enjoying the benefits of cohabitation and your companionship and he doesn't think you'll leave. I understand your desire for marriage and family but he may not see any upside to the present arrangement.

 

I did the exact same thing with a guy for 3 years. Women see moving in together as a sign of commitment, but a lot of men see it as a test drive for marriage. Different expectations lead to problems down the line. My even told me that he probably would have married me if we had never lived together and hadn't made myself so available to play the role of wife.

[sandylee1]

After 3 years together he should know if he wants to get married. I agree with the timeline in your own mind.....but the thing about living together as Mr Lucky said..is that he's got all the benefits of marriage without being married.

 

If anyone wants marriage..it should be discussed before you move in together...or it would be nice and cushy for him.

 

My husband also wanted us to live together and buy a house.... I refused. I'm wasn't about cohabit without being at least engaged. When he was acting unsure... I suggested we take a break. I was absolutely ready to end it then. There were other guys pursuing me and if he wasn't serious... I was done. No ultimate. ..no persuasion... I was ready to end it.

 

Like you I didn't want to have kids at an old age.....and I wasn't having kids without being married.

You reach a point in your life when you've dated and had relationships...and are ready to get serious.

[GunslingerRoland]

From what you've said, I get the impressions he's going to propose relatively soon. If you don't hear anything by the new year, I think you need to talk to him more seriously about it.

 

 

Are you sure he wants to have kids, and it's not like a yeah maybe someday thing. Because someday is up, if he doesn't want to have kids now and you do, you need to move on.

[bathtub-row]

I think you need to never bring the topic up to him again. I think he's pretty clear on what you want, and what will happen if he continues to drag his feet. I also think that proposing to him is a major league bad idea.

 

What you need to do at this point is wait to see what he does. If he hasn't proposed by the time the apartment lease is up, or by your birthday, then leave him. If you over-noodle this, you'll end up wasting another 3 years on this nonsense. Because you're right, if you want children, the clock is ticking.

 

My thoughts on this are that whether he's s nice guy or not, if he doesn't propose to you soon, then he already knows that he's risking losing you. Not only that, he's showing a huge lack of concern about your hopes and dreams for having a family. This is not a guy you want to be with. And if you do move out, I wouldn't give him another chance. He's had enough time. Most people make this kind of decision within a year of dating. Given your ages, you don't have that much time to kill.

[Beach Guy]

The OP could adopt, if it were too late for biological children. That could remove the time pressure.

Edited January 4, 2016 by Beach Guy

[Zapbasket]

So the cruise happened.... Where do things stand now, OP? Any updates?

 

Just so you know, I fully support you holding to your internal deadline of your birthday. In fact, if he didn't propose on your cruise I'd take BC1980's advice and start looking for places to live, involve yourself more in your hobbies and girlfriends and making plans for yourself and say not a word to him. You have made your feelings known. If he is blindsided by your departure in a few months, should it come to that, that's on him. You have been crystal clear.

 

To those who opine that it's "unfair" for a woman to push a timeline on a guy, well, is it fair for anyone to wait for indeterminate years to get on the same page as they are on re: marriage, children, etc.? We don't get unlimited time on this earth and certainly not unlimited time to have children (as women), so it's absolutely fair in ANY circumstance to seize what you want out of life rather than spend time waiting on people who may not want what you want.

 

I am 39 years old, single, and greatly lamenting the time I wasted on the wrong guys, not standing up for myself, my feelings, or what I wanted out of a relationship. Unlike you, OP, I wasn't even in healthy relationships as I was with highly ambivalent and reticent men (they were this way about EVERYTHING) and rather than recognize the inherent problems with such a dynamic, I let my insecurities rule the days and fell to trying everything I could to earn their love...that I never received. I wish someone had told me in my twenties that what I want is important, and that I should never love someone more than I love myself. My last relationship lasted 3.5 years; around the two-year mark I brought up the subject of marriage with him and he did a whole slip-and-slide around the whole conversation while I foolishly believed he was thinking marriage with me since our families practically had us married. Needless to say, I was stunned at how quickly he was able to discard me despite everything and I have struggled longer than I have with any breakup with how empty-handed I feel. Of course, it's all my own da*m fault. Now, I'm faced with the prospect of never having children and though that's not the end of the world, it was something I just took for granted I'd be able to do. The door isn't closed yet; I'm healthy and have a family history of the females in my family having children into their forties and not going through menopause until their late fifties, but...ideally I'd not like to have to have my first child at 45.

 

You're thinking is spot-on with this, OP. I hope he proposes (or has proposed--please update us), but most of all I hope that if he doesn't you don't make one more excuse for him and start thinking of yourself and only yourself. Frankly, I can tell you that it's awfully tiring being attached to someone who hides like a turtle in the face of his fears and leaves his partner to carry everything forward while he sees no need for counseling or basic responsibility-taking for his feelings and their consequences.

[moys]

After 3 years together he should know if he wants to get married. I agree with the timeline in your own mind.....but the thing about living together as Mr Lucky said..is that he's got all the benefits of marriage without being married.

 

If anyone wants marriage..it should be discussed before you move in together...or it would be nice and cushy for him.

 

My husband also wanted us to live together and buy a house.... I refused. I'm wasn't about cohabit without being at least engaged. When he was acting unsure... I suggested we take a break. I was absolutely ready to end it then. There were other guys pursuing me and if he wasn't serious... I was done. No ultimate. ..no persuasion... I was ready to end it.

 

Like you I didn't want to have kids at an old age.....and I wasn't having kids without being married.

You reach a point in your life when you've dated and had relationships...and are ready to get serious.

 

Thank you. This exactly. I told my fiancé from the start that I take relationships seriously and they should lead to marriage. He wanted us to move in together and I told him, "I don't want to live together with someone I'm not married to". At that point, 7 months in, he proposed. I was going to leave him if he hadn't proposed by the 1 year mark. He was also conscious about us getting married sooner rather than later so we can start a family. My family is traditional so they did put a bit of pressure on him when he first met them, but it was only one time and it wasn't constant. He proposed a week after talking to my mum. It's not meant to be a constant struggle, pushing him into making the decision to marry you. You have to show that you value yourself and your time and that you won't be waiting around for him.

[d0nnivain]

The OP could adopt, if it were too late for biological children. That could remove the time pressure.

 

 

Not entirely true. Many agencies have upper limits on who can adopt. All foreign countries have upper limits & they are lower than you think (early 40s). Many domestic agencies have an open adoption policy where the bio mom gets to pick the adoptive parents. DH & I were point blank told that the bio moms would not pick up because we were too old. Remember, to these knocked up kids at 40 you are probably older than their parents so to them you would be the baby's grandparent & that is a non starter.

[BC1980]

Not entirely true. Many agencies have upper limits on who can adopt. All foreign countries have upper limits & they are lower than you think (early 40s). Many domestic agencies have an open adoption policy where the bio mom gets to pick the adoptive parents. DH & I were point blank told that the bio moms would not pick up because we were too old. Remember, to these knocked up kids at 40 you are probably older than their parents so to them you would be the baby's grandparent & that is a non starter.

 

I know someone who wanted to adopt and went through these same problems. It's also very difficult to adopt if you are a single woman.

[sandylee1]

The OP could adopt, if it were too late for biological children. That could remove the time pressure.

 

Why let your childbearing years go out of the window and loose being able to have your own biological child? I would never do this because I'd just be resentful.. meanwhile the man would still be very capable of getting a younger woman and having a child with her.